This post was not inspired by the ridiculous naming of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s love child North West. (My funny husband said he was surprised Kris Kardashian didn’t convince them to spell it Knorth.) Ah… so sorry that your parents are douchebags Little Nori, but the good news is they’re both rich, so you’ll have plenty of money for the therapy you will so obviously be needing later!

And no, I’m not having a baby. My body is shutdown for baby-making. (Not that that’s any of your business!)

But my cousin is expecting her first child and she recently posted this on her FB page:

I thought I’d put in my two cents:

Yes, that’s right. According to the baby naming website Nameberry and this article from The Inquisitr, here are some funky baby names for both boys and girls trending right now:

Severine – apparently inspired by the Bond girl in “Skyfall.” (Thank god people weren’t so silly in the 60’s and didn’t start naming their kids Pussy (Galore) after “Goldfinger” or Kissy (Suzuki) after “You Only Live Twice.”)

Good thing Carrie’s not having a girl because if she names her son after a James Bond character it will likely be James.

Phaedra – likely an homage to “Real Housewives of Atlanta” rather than a sudden interest in Greek Mythology. At least Phaedra Parks is not really a housewife, but a successful attorney and people aren’t naming their daughters after a spoiled housewife living well off of her husband’s success. (Although, to be honest I’d like to be a spoiled housewife living well off of my husband’s success like I used to be.)

Carrie, if you’re going to name your baby after a reality TV star and want something a little unusual go with something like Ozzy* or Malcolm*, but please don’t make it Tarzan* or God forbid “The Situation!”

Mingus – which I guess is inspired by Charles Mingus, the  jazz bassist/composer. (Sorry Charles, I’ve never heard of you. But then, I’m not really into jazz.)

And my dearest and most favorite cousin, if you are going to name your darling baby boy after a jazz musician (not that you would) Miles is a very nice name, but Coltrane – that’s just weird.

And remember, what every you do – DO NOT NAME HIM THOR!

I’ve always found it humorous that baby names are inspired by pop culture. Of course I don’t know why I’m so smug. While my son Chandler’s name was not inspired by pop culture, the inspiration did come from my husband’s favorite author, Raymond Chandler. It was not due to our love of Chandler Bing from “Friends.” And yeah, yeah our last name happens to be Ross. Ha ha ha – isn’t that funny?

But I’m telling you – he was named after Raymond Chandler. And no, his middle name is not Joey!

And my daughter Marley’s name was not inspired by the book Marley and Me (which was published five years after she was born), but again by Raymond Chandler. Or rather his character, Phillip Marlowe. (I did not like the name Marlowe, but I love the name Marley, though admittedly she probably has a lot more in common personality-wise with John Grogan’s dog than Raymond Chandler’s character.)

Interesting side note: the name Marlowe is also on the Hot 2013 Baby Name List this year.

It also puzzles me why parents like to give their kids crazy unique spellings to their otherwise not-very-unique names. Is is supposed to make them feel special? Guess what? I doesn’t. My Starbucks name is Jane because nobody can spell Charlene. And my name is spelled the most common way. (I think.)

It’s bad enough that my name was never on a mug at Disneyland because it wasn’t that common. Can you imagine how upsetting it would be if my name really was Jane but I spelled it Jayne and every time I looked at those damn mugs/key chains/shot glasses I saw Jane staring back at me? I’ll tell you – pretty freaking upsetting!

You are just setting your child up for a lifetime of frustration because everyone will spell their name wrong. Every. Single. Time.

There is someone I do business with named Brittni. I’m sorry – Brittni?! I think Brittney is a lovely name, but when you spell it Brittni it seems like you’re dealing with a stripper, not a business professional.

So to answer my cousin’s question, here are some baby boy names that I like: Ethan, Evan, Oliver, Henry. I also really do dig James. But Carrie, if you name him James, don’t spell it Jaymes. He’ll never have a coffee mug with his name on it.

And people might think he’s a stripper.

*Ozzy, Malcolm and Tarzan were all contestants on different seasons of Survivor

Image of Thor via: Assira, Wikimedia Commons/Image of Joey, Chandler & Ross via Friends