Frosted Cowboy: The Movie

My friend Julie told me recently that a friend of hers heard from someone in their book club that Frosted Cowboy was going to be made into a movie and the rights sold for a million dollars. Yes, you heard that right – my book being made into a movie for $1,000,000! (Look at all those zeros!)

Only… it was news to me.

How do rumors like this get started? Although please, if you happen to be good friends with a big time Hollywood producer and think that by telling them my book was offered one million dollars for rights to the screenplay and it might intrigue them so much that they offer me $1,100,000 and start a bidding war (against no one), then by all means feel free to spread this rumor. But otherwise, nope, (sadly) 100% not true.

But what if it was?

Daydreaming
My book, a movie!

 

Like most authors (probably), I’ve always pictured my book as a movie. In fact there is so much dialog in my book I’ve often said that it would probably make a better movie than it does a book. (Plus, there’s some serious hilarious physical comedy in there – if I do say so myself.)

But who would play Laney, Tom, Jake, Angel and Natalie?

When I first started writing Frosted Cowboy I pictured Sandra Bullock as Laney. At 36 Sandra Bullock was just four years older than Laney (who is 32).

sandra-bullock-red-hair
The original Laney Delaney

The problem is life kept getting in the way and it took me a wee bit longer to write the book than I first imagined and while Laney remained 32, Sandra did not have that luxury, so she became too old. (Don’t feel bad Sandy, it happened to me too.)

As time went on I began to picture Drew Barrymore as Laney Delaney, because, like Laney (and Sandra Bullock), she is super adorable.

Drew Barrymore
Drew would make an adorable Laney!

In fact, I had originally pictured Cameron Diaz as Natalie, so what if the Charlie’s Angels ladies reunited and Drew Barrymore played Laney, Cameron Diaz played Natalie and Lucy Liu played Kim? I am a casting genius!

cameron-diaz-lucy-liu-drew-barrymore-charlie's-angels
Fabulous!

Can’t picture it? Then how about this…

cameron-diaz-lucy-liu-drew-barrymore-charlie's-angels
Seriously, how cute would they be as Kim, Natalie and Laney?

But the same thing that happened to poor Sandra Bullock happened to these lovely ladies. They continued to age, while Laney did not.

I also pictured Tom being played by Tom Cruise. At the time he was about 10 years older than Laney’s Tom, but he looked like this so who cares.

Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise when he was hot. Okay, he’s still pretty hot. How about, Tom Cruise before we knew he was crazy.

And also, he had not yet done this:

Tom Cruise Couch Jumping
No one can ever un-see this moment.

But now, like the ladies, he is too old. (And also, just crazy.)

Jake was originally Brad Pitt in my head.

Young Brad Pitt
The perfect bad boy

But Brad got old like the rest of them so he became Bradley Cooper. (Yes, I realize that Bradley Cooper is also too old, but I don’t care. Because Bradley Cooper!)

Bradley-Cooper-shirtless
Yeah, I chose a picture of Bradley Cooper shirtless (and made it bigger than all the other pictures). You’re welcome.

And of course, Angel would be played by Angelina Jolie. (Who else?)

angelina-jolie
Angel looks like a devil, indeed.

But that was the original cast of Frosted Cowboy. Should we meet the 2016 cast?

I love Anne Hathaway. She’s got the lips, is super funny and even looks great with red hair.

Anne Hathaway
My new perfect Laney Delaney!

Sure, she’s too skinny, but maybe she could fatten up ala Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones’s Diary. (BTW, it is my goal in life to be as “fat” as Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones.)

Renee-Zellweger
I love Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones so much that I almost forgive her for once being Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend.

A few people have told me they see Zooey Dechenel in the lead role. I have to admit she fits the adorable/funny/awesome requirement that is Laney Delaney.

zooey-deschanel
Zooey Deschanel – adorable, just like Laney Delaney

In the book Tom looks like Chris Pine, and I do find him super dreamy,

chris-pine
Could he be the man who steals Laney’s heart? (He can certainly have mine!)

but lately I’ve been picturing him as more of a Liam Hemsworth.

liam-hemsworth
Hmmm… Chris Pine might have to move over!

And okay, okay, maybe my boyfriend Bradley Cooper is too old to play Jake. Maybe we could get Liam’s brother Chris to join the cast.

chris-hemsworth
Um… Bradley who?

Of course the Hemsworth brothers, being brothers and all, perhaps do look too much alike to believably play two men who are un-related. But look at them:

Liam-Hemsworth-Chris-Hemsworth
Tom & Jake? What do you think?

Does it really matter?!

I think Margot Robbie would make a spectacular Natalie.

margot-robbie
Blonde: check. Gorgeous: check. Skinny: check. The perfect Natalie.

And for the impossibly beautiful, sexy siren Angel? How about Megan Fox?

megan-fox
Move over Angelina, there’s a new Angel in town!

 

Of course there are so many other characters to cast (in fact I’ve been told more than once, too many) -Kim, Amanda, Alison, Kyle, Abbie & George- but I’m running out of time (and quite possibly your attention), so I’ll stop now.

But I’d love to know, who would you cast in the movie version of Frosted Cowboy? (And if you haven’t read it yet, what are you waiting for? Buy it here. Now!)

frosted cowboy cover

 

Internet scoured, photos found here: Sandra Bullock, Drew Barrymore, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Bradley CooperRenee Zellweger, Anne Hathaway, Zooey Deschanel, Chris Pine, Liam Hemsworth, Chris HemsworthHemsworth brothers, Margot Robbie, Megan Fox

My 2013 (Not-So) Snarky Oscar Comments

Oh yes, awards season came to an end last night when the 2013 Oscars awarded Argo with the Academy Award for Best Picture.  Hooray! I was so glad that it won. Not only because it was fantastic, but because it was one of the four nominated movies I actually saw. But who cares about that? Everyone wants to know who looked awesome (and who didn’t) on the red carpet.

I have to admit that I was highly disappointed with last night’s awards. And not just because Seth MacFarlane was kind of stiff and nervous and just sort of meh. (I didn’t mind his poor taste jokes and I actually thought the opening skit was pretty funny.)

No, my bitter disappointed was in the dresses. They were gorgeous. Every single one of them. Every actress looked stunningly beautiful. How can I make fun of all the women who are thinner, more beautiful, more talented and so much richer than me if they all look amazing. So this blog – not so snarky.

Even Helena Bonham Carter who rarely disappoints with her poor sense of style looked pretty.

The 85th Academy Awards - Arrivals - Los Angeles-Helena-Bonham-Carter-2013
Queen of the Prom

Okay, it looks like she’s wearing a prom dress, but for her, this look is downright glamorous.

And Jessica Chastain obviously read what I wrote about her awful Golden Globes look, because she looked beautiful as well. (A gorgeous dress that fits + side-parted hair = Red Carpet Glam Jessica!)

85th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals
Breathtaking!

Although….

Kristen Cheoweth. That dress is stunning! Your plastic surgery – not so much. Unless perhaps that bun on top of your head (which is adorable BTW) is pulled to tight?

kristin-chenoweth-oscars-2013-red-carpet-full
That dress is GORGEOUS!
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That bun is pulled too tight!

All snarkiness aside, I’ve always thought Kristen a true beauty and it saddens me to see that she has jumped onto the plastic surgery bandwagon. Please 40ish actresses – take a cue from your elder stateswomen like Meryll Streep, Sally Field or Helen Mirren who are aging so gracefully. (And if they’ve had work done then by all means see whoever it is they’re seeing and then give me their number!)

And speaking of Kristen Chenoweth – did you see her interview Bradley Cooper? She took off her shoe to compare her shortness with his mother’s shortness (he brought his mom – swoon) and he knelt down and helped her put it back on. (Double swoon Prince Charming!)

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A true prince!

A lot of the actresses seemed to be wearing their hair ala Rita Hayworth circa 1940-something…

Rita-Hayworth
Vintage Hollywood Glam

And what an excellent choice. It’s such a soft, pretty look.

Oscar-Reece-Witherspoon-hair-2013
Reece Witherspoon looks stunning with her retro wavy glam hair and Louis Vuitton couture dress.

Reece Witherspoon rocked the look. I loved her with bangs at the 2007 Oscars, but I might love this vintage Hollywood glam look even more.

LOVE those bangs!
LOVE those bangs!

My favorite dress of the night was Zoe Saldana’s. I loved the flowers on top, the belt, the funky side-bow and the flowy bottom.

I tried very hard to find something snarky and mean to say about Zoe, because rumor has it that she and my future-weekend-lover Bradley Cooper are still (or back) together. But I couldn’t. I mean look at her. She’s perfect. (Bitch!)

Oscar-Zoe-Saldana-2013-Red-Carpet
My future boyfriend’s girlfriend is perfect!

My second favorite dress of the night (a very close 2nd) was Jennifer Garner’s. (I first fell in love with Bradley Cooper when his Will Tippin pined away for Jennifer’s Sydney Bristow on Alias – hmmm… is there a theme here?)

oscars-ben-affleck-jennifer-garner-oscars-2013-red-carpet-05
Hey Jen – if I tell the world you look STUNNING in my wildly popular blog will you put in a good word with Bradley for me?!

Anne Hathaway can do no wrong in my book. Everyone knew she would win last night. Her portrayal of Fantine was spectacularly gut wrenching. I mean, I started to cry when they showed the little 5 second clip when they were announcing the nominees. And her speeches are always so graceful. She is a true class act. And her dress – fabulous! (BTW – those are darts in her dress, not her nipples people!)

anne-hathaway-oscars-2013-red-carpet-03
Love her so much!

And with that I think I will wrap up my take on last night’s fashions. As much as red carpet train wrecks boost my self-esteem as I sit on the floor in stretched out yoga pants and fold laundry while I watch the awards, I suppose I should take the high road and be happy that everyone looked so lovely. They’ve earned it.

But I will close with this…

“Did the woman in the gold dress just get plastic surgery? Her face looks like this,” Marley asked as she made a scrunchy face. She was talking about Renee Zellweger. That might be mean of me to mention, but she used to date Bradley Cooper, so I can’t really be held responsible for my actions when it comes to her.

Oscar-Bradley-Cooper-red-carpet-2013
Hey Bradley, call me!

(And yes, I know I already posted this photo. I just thought you might want to see it again. You’re welcome!)

 

Adendum: I was going to mention Kristen Stewart and then I changed my mind. I think because I could only find red carpet photos of her and she looked fine. But at the podium? WTF! Why is she famous? Why do producers keep putting her on awards shows? She always seems so put out to be there. If it’s for the young Twilight fans, even 12-year-old Marley says Blech when she sees her. I think this e-card sums her up nicely:

kristen-stewart-tired-oscars-monday-work-movies-ecards-someecards

 

Photo credits:

Kristen Chenoweth: Just Jared.com / Reece Witherspoon: Celebrity Gossip.net / Zoe Saldona: Gossip Center.com / Jennifer Garner: Getty via Just Jared.com / Bradley Cooper: Photo by Jason Merritt – © 2013 Getty Images / Jessica Chastain: JustJared.com / Helena Bonham Carter: Birminghampost.net / Anne Hathaway: JustJared.com

My 2013 Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments

Golden-Globes-Hosts-Tina-and-Amy
Amy & Tina rocked the house! (Image NBCUniversal)

Oh yes, it is that time of year again – awards’ season. And everyone knows (well maybe not everyone) that if there’s one thing I love to do, it’s make snarky comments about the red carpet and the awards themselves from the comfort of my home as I sit crisscross on the den floor, in men’s flannel pajama bottoms folding a week’s worth of laundry in front of my circa 1986 25 inch TV .

But this year I was not crisscross on the floor in pajama pants. I was wearing jeans and a purple leopard print cardigan, purchased on sale at Target the day after Christmas, that fashion-know-nothing Chandler gave a big thumbs down to. I even put on a little bit of eye shadow.

No, it wasn’t for the awards. (I have a black tafetta dress for that.) I had some girlfriends over for a vision board party and the red carpet was only on in the background -on mute- and I missed most of the pre-show prancing.

So I was going to skip it this year. But then I got a post on my Facebook page from my funny friend Tina who was looking forward to my commentary. And I hate to disappoint the people I love. (Which is weird, because if you ask my children they’ll tell you I’m very good at it. Disappointing the people I love specifically them.)

But I digress… and so here it is… My Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them) – the 2013 Addition…

ANNE HATHAWAY…

2013GG.Anne-Hathaway-in-Chanel-Couture-2013-Golden-Globe-Awards
Stunning! (Credit: Getty)

I’ve always really liked Anne Hathaway, but after seeing Les Miserables, in my eyes she can do no wrong. Her gut wrenching performance of Fantine had me bawling. Snot-running-down-my-face-even-though-I’m-desperately-trying-to-hide-it-because-I-was-sitting-next-to-my-15-year-old-son BAWLING. (If she doesn’t win the Oscar on February 24 I will throw something heavy at my TV screen.) I loved her dress, loved her hair, and loved, Loved, LOVED her speech.

HALLE BERRY…

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Channeling her inner Angelina Jolie. (Credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

I really loved Halle Berry’s dress and she always looks stunning. But what’s with the pose in this photo Halle? That’s so Angelina Jolie 2012. (Of course who am I kidding – if I had a leg that looked like that I’d stick it out for everyone to see too!)

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

2013 Golden Globes Jennifer Lawrence
IMAGE CREDIT: JEFF VESPA/WIREIMAGE

What the Freaking What was going on with the top of Jennifer Lawrence’s dress? Her boobs look like bullets. Seriously, was that some sort of bullet-proof costumery stolen from the Hunger Games set? (Cinna, you can do better!) The rest of the dress is gorgeous, but that bustier portion needs some serious work. Of course Jennifer is only 22 so I suppose she can get away with that sort of thing.

EWAN MCGREGOR

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Swoon! (Photo credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

How sexy does Ewan McGregor look in this picture. Answer: SO DAMN SEXY! You know how he would look even sexier? If I were on his arm instead of his wife. Look, I think it’s great that Ewan is happily married and is faithful to his longtime wife Eve, and yes that love and loyalty only adds to his sexiness, but I’ve loved him since seeing him in Shallow Grave in 1995 on a trip to England, years before anyone in the states even knew who he was. I’ve loved him at least as long as she has. Isn’t that worth him considering taking me  to an awards show instead of her? Just once? I promise not to wear anything stupid on my head (like she always seems to do).

JESSICA CHASTAIN

2013GG.jessica-chastain-soft-blue-ck-dress-golden-globes-2013
What the what? (Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

I don’t even know what to say about this dress – except um… NO! The fit is funky, the color is kind of weird and it is just not flattering at all. And her hair?! Ugh! What is with those roots? It looks like she’s in serious need of a dye job!

I know this is short (for me), but as I said, I wasn’t going to write this at all. So I will end my (not very) snarky snarks here and end them on a high note.

I just loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Like Anne Hathaway, they can do no wrong in my eyes. They are funny, brilliant, awesome women. They both looked spectacular and freaking killed it last night. Killed it! (That James Cameron joke – almost peed my pants!) In case you missed the opening of the show, here it is for you. Enjoy. (And you’re welcome!)