This is What Happens When You Call Someone Out in a Blog

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog about my birthday weekend and mentioned that I refused to get on stage during kickboxing because I didn’t like the way my ass looked in the workout pants I was wearing. I might have made a smart-allecky remark about Chris Stevenson not picking me up and placing me on stage against my will (as he is known to do) for fear of hurting his back (due to the size of my ass). I was trying to be self-deprecating, but Chris took it to mean that I was challenging his manhood and calling him old (which I would never do because he is at least 10 years younger than me and that would make me… nevermind)!

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Kick it Chris!

This past Saturday he motioned me up again. I did not want to go.

As much as I enjoy being the center of attention (what – a blogger that likes attention?!) kickboxing is a place I prefer to remain anonymous. I’m not very graceful and my kicks aren’t very high. I have to stop a lot to wipe off the incredible amount of sweat that is pouring down my face (I hate sweat on my face) and take a lot of water breaks. And of course the woman he had pulled onstage already was gorgeous and about two inches taller and 20 30 pounds skinnier than I am. That’s always fun to stand right next to. In front of everybody.

And saying my workout look is not my best look would be an understatement. Even before the sweat. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail that just looks sloppy instead of a messy ponytail that looks cute like other women seem to be able to achieve. And I hate the way I look without bangs, but I pull them back in a bobby pin and expose my gray roots and in-desperate-need-of-some-Botox forehead to the universe because the only thing worse than sweat on your face is wet sweaty bangs on your face.

And I wear baggy black yoga pants from Costco and drab deteriorating tank tops from Old Navy instead of the brightly colored Lululemon outfits that 90% of the other women at my gym tend to wear.

And don’t get me started on the sorry state of my middle age arms. Ugh.

But it was 95 degrees outside (at 9:30 AM) and when you are in a kickboxing class with 50 other people it gets really, really hot no matter how high you turn on the air in studio. It looked like I might be able to breathe a little bit better on stage. (And who knows, maybe my batwing triceps would be useful and actually fan the people standing behind me.)

And as lame as my kickboxing skills are (and for someone whose been kickboxing for about 14 years they’re pretty lame) – nobody really watches you when you’re on stage; they’re too busy watching themselves in the mirror. (Or is that just me?!) I couldn’t even tell you who was pulled up for the class I took three days before. (Except that she was probably skinny with a cute-messy ponytail and Lululemon clothes.)

So when Chris motioned me up to the stage this time I rolled my eyes and walked up there. I mean, I was afraid if I didn’t he might try picking me up, throw out his back and feel unmanly. And I didn’t want him feeling unmanly.

And you know what? I think I kind of rocked it.

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Rockin’ the stage at Stevenson Fitness

*Photo of Chris Stevenson on stage courtesy of www.stevensonfitness.com

Duct Tape, Bananagrams, The Whistle Song and other Random Things

Bananagrams
Fun with Bananagrams

Duct tape, Bananagrams and Whistle? Yes, welcome to the random inner workings of my brain. And even though my first Friday Random Things blog did not really get a lot of views or comments, I’ve never let a bad idea (or bad writing) stop me. Besides, I can’t really think about anything interesting enough to write about this week, so I’m going to continue on and write about 5 uninteresting, totally random things instead.

Random Things #1: Whistle. Marley and I were in the car the other day singing along to Whistle by Flo Rida. (I can’t help it, it’s catchy.) As we sang the words:

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I’m gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

I remembered that the other day Marley and I were talking about something and she said, “Mom, I know more than you think I do.” Ugh. I’m sure she does. But I really hope she doesn’t know what the words to Whistle mean. (It kind of makes you long for the days of Like A Virgin!)

Random Things #2 End of the World. The world is supposed to end today. If I were cool and had my act together I’d have some sort of End of the World Party. But I’m not (cool) and I don’t (have my act together) so I’ll probably do what I do most Friday nights – try to convince my family to play Bananagrams and end up watching episodes of 30 Rock from the DVR queue while playing Words with Friends as a consolation when they all say no instead. I know, I know, once again you are all jealous of my exciting rockstar suburban life.

Random Things #3 Kickboxing is my muse. My gym has an awesome kickboxing class. And for some reason, whenever I am in it I get brilliant ideas. I mean brilliant! And of course every writer knows that if you don’t write your brilliant idea down, you will lose it, no matter how inspiring. So I run out of the class and ask the people at the front desk for a pen and paper to jot my idea down quickly so I don’t drip sweat all over the counter. My friend who manages the gym told me that she’s going to get me Post-it notes for Christmas. You might be wondering where all these brilliant ideas are that I keep running out of class to write. Well, if you are wondering that, that’s just mean because isn’t it obvious? No?! Sigh…

Random Things #4 Duct Tape fixes everything! Every other year I get new slippers for Christmas. (Picked out by me, handed to Dave with a, “Here wrap these and give them to me for Christmas.”) Yeah, just like Friday nights at the Ross household is off-the-charts crazy fun, the gift giving at Christmas is equally enviable! My slippers that are soon to be retiring are dying. And I mean dying. One of them is cracked at the bottom and I keep tripping when I wear them because they bend and catch on things. Of course the solution to this duct tape. (Take that MacGyver!) The only problem is that after a few days the duct tape starts to scrunch up and the bottom of my slipper is sticky from the tape and starts collecting dog hair and whatever else is on my floor and I have to start over with brand new tape. I’m very happy Christmas is only a few days away. Mostly because I’m running out of duct tape.

Old slippers
Yeah, these are my classy house shoes

Random Things #5 Thank you. The world is supposed to end today. (Though I have a feeling that instead I’ll be getting new slippers for Christmas on Tuesday and writing more unbrilliant random things next Friday.) If it doesn’t, be thankful. Be a little kinder. Kiss someone and tell them that you love them. Hold the door open for someone. Play Banangrams with your mother when she asks you to. Be the best you, you can possibly be. I thank you all for reading my silly words. It means the world to me!