So Long 2023, It Was(n’t Very) Nice Knowing You

January 4, 2024January 7, 2024 charlenearossLeave a comment

I hate to start a blog post like that. You know me. I’m always happy. I have a positive attitude. The forever optimist who sees the glass half full. One of my best friends calls me Pollyanna. But it’s true, I’m done with 2023. It was a terrible year for our family.

On October 12 my niece Amanda died after a painful battle with cancer. She was 32 and a bright and beautiful star, full of life until the very end. How do you wrap your head around that? You don’t. How do you move on? By getting out of bed when it is the very last thing you want to do and putting one foot in front of the other and remembering that happiness does come after loss even if that day is not today or the next day or the next. Eventually bits of joy will start to seep through.

Amanda was someone who attracted positivity. Light. Joy. Amanda would not want us to live a half life. And so we much choose to live a full life. Our best life. To seek the light.

I have a happiness journal that I write in daily. (Or try my best to.) Every year the same things make me happy – hugging the peole I love, spending time with family and friends, music, reading with my dog on my lap, sharing a funny joke with a friend. Most days in my journal are filled with simple moments. A reminder that joy can be found in the ordinary. That laughter can sneak in even on the most difficult days.

Here are some of the things that made me happy during this most difficult year.

January 6 – We took dinner to my mom’s to see her and Amanda before they leave for Sacramento. We played Six-Card Flip and I really am so grateful to have family so close by.

January 16 – We were off for MLK Day and we did vision boards at Laurel’s for five hours and it was heavenly.

January 24 – We are in St. Kitts! Work bucket list item! It is so beautiful here. I saw Angelia. Oh yes! I am so happy!

February 3 – Walking by Sumac, I heard the music from the morning assembly and it made me so nostalgic. I really did love that school and am so glad my kids went there.

February 10 – Writers’ Group was just me, Rina and Kim. We went to Tequila Amores, had too many margaritas, still did our writing prompt, and my heart was so happy to be in a neighborhood restaurant with my awesome writer friends. Also, Rina misheard the writing prompt and it was 100! The prompt was, “Is there something your family only eats on the weekends and what makes it special.” She heard, “Do you let others define you?” We laughed so hard!

February 15 – On my dog walk this morning it was a bit windy (and cold!) and the wind made the cherry blossoms fly off the trees and dance in the sky. It was so beautiful to watch them rain down – almost like snow.

March 9 – I am visiting Jennifer in St. George. Sitting on her back porch and talking for hours (over two bottles of wine) made me realize how much I miss her. It was so great to be with her and really did make me so happy.

The view from my friend Jennifer’s porch is spectacular

March 24 – Home at last after so much travel. Dave and I watched a romcom and I drank 3/4 bottle of wine. I went to bed at 8:00 and slept almost 11 hours and it was fantastic.

March 27 – I had no video calls and didn’t shower or wear make-up and honestly, that made me so happy! Also, I got to watch Chandler give his presentation for his NASA internship on Zoom. What a proud mama moment!

April 2 – I walked around Westlake with Rita and Arlyne and then we had lunch and played Rummy Tile at Stonehaus. It was a beautiful day. Chilly, but gorgeous. These lifelong friendships bring me such joy.

April 11 – Working on a puzzle with Chandler. Having Marley sit on the couch and do her taxes while I work in the kitchen. These little moments with my kids are what make me happy.

April 30 – For the first time in 10 years (other than the pandemic) we are not at Stagecoach. But they live streamed it on Amazon Prime and we watched it at Rita’s and wore our cowboy hats and drank tequila and ate and danced and still had so much fun.

May 8 – I was walking Geordie in the park and saw a boy, his dad, and his grandfather playing soccer and it just made me so happy. I’ll never stop saying it – I love living in this beautiful Shangrila.

May 20 – I went to the Strawberry Festival with Mom and Amanda and then had dinner at Mom’s with Dena and Emme. It was great to see old friends and even more great to see Amanda enjoying her day.

My selfie skills are substantially subpar!

June 20 – Rita took me roller skating for my birthday. Roller skating! It was so, so fun! I do so love to skate.

June 21 – Marley is 23! Her presence on this earth makes me happy. She is such a cool human. I can’t believe I made her.

June 28 – Park City is so beautiful! We went on a hike and had dinner with Preston and Lexi. It was so great to catch up with them. Just lovely.

July 2 – We blew off a hike and did mostly nothing but walk to Main Street and then to dinner and it was just what we needed. A pefect last day to our Park City vacation.

July 20 – I took Amanda to group therapy and she treated me to lunch and we went thrifting. We had such a lovely time. We were in Ventura and the weather was perfect and it was just a good and perfect day.

August 8 – I got my inbox down to zero. Zero! It has been an overcrowded hot mess all year – at one point hovering near 1,000 and today I cleaned out every last email. Success!

August 19 – I saw the Barbie movie with Marisa and Jessica and that is some wonderful girl power stuff right there! We wore pink and had dinner at the bar at Paul Martin’s and wine in the theater and it was a perfect night.

August 27 - Beach Day in St. Pete’s with Danielle and Angelina. Floating in the gulf with a noodle in the warm clear water is just sublime. Then we listened to live music at a restaurant called the Salty Nun. Could you ask for a more perfect day?

September 4 – BBQ at Arlyne’s. The usual crowd. I am so happy and blessed to be part of this wonderful friend group.

September 24 – I had a clothing exchange and it was so great to give away so much stuff (and get a few things in return). Best of all – we filled my car with bags and bags for the battered women’s thrift store. I hope they make tons of money from it!

September 30 – I’m in Nashville staying at Cheryl’s and it is so great to see her. We went to The Listening Room and then onto Broadway and had a blast!

October 4 – Marley is going to San Diego tomorrow with her friend Lexi to see All American Rejects and it brings back such memories of the trips to San Diego that Rita and I used to take in our 20s. I’m so happy that she is living her best 23-year-old life.

October 12 – Amanda died today. My only happiness is that she is no longer in pain.

Our beautiful Amanda and her dog Spirit. Our lives will never be the same.

October 13 – This morning I asked Tammy to send me a dragonfly if Amanda is with her and she did. A dragonfly flew over my head at 2PM. I know that Amanda is with her mother and brings me such comfort and joy.

November 4 – AKPsi reunion. It was so great to see everyone. My happy moment was dancing to New Order and Flock of Seagulls with Steve Miller. Wow! So fun! Dancing to 80’s music – now that is my happy place.

November 12 – Today was Amanda’s celebration of life. It was at the beach and we all wore bright colors and played music per her request. My heart is broken but I did find joy in watching everyone dance, being with family, and seeing so much love pouring out for Amanda. So much love.

November 20 – I was driving to the office and stopped at the light at Kanan (the forever light) and the dude in front of me was rocking out in his car. I love that. You go, dude! Feel that music!

December 3 – Rita and Dale and I went to see Pinky Patel and she was hilarious. Her story about going from 9-5 worker to stand up comedian makes me so happy. What a treat to spend the evening laughing with two of my best friends.

December 10 – We went to brunch at Dena and Chris’s new house and it was so nice! We played games that were so FUN! (Even Dave enjoyed it – HA!) There were moments meloncholy because of missing Dad and Amanda but being with my family makes my heart happy.

December 15 – U2 at the Sphere was everything and more. We were THISCLOSE to the band. What an experience. We probably couldn’t afford this trip but we also couldn’t afford not to go. Being in the pit at a U2 concert = bucket list item.

December 24 – We had Christmas Eve fondue. No longer just the four of us. We invited my mom and Tracy was here and it was just lovely. I adore having smart, kind, funny adult children.

Whew! That was a lot. (And trust me – I cut about half of the moments I had bookmarked!) And this is why I write these moments down – to remind myself that happiness does worm its way in to the monotony of ordinary days and the sadness of a broken heart if you let it.

I hope you have set aside some time to reflect on some of your happy moments of 2023. I’d love to hear them.

And just like that, 2022 is Check, Done!

January 2, 2023January 5, 2023 charleneaross1 Comment

And just like that (as Carrie Bradshaw would say), 2022 is check, done. And once again, I wonder, how did another year go by so fast? At the beginning of every new year I like to sit down with my happiness journal and reflect upon the year before (and bore y’all with a blog post about my year).

Every year I feel like not much happened and so much happened all at once. As Gretchen Rubin says, the days are long but the years are short. It’s so true.

But also, I sometimes marvel at how much I actually did do in a year. This year we went to our family lake house in Michigan. I did my best to make the most of business travel. I went to concerts again. I gathered with loved ones at two family weddings. As I read my happiness journal I’ll read an entry from April or May and think to myself, that was last spring? It feels like that just happened a few weeks ago. So maybe the years do go by a bit more slowly than it can feel. Which is definitely a good thing.

My stepdad died on July 5th. That was a rough transition, I know, but how do you transition to something like that? Losing him was a rough transition. We are still transitioning. My dad gone just two-and-a-half years ago and my step-dad gone six months ago – it can feel like too much. Too, too much.

And that is why I continue to keep my happiness journal – to remind myself of the little moments that do make me happy when it gets to be too much. Or when one day blurs into the next. Or when I’m really, really happy and want to hold onto that memory.

Like every year, there are things entered into my journal repeatedly – a greatest hits, if you will – daily dog walks, listening to good music, time spent with friends, hugging the people I love, pizza ordered after a busy work day, the enjoyment of good food and wine. You could look at this two ways – my life is pretty mundane and I do the same things over and over again. Or, I’m so lucky to live this life where I get to do the things that make me happy over and over again. If you know me even a little bit, you know which way I lean.

And so, here are some of my favorite happy memories from 2022.

January 3 – Chandler went on the night time dog walk with me before he went home to San Diego. I loved getting that last bit of one on one time with him. The night was cold and crisp and it made my heart so happy.

January 25 – The RV is set up at Rincon for Amanda and the sunset was beautiful and when I was hugging Amanda and went to release she pulled me tighter. I love her hugs so much. Being with Mom, Bill, Tracie, Amanda, Richard, and Amanda’s friend Summer at the beach in January is just amazing.

February 3 – Some days are so, just, boring and normal. What made me happy? I don’t know. My dog walk. Leftovers for dinner.A quick call from Chandler. A good show on Hulu. The blessings of an ordinary day.

February 20 – We had breakfast at Mom and Bill’s – waffles, bacon, eggs, and fruit. So delicious. (And I let myself have an extra half-waffle. So good!) We need to cherish these times we spend with them and I do!

February 24 – Dave said to me, “No matter how bad a day I’m having, you can still make me laugh.”

March 6 – At dinner, which was delicious, by the way – hamburgers on brioche buns and oven-baked fries, I called Dave a man-baby and he made T-Rex arms and said, “I can’t reach. I’m a baby,” and Marley and I laughed so hard. Laughter + good food = happiness.

March 17 – Rita and I went to see Jon Pardi and he was so good and we were right up front and the energy from the concert was amazing. Nothing makes me happier.

March 24 – On my walk today I saw a woman walking with her baby in a front carrier and she stopped at a flowering bush so they could enjoy the flowers. It brought me such happiness and nostalgia of showing my babies the wonders of this beautiful world.

March 26 – Writers’ Group. Small tonight – Julie, Shauna, Kim, and me. But so great. Julie is fucking killing it and it makes me so happy for her. You go, my friend. You go!

April 3 – I was kind to myself and instead of working (on a Sunday) I took Geordie for a long walk. The weather was perfect and there were spring flowers everywhere. What a wonderful, beautiful place to live.

April 29 – That feeling – that rush – of being back at Stagecoach. Stepping into the pit just as Jordan Davis hit the stage – there is nothing like it!

May 15 – We brought Mexican food to my mom’s for her birthday and Marley gave her the most heartfelt card and it makes me so happy that my kids express their feelings so eloquently.

May 30 – All four of us went to drop Chandler off at LAX for his internship in Austria. We ate lunch at the LAX In-n-Out and watched the planes land. I love when the four of us are together. I am so excited for Chandler’s adventure.

June 4 – I went on a hike with Rita at the Victory trailhead and we got lost and came out at the Las Virgenes trailhead. It was equal parts mortifying and hilarious. Dave rescued us. We had breakfast burritos at a cafe by the trailhead and it ended up being awesome.

June 21 – My baby girl is 22 today. I remember my 22nd birthday – We had a pool party at my mom’s and I wore my pink dress from Mexico and drank Coronas. It just goes too fast.

July 16 – Therese brought dinner to my mom’s and it was nice to be with family and I am so happy there are so many people who love my mom.

July 22 – The minute Matt Ramsey started singing my heart exploded with joy. Back in the pit at an Old Dominion concert – my heart is happy and full.

Brad Tursi and Matt Ramsey of Old Dominion doing what they do best.

August 13 – We’re back in Michigan. It’s cool but the lake is beautiful. I’m glad to be here with my mom in her Michigan home.

August 19 – OH. MY. GAWD. Old Dominion did a pop up show and we made it in! What are the odds that they’d be in Michigan when I am?! Seeing them in a tiny club was AMAZING!

August 23 – I feel sad that I have not been keeping up with this journal at the lake. But my happy moments have been floating, morning walks, drives on country roads, and just spending time in this beautiful place.

Scenes from our workation in White Lake, Michigan

August 28 – I met a cousin of Bill’s today and she said, “I know who you are. I read your book and I loved it!” It makes me so happy that Laney brought a moment of joy to someone’s life. I also spent time with Bill’s Uncle Mike and he is such a lovely man.

September 12 – Chandler called from Berlin and at one point in the call we were all in the kitchen on speaker joking about some trendy club in Berlin and it was so great. It felt like we were all together at our happy best.

September 21 – Chandler called from Italy and it always makes me so happy to hear his voice. Plus, Marley and I sat for a few minutes in the kitchen and chatted before she went to school. Having adult children is such a blessing and a delight.

October 1 – Birthday dinner with Rhiannon. My sister is turning 40 and it makes me so happy to be with her.

My beautiful baby sister Rhiannon turns 40!

October 8 – Ashlea and David’s wedding was so lovely. I loved their vows and feld so honored to witness them.

November 5 – I got to hang out with Pat and Jennifer in NYC and it was so FUN! What a gorgeous day. The weather was perfect and people were everywhere outside enjoying it. It was a perfect New York day.

November 20 – Chris and Dena got married and it made me so happy to share their day and be with my family.

My brother Christopher and his beautiful bride Dena

November 24 – Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for my family and for this life that I have in my little suburban shangri-la. I think my happy moment was our big breakfast together before the Thanksgiving feast.

November 27 – My heart is full of love and happiness – we had a playgroup mom’s reunion and ten of us were there. It was so wonderful to catch up with these amazing women. I am so blessed to know them and have experienced early motherhood with them. I don’t know how I would have gotten through those early mothering years without them.

Playgroup Reunion – these ladies are so amazing!

December 16 – We went to Arlyne’s for charcuterie and had such a great time. I almost didn’t go – why? Too busy, too many calories, blah, blah, blah. I’m so glad we did. We really had so much fun. It felt grown-up and sophisticated and just wonderful to be with friends.

December 24 – Cheese fondue with the family. The four of us in the kitchen. Good wine. My favorite people. Christmas joy.

I know. That was long. I’m a terrible editor. And believe it or not, I chopped what I wanted to use in half. (You’re welcome!) If you’re still reading this, thank you for sticking with me. I do so love looking back on my year (even the hard ones) and thank you for your indulgence. Wishing you some time for reflection on 2022 and a 2023 full of happy moments both big and small.

Charlene Ross

Tag: 2023

So Long 2023, It Was(n’t Very) Nice Knowing You

And just like that, 2022 is Check, Done!