So Long 2023, It Was(n’t Very) Nice Knowing You

January 4, 2024January 7, 2024 charlenearossLeave a comment

I hate to start a blog post like that. You know me. I’m always happy. I have a positive attitude. The forever optimist who sees the glass half full. One of my best friends calls me Pollyanna. But it’s true, I’m done with 2023. It was a terrible year for our family.

On October 12 my niece Amanda died after a painful battle with cancer. She was 32 and a bright and beautiful star, full of life until the very end. How do you wrap your head around that? You don’t. How do you move on? By getting out of bed when it is the very last thing you want to do and putting one foot in front of the other and remembering that happiness does come after loss even if that day is not today or the next day or the next. Eventually bits of joy will start to seep through.

Amanda was someone who attracted positivity. Light. Joy. Amanda would not want us to live a half life. And so we much choose to live a full life. Our best life. To seek the light.

I have a happiness journal that I write in daily. (Or try my best to.) Every year the same things make me happy – hugging the peole I love, spending time with family and friends, music, reading with my dog on my lap, sharing a funny joke with a friend. Most days in my journal are filled with simple moments. A reminder that joy can be found in the ordinary. That laughter can sneak in even on the most difficult days.

Here are some of the things that made me happy during this most difficult year.

January 6 – We took dinner to my mom’s to see her and Amanda before they leave for Sacramento. We played Six-Card Flip and I really am so grateful to have family so close by.

January 16 – We were off for MLK Day and we did vision boards at Laurel’s for five hours and it was heavenly.

January 24 – We are in St. Kitts! Work bucket list item! It is so beautiful here. I saw Angelia. Oh yes! I am so happy!

February 3 – Walking by Sumac, I heard the music from the morning assembly and it made me so nostalgic. I really did love that school and am so glad my kids went there.

February 10 – Writers’ Group was just me, Rina and Kim. We went to Tequila Amores, had too many margaritas, still did our writing prompt, and my heart was so happy to be in a neighborhood restaurant with my awesome writer friends. Also, Rina misheard the writing prompt and it was 100! The prompt was, “Is there something your family only eats on the weekends and what makes it special.” She heard, “Do you let others define you?” We laughed so hard!

February 15 – On my dog walk this morning it was a bit windy (and cold!) and the wind made the cherry blossoms fly off the trees and dance in the sky. It was so beautiful to watch them rain down – almost like snow.

March 9 – I am visiting Jennifer in St. George. Sitting on her back porch and talking for hours (over two bottles of wine) made me realize how much I miss her. It was so great to be with her and really did make me so happy.

The view from my friend Jennifer’s porch is spectacular

March 24 – Home at last after so much travel. Dave and I watched a romcom and I drank 3/4 bottle of wine. I went to bed at 8:00 and slept almost 11 hours and it was fantastic.

March 27 – I had no video calls and didn’t shower or wear make-up and honestly, that made me so happy! Also, I got to watch Chandler give his presentation for his NASA internship on Zoom. What a proud mama moment!

April 2 – I walked around Westlake with Rita and Arlyne and then we had lunch and played Rummy Tile at Stonehaus. It was a beautiful day. Chilly, but gorgeous. These lifelong friendships bring me such joy.

April 11 – Working on a puzzle with Chandler. Having Marley sit on the couch and do her taxes while I work in the kitchen. These little moments with my kids are what make me happy.

April 30 – For the first time in 10 years (other than the pandemic) we are not at Stagecoach. But they live streamed it on Amazon Prime and we watched it at Rita’s and wore our cowboy hats and drank tequila and ate and danced and still had so much fun.

May 8 – I was walking Geordie in the park and saw a boy, his dad, and his grandfather playing soccer and it just made me so happy. I’ll never stop saying it – I love living in this beautiful Shangrila.

May 20 – I went to the Strawberry Festival with Mom and Amanda and then had dinner at Mom’s with Dena and Emme. It was great to see old friends and even more great to see Amanda enjoying her day.

My selfie skills are substantially subpar!

June 20 – Rita took me roller skating for my birthday. Roller skating! It was so, so fun! I do so love to skate.

June 21 – Marley is 23! Her presence on this earth makes me happy. She is such a cool human. I can’t believe I made her.

June 28 – Park City is so beautiful! We went on a hike and had dinner with Preston and Lexi. It was so great to catch up with them. Just lovely.

July 2 – We blew off a hike and did mostly nothing but walk to Main Street and then to dinner and it was just what we needed. A pefect last day to our Park City vacation.

July 20 – I took Amanda to group therapy and she treated me to lunch and we went thrifting. We had such a lovely time. We were in Ventura and the weather was perfect and it was just a good and perfect day.

August 8 – I got my inbox down to zero. Zero! It has been an overcrowded hot mess all year – at one point hovering near 1,000 and today I cleaned out every last email. Success!

August 19 – I saw the Barbie movie with Marisa and Jessica and that is some wonderful girl power stuff right there! We wore pink and had dinner at the bar at Paul Martin’s and wine in the theater and it was a perfect night.

August 27 - Beach Day in St. Pete’s with Danielle and Angelina. Floating in the gulf with a noodle in the warm clear water is just sublime. Then we listened to live music at a restaurant called the Salty Nun. Could you ask for a more perfect day?

September 4 – BBQ at Arlyne’s. The usual crowd. I am so happy and blessed to be part of this wonderful friend group.

September 24 – I had a clothing exchange and it was so great to give away so much stuff (and get a few things in return). Best of all – we filled my car with bags and bags for the battered women’s thrift store. I hope they make tons of money from it!

September 30 – I’m in Nashville staying at Cheryl’s and it is so great to see her. We went to The Listening Room and then onto Broadway and had a blast!

October 4 – Marley is going to San Diego tomorrow with her friend Lexi to see All American Rejects and it brings back such memories of the trips to San Diego that Rita and I used to take in our 20s. I’m so happy that she is living her best 23-year-old life.

October 12 – Amanda died today. My only happiness is that she is no longer in pain.

Our beautiful Amanda and her dog Spirit. Our lives will never be the same.

October 13 – This morning I asked Tammy to send me a dragonfly if Amanda is with her and she did. A dragonfly flew over my head at 2PM. I know that Amanda is with her mother and brings me such comfort and joy.

November 4 – AKPsi reunion. It was so great to see everyone. My happy moment was dancing to New Order and Flock of Seagulls with Steve Miller. Wow! So fun! Dancing to 80’s music – now that is my happy place.

November 12 – Today was Amanda’s celebration of life. It was at the beach and we all wore bright colors and played music per her request. My heart is broken but I did find joy in watching everyone dance, being with family, and seeing so much love pouring out for Amanda. So much love.

November 20 – I was driving to the office and stopped at the light at Kanan (the forever light) and the dude in front of me was rocking out in his car. I love that. You go, dude! Feel that music!

December 3 – Rita and Dale and I went to see Pinky Patel and she was hilarious. Her story about going from 9-5 worker to stand up comedian makes me so happy. What a treat to spend the evening laughing with two of my best friends.

December 10 – We went to brunch at Dena and Chris’s new house and it was so nice! We played games that were so FUN! (Even Dave enjoyed it – HA!) There were moments meloncholy because of missing Dad and Amanda but being with my family makes my heart happy.

December 15 – U2 at the Sphere was everything and more. We were THISCLOSE to the band. What an experience. We probably couldn’t afford this trip but we also couldn’t afford not to go. Being in the pit at a U2 concert = bucket list item.

December 24 – We had Christmas Eve fondue. No longer just the four of us. We invited my mom and Tracy was here and it was just lovely. I adore having smart, kind, funny adult children.

Whew! That was a lot. (And trust me – I cut about half of the moments I had bookmarked!) And this is why I write these moments down – to remind myself that happiness does worm its way in to the monotony of ordinary days and the sadness of a broken heart if you let it.

I hope you have set aside some time to reflect on some of your happy moments of 2023. I’d love to hear them.

To My Sister, Who Hates Country Music

September 9, 2023September 9, 2023 charleneaross2 Comments

My sister hates country music. So did our dad. My kids hate it too. I get it. I used to hate it as well. It used to literally make me angry when it came on. That twang. Ugh. Like nails on a chalkboard.

But a trip to Stagecoach 10 years ago for a friend’s milestone birthday (it’s none of your business which milestone) changed everything.

And now?

I fucking love it!

My bestie and me at our first Stagecoach

If I’m turthful, I will admit that I like what is called New Country, which is really pop country. That good ol’ boys 90’s country as they call it is still not for me. But artists like Sam Hunt, Cole Swindell, The Chicks, and my very favorite Old Dominion make my heart happy. And yes, I even like more classically bent good ol’ boy country rock like Eric Church and Luke Combs. And oh how I hate to admit it – I do love Morgan Wallen. (Look, he’s a hot mess of a hillbilly redneck, but that dude can write a song.) I’m excited about new artists like Morgan Wade (I saw her the first time she came to California!), Parker McCollum, and Lily Rose.

I think what I like most about country music is the lyrics. The stories they tell. Can the lyrics be simplistic? They can be. But that is the true beauty of them. (Less, is so often, so much more.) And the play on words in a country song? Oh my goodness, the play on words is enough to make this writer’s heart swoon. Country songs can be so very clever, my friends.

I walk every morning and usually listen to a book or a podcast, but yesterday I was out of books (I borrow from the library) and I didn’t feel like listening to a podcast. It was Friday – who needs the stress of learning something new or the discomfort of digging deep from the self-help podcast I lean toward on a beautiful Friday morning – so I listened to country music instead. (The Country Heat playlist on Amazon music if you’re interested.) Ashley McBryde’s song “Leave a Light on in the Kitchen” came on. I’d heard the song before, but I’d never really listened to it. The simple story of advice from her mother that shaped her daily rituals and into the human she has become.

It brought me to tears.

Yes, there I was, walking my dog on a beautiful Friday morning, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, it wasn’t too hot yet, and tears were streaming down my face because of the simple beauty of McBryde’s lyrics.

“Leave a Light on in the Kitchen”

… Always check the door ‘fore you lay down
Keep a glass of water by the bed
A dose of local honey
Will keep your nose from runnin’
Little things like that she’s always said

… Never back up farther than you have to
Pray for those that don’t have a prayer

… Honey, trust yourself
You better love yourself
‘Cause ’til you do you ain’t no good for anybody else
And honey, boys are dumb
But you’re gonna to find you one
Love him hard, bless your heart
When you need someone to listen
That’s why I leave the light on in the kitchen

… Pancakes just taste better after midnight
When you make friends always be color blind
Your freckles make you pretty
There’s more to life than being skinny
If you feel fat, it’s mostly in your mind

… So Honey, trust yourself
You better love yourself
‘Cause ’til you do you ain’t no good to anybody else
Honey, boys are dumb
But you’re gonna to find you one
Love him hard, bless your heart
When you need someone to listen
That’s why I leave the light on in the kitchen

… Honey, trust yourself
Laugh at yourself
If something tries to hold you back
Get up and give it hell
And for heaven’s sake always have a place
Where you can do some cryin’ and some bitchin’
And always leave a light on in the kitchen

I don’t know what it is about the lyrics that made me so emotional. But that’s the beauty of music -of any art, really- isn’t it? That connection. That something that speaks directly to you.

That punch in the gut, as my friend Kim Tracy Prince would call it.

When you think of the core meaning of the song – a mother instructing her child on how to live her best life by trusting herself, loving hard, (and drinking water) – I mean, how simply beautiful is that?

My sister won’t like the song because Ashley McBryde does have a serious twang. But that’s okay. She may convert one day. (Or maybe she won’t.) Either way, whenever she needs some cryin’ and some bitchin’ I’ll have a light on for my sister in the kitchen.

Songwriters: Connie Harrington / Jessi Alexander / Ashley McBryde

And just like that, 2022 is Check, Done!

January 2, 2023January 5, 2023 charleneaross1 Comment

And just like that (as Carrie Bradshaw would say), 2022 is check, done. And once again, I wonder, how did another year go by so fast? At the beginning of every new year I like to sit down with my happiness journal and reflect upon the year before (and bore y’all with a blog post about my year).

Every year I feel like not much happened and so much happened all at once. As Gretchen Rubin says, the days are long but the years are short. It’s so true.

But also, I sometimes marvel at how much I actually did do in a year. This year we went to our family lake house in Michigan. I did my best to make the most of business travel. I went to concerts again. I gathered with loved ones at two family weddings. As I read my happiness journal I’ll read an entry from April or May and think to myself, that was last spring? It feels like that just happened a few weeks ago. So maybe the years do go by a bit more slowly than it can feel. Which is definitely a good thing.

My stepdad died on July 5th. That was a rough transition, I know, but how do you transition to something like that? Losing him was a rough transition. We are still transitioning. My dad gone just two-and-a-half years ago and my step-dad gone six months ago – it can feel like too much. Too, too much.

And that is why I continue to keep my happiness journal – to remind myself of the little moments that do make me happy when it gets to be too much. Or when one day blurs into the next. Or when I’m really, really happy and want to hold onto that memory.

Like every year, there are things entered into my journal repeatedly – a greatest hits, if you will – daily dog walks, listening to good music, time spent with friends, hugging the people I love, pizza ordered after a busy work day, the enjoyment of good food and wine. You could look at this two ways – my life is pretty mundane and I do the same things over and over again. Or, I’m so lucky to live this life where I get to do the things that make me happy over and over again. If you know me even a little bit, you know which way I lean.

And so, here are some of my favorite happy memories from 2022.

January 3 – Chandler went on the night time dog walk with me before he went home to San Diego. I loved getting that last bit of one on one time with him. The night was cold and crisp and it made my heart so happy.

January 25 – The RV is set up at Rincon for Amanda and the sunset was beautiful and when I was hugging Amanda and went to release she pulled me tighter. I love her hugs so much. Being with Mom, Bill, Tracie, Amanda, Richard, and Amanda’s friend Summer at the beach in January is just amazing.

February 3 – Some days are so, just, boring and normal. What made me happy? I don’t know. My dog walk. Leftovers for dinner.A quick call from Chandler. A good show on Hulu. The blessings of an ordinary day.

February 20 – We had breakfast at Mom and Bill’s – waffles, bacon, eggs, and fruit. So delicious. (And I let myself have an extra half-waffle. So good!) We need to cherish these times we spend with them and I do!

February 24 – Dave said to me, “No matter how bad a day I’m having, you can still make me laugh.”

March 6 – At dinner, which was delicious, by the way – hamburgers on brioche buns and oven-baked fries, I called Dave a man-baby and he made T-Rex arms and said, “I can’t reach. I’m a baby,” and Marley and I laughed so hard. Laughter + good food = happiness.

March 17 – Rita and I went to see Jon Pardi and he was so good and we were right up front and the energy from the concert was amazing. Nothing makes me happier.

March 24 – On my walk today I saw a woman walking with her baby in a front carrier and she stopped at a flowering bush so they could enjoy the flowers. It brought me such happiness and nostalgia of showing my babies the wonders of this beautiful world.

March 26 – Writers’ Group. Small tonight – Julie, Shauna, Kim, and me. But so great. Julie is fucking killing it and it makes me so happy for her. You go, my friend. You go!

April 3 – I was kind to myself and instead of working (on a Sunday) I took Geordie for a long walk. The weather was perfect and there were spring flowers everywhere. What a wonderful, beautiful place to live.

April 29 – That feeling – that rush – of being back at Stagecoach. Stepping into the pit just as Jordan Davis hit the stage – there is nothing like it!

May 15 – We brought Mexican food to my mom’s for her birthday and Marley gave her the most heartfelt card and it makes me so happy that my kids express their feelings so eloquently.

May 30 – All four of us went to drop Chandler off at LAX for his internship in Austria. We ate lunch at the LAX In-n-Out and watched the planes land. I love when the four of us are together. I am so excited for Chandler’s adventure.

June 4 – I went on a hike with Rita at the Victory trailhead and we got lost and came out at the Las Virgenes trailhead. It was equal parts mortifying and hilarious. Dave rescued us. We had breakfast burritos at a cafe by the trailhead and it ended up being awesome.

June 21 – My baby girl is 22 today. I remember my 22nd birthday – We had a pool party at my mom’s and I wore my pink dress from Mexico and drank Coronas. It just goes too fast.

July 16 – Therese brought dinner to my mom’s and it was nice to be with family and I am so happy there are so many people who love my mom.

July 22 – The minute Matt Ramsey started singing my heart exploded with joy. Back in the pit at an Old Dominion concert – my heart is happy and full.

Brad Tursi and Matt Ramsey of Old Dominion doing what they do best.

August 13 – We’re back in Michigan. It’s cool but the lake is beautiful. I’m glad to be here with my mom in her Michigan home.

August 19 – OH. MY. GAWD. Old Dominion did a pop up show and we made it in! What are the odds that they’d be in Michigan when I am?! Seeing them in a tiny club was AMAZING!

August 23 – I feel sad that I have not been keeping up with this journal at the lake. But my happy moments have been floating, morning walks, drives on country roads, and just spending time in this beautiful place.

Scenes from our workation in White Lake, Michigan

August 28 – I met a cousin of Bill’s today and she said, “I know who you are. I read your book and I loved it!” It makes me so happy that Laney brought a moment of joy to someone’s life. I also spent time with Bill’s Uncle Mike and he is such a lovely man.

September 12 – Chandler called from Berlin and at one point in the call we were all in the kitchen on speaker joking about some trendy club in Berlin and it was so great. It felt like we were all together at our happy best.

September 21 – Chandler called from Italy and it always makes me so happy to hear his voice. Plus, Marley and I sat for a few minutes in the kitchen and chatted before she went to school. Having adult children is such a blessing and a delight.

October 1 – Birthday dinner with Rhiannon. My sister is turning 40 and it makes me so happy to be with her.

My beautiful baby sister Rhiannon turns 40!

October 8 – Ashlea and David’s wedding was so lovely. I loved their vows and feld so honored to witness them.

November 5 – I got to hang out with Pat and Jennifer in NYC and it was so FUN! What a gorgeous day. The weather was perfect and people were everywhere outside enjoying it. It was a perfect New York day.

November 20 – Chris and Dena got married and it made me so happy to share their day and be with my family.

My brother Christopher and his beautiful bride Dena

November 24 – Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for my family and for this life that I have in my little suburban shangri-la. I think my happy moment was our big breakfast together before the Thanksgiving feast.

November 27 – My heart is full of love and happiness – we had a playgroup mom’s reunion and ten of us were there. It was so wonderful to catch up with these amazing women. I am so blessed to know them and have experienced early motherhood with them. I don’t know how I would have gotten through those early mothering years without them.

Playgroup Reunion – these ladies are so amazing!

December 16 – We went to Arlyne’s for charcuterie and had such a great time. I almost didn’t go – why? Too busy, too many calories, blah, blah, blah. I’m so glad we did. We really had so much fun. It felt grown-up and sophisticated and just wonderful to be with friends.

December 24 – Cheese fondue with the family. The four of us in the kitchen. Good wine. My favorite people. Christmas joy.

I know. That was long. I’m a terrible editor. And believe it or not, I chopped what I wanted to use in half. (You’re welcome!) If you’re still reading this, thank you for sticking with me. I do so love looking back on my year (even the hard ones) and thank you for your indulgence. Wishing you some time for reflection on 2022 and a 2023 full of happy moments both big and small.

2021: That’s a Wrap

January 11, 2022 charleneaross6 Comments

I’m so late in posting this. But then again, they don’t call me Charlate for nothing.

I’m trying to think of the proper metaphor for 2021. A rollercoaster? One step forward, three (or ten or twenty) steps back? That hand reaching up from a grave in a horror movie and pulling you under just when you thought you were safe? That plot twist that you really should have seen coming if you were paying attention because there really was so much foreshadowing? Damn. It was a lot. A. LOT.

Life was starting to look normal again. Or at least normalish. I started going to concerts again. I got a promotion at work. I lost the COVID weight. Dave and I went on vacation. (Our first weeklong vacation with just the two of us in over 20 years.) I went inside people’s houses. I celebrated important milestones of friends and family members – a graduation, a retirement, my daughter’s 21st birthday. I resumed traveling for work. Overall, it’s been a pretty good year.

What’s better than a piñata? A nipiata! (It’s filled with tiny booze bottles.) 🙂

It’s also been an awful, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year as my niece Amanda was diagnosed with a rare, incurable cancer and someone else I love very much has been diagnosed with cancer as well. And that plot twist – Omicron, threatening to bring it all to a halt again.

My beautiful niece Amanda with her beloved dog Spirit.

And it is for this reason that I keep a happiness journal – so I can remember the little moments every day that make me happy even on the worst of days. Every morning I sit down and take a couple of moments to reflect upon the day before and what made me happy that day – the little things. My daily dog walk, a funny text chain with friends, a coworker sharing some gossip with me (when you work remotely “office” gossip is a rare and treasured thing), the explosion of fall colors in mid-December, time spent with my kids.

At the beginning of each year I sit down with a cup of coffee or glass of wine (depending on the time of day), read over my journal, remember the year that has just passed, and try to set an intention for the year to come.

This year my intention is that actual word: intention. I intend to live a life with intention. To focus on the present. To make time to connect with friends and family. To try my hardest to not let one day blur into the next. To laugh and love and be grateful even on the shittiest of days. Especially on the shittiest of days.

Here are some of the moments that made me happy last year.

January 1st – We hiked Pt. Dume – Dave, Chandler, Sami, Rita and I. It was an amazingly beautiful Top 10 Beach Day. Perfect weather. Perfect hike. Perfect people. I only wish Marley had come. (She hates the Pt. Dume hike.) We even saw a wedding on the beach. What a perfect way to start the year!

January 20th – I cried legit tears when Kamala Harris was sworn in. We have a woman vice president!

February 4th – My dad visited me last night in my dream. I don’t remember much. We were in our Garden Grove house and he was changing the ink on our printer. Marley was looking for our cat. (We don’t have a cat.) I wish I could remember more but I’m so grateful for his visit.

March 5th – Chandler got vaccinated and Rhiannon got vaccinated and I am full of hope.

March 6th – Picnic at Balboa Lake Park with Rita, Arlyne, and Shelley. It was so good to be with them. The weather was cool and crisp and there were people and families everywhere. It felt normal.

April 10th – We had dinner at my mom’s and it was the first time in a year without a mask. John and Tracie were there and my mom’s home is so lovely and it was great to celebrate Bill’s birthday and feel happy and normal.

So happy to be celebrating with my family again.

April 21st – My friend Maureen at work gifted me with a beautiful Shephard Fairey print. It’s amazing and I’m touched by her generosity.

I love this print so much. It hangs in my office and makes me so happy.

April 23rd – It’s Rita’s birthday and just knowing that she is on this earth makes me happy. Also, Rhiannon texted me an old picture of all of us at the beach. Tammy was in it. And Dad. It was the last picture of all of us. Bittersweet. But a good day.

May 21st – I was walking Geordie in the park at night and there were so many families at the park. A little toddler was running down the hill and squealing that toddler squeal and it was so delightful. Is there any better sound than a child’s laughter?

May 26th – Chandler was up early and asked if he could join me on my morning walk. Yay! The clock is ticking – he’s moving to San Diego soon. I’ll take every moment I can with him.

June 14th – I spent the day with the kids. We went to sushi for lunch and then thrift shopping in Ventura. Both kids gave me birthday cards with the nicest notes – heartfelt. And that is everything.

June 21st – It’s Marley’s golden birthday! She’s 21. We had fun celebrating and she likes margaritas (just like her mama). Hooray!

Happy Birthday to my most favorite girl.

June 28th – Rhiannon and I went to the Dodger game and she just loves the Dodgers so freaking much. It makes me happy to watch her enjoy the game so much.

July 5th – I spent the day with Cheryl, Ginger, and Kim and it was sublime. (We all met writing for a now-defunct website called skirt!)

July 10th – Oh. My. GAWD! I went to a concert. A concert! Music. That was live. Surrounded by other people. And we snaked our way to the front(ish). It was sublime. I’m so glad to be back.

July 17th – Squee! My heart is filled with joy! I went to Arlyne’s to hang out with Rita and Lisa and Kate! Kate is just as I remember – so lovely and funny and kind. It was so wonderful to all be together again. (We all met none-of-your-business many years ago -okay, it was in the 80’s- working at a retail store called The Factory Fashion Works. Old friends are the best friends.)

July 20th – Vacation starts today! Lake Tahoe is spectacular. So beautiful! And Dave and I really do love long car rides. So happy to be on a true vacation.

Happy to be on vacation in such a spectacularly beautiful place.

August 19th – Watching kids walk to the elementary school filled my heart with so much joy. They are back to school! I hope these kids can stay there.

August 21st – What a day! Breakfast with Marisa and Rita. A beautiful bike ride. But you know my happy moment was when Old Dominion hit the stage. (And bonus – I wore the cutest red cowboy boots and they did not hurt my feet!) 🙂

Up front at a preshow VIP – definitely my happy place!

September 1st – Writers’ group. I definitely ate too much but I didn’t drink too much and I left at 10:00 like a good girl. These ladies really do fill my heart with such joy.

September 9th – Seeing the Oscar Meyer Weiner truck parked outside of my hotel. It brought me as much joy as it did when I was a kid.

How could seeing this not make you happy?

September 14th- Dale took Rita and me to see Hamilton. Oh, it’s so good! And spending time with these awesome women and seeing Dale so happy made me happy indeed.

What a night! An amazing play with two of my favorite people in the world.

October 1st – It’s Amanda’s 30th birthday and my heart is so happy that she is home from the hospital.

October 2nd – We threw a party for Kim’s 50th birthday and when she got home she texted me that it was her dream come true. I’m so glad it was everything she wanted.

My beautiful friend Kim. 50 looks amazing on her!

October 23rd – Marley sent a picture from her camping trip with her geology class and she looked so happy. I’m so glad she’s found her place.

October 26th- Being in Texas is hard this time. I miss my dad. I feel lonely in his house without him. I guess my happy moment would be Mexican food with Susie and devouring the queso. That was nice.

November 14th – We got our kitchen island that Bill made us and it’s just beautiful. I am so touched that he built it for us.

My kitchen is a hot mess, but I love the island my stepdad built for us so much.

November 17th – Rita and I saw Morgan Wade at this tiny synagogue turned into a performance space. It was her first time to California and I was there. Significant because she is going to be huge. Live music = happiness.

December 4th – Today I went to the Bluebird and it was everything it’s cracked up to be. And I met Al Gore! He was genuine and lovely. And the music – oh the music! The night made my heart so happy.

December 13th – Hugging Amanda. Oh what a hug.

December 23rd – Chandler is home and Dave and I are off work and the four of us sat around and talked for a long time this morning and it was so nice to be together and I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness.

Whoo boy, this was a long one. If you’ve stuck with this to the end you must have a lot of extra time on your hands – LOL! But seriously, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my words. That’s all a writer ever really wants. Even one who doesn’t write much anymore. I hope you took some time last year and will take some time this year to focus on the things that make you happy both big and small.

Buh-Bye 2020

January 4, 2021 charleneaross5 Comments

I don’t think anyone is sad to see 2020 go. (Buh-bye 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!) It just robbed us of so much – time spent with family and friends, vacations, concerts (oh, how I miss concerts), birthday parties, graduations, and just a general sense of normalness. My biggest loss of 2020 was the unexpected and sudden death of my father. He did not die of COVID, but COVID did rob us of the vacation we were supposed to take to see him in Austin a few months before he died.

Oddly, in many ways 2020 was actually good to us – Dave and I both work for the same amazing company that treats its employees so well. We started working from home in March (though sharing an office can sometimes be a struggle). Chandler is in grad school, but since it’s online he’s moved home. (He would prefer to not be living here, but having him back home for a little while has made this mama’s heart happy.) We are all healthy. We are together. We are lucky.

Every year at the beginning of the new year I like to sit down and reflect on the year that has just passed. I have a happiness journal that I sit down and write in every morning and record my happiest moment from the day before. Sometimes the moment comes to me quite easily, sometimes it’s a struggle to find one, sometimes (though rare), it’s the whole entire beautiful wonderful day. This year, which has become a Groundhog Day year of a year – one monotonous day blurring into the next, most of my happy moments come from my daily dog walks or connecting with people from a distance – whether that distance be at an outdoor gathering or via Zoom. (I know we’re all tired of it, but I am, so truly grateful for Zoom.)

The Pollyanna in me truly does seek out the bright side. I am grateful for all that we have. I try to find the funny in even the most terrible situations (it really is there if you look hard enough for it). And so, in this most terrible of years we made adjustments.

We were not able to go to Austin to visit my father in April, but in August we drove to Park City and stayed in my friend’s vacation condo. In October the kids and I went to Austin to spend time with my stepmom and sister since we can work/school from anywhere.

I had tickets for six different concerts that went unused. We livestreamed home concerts and watched them from our couch. It’s not the same, but it still brought us joy.

And yes, I zoomed. A lot. I zoomed with my family. I zoomed with my friends. I zoomed with my co-workers. And again, it’s not the same, but I am so grateful that this pandemic has happened in a time where technology makes it possible for us to connect, even though it may not be in the way we wish it could be.

Yes, I miss hugs. Yes, I miss live music. I miss restaurant happy hours. I miss getting on planes and traveling for work. Most of all I miss my dad.

But I leave 2020 with a grateful heart. Grateful for our jobs, our health, great technology, dog walks, hiking trails, podcasts, books, Netflix and laughter. Always laughter.

Here are some of the things that made me happy in terrible 2020:

January 1 – Our annual New Year’s Day hike – this time to Solstice Canyon. Nice hike – great beach views. So many people. Great to see so many enjoying the beautiful day and beautiful California.

January 9 – Walking two miles down High Street in Columbus, OH. The weather was about 50 degrees and I just loved the crisp air and walking in a city.

February 10 – Dinner with Mera, Dale and my mom. I love these people so much. It was so nice to catch up and be together.

February 14 – I made a nice Valentine’s dinner (and Dave and I got each other the same card – so funny!). Chandler flew home to see Sami and we picked him up from the airport. My heart is always happy when he is home.

February 22 – Game night at Rita’s. We played Mexican Train Dominoes and drank Grapefruit Crushes (recipe in this awesome cocktail book). Great night with great people.

March 2 – Rita and I went to see Jordan Davis at the Grammy Museum and it was so great. (Little did I know at the time, this would be my only concert in 2020.)

Jordan Davis – my one and only 2020 concert

March 11 – Dinner with Marisa. The shit is really hitting the fan today. Marisa said she was so glad we had dinner because COVID-19 was giving her so much anxiety and having dinner made her feel normal. It was great to see her and to help a friend.

March 15 – We walked to McDonalds for Shamrock McFlurries. It was so nice to walk and to see so many people outside. Being outside is going to be the key to our sanity. (If only I’d known how very true this was.)

March 18 – Matt Nathanson does a Together at Home Instagram Live show and it makes me so happy. I love it and I love him so much.

March 21 – We did a virtual HH with Jennifer, Debra, Rita, and Arlyne. It was so great. We laughed and drank. After 2 hours the husbands joined. So glad to be with my friends even when I can’t be.

April 20 – I think my favorite thing about Mondays is watching John Krazinski’s SGN (Some Good News). This was a prom episode. He held a prom! It was magic and made me cry happy tears.

April 26 – We had a family zoom with my dad and Sue and all the sibs. It was so great to see everyone’s beautiful faces.

May 8 – We went to the beach at night to see the bioluminescent waves and it was so cool. It looked like someone threw a million glow sticks into the waves.

May 17 – We hiked Devil’s Punchbowl with Marley and then had a picnic with Italia Deli sandwiches (yum!) at a nearby park afterwards. In the afternoon I had a driveway HH at Julie’s with Kim. What a perfect day.

Devil’s Punchbowl hike with my favorite girl.

May 29 – I have been loving the 30 day yoga series I have been doing. It both calms and energizes me.

June 14 – My father passed away today. On my birthday. No happiness. But I’m glad both of my kids are home and I was able to hug them.

June 21 – Marley turns 20! She gave me the biggest hug. I gave her what she wanted (a hammock) and we had a BBQ at my mom’s. It was a nice day.

August 3 – The days are a blur this year, but I’m happy when I succeed at a Meatless Monday dinner.

August 19 – When Kamala Harris officially accepted the VP nomination I legit cried happy tears. Maybe she is our path to the presidency. I hope so.

August 22 – Chandler called me out to see the sunset. It was beautiful. We climbed the hill and it made me happy that he wanted to share that beauty with me.

When your son asks you to climb the hill in your backyard to get a better look at the sunset, you go.

September 3 – Kate texted me to say she finally read my book and loved it. Oh to have someone discover Laney and love her fills my heart with joy.

September 18 – Sad day. RGB died. It’s going to be a hot mess. But I made shrimp fajitas that everyone liked and drank tequila and did my best to convince myself that everything would be okay.

September 20 – Dave and I went on a day date to Ventura – lunch and a walk along the beach. It was nice to be out and outside – to do something and to go somewhere.

October 3 – I picked tomatoes at Kim’s house and made a tomato sandwich and the fresh taste of home grown tomatoes was so amazing I could hardly stand it.

October 16 – Dinner at Clint and Rhiannon’s. So great for my kids to play with their young cousins and for me to catch up with my sister.

November 7 – Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been elected to the White House. My happiness is palpable. I cried. I felt it in every fiber of my being. I am so happy.

November 13 – I’m reading Julie’s book and I’m in love with it.

December 6 – Getting up early and reading with Geordie cuddling on my chair is such a cozy and happy way to start my day.

December 15 – Dave’s birthday. I made filet mignon, asparagus, baked potatoes, and wedge salad and it was the bomb. Dave told some old stories and we had a really great time. It was wonderful to be happy and together.

Like I said, we are all happy to have 2020 behind us. (And trust me, I know that the turn of a calendar page is not going to make everything magically better.) But I hope that you were also able to find some calm among the crazy and seek out some happiness inside all of this uncertainty and anxiety. I’d love to hear some of the happy moments you had last year.

Surviving the Death of My Father

July 12, 2020July 12, 2020 charleneaross5 Comments

Four weeks ago today I was awoken to the news of the death of my father.

Surviving the death of your parents is something we will all have to go through – or rather should go through, because it is the natural order of things, meaning no parent should ever have to survive the death of a child, though many do. Too many do.

But that doesn’t mean it makes it easy when your dad dies. It certainly doesn’t seem natural. Or as it “should” be. It feels like shit.

Some days I feel nothing, and by that I don’t mean that I feel numb. I feel normal, like any other day. Like a day with an alive father. And then I’ll remember that my dad has died and I still feel normal/nothing and it will occur to me that as much as I cry at sappy commercials and sad books and movies, and feel so heartbroken about the injustices others suffer, that perhaps in my own life I am an unfeeling monster who can’t even bother to take the time to be the least little bit sad that I will never see my dad again or hug him again or have him hold the door open for when when I get into his car or hear him complain about Donald Trump or how he can’t get good Mexican food in Texas and can only listen to his voice on the recordings that I have on my phone that I play over and over and over again, or that I don’t.

And then something will happen – a memory or a Fleetwood Mac song or an old man dying in a movie or waking up four weeks later not to the news that your father has died, but to the sounds of a typical Sunday – the birds chirping, the ceiling fan over your head, your husband getting up before you to walk the dog, and you will feel sadness and dread and a hole inside your heart so big that you wish that you could go back to being a monster and feel nothing again.

Now Everyone Has Masks

April 6, 2020April 6, 2020 charleneaross9 Comments

I have to go to Costco. Well, I don’t have to go, but I’m trying to do the shopping for my mom so she doesn’t have to go to the store and she needs some things that we typically get from there – butter, eggs, half and half. And there are some things I could use as well – also half and half, shredded cheese, more vodka.

Before I leave my house I spray a nasal saline solution into my nose. It’s supposed to help things I breathe in not stick to my nasal passage. Or so I’m told. I take Airborne to give my immune system an extra boost even though I already take Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Magnesium, and Zinc to boost my immune system daily. I also rinse my mouth with Listerine since it’s supposed to kill germs. Maybe it will kill the germs that enter my mouth at Costco. (At the very least I won’t offend myself with the breath that I am breathing into my mask.) Because, yes. For the first time I leave my house with a mask.

It’s weird on your psyche seeing everyone wearing masks. And everyone in line at Costco is wearing some sort of mask. It makes me feel sad. In the line to get into the store I give a “can you believe this shit?” smile to the lady taking her place in line behind me, but she can’t see it. Hopefully she recognized the crinkle in my eyes. I see you. I’m smiling at you. We are in this together. And also, seriously. Can you believe this shit?

My mask is ill-fitting. The elastic isn’t quite tight enough. Not loose, but also, not quite right. But maybe I’m just not used to wearing a mask. I never want to have to be used to wearing a mask. But like the Rolling Stones say, “You can’t always get what you want.”

I stand in line a full five minutes before the line moves. I don’t even know if they have what I want. There is a sign at the front of the line posting what they have. What they don’t have. But I’m at the end of the line, so I can’t see it yet.

I see someone leave with toilet paper. That’s a good sign. I don’t need any yet, but know that I’ll probably buy it anyway. Not to hoard, but to have later for down the line. (Which I guess is the definition of hoarding.) Or maybe my mother or my brother or a neighbor will need it. I’d be happy to share.

Once the line does move, it moves fast. They let about 25 people in at a time. The line is wrapped around the building, but I don’t think I wait more than 10 minutes.

I walk past the clothing section and notice that it is completely empty. Not of clothes, but of people. The clothes are perfectly folded with not one person milling up and down the aisles. Impulse shopping for Jessica Simpson skinny jeans is not what anyone is here for. Spending more time than necessary inside, touching things you don’t need to touch, breathing things you don’t need to breath is a luxury nobody can afford.

I head straight to the back of the store for the toilet paper. It’s so stupid. Why are people hoarding it? Am I part of the problem? I actually calculated how long it takes us to go through a package of toilet paper and we have enough for about 10 weeks. And in 10 weeks, I’m hopeful that we will be able to leave our homes more freely. But maybe not. Maybe it will be worse. I’m splitting the package with my mother anyway.

They have everything my mom needs. I’m happy that they also have shredded cheese. Last time they were out. I stock up on alcohol – wine, beer vodka, tequila. Virtual happy hour supplies.

I split things up in the parking lot. Her half and half, my half and half, her butter, all my booze. I took some plastic bags at the rotisserie chicken station and split up the fruit – strawberries and cuties and limes.

When I get to her house she opens her garage door and I go through to her laundry room and drop off her groceries. I don’t walk past into her house to grab some mixed nuts from the bar or chocolate from the pantry. I stand in the garage and she stands back, but hands me a bag with some masks she made for me to mail to Chandler. I tell her the mask she made for me is a little loose. She goes to get another – an improved design. I try it on and it is better. We stand and talk for a few minutes in her garage, six feet plus apart. Both of us in masks. I think to myself, Can you believe this shit? But this time I don’t smile.

Social Distancing in the Time of Coronavirus

March 23, 2020March 23, 2020 charleneaross5 Comments

Today is day what of sheltering in place? Eight? Ten? I can google when Gavin Newsom made the shelter in place order for our state and Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti made the order for our county (same day), but that would surely take me down an internet rabbit hole and I’m trying to focus. Trying to write.

I know that on March 11th I went to a restaurant with my friend Marisa. She said she was so glad we went to dinner because it helped ease her anxiety. Ironically, that’s the night the shit really hit the fan – The NBA was cancelled, The Hankses announced they had been diagnosed with COVID-19, and the president held a press conference where he read from a script and yet still incorrectly stated no flights would be coming in from Europe after Friday the 13th. (Also, I know that Hankses sounds weird, but trust me Hankses is the plural of Hanks – not Hanks’. It’s grammatically correct.)

On March 12 I went to a popular bar for a going away happy hour for a coworker. (Are people who are a few ticks higher up than you on the corporate ladder, but whom you do not report to coworkers? I don’t know. Anyway.) As I was driving there it was pouring rain. I didn’t feel great about going. But I went anyway. I’m healthy. I’m good about washing my hands. I try to use a tissue or a sleeve every time I touch my face. But still. I was on two planes just eight days before. (And two planes nine days before. And a plane eleven days before. And two planes fourteen days before.) This was before the term social distancing was part of our everyday language. Before we were ~~advised~~ mandated to stand six feet apart. But I was still surprised that the restaurant was so crowded. But like I said. I was there too.

On Friday the 13th I went to Trader Joe’s at 11AM. I knew the president was going to issue a state of emergency at noon and I wanted to get to the market before he did that. Before they really were out of everything. I saw two women from my office there and my friend’s husband. They were already out of so many things. Pasta. Rice. Meat. Vegetarian protein. Potatoes. (And of course all paper and cleaning products.) Dog food. My favorite $9.00 bottle of Sauvingon Blanc. I bought some good cheese. And dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt. If we were going to be stuck in the house at least we could enjoy ourselves.

Where’s the beef? (And the chicken? And the pork?)

We don’t really eat fast food (In N’ Out doesn’t count!), but on Sunday, March 15th, Dave, Marley, and I walked to McDonalds for Shamrock Shake Oreo McFlurries. I wanted to bring the dog and walk and eat the McFlurries because I did not want to eat inside. Dave and Marley wanted to leave the dog home and eat inside. I brought Purell wipes and wiped down the table. Truth be told, it was too minty for me – I would have preferred my McFlurry un-shamrocked, but I ate the whole thing. The weather was cool – in the 60’s, but mostly sunny. It was a gorgeous day. There were a lot of people out walking. Families out taking a walk. I wondered aloud if there were more people than normal out for a walk at 3:00 on a Sunday afternoon. On Sunday night Newsom would shut it down – so there’s the answer to my question. It’s been a week as I write this. A week of shelter in place. I guess we were lucky – we went to a place we never go on the last day we could go there.

Because we had McFlurries so late in the day we weren’t that hungry for dinner so we just had some cheese, a bit of salami, and wine. (And an apple. You know. To be healthy.) Sheltering in place might make me fat.

I went to work on Monday even though I could have worked from home because I knew it would be my last day going in until all of this is over. I wanted to make sure I had everything I needed. Dave works at the same company as I do, but he has a desktop and had to wait until Wednesday for a laptop so he could work at home as well.

In Nashville there is a bar called Winners that hosts a concert every Monday and Thursday night with different country artists called Whiskey Jam. Because the bar has closed for the coronavirus they’ve turned Whiskey Jam into a nightly virtual event (9:00PM CDT) on Instagram Live called Risky Jam. On Tuesday night I watched Mitchell Tenpenny, Meghan Patrick, Ryan Beaver, and Ernest perform and I was happy and my anxiety melted away for an hour.

Wednesday night I told Marley that I didn’t feel comfortable for her to hang out with her friends. Even if it was just at someone’s house. She was angry with me (understandably), but stayed home. What she didn’t know is that I had diagnosed myself with COVID-19 (with no symptoms) that day and I didn’t want her spreading it to her friends. Dave had oral surgery on Wednesday so I made soup for dinner. Matt Nathanson did an Instagram live concert and for an hour I was happy and forgot that my daughter hated me and the soup I made wasn’t my best and that I had coronavirus.

On Thursday morning I got up and took the dog for a run and knew that if I had coronavirus I could never do that. (I was cured!) Dave had a second oral surgery. It was our 26th wedding anniversary and instead of a nice steak and a good bottle of wine we had pasta and our favorite $11 everyday wine. Love in the time of coronavirus.

On Friday at 2:00 a few people on my team had a 40 minute virtual happy hour. I made myself a vodka and juice drink that wasn’t quite a martini, but I put it in a martini glass. It was pretty and tasty and pink. There were five of us on the video call and it made me happy and again I felt lucky that I work with really great people that I like and love so much. I barbecued hamburgers for dinner and Marley started speaking to me again. I watched Hardy and Devon Dawson and Lauren Alaina on the Instagram Live Risky Jam and my heart felt full with happiness and love and togetherness. I love that these house concerts are popping up to lift people’s spirits. They truly lift mine.

On Saturday we wanted to go for a hike, but when we got to the trail it was closed, so we went to the beach. The weather was beautiful. Perfect, actually. I thought I took a lot of pictures, but I took almost none. We walked on the walking path because we had our dog. It wasn’t crowded, but also it wasn’t dead. Again, I wondered if there were more people than usual on a cool March day since kids can’t play sports or go to birthday parties or go to the mall. It was nice to be in the fresh air. To be in nature. (Later I saw pictures on the news of Malibu and Huntington Beach being packed. We were at Zuma and it wasn’t like that. Nothing like that.)

At 4:30 I had a virtual happy hour with some of my best girlfriends. We haven’t all been together in over a year. Funny how being apart is the thing that brought us together. A couple hours in, the husbands joined the party. Dave and I had cheese and wine again for dinner. We’re going to meet again virtually next weekend and attempt to play Cards Against Humanity. We’ll see how that goes.

This morning I went for a run with my dog. He loves to run, but he’s not the best behaved dog and is a terrible running partner. We crossed paths with a woman with two dogs. I said hello as I was coming upon her and she ignored me. As we were running past her, my dog lunged at her dogs, crossing my path and causing me to trip over him. I yelled as I came tumbling down and she never looked back. Didn’t ask if I was okay. I’m going to assume it’s because she didn’t see me fall (and must have had earbuds in, so didn’t hear me yell) and not because she thought I was a coronavirus carrying zombie. I cleaned the house today. (My house is cleaner than it’s ever been and no one can come over to see it.) I baked banana bread. My writing group had a virtual creativity session at 2:00 where we all dedicated one hour to working on something – writing, editing, practicing yoga, etc. I’m being productive. I wrote this. It’s the first thing I’ve written in a long, long while.

The coronavirus is worse than terrible. Possibly the worst thing ever. And the worst is truly yet to come. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more than a little bit scared. And yet – the humanity has been so wonderful. (Well, other than the blind-ear-bud-wearing-corona-virus-zombie-fearing dog walking woman.) The Instagram Live concerts truly fill my music loving heart with joy. Virtual happy hours make me feel connected even when we are forced apart. And I wrote! (And my house is clean!) This is really hard. And is really terrible. But we will get through it. Together. Even when we have to remain apart.

This morning there was a rainbow outside my front door. If that’s not a good sign, I don’t know what is. (Stay well, friends.)

Looking Back on 2019

January 3, 2020January 3, 2020 charleneaross8 Comments

My husband would like you to know that the new decade does not start until next year – 2021, so everybody needs to calm down. (Because, you know, year one started at one, not at zero, so decades start with ones and end with zeros, not start with zeros and end with nines.)

Of course I pointed out to him that whether it is a new decade or not, it is now the 2020’s and no longer the 2010’s, so maybe focus on that. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

One thing I do know is that I don’t have the energy (or the attention span) to focus on the past decade whether it’s come to an end or not. But if I were to give some brief highlights of the past 10 years (I know, I know – brevity is not my strength) these few things come to mind:

I started the decade with a child in middle school and a child in elementary school and now I have a college graduate and a college student.

I had a book published.

I ran two 10Ks. (I never in my life thought I’d ever run a 5K.)

10K runner — There I am, getting ready to run my first 10K.

I became a country music fan (which, believe me, 10 years ago I would have found even more unlikely than becoming a runner).

Old Dominion Meet And Greet — Hot country rockstars & happy me!

I turned 50. (Which is both awesome and terrible. But mostly awesome. Mostly.)

50-and-Fabulous — I’m 50 and I’m Fabulous!

But more than anything I learned that when I set my mind on something and work hard and focus, I can accomplish it. It may not turn out as planned, but I can do it. I have the power to make things happen. (We all do.) I just have to remind myself to set goals and focus rather than get bogged down by my inner-laziness and the general minutiae of daily life.

But again… I’m not reflecting on the 2010’s. I’m reflecting on 2019. And the minutiae of my life last year.

On the first day of this year I ran away and hid from my family and read over my happiness journal – my calendar where I write down the happiest moment of my day. And I have to tell you – some days are shit and it’s hard to find a happy moment. And some days are so great, that all of it is my happy moment. But most days are in between. I wouldn’t call them boring. Just… ordinary. And so my happy moments are often the same – dinner with Dave and Marley, sleeping in my own bed after a trip, a wonderful meal during a trip, the inspiration and love I feel from my writers’ group (even though I haven’t really been writing this year), happy hour with friends, walking my dog.

Here are some of the moments that stuck out for me as I read my calendar. Some of them big. Most of them quite small. All of them the sum of the parts that make up a happy life.

January 17 – First Writers’ Group of the year. What a happy heart that gives me. Especially at the end when we lit a candle and set our intention for the year. How lucky and grateful I am to be part of this tribe of women.

January 29 – I went to Trader Joe’s after work and the sunset was beautiful. I heard a girl working there say to one of her co-workers, “Go look at the sunset. Trust me.” He went to look and afterwards told her, “Thank you. That was beautiful.”

February 7 – Happy hour with Debbie, Jeannie. and Linda. When we were leaving Jeanne hugged me so tightly and said, “I was really looking forward to seeing your face. I told Jimmy I was seeing a playgroup mom tonight.” Playgroup days were the best days and old friends are the best friends.

February 28 – Landed at LAX. Home! When I came down the escalator to the exit I saw a family waiting anxiously for a loved one at the bottom and a guy waiting for someone as well. The girl in front of me dove into his arms and they gave each other the biggest embrace. I felt like I was in the middle of Love Actually.

March 24 – Playgroup mom mini-reunion. Chandler and his first best friend Katie were reunited. Seeing them catch up and catching up with some of my first mom friends filled my heart with love and happiness.

March 26 – I finally saw Matt Nathanson last night and it was everything I thought it would be and more. It was AMAZING. (He’s also very funny.)

If you ever have the chance to see Matt Nathanson live, do it. He is amazing.

April 15 – I put a picture of Marley when she was five on my phone as the screensaver. She is on the pumpkin patch field trip and she is just done. She looks so cute and it makes me so happy every time I look at it.

May 5 – I met Dave Grohl and got my picture taken with him. The end!

Look how happy Dave Grohl is to meet me!

May 12 – Marley gave me a thoughtful present and lovely Mother’s Day card. She does appreciate me and I love her so much.

May 20 – Seeing Chandler walk across the stage at his graduation ceremony and hearing his name called. He had the hugest smile on his face. His happiness shined through.

I realize he is not walking across the stage in this photo, but those photos were blurry AF.

June 8 – I spent the day with Rita in Ventura. All of it. I’m so blessed to have this friendship.

June 16 – At the end of Concerts in the Park I was watching the families with small kids running around, playing – knowing they didn’t realize how quickly this season of their lives would pass. I was filled with such a feeling of calmness and happiness and nostalgia. It was almost overwhelming. I wanted to hug the feeling and hold it tightly forever.

June 26 – I walked Geordie through the park tonight. There was a father and son playing baseball, a mother doing a word search puzzle while her son played on the jungle gym, a family having a picnic on a blanket, and a woman laying on the grass playing with her little dog. And not one of them was on their phone.

July 5 – I drove up to Cheryl’s house in Sacramento and I finally met my longtime blogging friend, Kim Sisto Robinson in person and she is as down to earth and lovely as I knew she’d be.

Look at these beauties – my longtime skirt! blogging friends Kim & Cheryl.

August 3 – Beach with Rita. My first time this summer just hanging out at the beach. Stepping onto the sand and smelling the ocean and the sunscreen just filled my heart with joy.

August 23 – Driving from Knoxville to the Cumberland Gap. What a gorgeous drive. I played music from my phone through the car stereo and took in the beauty. I kept thinking how Chandler would have loved that drive.

September 1 – Just me and Marley for dinner. We played 3 games of Rummy Tile afterwards. She beat me twice! GRRRR! This competitive mama does not like that! But it was so nice to spend the night with her.

September 23 – Chandler snuck home at 3AM. I had no idea. Seeing him walk into the den and say, “What’s for breakfast, Mom?” was the best surprise ever.

October 8 – Marley got an A on her Women’s History test and she was so happy and so proud of herself. (And so was I.)

November 12 – Listening to Bean’s last show on the Kevin & Bean podcast. So many memories. I’ve been listening to that show for over half my life.

December 9 – The fall colors have been making me so happy. I thought fall had passed us by, but it’s here and it’s glorious.

December 31 – We ate too much and drank too much and binge-watched The Politician (Ryan Murphy at his best). The kids were in and out – mostly out – and it was nothing fancy or exciting, but it was nice to know that this is my life. I have enough. I am content.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. This was a long one. (I know. I know. They’re all long ones.) I hope your 2019 (and your 2010’s) was full of more happy moments then sad ones and you’ve been able to take the time to reflect on them. I’d love to hear what some of them are.

Here’s to love and laughter in 2020 and beyond.

Crossing Paths

June 24, 2019 charleneaross1 Comment

When my son was in elementary school I became friendly with a mom and we realized that we had some mutual friends when we were in college. And by mutual friends I mean that she married her college boyfriend, who was a good friend of a guy that I dated. In fact, we realized that we were at the same New Year’s Eve party in nineteen-eighty-something. (Eighty-seven maybe. I think. Doesn’t matter.) It was just funny to realize that we were at the same party and had no idea. We didn’t meet. Or if we did we didn’t remember, but what are the odds that our paths would cross again fifteen years later?

There’s a truck in my neighborhood I see all the time. I know it’s the same truck because it’s neon yellow with a huge Ford label on the front doors. It’s hard to miss. The person who owns it goes to my gym and is usually pulling up at 6:30 AM just as I’m leaving. (Yes, I’m leaving the gym at 6:30 AM because I am a crazy person who hates herself and gets up before the sun.)

Now that wouldn’t be unusual to see this truck most days when I leave the gym. We each have a routine. Mine is a 5:30 workout and his is a 6:30 workout. But I’ve seen this truck drive down the main street in my town. I’ve seen it parked at the elementary school down the street from my house. I’ve seen it parked in the complex where my mechanic is. It’s like this dude is stalking me. (Or maybe I’m stalking him.)

I’m sure you’ve seen this before too. Maybe there’s a car with a specialized license plate, or an unusual classic car, or Angelyne’s pink Corvette that drives by you and you think to yourself, “I’ve seen that car before.”

But it makes me wonder. How many cars do I cross paths with on a daily basis that I’m actually crossing paths with on a daily basis?

It was my birthday earlier this month. (Thank you – I said thank you, because I’m assuming you all said, “Happy Birthday” in you head as you read that. Anyway…) I had the day off work and decided to bring the book I’m reading to a restaurant and treat myself to a solo lunch (and a margarita).

As I was standing at the hostess stand waiting to be seated I looked at the woman standing next to me and thanks to the “People You May Know” feature on Facebook (you know, those pictures that pop up in your feed of friends of friends that they suggest you friend?) recognized her as my son’s girlfriend’s mother. (In his last semester of college my son met a girl he went to high school with but did not know in high school and they started dating – talk about crossing paths!) I introduced myself to her and told her how I recognized her. We chatted for a few minutes while she was waiting for her friend and talked about our kids and funny coincidences. (To intensify the serendipitousness of our meeting – she and her friend were meeting to celebrate their birthdays too.)

If she hadn’t popped up in my Facebook feed we would have been at that restaurant at the same time having no idea the other was there. It makes me think of a scene in a movie where you know two characters are in the same place at the same time, but they don’t know they’re in the same place at the same time.

And because I love a good cliché, it really is a small world. Especially when you live in a small town.

I suppose it’s not so unusual that two women who live in the suburbs of Los Angeles who both went to college in Los Angeles would discover that they were at the same party many years ago. Or that my routine would be similar to someone else’s in my neighborhood. Or that I would choose to celebrate my birthday at the same restaurant as my son’s girlfriend’s mother.

We all run into people we know all the time -at the market, at the movie theater, at happy hour- we stop and say hi and then go on with our day and think nothing about it except maybe, “That was nice, running into so-and-so.”

But think of the people we unknowingly, but repeatedly cross paths with – people we may know in the future or may never know. Maybe it’s someone who leaves your gym everyday just as you are pulling into the parking lot. Or someone at your office park who always parks one aisle over from you. Or the person who likes to go to Trader Joe’s on Sundays at 4:30 PM just like you, even though it’s the worst time to go to Trader Joe’s because they’re out of everything, and you’ll just have to make another trip on your way home from work on Monday.

When I think of all these people that I cross paths with, maybe only once, maybe countless times, and the people they cross paths with and the people they cross paths with – it makes me feel that we’re all connected. And that it really is a small world.

And I think that’s nice.

Charlene Ross

Category: Life… and its Little Slices