How I Can Be a Good Mom and a Bad Mom at the Same Time

Last week I was offered two last minute tickets to KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball. Now most of the acts at Jingle Ball aren’t really my beatbox jam (that sounds way hipper than “cup of tea” right?) – Selena Gomez… Ariana Grande… Austin Mahone (who?)… Fifth Harmony (again, who?)… Miley Cyrus.

Jingle-Ball-2013
Jingle Ball 2013

Actually most of the artists aren’t Marley’s beatbox jam either, but she likes Travie McCoy and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and she looooves Miley Cyrus. (God help me.)

Oh what a mother will do to bring joy to her child.

(Plus Enrique Iglesias was going to be there. And he’s super-hot.)

Enrique-Iglesias
Enrique – you can wrap those buff arms around me any time!

 

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “That Charlene is such good mom to drive 90 minutes in traffic on a Friday night to go to downtown LA and sacrifice her poor eardrums to a nightful of banal pop music.”

And you’d be right.

Except you’re wrong. I am a bad mom. A very very bad mom.

Oh, don’t worry, I took her. But I probably shouldn’t have.

Marley had to be on the soccer field the next day at 7AM to play three (THREE!) soccer games at 8:00, 10:30 and 1:00 in her very first post-season championship soccer tournament.

Even with a full night’s sleep I was anticipating an “I’m too tired, I can’t run anymore” Marley meltdown around the third quarter of the second game. (She’s a rather lazy athlete.)

And all week long we’d been getting reminder emails from the (waaaay too enthusiastic) team mom and coach.

“Please make sure your girls are rested, fed and hydrated.  They’ll need all their energy on Saturday!!!”

“For our Saturday games, we need to arrive no later than 7:00am in order to check in all the players.  Please have an early night folks, and be sure to give the girls a good breakfast!”

(Like I, an adult woman, need to be reminded to put my kid to bed on time and feed her a proper breakfast before a very early morning three game soccer tournament.)

Well, apparently I do, because I’m sure that a good mother would have realized that as fun as the concert would be for her daughter, her daughter made a commitment to soccer and it was important that she get a good night’s rest before her tournament. She owed that to her teammates. Marley didn’t even have to know that we were offered the tickets, so she wouldn’t even have to be upset about it.

But I’m not a good mother. I’m a bad mother who wants my daughter to think I’m a good mother and love me for just five minutes of her miserable tortured angst-ridden hormonal teenage life.

(Plus did I mention that Enrique Iglesias was going to be there? And that he’s super hot?)

Enrique-Iglesias-concert
Look at that smile – so cute!

We had a talk. I told her that if I took her she would have to suck it up and over-perform on the soccer field no matter how tired she was. She nodded her head in agreement. She promised she would not complain and play her very very best.

And I was right. She was happy. And so sweet. And she loved me the most for five minutes. (Even though it was her father’s connection that got us the tickets.) She didn’t even complain when she ate dinner at home instead of paying double for the she-knows-how-bad-it-is-for-you-but-doesn’t-care-it’s-still-her-favorite-because-it’s-so-delicious McDonald’s at the Staples Center.

And we had a great time. I got through the lip syncing. And the bad music. The supposed war between Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande went right over my head. I very much enjoyed Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. (They rocked the house.) Enrique Iglesias did not disappoint. (I’m pretty sure he was singing only to me.) But I was not very impressed with Robin Thicke.

Neither was Marley.

thumbs down
Marley says Robin Thicke degrades women and she is not down with that!

I was incredibly impressed with New Politics. In fact, they were freaking amazing. (And super cute – Enrique who?) I’m definitely going to have to see them in concert for real. (Meaning where they play a full set instead of just two songs.) In the first place they are a real band who actually plays instruments and does not sing to track or pre-recorded music (a rarity in the Jingle Ball world). And secondly, the lead singer break dances! And is crazy good at it. Seriously, check this out (I promise it will put a smile on your face.)

Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, Miley did indeed twerk Santa Clause. (I love and want to keep my readers, so I will spare you a picture.)

We had a great time.

mom and daughter at concert
So much fun!

And got home at 12:45AM. I got to bed at 1:00. And got my ass out of bed four and a half hours later. I gave Marley an extra half hour. I’m sure that when the coach (and over enthusiastic team mom) said get “a good night’s sleep,” five hours wasn’t exactly what they had in mind.

But Marley got up without complaint. And totally stepped it up on the soccer field. (Even though the first game it was raining – hard. And the second and third games were just cold. Like 40 degree cold. And we’re from California so that’s like 20 degrees to us.)

She actually played better than she’s ever played before.

Maybe I’m not such a bad mom after all.

Oh… and one last thing. Can the owner of this camera get in touch with me immediately? (Please!)

Enrique-Iglesias-in-concert

Enrique Iglesias photos credit: Eva Rinaldi via Creative Commons.

I Thought I was the Worst Twerk Fail EVER

By now everyone has seen the “Worst Twerk Fail EVER – Girl Catches Fire!” video. (And if you haven’t – where ya  been? Camping in the wilderness with no WiFi or cell service? What’s wrong with you?)

Here it is in case you missed it:

And you also probably know that it’s fake (though I admit, it fooled me) via the ever so awesome Jimmy Kimmel Show.

I think it’s hilarious, but I’m bummed that it’s fake. I felt badly for the girl when I saw it, but I was a little bit happy that someone had an even bigger twerking fail than me. (And of course Miley.)

Yeah, you heard me right, I myself have had a twerking fail. And I think it’s time to come clean…

A few weeks ago the four of us were watching America’s Got Talent and Robin Thicke was on singing “Blurred Lines.” That song is a current guilty pleasure of mine, but Dave and the kids are not fans. And since I know they all hate it, I got up and danced in front of the TV. I waved my hands in the air and sang along. I was having a good ol’ time. (No, I wasn’t drunk, just obnoxious.)

Marley said, “Hey Mom, let’s see you twerk.”

“What’s twerk?” I asked.

Yeah, I’m obnoxious mom, but apparently not pop-culture-savvy mom.  (This was a few weeks before the Miley Cirus twerk fail.)

“Oh my god, Mom. You don’t know what twerking is?” Marley asked me, unable to believe her my-mom-is-so-lame teenage ears.

She took me straight to YouTube and showed me this:

I watched the video very closely then squatted down, stuck out my butt (which even with my recent weight loss seems to be the perfect size for twerking) and then I thrust my hips. And almost threw my back out.

It seems these old hips do not move that way. I spent the rest of the night rolling on my foam roller.

Thank god there was no video. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past Marley to post it. Of course if she did, I’m pretty sure it would have gone viral.

Worst Twerk Fail EVER – Suburban Mom Throws Her Back Out!!!  That fake girl on fire wouldn’t have stood a chance against me.