Reflections of 2024

January 4, 2025January 5, 2025 charleneaross7 Comments

Like all years, 2024 was filled with highs and lows. But overall, 2024 was a pretty good year for the Rosses. And it was definitely a good year for me. I spent a lot of time with family and friends, got a promotion (and a decent raise) at work and got to travel pretty extensively for both work and pleasure.

Work trips included Boston where I got to meet my online BFF, the fabulous Tina Drakakis in real life after 16 years of girl crushing her over the internet; Knoxville where I got to connect with amazing former work colleagues and friends; New York where Marley was able to tag along and I could show her my favorite US city, Oregon where I got to visit my dear friend Nancy, New Orleans where I got to eat my way through the city with one of my work besties, and Chicago where I got to bond with my amazing team.

Personal trips included a trip to San Francisco to visit Chandler, a trip to Michigan to visit my friend Jennifer and also go to my family lake house, and a trip to Southern Italy to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary with some of our best friends. (I might have buried the lead there, that trip to Italy was the trip of a lifetime.)

But as awesome and exciting as all that sounds (and it was!), most days were pretty um, what’s a nicer way to say mundane? – let’s say, ordinary. I woke up early, I worked out, I walked my dog Geordie, I worked from home, I cooked dinner, I cleaned up, sometimes I walked the dog again (the night walks are Marley’s job but 24-year-olds are often out and about), I watched TV with Dave, I practiced excellent skincare, and then got up the next day and did it all again.

Also during my mornings (most mornings, anyway), I’d write in my happiness journal. I’d sit down and reflect upon the day before and write down what I did that made me happy. Most days are filled with those ordinary things – walking Geordie, noticing the brilliance of the abundance of spring flowers, spending time with family and friends, good food (a lot of my happy moments are based on enjoying food with people I love), and music. Lots of music. These moments of reflection I’d try to focus on how extraordinary the ordinary can be.

Here are some of the moments that made me happy in 2024.

January 1 – Dave and I hiked Ensenol Canyon – 7.22 miles! The weather was perfect. What a beautiful day. It gives me hope for a beatiful year.

January 13 – I spent the day with my mom. We went to the Conejo Botanical Gardens and to lunch at Sharky’s – so healthy! – and then to a few thrift stores. It was a lovely day.

February 3 – DTLA with Marisa Hoff. Such a fun day getting out of the bubble. Got in so many steps, saw great art, had a yummy lunch, and enjoyed a lovely glass of wine in a hotel lobby bar – a win of a day!

February 11 – Super Bowl at the Hoff’s. There was a moment when I was remembering all the SB parties at Steve and Jennifer’s and just felt so happy and lucky to have these friends and these memories and just to be living this wonderful, crazy, messy life.

February 21 – It was so beautiful this morning. The day after the rain. So crisp. So clear. Cold, but invigorating. Clear blue sky. White puffy clouds. The kind of day that makes you happy to be alive.

March 8 – I met Tina Drakakis IRL, and it was everything I hoped it would be. It didn’t even feel like I was meeting her for the first time – it felt like we were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in forever catching up.

March 24 – I went to Buffalo Exchange with my mom and Ashley to sell Amanda’s clothes which was heartbreaking but I’m so glad I could help Ashley with that task that has been overwhelming her.

March 30 – New York! Marley is in NYC for the first time and I am so happy. We walked 34K steps and saw so many things. I have been looking forward to this trip for so long.

April 7 – What a fab day! Breakfast with Rita and Kate and then to TJ’s and cleaned the house while listening to a great book, then Writers’ Group at Julie’s. FUN & PRODUCTIVE! Full of people who fill my soul with happiness and love.

April 27 – Mera is here – yay! Lunch at the beach with Mera and dinner at my mom’s with Mera and Dale. Oh, how I treasure these lifelong friendships.

May 8 – I’m listening to Tom Lake by Ann Patchett and I just love how she writes about the small moments that make a life – nothing and everything all at once.

May 10 – My first concert of the year. Sam Hunt and Jake Owen and Niko Moon and it was so great – back in the pit, singing my lungs out, and dancing, dancing, dancing. To quote my favorite Jake Owen song, we really were shining like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show. 😉

May 20 – I volunteered for the Ronnie James Dio Cancer Foundation event and had a great time as always. Watching super fans geek out (hey – I get it!) just fills my heart with such joy.

June 6 – In NOLA. Dinner at Peche. Fun at Lucy’s Surf Bar. Just being at this amazing conference with work friends at this fab city is so fun. Also posted a good pic of me and got a sweet text about it that made me smile.

June 18 – I walked Geordie for his night walk and saw a father and son running in tandem and then loop around a tree. As soon as they looped, they started racing. Watching them really brought me so much joy.

June 29 – I talked to Pat and it made my heart so happy. He sounds great. Happy. Healthy. Funny as ever. It was so good to hear his voice.

July 7 – Concerts in the Park. Fantastic Diamond. Kim and Rita came and we had yummy food and I saw many neighborhood friends. True suburban bliss.

July 12 – Kim and I went to Laurel’s for a Summer Friday HH swim. So fabulous. Summer Fridays are my favorite.

August 3 – A perfect lake day. Beautiful weather. Kayak ride. Floating. Boat ride. Lounging on the deck reading a good book. Cards at night. Best day ever.

August 29 – Writer’s Group at Rina’s. As always, these women fill my heart with happiness and my soul with creativity.

September 10 – I heard a song today that made me say wow and songs that make me say wow always make me happy. Music that gives you all the feels is everything!

September 12 – My happy moment was hugging Arlyne in the kitchen of this beautiful home in Sorrento where we are staying and saying, “We’re here!” Also, Larry had charcuterie and spritzes waiting when we arrived in the house. What a wonderful start to the trip!

Southern Italy with fabulous friends – the trip of a lifetime! (Picking out just 4 pictures was nearly impossible!)

October 12 – Chandler and I spent the day together. We rented e-bikes and walked around Ventura, Carpenteria, and Ojai. It was so great to spend time with him one on one. A perfect day.

October 18 – On my morning walk the moon was still so bright and huge because it was low in the sky. I texted pictures to Chandler and Rita, and then later on the walk, I saw a man get in his car, see the moon, get out of his car, and take a picture of it. It made my heart so happy to see that.

Good morning, Bella. My photos of you never do you justice.

October 19 – There was a remembrance at the beach for Amanda. It was so nice to see her friends come together and show her so much love.

November 1 – Dave and I saw Inhaler last night and OMG. They. Were. Amazing. New band obsession. So fucking good!

November 6 – That fucker won the election again. He is a stain on America that cannot be washed away. No happiness today, however, I am so grateful for friends who send funny memes and words of encouragement and share their tears, all of it.

November 17 – In Palm Desert. I think my happy moment today was sitting by the pool with a good book and a Piña Colada. That’s pretty hard to beat.

November 21 – I helped Marley edit her college essays and it makes me so happy that she wants this so badly. I hope she gets into a school where she wants to go. I’m so excited for this next chapter for her.

November 27 – We just had the best night last night. We had cheese fondue and everyone helped with dinner and helped clean up and we had such a great conversation. At one point, I was so happy and also so sad at the passing of time I almost cried.

December 31 – I sat in my office for a bit in my cozy chair with a glass of wine, and read this book and reflected on 2024. Overall, it was a very good year. Looking forward to what is to come in 2025.

What are you still doing here? This blog post is so long. I haven’t written in so long, I’ve forgotten how to edit. (Oh, who am I kidding – I’ve never known how to edit.) But seriously, if you are still here, thank you for the indulgence. It is appreciated more than you know. I hope you have been able to find some time to reflect on this past year (if that’s your jam) and maybe even set an intention for the new one (again, if that’s something you like to do).

Wishing all of us a 2025 where we find the extraordinary in the ordinary. ♥♥♥

2021: That’s a Wrap

January 11, 2022 charleneaross6 Comments

I’m so late in posting this. But then again, they don’t call me Charlate for nothing.

I’m trying to think of the proper metaphor for 2021. A rollercoaster? One step forward, three (or ten or twenty) steps back? That hand reaching up from a grave in a horror movie and pulling you under just when you thought you were safe? That plot twist that you really should have seen coming if you were paying attention because there really was so much foreshadowing? Damn. It was a lot. A. LOT.

Life was starting to look normal again. Or at least normalish. I started going to concerts again. I got a promotion at work. I lost the COVID weight. Dave and I went on vacation. (Our first weeklong vacation with just the two of us in over 20 years.) I went inside people’s houses. I celebrated important milestones of friends and family members – a graduation, a retirement, my daughter’s 21st birthday. I resumed traveling for work. Overall, it’s been a pretty good year.

What’s better than a piñata? A nipiata! (It’s filled with tiny booze bottles.) 🙂

It’s also been an awful, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year as my niece Amanda was diagnosed with a rare, incurable cancer and someone else I love very much has been diagnosed with cancer as well. And that plot twist – Omicron, threatening to bring it all to a halt again.

My beautiful niece Amanda with her beloved dog Spirit.

And it is for this reason that I keep a happiness journal – so I can remember the little moments every day that make me happy even on the worst of days. Every morning I sit down and take a couple of moments to reflect upon the day before and what made me happy that day – the little things. My daily dog walk, a funny text chain with friends, a coworker sharing some gossip with me (when you work remotely “office” gossip is a rare and treasured thing), the explosion of fall colors in mid-December, time spent with my kids.

At the beginning of each year I sit down with a cup of coffee or glass of wine (depending on the time of day), read over my journal, remember the year that has just passed, and try to set an intention for the year to come.

This year my intention is that actual word: intention. I intend to live a life with intention. To focus on the present. To make time to connect with friends and family. To try my hardest to not let one day blur into the next. To laugh and love and be grateful even on the shittiest of days. Especially on the shittiest of days.

Here are some of the moments that made me happy last year.

January 1st – We hiked Pt. Dume – Dave, Chandler, Sami, Rita and I. It was an amazingly beautiful Top 10 Beach Day. Perfect weather. Perfect hike. Perfect people. I only wish Marley had come. (She hates the Pt. Dume hike.) We even saw a wedding on the beach. What a perfect way to start the year!

January 20th – I cried legit tears when Kamala Harris was sworn in. We have a woman vice president!

February 4th – My dad visited me last night in my dream. I don’t remember much. We were in our Garden Grove house and he was changing the ink on our printer. Marley was looking for our cat. (We don’t have a cat.) I wish I could remember more but I’m so grateful for his visit.

March 5th – Chandler got vaccinated and Rhiannon got vaccinated and I am full of hope.

March 6th – Picnic at Balboa Lake Park with Rita, Arlyne, and Shelley. It was so good to be with them. The weather was cool and crisp and there were people and families everywhere. It felt normal.

April 10th – We had dinner at my mom’s and it was the first time in a year without a mask. John and Tracie were there and my mom’s home is so lovely and it was great to celebrate Bill’s birthday and feel happy and normal.

So happy to be celebrating with my family again.

April 21st – My friend Maureen at work gifted me with a beautiful Shephard Fairey print. It’s amazing and I’m touched by her generosity.

I love this print so much. It hangs in my office and makes me so happy.

April 23rd – It’s Rita’s birthday and just knowing that she is on this earth makes me happy. Also, Rhiannon texted me an old picture of all of us at the beach. Tammy was in it. And Dad. It was the last picture of all of us. Bittersweet. But a good day.

May 21st – I was walking Geordie in the park at night and there were so many families at the park. A little toddler was running down the hill and squealing that toddler squeal and it was so delightful. Is there any better sound than a child’s laughter?

May 26th – Chandler was up early and asked if he could join me on my morning walk. Yay! The clock is ticking – he’s moving to San Diego soon. I’ll take every moment I can with him.

June 14th – I spent the day with the kids. We went to sushi for lunch and then thrift shopping in Ventura. Both kids gave me birthday cards with the nicest notes – heartfelt. And that is everything.

June 21st – It’s Marley’s golden birthday! She’s 21. We had fun celebrating and she likes margaritas (just like her mama). Hooray!

Happy Birthday to my most favorite girl.

June 28th – Rhiannon and I went to the Dodger game and she just loves the Dodgers so freaking much. It makes me happy to watch her enjoy the game so much.

July 5th – I spent the day with Cheryl, Ginger, and Kim and it was sublime. (We all met writing for a now-defunct website called skirt!)

July 10th – Oh. My. GAWD! I went to a concert. A concert! Music. That was live. Surrounded by other people. And we snaked our way to the front(ish). It was sublime. I’m so glad to be back.

July 17th – Squee! My heart is filled with joy! I went to Arlyne’s to hang out with Rita and Lisa and Kate! Kate is just as I remember – so lovely and funny and kind. It was so wonderful to all be together again. (We all met none-of-your-business many years ago -okay, it was in the 80’s- working at a retail store called The Factory Fashion Works. Old friends are the best friends.)

July 20th – Vacation starts today! Lake Tahoe is spectacular. So beautiful! And Dave and I really do love long car rides. So happy to be on a true vacation.

Happy to be on vacation in such a spectacularly beautiful place.

August 19th – Watching kids walk to the elementary school filled my heart with so much joy. They are back to school! I hope these kids can stay there.

August 21st – What a day! Breakfast with Marisa and Rita. A beautiful bike ride. But you know my happy moment was when Old Dominion hit the stage. (And bonus – I wore the cutest red cowboy boots and they did not hurt my feet!) 🙂

Up front at a preshow VIP – definitely my happy place!

September 1st – Writers’ group. I definitely ate too much but I didn’t drink too much and I left at 10:00 like a good girl. These ladies really do fill my heart with such joy.

September 9th – Seeing the Oscar Meyer Weiner truck parked outside of my hotel. It brought me as much joy as it did when I was a kid.

How could seeing this not make you happy?

September 14th- Dale took Rita and me to see Hamilton. Oh, it’s so good! And spending time with these awesome women and seeing Dale so happy made me happy indeed.

What a night! An amazing play with two of my favorite people in the world.

October 1st – It’s Amanda’s 30th birthday and my heart is so happy that she is home from the hospital.

October 2nd – We threw a party for Kim’s 50th birthday and when she got home she texted me that it was her dream come true. I’m so glad it was everything she wanted.

My beautiful friend Kim. 50 looks amazing on her!

October 23rd – Marley sent a picture from her camping trip with her geology class and she looked so happy. I’m so glad she’s found her place.

October 26th- Being in Texas is hard this time. I miss my dad. I feel lonely in his house without him. I guess my happy moment would be Mexican food with Susie and devouring the queso. That was nice.

November 14th – We got our kitchen island that Bill made us and it’s just beautiful. I am so touched that he built it for us.

My kitchen is a hot mess, but I love the island my stepdad built for us so much.

November 17th – Rita and I saw Morgan Wade at this tiny synagogue turned into a performance space. It was her first time to California and I was there. Significant because she is going to be huge. Live music = happiness.

December 4th – Today I went to the Bluebird and it was everything it’s cracked up to be. And I met Al Gore! He was genuine and lovely. And the music – oh the music! The night made my heart so happy.

December 13th – Hugging Amanda. Oh what a hug.

December 23rd – Chandler is home and Dave and I are off work and the four of us sat around and talked for a long time this morning and it was so nice to be together and I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness.

Whoo boy, this was a long one. If you’ve stuck with this to the end you must have a lot of extra time on your hands – LOL! But seriously, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my words. That’s all a writer ever really wants. Even one who doesn’t write much anymore. I hope you took some time last year and will take some time this year to focus on the things that make you happy both big and small.

Buh-Bye 2020

January 4, 2021 charleneaross5 Comments

I don’t think anyone is sad to see 2020 go. (Buh-bye 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!) It just robbed us of so much – time spent with family and friends, vacations, concerts (oh, how I miss concerts), birthday parties, graduations, and just a general sense of normalness. My biggest loss of 2020 was the unexpected and sudden death of my father. He did not die of COVID, but COVID did rob us of the vacation we were supposed to take to see him in Austin a few months before he died.

Oddly, in many ways 2020 was actually good to us – Dave and I both work for the same amazing company that treats its employees so well. We started working from home in March (though sharing an office can sometimes be a struggle). Chandler is in grad school, but since it’s online he’s moved home. (He would prefer to not be living here, but having him back home for a little while has made this mama’s heart happy.) We are all healthy. We are together. We are lucky.

Every year at the beginning of the new year I like to sit down and reflect on the year that has just passed. I have a happiness journal that I sit down and write in every morning and record my happiest moment from the day before. Sometimes the moment comes to me quite easily, sometimes it’s a struggle to find one, sometimes (though rare), it’s the whole entire beautiful wonderful day. This year, which has become a Groundhog Day year of a year – one monotonous day blurring into the next, most of my happy moments come from my daily dog walks or connecting with people from a distance – whether that distance be at an outdoor gathering or via Zoom. (I know we’re all tired of it, but I am, so truly grateful for Zoom.)

The Pollyanna in me truly does seek out the bright side. I am grateful for all that we have. I try to find the funny in even the most terrible situations (it really is there if you look hard enough for it). And so, in this most terrible of years we made adjustments.

We were not able to go to Austin to visit my father in April, but in August we drove to Park City and stayed in my friend’s vacation condo. In October the kids and I went to Austin to spend time with my stepmom and sister since we can work/school from anywhere.

I had tickets for six different concerts that went unused. We livestreamed home concerts and watched them from our couch. It’s not the same, but it still brought us joy.

And yes, I zoomed. A lot. I zoomed with my family. I zoomed with my friends. I zoomed with my co-workers. And again, it’s not the same, but I am so grateful that this pandemic has happened in a time where technology makes it possible for us to connect, even though it may not be in the way we wish it could be.

Yes, I miss hugs. Yes, I miss live music. I miss restaurant happy hours. I miss getting on planes and traveling for work. Most of all I miss my dad.

But I leave 2020 with a grateful heart. Grateful for our jobs, our health, great technology, dog walks, hiking trails, podcasts, books, Netflix and laughter. Always laughter.

Here are some of the things that made me happy in terrible 2020:

January 1 – Our annual New Year’s Day hike – this time to Solstice Canyon. Nice hike – great beach views. So many people. Great to see so many enjoying the beautiful day and beautiful California.

January 9 – Walking two miles down High Street in Columbus, OH. The weather was about 50 degrees and I just loved the crisp air and walking in a city.

February 10 – Dinner with Mera, Dale and my mom. I love these people so much. It was so nice to catch up and be together.

February 14 – I made a nice Valentine’s dinner (and Dave and I got each other the same card – so funny!). Chandler flew home to see Sami and we picked him up from the airport. My heart is always happy when he is home.

February 22 – Game night at Rita’s. We played Mexican Train Dominoes and drank Grapefruit Crushes (recipe in this awesome cocktail book). Great night with great people.

March 2 – Rita and I went to see Jordan Davis at the Grammy Museum and it was so great. (Little did I know at the time, this would be my only concert in 2020.)

Jordan Davis – my one and only 2020 concert

March 11 – Dinner with Marisa. The shit is really hitting the fan today. Marisa said she was so glad we had dinner because COVID-19 was giving her so much anxiety and having dinner made her feel normal. It was great to see her and to help a friend.

March 15 – We walked to McDonalds for Shamrock McFlurries. It was so nice to walk and to see so many people outside. Being outside is going to be the key to our sanity. (If only I’d known how very true this was.)

March 18 – Matt Nathanson does a Together at Home Instagram Live show and it makes me so happy. I love it and I love him so much.

March 21 – We did a virtual HH with Jennifer, Debra, Rita, and Arlyne. It was so great. We laughed and drank. After 2 hours the husbands joined. So glad to be with my friends even when I can’t be.

April 20 – I think my favorite thing about Mondays is watching John Krazinski’s SGN (Some Good News). This was a prom episode. He held a prom! It was magic and made me cry happy tears.

April 26 – We had a family zoom with my dad and Sue and all the sibs. It was so great to see everyone’s beautiful faces.

May 8 – We went to the beach at night to see the bioluminescent waves and it was so cool. It looked like someone threw a million glow sticks into the waves.

May 17 – We hiked Devil’s Punchbowl with Marley and then had a picnic with Italia Deli sandwiches (yum!) at a nearby park afterwards. In the afternoon I had a driveway HH at Julie’s with Kim. What a perfect day.

Devil’s Punchbowl hike with my favorite girl.

May 29 – I have been loving the 30 day yoga series I have been doing. It both calms and energizes me.

June 14 – My father passed away today. On my birthday. No happiness. But I’m glad both of my kids are home and I was able to hug them.

June 21 – Marley turns 20! She gave me the biggest hug. I gave her what she wanted (a hammock) and we had a BBQ at my mom’s. It was a nice day.

August 3 – The days are a blur this year, but I’m happy when I succeed at a Meatless Monday dinner.

August 19 – When Kamala Harris officially accepted the VP nomination I legit cried happy tears. Maybe she is our path to the presidency. I hope so.

August 22 – Chandler called me out to see the sunset. It was beautiful. We climbed the hill and it made me happy that he wanted to share that beauty with me.

When your son asks you to climb the hill in your backyard to get a better look at the sunset, you go.

September 3 – Kate texted me to say she finally read my book and loved it. Oh to have someone discover Laney and love her fills my heart with joy.

September 18 – Sad day. RGB died. It’s going to be a hot mess. But I made shrimp fajitas that everyone liked and drank tequila and did my best to convince myself that everything would be okay.

September 20 – Dave and I went on a day date to Ventura – lunch and a walk along the beach. It was nice to be out and outside – to do something and to go somewhere.

October 3 – I picked tomatoes at Kim’s house and made a tomato sandwich and the fresh taste of home grown tomatoes was so amazing I could hardly stand it.

October 16 – Dinner at Clint and Rhiannon’s. So great for my kids to play with their young cousins and for me to catch up with my sister.

November 7 – Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been elected to the White House. My happiness is palpable. I cried. I felt it in every fiber of my being. I am so happy.

November 13 – I’m reading Julie’s book and I’m in love with it.

December 6 – Getting up early and reading with Geordie cuddling on my chair is such a cozy and happy way to start my day.

December 15 – Dave’s birthday. I made filet mignon, asparagus, baked potatoes, and wedge salad and it was the bomb. Dave told some old stories and we had a really great time. It was wonderful to be happy and together.

Like I said, we are all happy to have 2020 behind us. (And trust me, I know that the turn of a calendar page is not going to make everything magically better.) But I hope that you were also able to find some calm among the crazy and seek out some happiness inside all of this uncertainty and anxiety. I’d love to hear some of the happy moments you had last year.

Some Things I Did Last Week

June 10, 2019 charleneaross6 Comments

Last Monday I climbed these stairs.

Four times.

There are 377 of them. That’s 1508 steps. But I also climbed them four times the week before and every time we go we do a little bit more so I climbed 50 more. Plus if you really want a 100% accurate count (you do, don’t you?) there are two extra steps at the top before the fence cuts off the last flight that I climbed as well as sort of a bonus, so I climbed 1568 steps total.

And yet. My jeans are still tight.

Rude.

I talked to my son on the phone four different days (once twice in one day!) and texted with him every day. That is a new world record for us. When he went away to college he made it clear to us that he was an adult who was ready to lead his own life and certainly didn’t need his parents anymore. (Probably because we didn’t have any money.) He would call once a week (if we were lucky) for a perfunctory “check in” call that would last five to ten minutes.

But the last year of school, his calls sometimes came a little more often and were definitely more enjoyable. He actually seemed to like talking to us. He’d tell us funny stories or we’d discuss current events. Sometimes these calls would last for an hour.

This week he called to tell us about his new job, ask for advice, or just to tell us things that were happening. It made my sadness (mostly) go away.

I watched Dance Moms with my husband and daughter. God that show is a train wreck and I kind of hated myself for enjoying it so much because surely there are so many things I could have been doing that would have been more productive. But sometimes mindless fun is exactly what we need.

I spent Saturday with my best friend on Main Street in Ventura. We drank and ate and shopped and walked. The weather was beautiful and it was a perfect day.

I found this shirt in a thrift shop:

I texted my daughter: I think I have to buy it.

She texted back: I think the law is you have to buy it.

To which I responded: The Supreme Court has ruled yes.

I consciously practiced gratefulness every day. I kind of do this already, when I sit down to write about my happy moment for the day, but I took it to another level for a project I am participating in by focusing on a person that makes me happy (and stretching beyond my son, my daughter, my husband (hmmm… did I ever write my husband???) to a coworker I like to gossip with or the cashier at Trader Joe’s who is always so friendly), a place that makes me happy (you know, other than my bed) and something that gave me pleasure (a glass of wine, dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt, Dance Moms).

To throw a cliche (or perhaps a few) at you – the days are long, but the years are short. And it turns out that every day is not actually an adventure. But I’m trying to seek out the extraordinary in my ordinary days. Or at least the little bits that make me smile. Or the bits that are hard and terrible (because, I have to be honest, those stairs are pretty hard and terrible), but still so great because I did something hard and terrible and lived to tell about it.

I can’t stop even the most ordinary of days from slipping by so fast. But I can take the time to reflect on them.

What are some things that you did last week?

Reflections of 2018

January 15, 2019 charleneaross9 Comments

Is it too late to write a blog post where I reflect upon 2018? (Is it reflect upon or reflect on? I don’t know. I’m too lazy to look it up. Anyway…)

Probably.

In fact, I think it’s one of the reasons I was never successful as a blogger. Well, there are many reasons. But I won’t bore you with all of them today. (And yes, boring you is probably one of them. Whatever. Moving on.)

It’s because I was never very topical. Whatever the topic of the day (hour, minute) other bloggers were writing about, I was always late to the party. I tend to let things like life and family (and general blaziness) get in the way of getting my butt in the chair to write.

I did sit down the first day of the year to relax and read my 2018 Happiness Journal to reflect on (upon?) the year that had just passed us and to set an intention for the year ahead.

Some wonderful things happened in 2018. Chandler turned 21. Marley turned 18, graduated high school and went on a trip to London and Edinburgh. I went to Stagecoach for the 6th year in a row and was back up in the VIP section. (Whoo Hoo!) I took on new responsibilities at work and got to travel to Las Vegas, Vancouver, Denver, Illinois, Texas (twice), Washington (twice), and Nashville. (Nashville! Squee!) Dave joined me on the Denver trip to mix pleasure with business and my friend Rita joined me when the work part of my Nashville trip ended and I extended the trip into an awesome girls’ weekend.

And some unspeakably terrible things happened. The Borderline shooting. The sad and sick truth is that everyone in this country knows what it feels like to wake up to the news of a mass shooting. But I have to tell you something. When it happens in your town it feels different. Because you were just at that nightclub having the time of your life two weeks beforehand. Because it was College Night and at least three of your friends had kids who were invited to go to the club but didn’t (thank God). Because your daughter knew one of the twelve people who were murdered. It’s different. And for those of you who don’t live here I hope it’s a difference you never have to feel.

And then less than 24 hours later the Woolsey Fire raged through our town. Before we had a chance to get over the shock of the shooting (let alone even begin the process of grieving) we had to evacuate our homes. My family was lucky. The fire came to our back hill, but not to our house. Just down the street, starting four doors down there are three houses that suffered damage. Some of my friends are still displaced due to damaged homes. Some of my friends lost their homes completely.

backyard burn marks after woolsey fire — My hill after the fire – if you look closely at the Eucalyptus tree, you can see where it was on fire.

When I reflect on (I actually think I can use on or upon) 2018 I think a lot about luck. I’m lucky that I was not in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m lucky that the wind did not shift towards my house when the fire was on my back hill. I’m lucky to live in a community that has grown stronger in the wake of two terrible tragedies.

Every morning I try to sit down a think about the day before and focus on the one small (or sometimes big) moment that made me happiest. It teaches me to be grateful when life is stressful or busy or boring or wonderful or even terrible. To find light even when the tunnel is so long and so, so dark. And to not take for granted the light that shines brightly when it does so many days (weeks, months) in a row.

Here are some of my 2018 happy moments:

January 5 I took the day off work and spent it with Chandler. We went shopping and had a sushi lunch and visited Tom and Lisa. At the end of the day he hugged me and said thank you and that he liked spending the day with me.

February 8 I wore bright Kelly green pants and a pink shirt to work today and it made me feel cheery.

February 17 Dinner at Larson’s with Dale. It was so great to see her. She’s such an awesome person and I need to be a better friend and see her more often.

March 9 Writers’ Group at Julie’s. And Lexi was there – yay! Julie gave us HER BOOK! Holding Lily in my own hands filled me with so much joy!

March 14 Watching Marley’s speech on National Student Walkout Day. My daughter is a rockstar.

national student walkout day speech — A rockstar in the making.

April 6 I was walking Geordie and a saw a man coming home from work. When he opened his door I heard a little boy yell, “Daddy!” Oh how I remember that. Such joy! How wonderful!

April 21 Writers’ Group was brought to a whole other level – karaoke! I sang Lady Antebelum’s A Kiss Goodnight and it was magic!

April 27 Stagecoach. Those first steps walking into the pit and the excitement of the beat of the music pounding in my chest.

midland stagecoach — My view of Midland in the pit at Stagecoach. You’re welcome.

May 20 My mom had a 100 year party for my grandparents and I had a happy/sad moment when I realized how much my grandmother would have loved that party – to be honored like that. I miss them.

June 8 Hugging Chandler. Breakfast with Chandler. The four of us in one room. Chandler is home.

June 15 Marley graduated high school. Hearing her name called was sublime. She was so happy and proud of herself. And I’m so happy for her.

graduation cap and gown — Look out world, here she comes.

July 5 Dinner alone at the hotel bar in Vancouver. A cute bartender/server. Delicious food. An eight ounce glass of wine. Heaven.

July 14 Hanging with Dave in Denver. Reconnecting. So nice to have a mini-vacay.

August 2 Talking to Marley after dinner about music and watching her eyes light up. Priceless.

August 19 Concerts in the Park with Mary. Drinking Sangria. Talking to friends. Loving my town.

September 23 Breakfast tacos with Rhiannon. A long solo walk on the San Antonio Riverwalk. Wine at an airport bar. I had a lovely, lovely day.

October 19 Borderline with Rita, Keri, and Linda for Jerrod Niemann. Country music – even when you don’t know the songs it makes you feel so good. (This one really breaks my heart.)

November 5 My dad and I had to run an errand and he opened the car door for me and I remembered that is something that he does. Such a small gesture, but so nice and it made me happy to have stirred up that memory.

November 18 When I got home from writing group (after midnight) Marley and Hunter had made a very elaborate fort and were laying in it watching TV. Oh how I love that!

December 23 There was a time in the afternoon when we were all together in the house. Marley and I were baking cakes and I just had such a warm, happy feeling that we were all together. Home.

I’d love to hear from you. What do you think of when you reflect on (or upon) 2018?

backyard after the woolsey fire — My backyard last week – new growth (and hope) after the fire.

Good Deeds, Smart Husbands, Sweet Country Music, and Lucky Days

June 6, 2017June 6, 2017 charleneaross5 Comments

Last Thursday I went to run a quick errand at Target and saw the 100.7 KHAY van in the parking lot and saw a station remote set up. I walked by and said hello and was asked if I wanted to try to win VIP tickets to the Oakheart Country Music Festival on Saturday.

“Oh, I already have tickets,” I said, “but I’ll take a swag bag, if that’s okay.” I chatted with the radio station people for a few minutes and then went into Target for my errand. (You’re dying to know what I had to buy at Target, aren’t you? Well, guess what – I’m not going to tell you, because it’s irrelevant to the story, and I’m trying to be more pithy with my words.)

What was I saying? Oh yeah. As I was paying for my purchase, I realized that they were giving away VIP tickets and I had GA – why not try to win? So I marched back to the tent and told them I did want to enter the contest. They told me the winner had to be present and they were drawing names in 20 minutes. It seemed I had a pretty good chance as there were only a couple of people lurking around, so I went into Target to kill time before the drawing and looked at all their cute summer clothes that I will not be buying due to my serious money diet and (baby) steps towards minimalization.

I came out and there were about five people milling about hoping to have their name pulled. A one in six chance at VIP tickets? Sweet! At precisely 2:30 a name was drawn and… it was not mine. Oh well. Then the guy from the radio station said he had a pair of GA tickets, did we want him to draw another name? Everyone said yes, so he pulled another name and I WON!

“You know what?” I said. “I already have GA tickets – I was just trying to get an upgrade. Pull someone else.”

He pulled the name of a woman who was so happy to win. “I tried to buy tickets, but they were sold out,” she told me. “Thank you so much,” she said, giving me a hug.

I went home feeling happier about my good deed than disappointed about not getting the upgrade. When I told the story three separate times to my three family members at home, every one of them said, “You should have taken the tickets and sold them.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked them. “It felt so good to see that woman so happy. I’m writing it in my happiness journal.”

On Saturday I sat down at my computer at two-thirty to print the tickets as my friend, Simmah was coming over at three o’clock to pick me up for the show.

Only.

I couldn’t find them.

What?!

My search for Oakheart resulted in 20 different emails telling me that tickets were on sale, Josh Turner, David Nail and Drake White were added to the line up, get your VIP tickets NOW, and tickets are almost sold out – hurry!, but no email with a link to my tickets.

I logged into Eventbrite, figuring I’d find my tickets there and saw my tickets for the Boots and Brews Country Music Festival in two weeks, but no Oakheart tickets.

I found the email to Simmah dated December 15th – did she want to go? Tickets, normally $50, were on sale that day only for half price. The line up hadn’t been announced (or even secured), but it seemed like a $25 gamble worth taking.

I did buy the tickets, didn’t I?

I searched my bank records to find that indeed I did. I looked up the company i purchased the tickets from online and tried to get in touch with their customer service department. I sent them an email. I called them. I even tried to contact their Customer Service Manager via in-mail on LinkedIn. But it’s a small company located in Georgia and it was now almost six o’clock eastern time. On a Saturday. No luck.

According to their FAQs (which were ridiculously hard to find, BTW) they mail their tickets via USPS. I didn’t remember getting tickets in the mail, but I purchased them six months ago. I don’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, so it’s possible. (Okay, I do actually remember what I had for breakfast yesterday -full fat plain Greek yogurt with fruit and granola- the same thing I have every morning, but you know what I’m saying!) There are only a few places I’d put something like that so I searched all those places. Nothing.

My book says the F word 42 times. I said it a lot more times than that in this frantic half hour period.

Simmah got to my house and I told her the news. She helped me look for the tickets. I did more email searches. And yes, I checked my spam folders. Still nothing.

Why did I give away the tickets I won to that stupid woman?! They only sold out five days before the show. She had a whole six months to buy them! I’m crossing that out of my happiness journal. I do something so nice and look what happens to me. There is no such thing as karma. Why do bad things always happen to me? Shit!

I was so mad at myself for waiting until the last minute to print the tickets and mostly for disappointing my friend. She said it was fine, things happen, we’re going to a bunch of concerts this year. After two hours of fruitless searching we decided to do what any rational person would do in this situation: sit in the backyard and drink wine.

“Why don’t you just go and see if your name is at will call,” Dave said, sticking his head out of the sliding glass door. “Then at least you can tell the company you did everything when you call them on Monday and demand your money back.”

I rolled my eyes. Husbands are so dumb. There is no way I’d be on a will call list, but we finished our glass of wine and decided to try. The festival was only 15 minutes away and we’d put some feelers out to see if anyone had extra tickets – maybe we’d get lucky.

And miraculously, we did.

My name was on the freaking list.

So I guess sometimes husbands are pretty smart. (But don’t tell him I said that!)

“I hate it when you’re right,” I texted him. “My name was on the list. We’re in.”

“I know shit about shit,” he texted back. He’s right. He does.

The music was great. I saw my niece. I ran into a good friend. Two different people bought us beer.

It was our lucky day.

“I listened to my husband and he was right,” I wrote in my happiness journal. (But seriously. Do not tell him I said that.)

Remembering the Good in 2016

January 3, 2017January 3, 2017 charleneaross6 Comments

On the morning of New Year’s Eve while Dave was walking the dog and the kids were still sleeping, I curled up on my favorite chair with a blanket on my lap and a cup of coffee in my hand to reflect on the happy moments of 2016 (yes, there were happy moments) and read my Happiness Journal.

Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Happiness Jar, I would sit down at the end of each night and reflect on the little moment that made me happiest that day and write it down in my favorite calendar. Well, I aspired to, anyway. But can I confess something? I don’t think I ever once sat down at the end of the night to write my moment. I would try to capture it as it happened. This is my moment, I’d say to myself as Marley told a funny story at dinner or Chandler called unexpectedly and stayed on the phone longer than usual or I opened my front door to a full moon, shiny and bright at 5:15AM on my way to the gym. But after (another) night of falling asleep with while watching TV with Dave and Marley, I’d tumble into bed always, always, always taking the time to wash my face and 87% of the time brushing my teeth, but never having the energy to write my happy moment.

Many mornings I’d write my happy moment from the previous day (like this morning), and most mornings I’d write down two or three (or four) at a time. (What was your moment on Monday, Charlene? Think!)

This year, as always, I have resolutions.

Write a sequel to Frosted Cowboy.

Lose the holiday weight (again).

Waste less time.

Make healthier meals for my family.

And take the time before bed to reflect on that moment. Because even the shittiest of days (and years good riddance 2016) have wonderful moments. Some of them big, some of them quite small, but they should be recognized. Reflected on. Cherished.

Here are some of mine (big and small):

January 1st: I saw a father teaching his daughter how to ride her bike in the park.

February 8th: I held my book in my hands for the very first time.

February 22nd: The moonrise was amazing tonight. I called Rita to share it and she got in her car and drove to a high point to see it. That made me so happy.

March 23rd: My writers’ group always fills my soul with happiness. (BTW, we meet monthly and I wrote some variation of this every month.)

April 4th: Lunch with Dale and Mera. A hot waiter. An elixir with lavender, cucumber and mint. Happiness all around. So much love at that table.

April 15th: I watched the funniest commercial on YouTube. It sounds lame, but it gave me belly laughs. And belly laughs make me happy. (Want a belly laugh? You can watch it too.)

April 16th: Cheryl’s ballet boot camp class. So freaking hard. But if felt good to do something hard, even if I didn’t do it particularly well.

May 1st: Dancing in the pit at Stagecoach and feeling the energy of the music.

May 8th: Finding out Marley has Brown Eyed Girl on her “Feel Good” music mix and singing along with her. She knows the words better than I do!

May 10th: Hugging Chandler. He’s home!

June 5th: Having a margarita outside on a Sunday afternoon.

June 21st: Marley turned 16 today. Giving her a gift that she wanted but didn’t expect made me so happy. She knows that I listened.

July 11th: When we drove Chandler to the airport he said, “I’m glad everybody came.”

August 8th: Being home with Dave and Marley, just chilling with pizza for dinner after going out five nights in a row was heaven.

September 11th: Listening to Marley tell a story at dinner about the seniors vs. the sophomores. That girl is hilarious!

October 11th: I wore boots today! Fall is really (almost) here.

October 14th: I had to go to Ventura court for work and saw two couples getting photos taken for their weddings. They were dressed up and happy and in love. It felt so great to witness that.

November 8th: Voting for HRC made me so proud. (Remember, it’s my happiest moment of the day and not necessarily how the day turned out.) 😦

November 28th: Interviewing Matthew Ramsey on the phone and having a goal I set for myself be realized. (Matthew Ramsey is the lead singer of Old Dominion & interviewing them was a writing goal I set for myself. The interview was featured in an online magazine called Songwriter Universe and you can read the interview here. If you like.)

December 10th: Watching Marley give her speech and stand up for what she believes in at her march. Watching people rally around her. I’ve never been more proud.

Taking the time to reflect on the happy moments of my year filled me with such peace, such joy, such happiness. I noticed just as I did the year before, so many of my moments were repeated – listening to music, the feeling of accomplishment after a hard workout, laughing with Dave and Marley at dinner, talking to Chandler on the phone, spending time with friends.

And yes, most will agree that 2016 was sort of a sucktastic year. The entertainment world was robbed of beloved icons, there were too many terrorist attacks, and he-who-shall-not-be-named was elected president. And trust me when I tell you that I have taken plenty of time to wallow in the sadness of 2016.

Carrie Fisher Flipping people off — Like oh so many, I feel this about so much of 2016!

But we can spend our time focusing on the sad times or the happy times. And while acknowledging the sad times is important and doing what we can to change them is necessary, I believe our well-being depends on reflecting on, acknowledging, cherishing the things that fill our hearts with happiness – both big and small.

What made you happy in 2016?

What Made Me Happy in 2015

January 4, 2016February 29, 2016 charleneaross4 Comments

Every year my mom gives me a National Geographic desk calendar for Christmas. It’s always my favorite gift. The calendar is in a weekly format and there is a different breathtaking photo for each week. The beauty of nature astounds me and the photographs in these calendars often leave me awestruck.

national-geographic-2016-calendar — My 2016 Calendar

Near the beginning of last year I read that Elizabeth Gilbert kept a Happiness Jar and at the end of the day she would scribble down the happiest moment of her day on a piece of scrap paper and put it in a jar. (She said that on sad days she would write down the least-crappy moment.)

I thought this was a great idea, but I decided to write my happiest moments on my National Geographic calendar instead. My plan was on the last day of the year to sit down and read over my happy moments and reflect on my year as I prepared myself for the year to come.

I will admit that I wasn’t the best at keeping faithful to this practice. In fact I would almost never write down my happy moment before heading to bed. Usually I would write it down the next morning. Okay, maybe that’s not even true. Usually I would sit down near the end of the week (*cough-Saturday Morning-cough*) and think to myself, what the hell made me happy this week?

happiness-calendar — Some days I was better than others at recording my happy times

The good news is, I’m a genuinly happy person, so being happy isn’t hard for me. But I am trying to be more mindful and I wanted to focus on specific moments that filled my heart with joy, no matter how small. In fact, the smaller the better. Sure seeing Chandler march down the aisle at his high school graduation ceremony or Marley earn her varsity letter made me happy, but I wanted to reflect upon the little moments. And as the year went on I did get better at recognizing little happy moments of my day and writing them on a piece of scrap paper to transfer to my calendar later.

My stinky ninety-pound dog climbing on my lap (even though he knows he shouldn’t) and staring at me with those puppy eyes in a way that gives me no choice but to kiss his smelly head and pet him.
Watching a butterfly flit past.
Singing Adele’s Hello (before it was overplayed) at the top of my lungs while driving to work.

So on New Year’s Eve, when Dave was walking the dog and the kids were hiding away in their rooms I sat down with a glass of wine in my hand and a plate of cheese on my lap and went through my calendar.

National-geographic-photography-calendar — Mmmmm cheese makes me happy!

There were many moments that repeated themselves. For example, my writing group meets once a month and every month I noted it as my happiest moment that day. Going out with friends made the list twenty-seven times, singing in the car made the list seven times, working out at the 5:30AM class made the list nine times and running made the list eight times (which I know is weird since I hate running, but my happiness had more to do with the fact that I was able to run and not die).

2015 was a great year for me – in many ways epic. Chandler graduated high school and went away to college. Marley finished her first year of high school and went on a month-long trip with her grandparents. I received a publishing offer the day after my 50th birthday. I’m telling you, it was a fantastic year full of big wonderful moments. But I believe what also made it great was taking the time to notice the little moments.

Here are some of them:

January 27th: I was stopped at a light and the woman in the car next to me was blowing bubbles out of her window.

March 6th: Dave and I walked the dog after dinner tonight and had such a nice talk.

April 2nd: I talked to my friend Pat today. He always makes me laugh and feel young and happy.

April 26th: Dancing with cute gay men (who only want to dance and nothing else) at Stagecoach Music Festival. Music and dancing always make me feel so young.

April 30th: Marley took out the recycling and told me to come outside so I could see the sunset. It was glorious and I was so happy that she wanted to share it with me.

May 10th: I was vacuuming and Chandler came home from prom and said, “Can I do that for you, Mom, since it’s Mother’s Day?” (Um, Yes!)

June 6th: Pulling weeds -or at least seeing the result- my yard looks so nice!

June 26th: Walking on the beach for hours looking for sea glass. So meditative.

July 11th: Spending the morning yard saling with Chandler. (And finding a Lululemon top for $1.00!)

August 29th: Watching Bridget Jones’s Diary while drinking a Frosted Cowboy.

October 16: Wearing a coat and gloves for the first time in so long and feeling the cool, crisp air. (We were in DC visitng Chandler and it was still ridiculously hot in LA.)

November 16th: Marley thanked me for making her breakfast, just as she does every morning. It always makes me so happy when she says, “Thank you.”

December 14th: Finding out my book was well-reviewed in Publishers Weekly. (Okay, this was kind of a big moment!)

December 19th: Sitting in the car with Chandler eating tacos from a taco truck in the rain while thrift shopping.

December 20th: Baking with Marley.

December 22nd: I was standing in front of the silverware drawer when Dave offered to set up coffee for the next morning. Then he said, “But for that to happen I need two things. 1.) for you to move and 2.) for you to give me a kiss.”

I loved reading and remembering the small things that made me happy and it was such a lovely way to reflect on my year. I am definitely continuing this daily practice (well, daily-ish practice) of writing down my happy moments. And I look forward to December 31, 2016 when I’ll find a quiet space (and some wine and cheese) to relive them again.

What made you happy in 2015?

Photo credit: Elizabeth Gilbert’s Happiness Jar

Charlene Ross

Tag: happiness