My Gen Z 2025 Red Carpet Review

January 6, 2025 charleneaross2 Comments

Hello, friends! It’s that time of year – when I sit on my couch in my pjs giving my thumbs up or down on Hollywood glamour as if I were qualified to have an opinion on such matters.

Marley is busy tonight and was ~~unwilling~~ unable to help (though she did pipe in for a few on her way out the door) so to make up for her absence, I’ve decided to give this review in Gen Z speak. (For as long as I can manage, anyway.)

Glen Powell brought his parents instead of a date which is giving he needs a girlfriend vibes. He definitely has leading man engery and I volunteer as tribute to be his leading lady. 🌟🔥😃❤

Yes, you do get three pictures of Glen Powell. You’re welcome! (Marley said three pictures are not nearly enough. I concur!)

Kerry Washington is pretty in pink but that dress is definitely giving 1980’s prom. Flashback Queen! 👑🌟

Did Andrew Scott know he was coming to the Golden Globes because that monochrome suit is giving Easter egg energy. But I gotta say, even as a Pastel Prince, he slaps! 🐣💙 🔥

No hate to Glenn Close (because I love her so much), but this dress is giving 1983 Express clearance rack. Like, did she dig it out of the back of her closet or what? 💀✨

Anthony Ramos’s suit is straight up serving major Pee Wee Herman vibes. 🚲🧇✨

Demi Moore is giving Art Deco pleather couch. And it doesn’t look comfortable. Like, can she sit in that thing? But she looks gorgeous. Demi, girl. You are slaying it! 🔥✨

Timothy Chalamet out here serving major French waiter energy, like he’s already method-acting for his next role. 🥖🍷😂

Keira Knightley is giving 1960s velvet nightgown realness—like, it’s gorgeous but, are we at a red carpet or a retro sleepover? 😳✨

The Rock is definitely serving up hot and spicy main character energy. 🔥🌶♨

Ali Wong’s dress is giving me major conflict. Like, I want to love it but it’s giving crepe paper vibes. The black stockings are a nope. And those gloves? Double nope. I get the vision, but overall, it’s a meh from me. 💔👗

Angelina Jolie is somehow serving matronly and fire at the same time. (Definitely giving hot mama vibes. 🔥✨💖)

Zendaya is giving 1950’s Rita Hayworth Hollywood glam. Girl, that look is pure fire! 💄🔥✨

Miley Cyrus is straight-up serving rockstar total icon vibes. 🎸✨🔥

Tyler James Williams is giving 🔥🔥🔥

Marley’s commentary: Sir, where is your shirt? You left the house like that? That is dangerous. You know what you look like. Slut! It’s not fair to us with you walking around looking like that. How are we supposed to control ourselves? You are not going to make it home. (Translation – she’s a fan!)

Zoe Saldona having a hot girl moment with her leading lady energy. You are fire, girl. Slay! 🔥⚡

Jeremy Strong is giving Austin Powers meets Gucci Blossom. Yeah, baby! 🎩✨

Pass the Aqua Net. Nicole Kidman has big fake hair energy on full display. Does that wig come with a Bumpit? 👱‍♀️ (The dress is gorg, though!)

According to Marley, the shape of Cynthia Erivo’s dress is giving Liberty Bell and the pattern is giving couch.

And friends, I’m getting tired. This Gen Z speak is getting monotonous and my clever pithiness is running dry. I mean, how many times can you say, “It’s giving? or “It’s serving” Plus, Marley rolled her eyes at my descriptions and said she doesn’t know anyone who talks like that. (She has a lot of opinions for someone who refused to participate) So, in plain Gen X speak – if that stupid peplum shelf was removed from that dress it would be gorgeous, couch print or no couch print. (Though to me it’s giving more Spanish lace. Dammit – I can’t stop!)

(Also, I want those arms.)

Billy Crudup looks like he’s getting ready to audition for the new Colonel Sanders, and Naomi Watts’s dress is perfection until it gets to her knees. I’m trying to wrap my head around the pink disaster at the bottom of that dress. It’s causing confusion!😵🤷‍♀️

I don’t even know what to say about Ari Graynor’s dress except NO! (And that it is giving definite cat’s cradle vibes.) 😹

Is it just me or is Monica Barbaro’s dress completely seethrough and not seethrough at the same time? It’s kind of disorienting but also stunning. 🌟🌟

Quinta Bronson is crushing it with this super glam look. Gorgeous! The dress! The hair! I LOVE all of it!

To Ewon MacGregor I say, “Well, hello, Zaddy!” (And to his beautiful wife Mary Elizabeth Winstead, I say, you lucky B!)

Mindy Kaling looks fantastic, just stunning. She is glowing like a Golden Globe statue. A+++ 🏆🏆

Salma Hayek looks amazing in Gucci. Love her hair. The contrast of the green necklace is fab. She gets a triple 🔥🔥🔥

Welp, that does it for me. I hope this review was giving damn, she’s funny! 😉😂 I’d love to know what you think of my observations. Did I nail it or am I out of my mind?

Photos found on the interwebs here.

My Snarky 2024 Golden Globe Red Carpet Review

January 8, 2024January 8, 2024 charlenearossLeave a comment

Hello, Friends! It’s that time of year again, where my daughter Marley and I sit home unshowered in our plaid pajama bottoms and cozy fuzzy tops and judge the glamorous people for their stylist’s fashion choices. Enjoy!

Me: Pretty in pink perfection

Marley: I don’t think Barbie would ever wear a shawl that looks that cheap.

Marley: I think the top half is like if you had to wear overalls to a sweet sixteen.

Me: I too, am not a fan of the overall-type top half of this dress.

Me: The dress is gorgeous. This 50’s fit and flare style is my favorite to wear (acentuates the good parts and hides the bad) and I think this dress is just stunning. Rosamund Pike has no bad parts to hide. except for that funeral veil. That thing has got to go.

Marley: I think she looks like if the Queen of Hearts had an emo phase – we’ve all been there.

Me: I always say that I want to look like Helen Mirren when I am her age. I think she is just stunning. However, I have to say, I am not a fan of this look. Her hair is too severe, that lavendar is too juvenile, and those sleeves are just no. Sorry, my beautiful Helen, this look is just not for me.

Marley: That jacket just eats her up and I think she would look so much better without it. I can barely tell where the jacket stops and the dress begins.

Me: Now this shade of lavendar works. This dress is very Elizabeth Zott and I think Brie knocked it out of the park. (Sorry, KTP #IYKYK)

Marley: Brie Larsen is absolutely perfect in every way, I think she wins the best dressed of the night.

Me: Times Person of the Year wears the Golden Globes Dress of the Year. Taylor wins again.

Marley: I begrudgingly like this dress, that is all I will say.

Me: Oprah looks fantastic but I am honestly now wowed by this dress. It’s fine. Very pretty. Nothing spectacular or offensive. (I believe this is what the kids call mid.)

Marley: Very accurate use of the word mid! I like the depth the texture adds, but it really is just alright.

Me: I think this dress is just gorgeous but I also think that Emma is too pale for the color and it washes her out. But it truly is such a gorgeous dress.

Marley: I love the color and how it makes the dress almost disappear against her skin, it makes everything so uniform.

Me: While this dress is a lot and I am usually not a fan of Heidi’s runway looks, I think this dress is beautiful though I would like it a lot more without the Angelina Jolie leg slit. The red satin fabric is just stunning.

Marley: I personally love the leg slit, and Heidi is usually my favorite for Halloween looks, this is in my top three of the night.

Me: Just no. I’m not saying that Billie Elish has to be a glamour-puss. I know that’s not her vibe. But this school marm meets David Burne big suit meets whatever is going on on her head is just not for me.

Marley: I am obsessed with her hair and this is something I can totally see myself wearing to a red carpet. Billie has always chosen looks that hide her body to avoid comments on it and I think it allows her to have more fun and experiment more with fashion.

Me: This dress looks like Barbarella dressing up to go to the ball. The only things missing are her space age gun and her go-go boots.

Marley: I hate that thing on her shoulder. I hate the way the dress is really a romper (that more looks like a sparkly diaper). I hate that the romper is then covered with this ugly, cheap looking tulle. I hate this so much, sorry Kate.

Me: Art Deco spectacularlessness! 1,000% yes!

Marley: I love the color and it’s so nice to see something truly unique.

Me: I love Selena Gomez and am a huge fan of Only Murders in the Building but I’m sorry, girlfriend. This dress looks like an asymetrical ballerina toy soldier. It’s a no for me.

Marley: She looks so uncomfortable in this dress and I feel as though she will never be able to sit down in it.

Me: Well, if it was 1983 and I was at my high school prom, I would love this dress, but it’s not, so I don’t. I mean seriously, did she jump in the Back to the Future DeLoreon and shop off the rack at Windsor Fashion for this dress?

Marley: Does her stylist just not like her?

Me: I don’t understand the Batman ear situation going on here. Is she trying to keep people from hugging her? Because if they do, they may become impaled on those things.

Marley: Maybe she’s trying to keep birds from perching on her shoulders? Or it’s where the heads of her fellow nominees will go, to show her domination?

Me: This is elegant simplicity at its finest. The cut, the length, the train, the shoes, and the back that you cannot see in this photo. Perfection! And if you did not see her acceptance speech, do yourself a favor and watch it here. Because, #1, she is freaking adorable and #2 she thanked her manager and agent’s assistants. And as a former entertainment industry assitant, I thank you, Ayo. I thank you.

Marley: I think the dress is just a little too boxy and the train seems like an afterthought. Not a huge fan.

Charlene: Elegent. Beautiful. Spectacular. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Tay-Tay, you’ve got yourself some dress competition.

Marley: Quinta wins second best dressed for the night, and if anybody else but Brie Larsen was wearing her dress it would be Quinta that is #1.

Me: #1 His reds do not match. #2 Uh sir, my champagne glass is empty. Can you please refill it?

Marley: This is why we don’t let men dress themselves.

Me: Yes, please. More of this!

Marley: I wish men tried more, but then we would have maroon on red so maybe the simple look is best.

Me: And also more of this!

Marley: I would want him in my jury pool!

Me: All I can say about this look is, it is very Timothée Chalamet. And for him, it works.

Marley: I love the jacket and the lack of tie, this is how more men should be dressing in my opinion.

Me: Va-va-voom! To be honest, this dress isn’t my style, but also, my girl Hannah definitely pulls it off. I mean she is so damn sexy. Can I just say the elephant in the room? Hannah Wadingham does not have the body of the “typical Hollywood actress.” And how fabulous. She is tall. She is curvy. She is fit. (I would kill for her arms.) And she is sexy AF. I love her so much.

Marley: I want to look exactly like her when I grow up. I mean, she looks like Marilyn Monroe! I am also obsessed with that dress and wish I had the hips to pull it off.

Me: This dress confuses me.

Marley: I could see myself wearing it but I think it isn’t the right fit for a red carpet.

Me: to be honest, I think the dress itself is kind of boring. And that wrap is just too much. It looks like it was stolen from a Rose Parade float.

Marley: Please. Stop. Adding. Oversized. Flowers. To. The. ARMS! Either have normal sleeves or just show your arms!!!!! God she’s too pretty to be in a dress like that.

Me: This dress would be just a typical pretty dress that looks like a wedding dress, TBH, but zoom in, my friends, and you will see that she has vaginas stiched into the fabric. Fabulous! A+++

Marley: My only complaint is that the stitching on her dress was also in white and not a more bold color.

Well, my friends. That’s a wrap (and not the kind with Rose Parade flowers!). What did you think? What did we get right (other than everything) and what did we get wrong (other than nothing!)? And what looks did we miss? See you back here in two months for the Academy Awards Red Carpet with (almost) all of the same people and new looks to praise or pan.

Photos lifted from here. (Thank you so much, People Magazine!)

The Golden Globes Are Back! (And So Is My Red Carpet Review)

January 11, 2023 charleneaross3 Comments

“Do you want me to record the Golden Globes for you?” my husband asked me yesterday afternoon.

“The Golden Globes are back?” I answered. “I had no idea. Sure. Thank you. When are they on? Sunday?”

“Tonight?! On a Tuesday?! Why???”

Look, if you are a regular reader of my red carpet report (which is basically the only time I ever write a blog post anymore and seriously question myself everytime I do it), you know that I am often caught unaware of when awards shows are happening. But, I’m quite positive that the Globes have always been a Sunday event. What happened? Did they get a weekday discount on the Beverly Hilton ballroom?

Also, can I be honest? While watching the show, I wasn’t really that inspired. Most of the dresses were pretty but not amazing and the most of ones that weren’t great weren’t actually terrible. Tuesdays in general are kind of meh and so is this review.

But I rallied (as I do) to write this post for the 3 people who tell me they look forward to it every year. And, like every year, instead of writing it on the night of the awards like a professional, I get up at o’dark thirty the next morning (that would be today) and give my suburbanite comments on haute couture as if I know what I’m talking about. (Because I do.) Marley rallied as well because she is a good daughter.

And so, without further ado (aka me blathering on about why I am once again unprepared and unqualified to write this blog post), my 2023 Golden Globes Red Carpet Review…

We’ll start with the nopes.

Me: Selena Gomez is 30 and this dress is too matronly. It looks like it was made for 50-something-year old trying to hide her upper-arm jiggle. (And if there’s something I know about, it’s being a 50-something-year old trying to hide upper arm jiggle.) Take away those purple sleeves and this dress is a win. They have got to go.

Marley: I will forever never understand why puffy sleeves are a thing. They don’t look good.

Me I feel like I should like this dress but I don’t. The whole spider webby thing maybe. She looks gorgeous as always but I have to vote no on this one.

Marley: Is it a spider web or diamond bullseye?

Me: That flower has got to go and that Angelina Jolie high leg slit is so 2000 and whatever year that was.

Me: This dress is just one big ol’ ruffly mess. It’s a nope.

Me: Again with the ruffles. If this dress had just flowed elegantly down to the floor it would have been a 10/10 but that weird bottom ruins it for me. (I was so happy that Julia won the GG for Ozark though. Ruth Langmore will forever be one of my favorite TV characters.)

Me: It’s like Stevie Nicks’ designer added pleats, changed the color, and forgot the middle of one of her outfits. (BTW, in the 70’s when disco inspired fashion was a thing, I had a Danskin leotard and wrap skirt in this exact color.)

Marley: Slave Princess Leia but make it red carpet.

Me: I am conflicted by this dress as well. I want to love it. I think I would love it if it had a black underlay and you couldn’t see through to her bodysuit, which makes me sound like a modest old lady and this dress upsets me because it proves I am officially over.

Me: This is another dress I can’t figure out if I like or not. There really is something about it that is so pretty but also it looks like the chenille bedspread in my grandmother’s lake cabin.

Marley: Lamp shade couture.

Lest you think the women are the only ones who need to fire their designers, let me present you with this…

Me: WTF, is going on there, Adam? I dig the color but that weird tie has got to go.

Marley: I think he looks like a little flower boy who is wearing a suit he’ll laugh at in 20 years.

Me: Why???

Marley: Donald looks like he just woke up and was thrown into a car so he wouldn’t be late for the event.

Gentlemen, if you’d like to mix it up a bit, and don’t want to wear a basic tuxedo and still look daper, may I present this:

Me: Andrew looks great in this burnt orange suit. Love!

Marley: It’s nice to see something that isn’t a black suit and I think he looks like a fancy scooby-doo.

Me: Jeremy is looking fine in this leather suit. That necklace if bold and fabulous. I love it.

Marley: Leather on leather usually is tacky but he really pulls it off.

Me: Matt Bomer in a burgandy velvet tux = 100.

Here are my faves:

Me: In a word: Stunning. In more words: Angela Bassett is 64 years old and has obviously sold her soul to the devil. My question is, can she give me his number?

Marley: Amazing. Stunning. 11/10.

Me: Love the sparkly gold bricks and the diamond-shaped neckline. Fab!

Me: This is my favorite dress of the night. So simple, but also elegant and very different. I LOVE it.

Marley: I really hate this dress. I feel awful saying it but it really looks like a pad after your first day of a heavy flow. I don’t see the vision.

Me: Marley is 100% wrong and frankly I am disappointed in her not seeing the vision. She is a lover of modern art and if this were on a canvas at a museum she would find it as breathtaking as it is. (Though, to be fair, I am not a lover of modern art and if I saw this on a canvas in a museum, I would think it looked like a pretty blob of orange paint. Go figure.) But also, this dress is gorgeous.

Me: Why do I love Salma Hayek’s dress and dislike Jessica Chastain’s dress when the concept if very similar. I do not know. What I do know is that this dress is stunning.

Me: This is how you mix up the bottom of a dress. I find Margot Robbie very pretty in pink.

Marley: I feel like she can do so much better than this dress.

Me: Perhaps, but I still like it!

Me: I think this dress is very unique and beautiful.

Marley: Her silhouette is amazing in this but I hate the trend of square necklines, they’re so ugly.

Me: Marley is incorrect about square necklines. They accentuate the collarbone and hide the armpit-bar-overhang-flab. Not that I would know anything about that. (Spoiler alert: I know everything about that.)

Marley’s favorites:

Marley: I love the two piece and I think the yellow looks great on her, big fan.

Me: While I love dresses that are simply elegant and I don’t mind a two-piece ensemble, something about this just doesn’t work for me. I think the bandeau is too narrow, maybe. Do not love.

Marley: I love this and if I was famous I’d wear it on a red carpet, the top piece especially is amazing.

Me: I have to disagree with Marley again. While I do think the corsety top is very pretty, I don’ like how the skirt fluffs out below the hips. It’s almost as if her skirt is falling off. I’d like this dress more if it either hugged her body completely or fluffed out at the waist. Everyone knows that a full skirt is meant to hide the hips. (That is why it is my go-to style.) You can’t have it both ways. (Says me, the fashion expert.)

Marley: I love this dress, she looks so beautiful and I really like how the two pieces connect.

Me: There is too much going on here. Disagree.

And that, my friends, is what we call in Hollywood (and 30 miles from Hollywood), a wrap. This snarky suburbanite with opinions about things she has no business having opinions about has got to get herself to work. (Which means I need to take a quick shower and become Zoom presentable in about 30 minutes.)

I’d love to know your thoughts. Did I get it right or miss the mark? (But only tell me if you think I got it right.) 😉

Photos borrowed from here and here.

Charlene Ross

Tag: Golden Globes

My Gen Z 2025 Red Carpet Review

My Snarky 2024 Golden Globe Red Carpet Review

The Golden Globes Are Back! (And So Is My Red Carpet Review)