Valentine’s Day in the Suburbs

February 17, 2015 charleneaross7 Comments

When Dave and I were dating we used to celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 13th. On our first Valentine’s together he had a convention on the 14th (convenient, right?) so we went out the night before instead. We liked the quietness of the restaurant – no crowds or “special” (overpriced) menus – and carried on the tradition of February 13th for years after.

We gloated a bit in our cleverness. We had Valentine’s down!

One year early in our marriage Dave was heading out of town Valentine’s morning, most likely to that same convention, and casually asked me if I still made the bed when he went out of town.

“Of course,” I told him.

“Have fun making the bed,” he said as he kissed me and headed out the door.

I found a white-ribboned blue box that made me squeal with delight hidden in the tangled sheets. Inside was a silver necklace. Or maybe it was a bracelet earrings. To be honest I can’t remember. I used to get a lot of jewelry in blue boxes back in those days.

On Saturday night I posted this photo on Instagram and Facebook:

Our Valentine’s dessert after a dinner of sweet hot mustard chicken thighs (a recipe I’d been wanting to try that I knew Dave and I would like, but the kids wouldn’t), asparagus and roasted potatoes.

Please don’t assume that because I made something the kids wouldn’t like that we dined alone. I made their chicken plain and the four of us enjoyed a lovely dinner together.

After dinner we told the kids they had to watch a romantic comedy with us. We chose Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. As a lover of 80’s music (and former 80’s sort-of-groupie), it’s one of my favorites. Marley lasted three quarters of the way through before tapping out (that girl has no taste), but Chandler liked the movie and watched the all way through. He says he still can’t get the song Pop Goes My Heart out of his head.

It is pretty catchy in all of its fake-80’s fabulousness.

(By the way, if you’ve never seen Music and Lyrics you must first watch this spectacular video and then do whatever you have to do -cable, Netflix, your local library- to watch it. You will totally thank me because it’s awesome. So I will preemptively say, “You’re welcome!”)

I made a homemade Valentine with a printed someecards & taped it to a dark chocolate bar and stuck it under Dave’s pillow.

someecards Valentines Day — This was not his card, but it’s pretty appropriate for this post.

Yeah, I go all out. Dave said he thought we agreed that we weren’t doing Valentines this year. Uh… no. But perhaps after (almost) 21 years of marriage that agreement is implied. If I told you that his neglect of a forced Hallmark holiday hurt my feelings I’d be lying. In fact I’d have been shocked if he had done something. And now I get to eat the chocolate I gave him (conveniently the kind I like) without guilt.

Hmmm… a recipe I’ve been wanting to try, a good bottle of wine, one of my favorite cheesy romantic comedies and my husband’s dark chocolate all for me? Turns out I’m still pretty clever when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

Teaching my Daughter an Unfortunate Lesson at the Science Museum

February 10, 2015February 10, 2015 charleneaross11 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I took Marley and her friend to the California Science Center. We’ve been there countless times, but Marley loves it and wanted to go. And when your fourteen year old daughter requests a visit to the science museum over the weekend, you take her. (Especially when the request comes in on a Monday and not Friday night when your weekend is already planned.)

I had considered bringing my book and hanging out in the cafe while we were there (me, my book and a cup of coffee for three hours – heaven!) but instead I walked around with the girls. I can’t imagine she’ll let me hang out with her much longer.

We had a great time. I enjoyed watching the girls getting all science-y with the exhibits. They got their hands dirty as they sifted through sand and made dams and changed river courses in the river zone. They challenged each other to see who could keep their hand on the ice wall the longest. (I think it was a draw.) And they both liked the drunk driving simulator. (FYI, they didn’t do very well driving sober or drunk!)

: Do not get in a car with these girls!

We were almost ready to go and the girls were doing something on a computer screen in the communication room when three guys in their twenties surrounded them and started talking to them. I was standing a couple of screens over and decided to watch to see what the guys were up to (no good) and what the girls would do. My first instinct was to tell the guys to get lost right away, but I wanted to see how the girls would handle themselves. The guys were definitely standing a bit too close and one of them lured Marley a few feet away from her computer and asked what she thought about his friend’s mustache. After about two minutes the girls walked away.

I followed close behind and Marley turned to me and said, “Mom, help.”

“I want you to know I had my eye on those guys the whole time,” I said. “I would have stepped in if they touched you or if they hung around too long, but I wanted to see how you’d handle yourselves. You were right to walk away.”

I asked them how they felt when the guys surrounded them and they said they didn’t like it. They felt boxed in but they didn’t want to be rude. I told them that it was okay to be rude if they felt unsafe. I said that if I hadn’t been there they could have told a guard that the guys were making them feel uncomfortable. The museum is not going to put up with that business.

As we were walking toward the exit we noticed the guys heading out too. I think it was a coincidence rather than them following us, but they looked at the girls in a way no men should look at fourteen year old girls and I’d had enough.

“You know these girls are children, right?” I said to them. “Children!”

One of them looked at me, “Well, I’m a child at heart.”

“But not legally,” I said.

“You have beautiful children,” he said.

“Yes, I do. But you need to move along. Now.”

And they did. Thankfully.

On our way home we talked about the situation some more. The girls said if they were leaving the museum and I wasn’t there they would have gone into the gift shop. If they men followed them in they would have told an employee. We talked about different scenarios in different locations.

I told them they needed to trust their instincts and if they ever felt uncomfortable in a situation they needed to find a way out of it.

I told Dave what happened later that night. I still wasn’t sure I handled the situation properly. Maybe I should have jumped in right away. I told the girls to trust their instinct, yet I hadn’t followed mine. When those guys first approached Marley and her friend, Mama Bear wanted to jump in and slash them with her claws. Dave told me he thought I handled it just right.

I wish that all Marley and her friend learned that day was about ecosystems and rivers and brain chemistry instead of how to trust your gut when you’re in an uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situation.

I wish that wasn’t a lesson that needed to be taught to my daughter. To anyone’s daughter. But we all know that’s not the world we live in. And sometimes the lessons we don’t want to teach our kids are the most important lessons of all.

The Day My Son Almost Got on a Plane Alone Without His Cellphone

February 6, 2015February 6, 2015 charlenearossLeave a comment

Early Sunday morning we dropped Chandler off at the airport for an overnight trip to Washington D.C. Yep that’s right, 2700 miles across the country and back in 36 hours so he could check out a college that’s much too far from home in my opinion. (What if he meets a girl there. And marries her. And never comes home!) I watched him walk away then looked to see if he forgot anything and saw his phone on the backseat.

His phone.

Dave hopped out of the car and called him before he went inside the terminal. As he handed over the phone Chandler said, “That would be bad.”

Yes it would.

Nobody was picking up Chandler at the airport in DC. He was taking the Metro to the university he was visiting and meeting the student whose dorm he was staying in. The student was going to text Chandler where to meet him. Without his phone that meeting would have been close to impossible.

It’s crazy how dependent we’ve become on our phones. Why look something up on a map when your phone is equipped with a high-tech GPS navigation system? Traffic on the freeway? No need to wait ten minutes for an update on news radio, just check out Waze for an alternate route. Your toddler bored in line at the market? Hand her your phone so she can play a game and stop whining about it. Email, Facebook, your camera, hell even a flashlight – all on your phone.

And when we need to get in touch with someone? Instead of calling them we text. Ironically our dependence on cellphones has made actually talking on the phone nearly obsolete.

Dave and I tried to speculate what would have happened if I hadn’t seen the phone. When would Chandler have noticed and what would he have done? He’s really responsible and leaving his phone behind is out of character for him. I’m sure he was just distracted, maybe a bit nervous about his trip. But I worried, was this kid really ready to go away to school?

I don’t think I’m as dependent on my phone as most people seem to be. I rarely use it check my email or Facebook or Twitter status. I’m terrible at texting. In fact, I forget my phone all the time.

But I will admit that I am dependent on my kids having their phones. I like to keep tabs and keep them close. We used to have Chandler text us when he got to his destination when he first started driving. And we still ask him to text us when he’s on his way home.

When we got home from the airport I told Marley what happened and then said, “I think at dinner this week we’ll have to have a discussion about this and what you guys would do if you were traveling alone and didn’t have your phone.”

She rolled her eyes. “Really, Mom? I’d just find a mom or an an airport employee and tell them I was a lost little girl and could I please borrow their phone to call my mommy.”

I met her eye roll with a sigh. I suppose she would. That girl’s got some street smarts. (As most girls do.) But would Chandler? I wan’t so sure.

After he got home I did ask him what he would have done. He shrugged, “It depends when I noticed.”

“What if you noticed before you got on the plane?” I asked.

“I’d use someone’s phone to call you or call my phone.”

“What if you noticed after you were on the plane and it was too late to get your phone back?”

“I’d find a way to call you when I got to DC then take the metro to the school. He texted me. You could have read me his text.”

“But Chandler,” I said, “what if your phone wasn’t in the car? What if you lost your phone?”

He shrugged again. “But I didn’t, Mom.”

No, he didn’t. I don’t know why I was skeptical that he’d know what to do. He is eighteen. And he’s smart. (Plus, I am an awesome mom.) It would have been inconvenient for him not to have his phone. Perhaps even difficult. But like all of us when we forget our phones, he would have survived.

And I ~~probably~~ would have too.

Valentine’s Day Gift Guide with Uncommon Goods

February 2, 2015 charleneaross2 Comments

Uncommon Goods literary scarf — Pssst… I want this scarf for Valentine’s Day!

In the blink of an eye the first month of 2015 is behind us and we are less than two weeks away from Valentine’s Day. Crazy, right?

You know what else is crazy? Shopping at the mall for your Valentine. Don’t do it! (You’re not crazy, are you?)

Why would you shop at the mall when you can shop for a handcrafted gift online that your Valentine will truly cherish? And when you shop at Uncommon Goods you can feel good knowing that the gift you’ve lovingly chosen was created in harmony with the environment and without harm to animals or people. (That sweater you’ve been eyeing for your sweetie in a chain store that was made in a foreign sweat shop by children? It’s cute, but it’s harming people.)

In fact most products Uncommon Goods carries are created in the USA and about one third of their collection incorporates recycled or upcycled materials. And for every purchase made they donate $1.00 to the non-profit of your choice from this list. (The mall? Not so much?) If you want to find out just how awesome a company they are, you can read their mission statement here.

But of course what you want to know is do they really have something your sweetheart will love at a price you can afford? The answer is YES!

Shopping for your husband? Check out their Gifts for Husbands page here.

Here are some of the super-awesome gifts they have to offer:

I love this little whiskey and rum making kit – adorable and practical.

Uncommon Goods.whiskey-making-kit — Nothing says “I love you” like a little moonshine maker!

Your hubby likes to booze it up, but is too lazy to make his own hooch? How about a city map glass for his evening cocktail? (Thirteen cities to choose from.) I’m thinking of getting my husband one from Chicago (the city he’s from) and one from Los Angeles where we call home.

Uncommon Goods.city-map-glass — Manly, practical and oh so cool!

And if your husband is a hockey fan he will love, Love, LOVE these game-used hockey puck bottle opener. (I know what my brother wants for Valentine’s Day!)

Uncommon Goods.game-used-hockey-puck — You will win extra-cool super-awesome wife status if you give your husband this!

And the F-Bomb paperweight? Maybe not very romantic, but useful and hilarious!

Uncommon Goods.f-bomb-paper-weight — It may not be romantic, but it’s hilarious!

Find these gifts (that range from $12.50 to $125) and many more here.

Gentlemen… are you wondering what your wives want for Valentine’s Day this year? (Hint: it isn’t lingerie – that’s a gift for you. We have enough, thank you.) Click here to find some fabulously fabulous Uncommon Goods Gifts for Wives.

And speaking of hints, I’d love to get any one of these adorable gifts.

I love this Today and Always necklace. As I would say to my teenage daughter to drive her mental – it’s totes adorbs! (Okay, I did just throw up in my mouth for typing out totes adorbs, I apologize for that! But seriously, how cute is it?!)

Uncommon-goods-love-letter-necklace — Precious!

And these napkins? They are love letters written by Emily Dickinson, Jack London, Mark Twain and D.H. Lawrence (writing to the husband of his mistress!). Romantic and environmentally friendly? Swoon!

Uncommon-goods-love-letter-napkins — I want to eat dinner with these every night!

And I just love the little Birdie Mini Dish. It would be perfect on my dresser for rings or maybe in the kitchen for a tea bag or a spoon. So cute!

Uncommon-goods-birdie-mini-dish — Love this! So cute.

I think the Personalized Faux Bois tree trunk vase with the carved initials is really, really sweet. (I think my husband should change the initials to D+C when he buys one for me though!)

Uncommon-goods-tree-trunk-faux-bois-vase — Two little love birds sitting in a tree – K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

And speaking of personalized, there is a whole section of Personalized Gifts. Check it out.

I love this set of etched wine and beer glasses. (Apparently I have a thing for initials carved into trees, even though I’ve never done that before. I swear!)

Uncommon-Goods-Personalized-Wine-and-Beer-Glass — Perfect for your Valentine’s Day toast.

Or maybe a sweet little book to tell your story. I think a husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend would LOVE this book. But trust me when I say gentlemen – if you buy this book for your lady and fill it out, you will score major Valentine’s Day points. MAJOR! Not only is it a steal at only $10 – she might even put on some lingerie for you! (And that, my friend, is a win-win!)

Uncommon-goods-book-about-you-and-me — A gift from the heart.

I hope you get something for Valentine’s Day that is uncommonly good!

*This is sponsored post, but all opinions are my own. And IMHO Common Goods is about as good as it gets!

The Three Best Things on the Internet This Week (According to Me)

January 30, 2015January 29, 2015 charleneaross5 Comments

Hello. Yes, it’s been a while.

Not much, how ’bout you?

Oh sorry, I haven’t been blogging much lately and that song just popped in my head.

Little known fact: I once sang I’d Really Love to See You Tonight in a middle school talent show. Which when I think about it is really strange because (1) it’s kind of a song about hooking up with an ex for a one-nighter (only not kind of) and (2) I really, really can’t sing.

By the way, if you recognize this song (and those hair/facial hair styles) you’re old. But I’m old too, so at least you’re in good company.

But I digress (once again).

I have no stories to tell (actually, that’s not true, I have lots of stories to tell, but they’re all about my kids and since my kids are teenagers I’m not allowed to tell them) so instead I will tell you what I enjoyed most on the internet this week. Just in case you were wondering.

Incarcerated, written by Susan Swicegood Boswell on her blog Girl From Goat Pasture Road about her brother serving time in jail is heartbreaking and beautiful and MUST be read. Seriously, read it! NOW.

I’ll wait.

That wasn’t very nice of me was it? I mean, it was awesome, and her writing is so beautiful, but it kind of got you thinking about your own life and how you really need to step it up and start living life to its full potential didn’t it? So maybe it was nice of me. Actually, you should be thanking me for making you read that because now you are going to make your life so much better. You’re welcome!

Alright, enough introspection. Ready to laugh? Then read I Went to a Spa for my Uterus and This is My Story by Laura Hooper Beck. My friend Kim suggests that you not read it when kids are around if you have the type of kid who reads your laptop over your shoulder. I don’t think there are any bad words but it is after all a post about a spa treatment for her lady business. I say don’t read it at work because you’ll be howling so loudly that your boss will definitely know you’re not working. (Not that I know anything about reading things that aren’t worky on the internet at work.)

And since I made you read so much I’ll keep this short and sweet (for me anyway). This made me laugh because it’s so true.

Kale-chips — Do kale chips come in sour cream and onion flavor?

Thank you someecards!

What was the best thing you saw on the internet this week?

My Snarky 2015 Golden Globe Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Make Them)

January 12, 2015January 12, 2015 charleneaross4 Comments

The Golden Globes did not go so well for me this year. In fact as I write this (while the staff at the Beverly Hilton are cleaning up the ballroom and the stars are party-hopping) I have not yet seen the awards show.

I know!

I started to watch the red carpet on E! and NBC – switching back and forth between the two while furiously taking notes, but then I got hijacked. Chandler has been struggling with a college essay all weekend and has asked me for some help editing. Apparently getting into a good school trumps Golden Globe snarkiness. (Whatever.) So I’ve been forced to set my DVR, turn off the TV, so I can help my son get into the college of his dreams so he can move out of my house and leave me forever. Ahh… motherhood.

But who needs TV when we have the internet? (That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?) I’ve done my red carpet research (between editing essay drafts) and I think I’ve got a pretty good list of what worked and what most certainly didn’t.

May I present my 2015 Golden Globe Red Carpet Review…

Let’s just get right down to it and start with the best, shall we? Selma Hayek is the most beautiful woman in the world. Period. The dress is simple and elegant. Her hair is soft and gorgeous, her make-up is subtle and the accessories are spot-on. Love the belt. Love the bow in her side-swept hair. Perfection.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Selma-Hayack — Stunning!

As opposed to Kate Mara -who admittedly maybe I’m just really pissed off at for disclosing a very huge House of Cards spoiler while on the red carpet with Kevin Spacey. (Well, it’s a huge spoiler if you’re currently binge watching season one, like some people!) But, Kate? That belt? NO! That belt would be fine with jean, but that pretty red dress you’re wearing, I will repeat, no, no, no, No, NO!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Kate-Mara — Ditch that belt, Kate!

I like Allison Williams red dress, but I don’t like her hair one bit. It’s like she can’t decide if she want to wear is soft or pull it back tight. (And you can’t see it in this photo, but her side part was too wide and horrific.)

And speaking of bad hair… Julianna Margulies – WTF? And that dress? I’m just not sure. It’s pretty, but reminds me a bit of a Christmas table cloth. I like the top part of it a lot, but that wide hem at the bottom is just weird. It’s not hideous, but it’s not gorgeous either.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Julianna-Margulies — Meh

Ladies, this is how it’s done. Gorgeous dress. Simple hair and make-up. Boom!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Taylor-Schilling — Orange may be the new black, but Taylor Schilling looks devine in red!

And speaking of how it’s done – Matt Bomer makes me say, “Bradley who?”

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Matt-Bomer — Please take me home with you.

Kit Harington, ditto!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Kit-Harrington — Oh yes, yes please!

But Clive Owen? I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers, but you’d definitely have to take off that jacket (and those shiny pants) before I let you in. (Velvet, really?)

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Clive-Owen — Sigh…

Kate Beckinsale gives the most beautiful woman in the world, Selma Hayek a run for her money. Love, love, love everything about this. Stunning!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Kate-Beckinsale — This look is a winner!

These women have obviously made a deal with the devil. Jane Fonda is 77 years only and Lily Tomlin is 75. I am not a fan of Jane’s dress and Lily (who is dressed wonderfully aged appropriately) needs to stand up straight, but there is no denying these women look fantastic!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Jane-Fonda-and-Lily-Tomlin — You ladies look fabulous!

Speaking of making a deal with the devil, Jennifer Lopez is 45 years old, people! 45!!! The thing is, she really needs to start dressing like it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she looks incredible. But the dress? I think it’s a bit much. I mean just because she can wear it, doesn’t necessarily mean she should wear it.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Jennifer-Lopez — I think this dress requires an entire roll of tape to keep it in place.

And while we’re talking about things that shouldn’t be worn. Rosamund Pike? That dress? Uh, nope.com! It looks like it’s about to fall off. And in a very uncomfortable way. It is not sexy, it’s just weird.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Rosamund-Pike — Ill-fitting and weird-looking. NO!

And speaking of weird, I never thought I’d say this, but I actually thought Lena Dunham looked lovely in her red Zac Posen dress.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Lena-Dunham — Very tasteful and pretty

It pains me to say this because I love and adore Maggie Gyllenhaal and could actually picture her as the lead in the movie version (that is sure to be made) of my book (that will certainly one day be published), but her dress looks like something from the discount bin at David’s Bridal that she hemmed herself five minutes before her limo arrived. And she need a necklace.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Maggie-Gyllenhaal — Looks like she found out she was coming to the awards at the last minute and grabbed an old bridesmaid’s dress out of her closet.

And while we’re talking about people I love and adore who missed the mark. Melissa McCarthy? The bottom of your dress? A+ That bowtie and stupid blousy part at the top? F-!

But I think Keira Knightly definitely takes the Golden Globe for Worst Dress of The Night. (What the hell IS that? A butterfly exhibit?!)

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Keira-Knightley-and-James-Righton — Sometimes there simply are no words

And Golden Globe for the Worst Tuxedo? What the What, Bill Murray!

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Bill-Murray — Bill Murray seems confused that he’s attending a formal event.

But let’s end this on a high note, shall we? Jenna Dewan-Tatum, you look elegantly stunning.

Golden-Globes-2015-Red-Carpet-Jenna-Dewan-Tatum — Beautiful dress and love the hair. Simple. Elegant. Stunning!

What did you think of the 2015 Golden Globe Red Carpet looks? Who did I miss? Or do you think I missed the mark? I’d love to hear your comments below.

All photos ~~stolen~~ kindly borrowed from Mashable.

To My Firstborn On His 18th Birthday

January 7, 2015January 7, 2015 charleneaross6 Comments

Chandler turns 18 today. My firstborn child. My son. My baby. My man.

And probably like every mother before and after me whose firstborn turns 18, I think to myself, “How did this happen so quickly?” Yet at the same time the day he came into this world seems so long ago. But whether it was a the blink of an eye (oh, it was, it was) or a lifetime (it was that too), it’s here, his first day of official adulthood and whatever I write about him, about the privilege of being his mother, will not nearly be worthy.

How do I express the love I feel for my firstborn? How wonderful and special and sublime he is? How he’s made me a better person? The words fall short. I am not a good enough writer to string together the proper words to articulate my undying love for this boy. (Or rather, this man.)

It is simply not enough to say that I love him for his uniqueness. I love him because he doesn’t follow the crowd. He stands up for the little man. He understands that the world is unfair, but it still often personally offends him. (Oh how I adore his bleeding liberal heart.)

He loves to hike and to run and to be outdoors. He wears a size 13 shoe, but strives to make his carbon footprint small, minuscule.

He’s quiet, but funny, so funny in the smartest way. He is thoughtful and kind, though his sister may tell you differently. But even with her, his greatest foe, I’ve witnessed acts of generosity and encouraging words when needed.

I believe Chandler’s best quality, and one that will serve him well in life, is his tenacity. The first time I really remember noticing this was on his 7th birthday. I took him roller skating after school with some friends. He fell and he fell and he fell and he fell. (I skated with him and considered it quite an accomplishment that he never pulled me down with him!) I thought he would cry and give up and say that skating was stupid. Instead he looked up at me and said, “That was so much fun! Can we have my birthday party here?” I see that same tenacity when he runs. When he studies. When he wants to play Monopoly over winter break and none of the rest of us do. He doesn’t give up. He’s all in.

He told me over the weekend that he’s not quite ready to turn 18. He wishes he could be 17 again. (Oh, I do too!) This surprised me because he’s been pushing away lately. He says he can’t wait to go away to college, the farther the better. (I really shouldn’t have taught him to do his laundry. I should have made him need me more.) But it also warmed my heart to know that as much as he wants to go, part of him very much wants to stay.

And I think to myself, if I could freeze time, which part would I freeze? Would it be when he was a baby and I would hold him in my arms for hours on end unable to get enough of his baby smell? Or when he was a toddler and we would snuggle in his bed every night to read Shel Silverstein and Good Night Moon? Or that between stage of toddler and boy when he would kiss me like this:

Mother-son-kiss — This will forever be my favorite picture of us

Would I freeze the days we taught him to ride his bike or that first day roller skating or the first time I saw him perform with the band in middle school? The first time I watched him win a race. When we taught him to drive? (No, definitely not then!)

Which moments were the most precious? The most special? The best?

All of them of course. I couldn’t choose just one if I were able to, which of course I’m not. (Otherwise I’d be forever 36. Seriously, forget 29, 36 was my year!) All I can do is stand back and admire my son and the man he has become.

Thank you, Chandler for making my life so much better, richer, more meaningful. I am so proud of the man you have become. I am so humbled and honored to be your mother.

Happy Birthday son.

What I Learned in 2014 (And Other Things)

December 31, 2014January 5, 2015 charleneaross1 Comment

Some years I learn a lot. Most years I am greatly reminded of things I already know. This year was a bit of a mix. But whether I learned it or already knew it, here are some things (as Oprah would say) I know for sure…

Being married for 20 years is an accomplishment to be proud of. (And not for wimps.)

The mama bear instinct to protect your child when an injustice is done to them does not wane as your child approaches adulthood. If anything it becomes even more fierce.

Parenting a teenage girl is also not for wimps. (And probably why wine was invented.)

I can run a 10K (and not die).

Middle school sucks.

Helping your child through the college application process is more stressful and overwhelming than can possibly be imagined. (And must be added to the list of things that is not for wimps.)

The joy of reconnecting with an old friend should not be underestimated.

The most wonderful blessing can come from what at first appeared to be an unfortunate situation.

High points of 2014…

A trip to Paso Robles to celebrate our 20 year anniversary (with lots of wine).

A crazy 3 1/2 day college tour road trip that covered 1,365 miles. (Yes, you read that right. 1,365 miles in 3 days. In a car.)

A girls’ trip to my family’s lake house in Michigan. We did nothing but lie in the sun, float on the lake, drink wine and eat.

A trip to Fresno (yes Fresno!) to watch Chandler run in the 2014 Cross Country State Championship race. He ran the race of his life and his team placed 2nd. A proud mama moment for sure.

My two favorite books in 2014

Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan

This is a beautiful memoir about the mother-daughter relationship told through the eyes of Corrigan as she remembers an around-the-world trip in her early twenties when she ran out of money and got a job as a nanny in Australia for a recent widower’s children. It is laugh-out-loud funny, heart wrenching and heart braking. At the end of every short, wonderful chapter I would say to myself (often while crying), “I wish I could write like that.” Trust me when I say, that you will love this book.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

I loved this book so much. It shifts through time both before and after the apocalypse caused by a flu killing 99.9% of humanity. But it is less about the apocalypse and more about being stuck. One of the main themes of this tale (taken from a Star Trek episode) is “survival is insufficient.” That art must be experienced and appreciated and that we must live our lives to the fullest.

Here’s to wishing your 2015 is lived to its fullest.

Happy New Year!

(P.S. I’d love to hear about something you learned or loved in 2014.)

My Grandfather’s Christmas Coffee Cake

December 22, 2014 charlenearossLeave a comment

Every year for my entire life I have had my grandfather’s Christmas Coffee Cake for breakfast on Christmas morning. Okay, maybe not this first year, when I was only six months old, but I’m sure the following year I was cramming that delicious cake into my cute little mouth by the fistfuls.

I try to bake as many coffee cakes as possible right before Christmas to give away. What I desperately need is a second bundt pan so I can have batter waiting on deck and ready to go as I take a finished cake out of the oven instead of having to wait (at least) half an hour for the cake to cool and slide out of the pan so I can start another cake. Sometimes I don’t wait long enough and disaster strikes.

If I may humblebrag, I must tell you that everyone raves about my coffee cake. Raves! (Wait, that was just a regular brag, wasn’t it?) Well, it’s not really bragging, because honestly, it’s so easy anyone can make it. All you need is the recipe. And luckily for you, I’m not one of those rude recipe hoarders. I’m very generous. So this Christmas (and Hanukkah and Kwanza and Festivus) my gift to you is the recipe to my grandfather’s amazing sour cream coffee cake.

Cake Batter
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup sour cream
1 cup of butter
2 eggs

Cinnamon Filling & Topping
4 TBS sugar
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Put cake batter ingredients together in a large bowl and beat with a mixer for 2-3 minutes until it’s thick, but fluffy.

Spray a bundt pan (the flat sided kind, not one of those pretty fluted ones) with cooking spray.

types-of-bundt-pans — How do you like my awesome pictorial?

And when I say spray, I mean spray the sh*t out of that thing. Think you’ve used enough spray? You haven’t. Spray it again. This is a thick, gooey cake and it needs to swim in cooking spray. Trust me, if you don’t use enough spray (or don’t wait long enough for it to cool), you get this:

Or you can do what my grandfather did and use Crisco. That probably works better than cooking spray, but I don’t have any of that crap in my house.

Take half the batter and spread it evenly across the bottom of the pan. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon mixture on top.

Tip: if you are using the cinnamon mixture without the walnuts due to a nut allergy or no-nut preference you might want to double the amount of the mixture. (I think the cake is better with the walnuts, but Chandler is allergic to them so sadly our cakes are nutless.)

Now comes the semi-tricky part. I know, I said this recipe was easy, and it is, but this next part takes a tiny bit of finesse. But just a tiny bit.

Spread the rest of the cake batter on top of the cinnamon mixture. The trick is keeping the mixture in a nice line and not mixing it with the batter. I do this by dropping several blops of batter onto the cinnamon and then spreading it together.

If I was one of those popular food bloggers, I’d have a picture for you, but I’m not, so I don’t. Seriously, you should consider yourself lucky that (1) I’m giving you this recipe in the first place and that (2) I took five minutes to make the bundt pan pictorial above. Use your imagination about the blopping and the spreading and stop complaining.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the cake. Carefully spread the rest of the batter and then top with remaining cinnamon mixture.

Place in pre-heated oven and bake for 55-65 minutes.

Once done, let cool for at least a half an hour. At least. Then take a knife and go around outer and inner edges. Place a plate on top of bundt pan and carefully turn upside-down. Listen for cake to gently plop down onto the plate. If it doesn’t drop down right away, gently tap the pan. If it still doesn’t drop down flip it back over, go around with the knife again, flip it back and tap again. If it still doesn’t drop, bang it on the table while crying and cussing and wondering how the hell it is still stuck in the pan when you used half a can of Costco-sized cooking spray. (Not that I’d know anything about that.)

Oh wait… plop.

Lift bundt pan, put another plate on the bottom of the cake and carefully flip back over.

It should take an average family of four about half an hour to devour the entire thing. I hope you left your oven on. You’ll be needing a second one.

Merry Christmas!

Holiday Gift Guide for Teenagers

December 8, 2014 charleneaross8 Comments

Shopping for teenagers this holiday season and have no idea what to get them?

You are not alone, my friend. Shopping for teenagers can be tough. Things they really want are often too pricey. (I asked Chandler what he wanted for Christmas and he told me a car. Yeah, I’m not the only hilarious one in the family.) And things that are affordable often miss the mark. (Hint: no highscooler wants a polo shirt for Christmas even if it was on sale at Old Navy for only $5 and it will really bring out the color in their eyes.)

So what do you get them that will bring smiles to their faces that are actually genuine? Luckily for you, I’ve compiled a list below.

Gift Cards

I know, I know. Gift cards are boring and seem so impersonal. But wouldn’t you rather spend your money on something that will be appreciated and used? The trick is buying the right gift card. Marley loves Hot Topic, but I wouldn’t presume to know what I-can’t-believe-my-darling-daughter-likes-that-screamo-music-from-that-tatted-up-derelict-looking-band shirt she is craving this week. And forget about me buying her something cute at Forever 21. It turns out we have very different ideas of “cute.”

And Chandler loves the privilege of going off-campus at lunch with his friends, but doesn’t have a job so he has very little money (which means a lot of PBJ lunches). He would consider a gift card to Panda Express or In-n-Out a real treat. (Hint: any teenager would love a gift card to In-n-Out. Even my vegetarian friends love In-n-Out – they make a wicked grilled cheese.)

Many people shy away from gift cards because they might not have a lot of money to spend and think that on-sale Polo shirt will look impressive. But wouldn’t you rather give a $10 gift card to Starbucks or Chipotle that will actually be used instead of a shirt that will sit in a closet unworn? (And BTW – any kid that is ungrateful for a $10 gift card is unworthy of being on your holiday shopping list.)

Magazine Subscriptions

This is another gift where you have to know your audience, but a magazine subscription is something that is a little bit different, and if you get the right one will definitely be appreciated. Marley really wants a subscription to Alternative Press (or what the cool kids call AP). At $15 for a two-year subscription, I’m happy to oblige. And Chandler loves Mad Magazine. Yep, that’s right, it still exists. It’s a little pricier at $20 for one year (and only six issues a year), but still pretty affordable. If you know what the teen you’re shopping for is into -whether it’s cars, video games, comics, fashion or celebrity gossip- you can probably find a magazine they’ll enjoy. Need some suggestions? Click here.

Movie tickets

Okay, this is a bit of a cheat since a movie ticket is kind of like a gift card, but if there’s one thing teenagers like to do it’s go to the movies. And movies are crazy expensive now. I remember when I was eighteen years old I worked at a movie theater and couldn’t believe the price went from $4.50 o $5.00! (Crazy, right?) Now, depending where you go movies cost between $12 and $20 per ticket. Yikes! I say head on over to Costco and buy two tickets to your local theater for $16. If you want to make a cute presentation add some Red Vines or Jr. Mints and make a little gift basket.

Home T

Now, I know I told you that kids don’t want clothes. Well, boy kids don’t want clothes. Girl kids probably do. But I think that a boy or a girl would definitely dig this shirt. There is a shirt for every state and they come in different styles. As an added bonus a donation to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society is made with every purchase. This shirt would be especially great for a kid that is going to college out-of-state. You know, so you can remind them where their home really is (and that after four years they will definitely need to come back).

Books

You just rolled your eyes didn’t you? I don’t blame you, but I do stand by this 100%. The trick, like the magazines, is knowing something about the teen you’re shopping for. Got a nephew who is a computer nerd and totally owns it? How about the book Geek Wisdom ?

Did your granddaughter just swoon over The Fault in our Stars (and who didn’t)? Try another wonderful work by John Green about precocious teens such as Looking for Alaska or An Abundance of Katherines.

Is your best friend’s daughter an ivy-league-bound over-achiever? How about something to make her lighten up and LOL for five minutes when she needs a break from AP Calculus? Chandler gave a book called F This Test to an over-achiever we know at a gift exchange party and she thought it was hilarious.

F This Test — Even over-achievers need to lighten-up and laugh for five minutes before getting back to work.

Trust me when I say that the right book can be a definite home run.

And if none of these gifts sound like they would be a good fit for the teens on your gift list, you can always buy them a car. I suggest one that looks like this: