My 2013 Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments

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Amy & Tina rocked the house! (Image NBCUniversal)

Oh yes, it is that time of year again – awards’ season. And everyone knows (well maybe not everyone) that if there’s one thing I love to do, it’s make snarky comments about the red carpet and the awards themselves from the comfort of my home as I sit crisscross on the den floor, in men’s flannel pajama bottoms folding a week’s worth of laundry in front of my circa 1986 25 inch TV .

But this year I was not crisscross on the floor in pajama pants. I was wearing jeans and a purple leopard print cardigan, purchased on sale at Target the day after Christmas, that fashion-know-nothing Chandler gave a big thumbs down to. I even put on a little bit of eye shadow.

No, it wasn’t for the awards. (I have a black tafetta dress for that.) I had some girlfriends over for a vision board party and the red carpet was only on in the background -on mute- and I missed most of the pre-show prancing.

So I was going to skip it this year. But then I got a post on my Facebook page from my funny friend Tina who was looking forward to my commentary. And I hate to disappoint the people I love. (Which is weird, because if you ask my children they’ll tell you I’m very good at it. Disappointing the people I love specifically them.)

But I digress… and so here it is… My Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them) – the 2013 Addition…

ANNE HATHAWAY…

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Stunning! (Credit: Getty)

I’ve always really liked Anne Hathaway, but after seeing Les Miserables, in my eyes she can do no wrong. Her gut wrenching performance of Fantine had me bawling. Snot-running-down-my-face-even-though-I’m-desperately-trying-to-hide-it-because-I-was-sitting-next-to-my-15-year-old-son BAWLING. (If she doesn’t win the Oscar on February 24 I will throw something heavy at my TV screen.) I loved her dress, loved her hair, and loved, Loved, LOVED her speech.

HALLE BERRY…

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Channeling her inner Angelina Jolie. (Credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

I really loved Halle Berry’s dress and she always looks stunning. But what’s with the pose in this photo Halle? That’s so Angelina Jolie 2012. (Of course who am I kidding – if I had a leg that looked like that I’d stick it out for everyone to see too!)

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

2013 Golden Globes Jennifer Lawrence
IMAGE CREDIT: JEFF VESPA/WIREIMAGE

What the Freaking What was going on with the top of Jennifer Lawrence’s dress? Her boobs look like bullets. Seriously, was that some sort of bullet-proof costumery stolen from the Hunger Games set? (Cinna, you can do better!) The rest of the dress is gorgeous, but that bustier portion needs some serious work. Of course Jennifer is only 22 so I suppose she can get away with that sort of thing.

EWAN MCGREGOR

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Swoon! (Photo credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

How sexy does Ewan McGregor look in this picture. Answer: SO DAMN SEXY! You know how he would look even sexier? If I were on his arm instead of his wife. Look, I think it’s great that Ewan is happily married and is faithful to his longtime wife Eve, and yes that love and loyalty only adds to his sexiness, but I’ve loved him since seeing him in Shallow Grave in 1995 on a trip to England, years before anyone in the states even knew who he was. I’ve loved him at least as long as she has. Isn’t that worth him considering taking me  to an awards show instead of her? Just once? I promise not to wear anything stupid on my head (like she always seems to do).

JESSICA CHASTAIN

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What the what? (Jason Merritt, Getty Images)

I don’t even know what to say about this dress – except um… NO! The fit is funky, the color is kind of weird and it is just not flattering at all. And her hair?! Ugh! What is with those roots? It looks like she’s in serious need of a dye job!

I know this is short (for me), but as I said, I wasn’t going to write this at all. So I will end my (not very) snarky snarks here and end them on a high note.

I just loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Like Anne Hathaway, they can do no wrong in my eyes. They are funny, brilliant, awesome women. They both looked spectacular and freaking killed it last night. Killed it! (That James Cameron joke – almost peed my pants!) In case you missed the opening of the show, here it is for you. Enjoy. (And you’re welcome!)

Liebster Blog Award #2

Yes, Liebster Blog Award #2. In the words of my dear blogging buddy, Tina (and maybe someone else, almost as famous), “You like me! You really, really like me!” Thank you! I’m a little verklempt!

Liebster blog

Once again, the word Liebster means “dearest” or “favorite” in German, and the award is given as a form of recognition and support for smaller, up and coming blogs. Last week my fellow skirt blogger Demetria Foster Gray awarded me with a Liebster Award (#1).

This time I have been awarded by my blogging soulmate Tina Drakakis, known to the skirt blogging world as eyerollingmom. Tina and I started blogging around the same time for skirt and it was love at first word. I really like to think I’m hilarious, but compared to Tina, I’m only maybe a tiny bit funny. I’d be bitter with jealous of her superior wit and mad writing skills  if I just wasn’t so damn in love with her. She really (REALLY) needs to get a blog of her own! I would have awarded her the Liebster, but she awarded me first. I’d tell you to read her blog, but then you might stop reading mine! (I’m kidding. Read her blog. She’s awesome!)

Tina lives in Massachusetts (way to freaking far!) so we have become virtual BFFs. We email. We text. We’ve never actually spoken on the phone. I think we both fear that if we do we’ll never (ever) hang up and our poor husbands and children will have to fend for themselves for days. One day we will meet in person and when we do -watch out world- there will not be anyone, anywhere having more fun than us!

Here are the Liebster Award rules again:

  1. Answer your nominator’s eleven questions.
  2. Think of eleven questions of your own.
  3. Choose a few worthy bloggers (who have fewer than 500 followers) to interview and pay it forward.
  4. Make sure to inform the bloggers they’ve been nominated winners.

Here are my questions from Tina:

1.       What’s the one thing you regret blogging about?

Pretty early in my “blogging career” I worded some things poorly and came across as something I wasn’t and in the process really hurt some people I love dearly. I really do regret that.

2.       What’s the one food that – if taken out of existence – would ensure your skinnydom?

Definitely carbs. (Which I know is more of a food group than one food. But like a politician I can answer any way I want!) Life is short. I’d rather have tight jeans and eat french fries (and pasta and BREAD) than be a super-skinny mini and eat my cheese alone (instead of on a cracker where it belongs!)

3.       You have 2 children.  Which is your favorite?

You have 4 children. I’ll tell you my favorite if you tell me yours! (I’ll give you a hint though – one is my favorite son and the other is my favorite daughter.)

4.       Shower:  hand or washcloth?

Well, that’s a little personal. But as you know, my middle name might as well be TMI. At home, usually hand. (Less laundry that way, and I use bar soap.) But at a hotel – always a wash cloth.

5.       You could spend one hour with someone who’s passed.  Who is it?

My grandmother. Without a doubt. (And I’d make sure she gave Tammy a kiss when she got back.)

6.       What’s the one thing you did in high school you wish your kids NEVER do?

You know my mom reads my blog right? Haha! I was actually pretty tame in high school. I never even got drunk. (For reals!) Now college on the other hand…

7.       Favorite guilty pleasure…

I’m racking my brain for something really trashy that I love, but am coming up blank. (Must be because I’m so classy!) I do still love 80’s music. And chick flicks. Even ones that I know are bad. In fact those stupid teenage versions of chick flicks that are on Disney and Nickelodeon – I do love to watch those with Marley. Even though every minute I’m watching I know exactly what’s going to happen and that I’m totally wasting my time, but I can’t help it. (And after all, I am spending time with my daughter!)

I also really love to have a small glass of red wine with 3 or 4 sea salt dark chocolate covered almonds after dinner. Sea salted chocolate is the new crack!

8.       We’ve all cheated.  Diets, tests, boyfriends.  Fess up to one time.

Again, mother reads blog. (So does husband!) HA! I’m kidding! So let’s just say that maybe, perhaps, I’ve logged onto Scrabble Finder while playing Words with Friends a time or two. (Not that it ever helps me win!)

9.       What makes you happiest?

Hmmm… I love going to see a band I love, Love, LOVE in concert – like U2 or INXS. (yes, still, even without Michael Hutchence, see guilty pleasure above.) I love going to the beach – I’m ALWAYS happy there. But I think the times I am happiest is simply when I’m surrounded by people I love. I love being with my family at holidays. I love playing board games with my husband and kids. I love getting together with my girlfriends for a night out of wine and gossip. (And if there is a cute waiter to flirt with I’m even happier!)

10.    Favorite Real Housewife or Survivor contestant….or both.

Not a Real Housewives watcher. (I hate people with cleaner houses than me!) Without a doubt hot former NY fireman Tom Westman from Survivor. I Swooned over rooted for him the entire Palau season. And started watching Survivor again when he came back for Heroes vs. Villains.

Tom Westman winner Survivor Palau
Me likey….

11.    What would we be most surprised to learn about you?

Sometimes I’m very shy. (It’s true.)

Whew! Well, that was fun. (I think?) Thank you Tina for choosing me (I really am so touched!)

My Award Nominees…

For my second set of awards I would like to nominate two bloggers I have had the privilege of becoming friends with.

First, Julie Gardner and her awesome blog, By Any Other Name. Julie is a former English teacher (and my go-to grammar coach) who took an extended leave of absence from teaching so she could write. And thank god she did. Here words are gorgeous. She is funny and talented and her writing is just beautiful. Every time I read her blog I think, “I wish I could write like that.” We were turned on to each others blogs by a mutual friend and instantly knew that we must meet. Fortunately we live 15 minutes from each other (ahem, Tina!). We clicked instantly and are now each other’s biggest fans. I urge you to read her blog. You will love it!

My next award goes to my blogging mentor, Kim Tracy Prince and her blog House of Prince. Kim and I met when we were both writing for Patch.com and again – instant writing love and instant in-person chemistry. Kim has been blogging even longer than me (since 2006) and has actually figured out how to make money blogging. (I’m still working on that!) She is super-cool and a great writer. Like all the best blogs, she will often make you laugh or cry. I think she has well over 500 followers, but I’m a rebel and giving her the Liebster anyway!

Here are my questions for Kim and Julie:

1. What is your favorite season?
2. What was your favorite childhood toy?
3. If your life were a movie who would play you? (And who would play your husband?)
4. If you HAD TO give up wine or coffee for a month which would you choose?
5. What book can you read again and again?
6. What was the last film you saw in a cinema. That wasn’t animated.
7. We’re all moms. We’ve seen every single Disney movie. Which villain do you love best?
8. What is one item that is always in your purse?
9. What is your guilty pleasure? (Hey, I had to tell mine!)
10. Always…
11. Never…

Once again, thank you so much Tina! And congrats to Julie and Kim. You ladies are awesome. And I hope you have as much fun as I did!