Home Alone

August 31, 2016 charleneaross8 Comments

Last Monday Dave and Marley went to the taping of American Ninja Warrior and weren’t going to be home until about 7:30 or so. I get home from work at approximately 6:20 and I was beyond-words-excited to be something I rarely am: alone in my own house.

I couldn’t wait. As I drove home I fantasized what I would do with my (approximately) one hour and ten minutes all by myself. First I would change into something more comfortable. Then I would put in my earbuds and turn on this station. I might pour myself a glass of wine, but maybe not. I didn’t really need it. And then… I would vacuum.

That’s right, you heard me. Vacuum. I’d been busy. My house was a disaster. Weekends have been crazy and during the week I make dinner as soon as I get home from work, then the three of us clean up (meaning Dave clears the table, Marley washes a pot – that’s right, just one – and you-know-who is stuck with the rest), and then I collapse on the couch and end up drooling ten minutes into whichever show we settle in to watch. You’re all jealous of my glamorous rockstar life, aren’t you?

So I know it sounds lame (hell, it is lame), but I was excited to be home alone, with a cheese-and-cracker dinner and time to clean. I wouldn’t have time to tackle the dining room table that was threatening to buckle under the weight of “that pile” (or rather those piles), but I’d stick my phone into my fanny pack, strap it on, sing along to my country music (poorly and at the top of my lungs) while vacuuming and dusting. Maybe I’d even have time to clean the stovetop. (It was pretty gross.)

Are you picturing me with a fanny pack strapped on, singing at the top of my lungs while I clean house and laughing out loud at the ridiculous image? Stop It! That’s not nice.

When I pulled into the driveway I reached into my purse and realized – oh no, no, no, no, NOOOOO! I did not have my house key.

I know, most people have their house key on the key ring with their car key. Of course they do. I do too. But my car is being worked on and I’m borrowing my mother’s car while she’s out of town and when I clip our extra key onto her key ring it hits my leg and bugs me so I just keep it separately in my purse. But I switched purses Monday morning (or rather switched purses Sunday and switched back in a hurry Monday morning – irrelevant I know, sorry) and forgot to put the key in my purse.

Shit.

And so I did what any normal person would do in such a situation. I tried to break into my own house. Unfortunately there have been some break-ins in our neighborhood recently and our house is like a fortress. Sure I could break a window, but that seemed like a bad idea. (I did manage to maybe destroy a screen in my attempt to dislodge it. Shhh. Don’t tell Dave.)

I could have gone to my mother’s (I have a key to her house), but the 30 minute round trip didn’t seem worth it since I was only stranded for an hour.

I thought about which neighbor I could bug. I tried my friend Mary. I had just gifted her with some trendy vodka to thank her for a huge favor she had recently done for me and thought she might like to share, but she had the audacity not to be home. (Rude!)

I know a lot of people in my neighborhood and in my town, but who could I bug -at dinnertime- who wouldn’t mind me dropping in for an hour? I decided to reach out to Kim. (Lucky her!) She handed me a glass of wine the second I walked in the door, so you know I chose right. I totally interrupted her dinner hour, but she was gracious and her family didn’t seem to mind.

I ate chips and salsa while she made her family an easy dinner. Then we took our wine outside and talked about writing and kids and life. It made not being home alone more than okay.

When I got home Dave and Marley teased me. It’s okay. I earned it. Then Dave told me they were going back Saturday, this time to watch Team Ninja Warrior be taped. They’d be gone most of the day. Did I want to go with them? I thought about it. For about a second. Then I politely declined as visions of vacuums and fanny packs danced through my head.

fanny pack with bling — Just add vacuum!

Photo credit: Katerina R. via Creative Commons

This is Where I Meet Hot Country Rockstars, Go To #BlogHer16 & Say Awesome A Lot

August 15, 2016August 15, 2016 charleneaross9 Comments

“Just so you know, I’m not going to be available for anything remotely domestic or marital related for at least a week,” I said to Dave on the first day of August.

“And that makes this week different than any other week, how?” he snarked.

Yeah, and you thought I was the funny one. (I am.)

It was actually a lie, because I had no plans on Tuesday, so I did fulfill the domestic/marital duty of making dinner and was even nice enough to do the dishes, but that’s where I drew the line. His sassy comment meant he wasn’t getting lucky. (Plus it was Tuesday. What kind of married people get busy on a Tuesday after 22 years of sharing the same last name?)

But, I digress.

The first day of August, marked my first week of having anything at all to do this summer. Yes, that’s right, all summer long I’ve been a Facebook voyeur, watching my friends travel to marvelous places like Cancun, Barbados, Costa Rica, shit even “just” Oregon while I’ve been working all day, only to go home and lose brain cells watching the Bachelorette. (Don’t judge – and if you subscribed to my newsletter you’d know why.)

And as JoJo and Jordan start their new life together (or the next six months, which is about as long as I give them), I too have finally started my new life. Or, at least (less dramatically and more truthfully) I’ve finally started to have some fun this summer.

It’s gone a little something like this:

Monday, August 1st: Cards Against Humanity

My writing group got together and played the ever awesome Cards Against Humanity where tough choices like this had to be made.

Cards Against Humanity White People Like — The answer is obvious.

There was a lot of laughing. And drinking. And even some crying (because we love each other that much). I got home at 1AM. (Yeah, this suburban mom’s has gone rockstar.)

Tuesday, August 2nd: Got My Ass Up After Five Hours of Sleep & Went to Work Like a Boss

Reverted to my boring suburban ways as noted above (i.e. watched season finale of The Bachelorette.)

Wednesday, August 3rd: Cetaphil Party at Cool Celebrity-Owned Restaurant

I was lucky enough to get invited to a party for awesome and influential bloggers thrown by Cetphil. And by invited I mean I was the awesome and influential Kim Tracy Prince’s plus one. The party was at Jessica Biel’s Aw Fudge on Melrose where everyone who works there looks like (and probably is) a model. (Seriously people, the servers are HOT!) The party was top notch. I learned all about Cetaphil (which, BTW, my kids’ pediatrician has always recommended for them), met some fantastic people including Whit Honea (he’s awesome – read his stuff) and Fab Mom Jill Simonian, and got a bitchen swag bag from Cetaphil that included these that literally saved my life (or at least my face) this week full of late nights.

#Cetaphil #MyCetaphilFamily — This is how you throw a product party – with plenty of swag and sangria! #MyCetaphilFamily

Thursday, August 4th: #BlogHer16 Expo

I hooked up again with the awesome (and influential) Kim Tracy Prince where we met our friend Rina Baraz Nehdar at the #BlogHer16 Expo.

For those of you who don’t know, BlogHer a website that hosts the world’s largest conference for women bloggers and content creators. (And yes, men can go too. If they want.) This is serious business people. Some of the sponsors were Go Daddy, Herbalife, Staples, Go Rving and Best Buy; and this year’s keynote speakers included Sheryl Crow and Kim Kardashian West (I know, but seriously, if I had been able to shove a copy of Frosted Cowboy in her hand so I could snap a picture and post it on Instagram do not think for one second that I wouldn’t have done it) among many, many others. Thursday night, attendees were invited to a huge expo hall where companies wooed bloggers with their wares. We were given huge (and heavy) swag bags upon entry that included everything from Vagisil to vitamins to VELCRO to vibrators. (Okay, I might or might not have stood in line at a booth to get the vibrator.)

I got to meet many women IRL (including the Awesome Angela Amman pictured in the pink blouse in the top of this post) that I’d only known online and the complimentary wine was surprisingly tasty. My favorite item in my swag bag was this beautiful necklace from Saressa Designs supplied by a company called The Artisan Group who bring small craft items to celebrities. (So I guess that means I’m a celebrity now!)

baby bezel pendant from saressa designs — My new favorite necklace. (I’m wearing it in the top photo and the photo below.)

Friday, August 5th: Old Dominion at The Ventura County Fair

I had to skip BlogHer (and Kim Kardashian) so I could see Old Dominion play at the Ventura County Fair with my friend Simmah. And if you are not familiar with them, do yourself a huge favor and listen to their album, Meat and Candy NOW. It’s so good! I entered to win a Meet and Greet pass on their website and the music gods were smiling on me because I won!

Old Dominion Meet And Greet — Hot country rockstars & happy me!

And even though this is by no means my first backstage rodeo, I was nervous and giddy and forgot to tell them how awesome they were at Stagecoach in my allotted 60 seconds with them, but I did tell them how much I loved their songwriting and in particular how the song Nowhere Fast gives me all the feels. (Like, seriously, it’s so good!) And then I told them they really suck at Twitter. (I told you, I was nervous. Plus, they really are very bad at Twitter.) They were awesome though, so nice. I’m pretty sure they all want me. (Don’t all hot country rockstars secretly pine away for 50-year-old suburban women who babble on non-stop for 60 seconds at a meet and greet?)

Old Dominion Matthew Ramsey Meet and Greet — Matthew Ramsey totally checking me out. Or defending the band’s lameness on Twitter. In my perfect world both these statements are true.

Saturday, August 6th: #BlogHer16 Convention

I got my tired ass out of bed much earlier than I wanted to attend the final day of the BlogHer convention with Rina and Kim. I’m talking a marathon thirteen hour day.

There was delicious food, engaging keynote speakers, informative workshops, and tons of schmoozing. The convention has such a fantastic energy. Highlights for me were the “The Pitch,” where five innovative women pitched their businesses in hopes of earning a $50,000 prize, hearing Lucy McBath of Mothers of the Movement tell her heartbreaking story, listening to Mayim Bialik talk about her website GrokNation and watching the pilot episode of the Amazon Prime show One Mississippi and the Q&A with the show’s star and creator Tig Notaro afterwards.

And then there was dancing. From 6-9 we took over the Conga Room at La Live and partied like rockstars. Or, like suburban moms in a club before it was even dark outside who were happy to be on a dance floor letting loose after a long weekend instead of at home cooking dinner for our families. (Which is kind of like being a rockstar, right?)

Sunday, August 7th: Warped Tour

Speaking of rockstars, I did not sleep all day Sunday like most people would after a week like I had. No, I got up like the baller that I am and took Marley to the Warped Tour in Pomona which 65 miles from my house and was about two degrees cooler than the surface of the sun. If you are unfamiliar with the Warped Tour you must not have a teenager who likes to listen to music where the word “singing” should be replaced with “screaming.” (Lucky you!)

So, yes, I am freaking Mother of the Year. And I looked like it too. After a week of looking totally cute for country rockstars and parties I put on the most suburban “Suburban Mom Running Errands” outfit I could find – a brightly colored tank top, baggy shorts, this cute baseball hat, and tennis shoes and stuck out like a sore thumb in a sea of black. (And no, you do not get a photo of that!)

The good news is, I have friends in high places and after a little bit of confusion (and maybe some begging) was able to score a wristband that gave me all access backstage where I was able to find a lovely couch under a tree at the commissary patio and sat there all afternoon reading my book. (Yes, I brought a book!)

Okay, maybe I’m not such a rockstar after all. But I don’t care. I ‘d earned the rest.

P.S. If you have read this entire post the real rockstar is YOU! It’s so freaking long. Thanks for sticking with me. You’re awesome!

A Morning Dog Walk (with Beer)

April 26, 2016 charleneaross5 Comments

As I was walking my dog yesterday I noticed three empty beer bottles and their cardboard carrying box in the gutter by the high school. I guess the litterbugs only had time to finish half the six pack before they were interrupted from their suburban hoodlum activity.

Empty Beer Bottles on the Road — The remnants of suburban hoodlum activity

Upon seeing this garbage in the road I realized I was faced with three choices:

Ignore it and leave the trash in the road, an uncaring witness to the destruction of my neighborhood and my planet.
Pick up the bottles and carrying case and dispose of them in the trashcan at the park, which would be good for my neighborhood, but bad for the planet as glass bottles take approximately one million years to decompose.
Pick up the bottles and carrying case, bring them home and recycle the bottles, therefore being a good local and global citizen.) Plus the recycling center gives 5 cents a bottle – cha-ching!)

So even though Earth Day is over, because I am a good human, I chose option #3.

Now, I never leave the house without a couple of poop bags, but I did not have a garbage bag with me so I was forced to carry the bottles in the cardboard carrying case. Convenient, yes, but it does not, perhaps, reflect the classy image I try so hard to project.

Then a little further down the road I happened upon another empty beer bottle from a presumably different suburban hoodlum (as it was a different brand of beer), so I stuck that in the carrying case as well.

And then, thanks to Jen, who likes her caramel macchiatos venti-sized, I saw an empty Starbucks cup in the gutter a little further down. (I’m sure you make your mother proud with your inability to find a trash can, Jen.)

So, if you happened to drive by and tsk-tsk at the suburban mom walking down the street at 7AM with a brindle-colored dog carrying 4 empties (and a Starbucks cup!), get over your damn self, Judgy McJudgerson. I was saving the earth!

Photo credit: Here

Frosted Cowboy Book Launch Party

April 11, 2016 charleneaross16 Comments

When my debut novel was published my awesome friend Marisa offered to throw me a book launch party. Who could say no to that? (Um, not me!) At first she was going to do something simple at her house (except Marisa never does anything “simple”). Then she started doing some research and decided why have it at home when you can have it big. (You know, go big or go home? Or something like that.)

After much discussion we decided to have it at Bellini Osteria in Westlake Village, a local Italian restaurant/wine bar that Marisa has a relationship with. (In a very different way than the relationship my thighs have with Bob’s Big Boy.) Because why have a book signing at a bookstore (what’s a bookstore?) when you can have it at a bar?

This worked out especially well as the title of my book, Frosted Cowboy, is actually a cocktail (the recipe is in the back of the book) so Frosted Cowboys were sold at the event.

Of course I had to find the perfect outfit. Something cute and a little bit sexy that also didn’t look like I was trying too hard. I scored when I found a super cute top at Blush in Calabasas that I paired with some boyfriend jeans, wedge heels, and funky jewelry.

Blog.CandM — Me and my awesome friend Marisa. Seriously, how cute is my top?! (And how cute is she? So cute!)

Sidenote: I went to Blush the day before my party on my lunch break (because last-minute is how I roll) and apparently just missed a massive paparazzi frenzy as one of the Kardashians was patronizing Coffee Bean in the same shopping center. The women in the shop thought it was Kendall. (Who I guess is actually a Jenner.)

Breaking news: 18-year-old buys $5 cup of coffee.

Stop the fucking press. Sigh…

Anyway, back to me and my fabulousness.

My book signing was from 5:30 – 8:00 and the plan was for me to mingle for about half hour to forty-five minutes, take lots of pictures, be introduced by my friend Chris Stevenson, give a 5 minute speech (yeah, me talk for only 5 minutes – hilarious, right?), then sell and sign books.

Well, that was the plan.

People started lining up immediately wanting to buy the book so we figured it would be best if we started selling (and signing) right away. My husband, Dave was in charge of the “register” – a Square chip card reader plugged into his cellphone. It was a little tricky to use at first, nearly causing me to have a mini-meltdown because I am terrible under pressure (seriously, I am never the calm in the storm when the shit hits the fan), but we got the hang of it and everything went smoothly.

Some of my wonderful friends brought me gifts.

Julie brought me champagne and a gorgeous orchid that I will 100% kill no matter how hard I try to keep it alive (and probably faster than most people who are bad at plants and end up killing them).

Book Signing.Orchid

Jillian brought me beautiful wildflowers.

Book signing.flowers

Marisa (different friend than the Marisa who threw me the party – pronounced differently too) brought me a lovely bottle of wine.

Book Signing.Wine

It was like my birthday!

So many people came to support me. A woman named Cheryl that I went to high school with, and am now Facebook friends with, drove over 40 miles (in the rain) and bought three books! It was overwhelming and a bit surreal. I felt bad because I only had a minute or two to talk to most people. (Hey, thanks for coming to see me, you’re so sweet, here’s your book, now go! Next!) But I really was so grateful and felt so truly blessed to have so much support.

We set up an area for people to take photos with some props and asked them to post with #FrostedCowboy to their favorite social media sites.

Photo booth collage

After signing books for about 45 minutes I did give my speech. I told the story of how I wrote the book. And kept it at about 10 minutes. (I think.)

Book siging speech

Then I signed some more books and I was able to mingle a bit afterward. (And had a Frosted Cowboy!)

I sold 47 books and many people brought the ones they had already bought on Amazon. All in all it was a pretty epic night. I’m still kind of pinching myself. It really did make me feel like this:

Book signing.laughing — My left eye gets winky when I laugh.

To everyone who was there, thank you. You made this writer feel very special and so very loved. Marisa, you are the bomb and Chris Stevenson, you rock! Oh, and hey, if you weren’t there, you can buy Frosted Cowboy here.

The Adventures of Super Dog and Super Turtle

March 21, 2016March 21, 2016 charleneaross9 Comments

When Chandler was in first grade he liked to write books called The Adventures of Super Dog and Super Turtle. He would draw pictures of a dog and a turtle with capes and write stories about them. It was freaking adorable.

“Hey, Mom,” he said to me. “Let’s have a book making party for spring break.”

“A book making party?”

“Yes, we’ll invite all my friends and we’ll make books.”

“Do you mean your whole class?” I asked.

“No, just the boys,” he told me.

Just the boys. Great.

But I am a writer. And maybe my son would grow up to be a writer too. Who was I to discourage such a party?

“Sure,” I told him, “that sounds like fun.”

And so we invited all the boys in his class (as well as a few more from some other classes) over for a book making party. I think there were 40 of them. Or maybe it was 15. It seemed like 40, because as luck would have it, it was raining. (Thank you El Niño!) You have never seen 40 (or 15) mothers drop their kids off faster, looking forward to having three hours of bliss, after having to entertain their kids for half a week during a rainy spring break. They were practically hydroplaning down the street, perhaps afraid if they didn’t get away fast enough I’d change my mind.

One of the mothers took pity on me and stayed to help. I think I cried tears of joy, got down on my knees and kissed her feet in gratitude, but I’m still not sure I adequately expressed my deep and sincere level of gratitude.

I’ll be honest and tell you that I don’t remember much about this party. I don’t know if that’s because it was 13 years ago or because the experience was so traumatic it’s been blocked from my memory (or a combination of both), but I do remember this:

It takes 40 (or 15) boys about 5 minutes to make a book.

40 (or 15) boys do not want to calmly and quietly watch a video for the remaining 2 hours and 55 minutes of a book making party.

40 (or 15) boys trapped inside a house on a rainy day are easily bored, incredibly loud, and very messy.

I know I say this all the time and it is so (so, so) cliche, but I really can’t believe so much time has passed so quickly (a lot more quickly than that party). How it simultaneously seems like so long ago and just yesterday. (Trust me when I say I can’t remember much about yesterday either.)

Chandler went to Myrtle Beach with his track team last week for his first college spring break. I hope he made some wonderful memories.

Memories that years in the future will become blurry with time, yet at the same time seem like only yesterday.

Frosted Cowboy (and Other Things)

February 22, 2016February 29, 2016 charleneaross12 Comments

Hello there! I know, I haven’t written a blog post in forever, but a lot has been going on lately. Seriously, I’ve been busy!

In the first place, my blog got a well-needed makeover. Did you notice? What do you think? I’m still working out a few kinks, so if you see anything funky (and no, I’m not taking about the wrinkles in my neck in my new Welcome Page photo), please let me know.

Oh, and did you see that picture over to the right? The one that looks like a book with a picture of my legs on it? What do you mean you know for a fact that those are most certainly not my legs? Rude! They could be. (With several hundred hours of photo shopping and air brushing.)

If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about this:

frosted cowboy cover — I had a dream once where my legs looked like this. Damn that was a good dream.

In case you haven’t heard, I wrote a book. As you can see it’s called Frosted Cowboy and it came out on February 8th. As I write this it sits at 54,118 in sales out of over one million books on Amazon, which means it’s in the top 5% of their sales. That practically makes it a bestseller! (Number 54,188 with a bullet!)

What? No again? You people are terrible. First you tell me I have fat legs, then you tell me my book’s not a bestseller. I’m going to have to stop listening to you. Or are those just the voices in my head?

Anyway… Moving on…

If you’re interested (and you should be, it’s hilarious), you can buy it here. If you’ve already bought it, thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

And if you did (or do) buy it can I ask you one more favor? (I know, so greedy!) Would you mind leaving a review on Amazon? Reviews on Amazon are so important. To make a long story about the Amazon alogrithm short, the more reviews a book has, the more people will see it and the better chance it has of being purchased. (Number 40,000 with a bullet anyone? Who hoo!)

Also, I wrote a little novella. It’s a prequel to Frosted Cowboy called Love on the Rocks (With Salt). The eBook version is free. That’s right FREE! You can get it here.

I’ve also started a monthly newsletter. Well, I’m starting a monthly newsletter. If all goes according to plan the first issue should come out next week. (Key word: should) It’s called Live… Laugh… Love and will include a short slice-of-life story (I promise to keep it short) that will make you laugh (I hope) and a recommendation for something I absolutely love. Hint: it will probably be a book. (And no, not one of mine!)

As a bonus for signing up, you get to read another (super) short story in the Frosted Cowboy series. (Yes, I really did just say that, Frosted Cowboy series.) It’s called Tequilla Slammer. You can get it delivered to your inbox by signing up for my mailing list here.

tequila slammer

So, that about sums it up. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. I’ve had amazing support and encouragement from my family and friends for which I am forever grateful. And I have to say it’s a pretty incredible feeling when your dream of having a book published come true.

xoxo

Frosted Cowboy Series

Why I (Don’t) Write

January 18, 2016February 29, 2016 charleneaross7 Comments

I am so behind in my writing. Forget the fact that I’ve been terrible about keeping my blog posts current. I have serveral projects that I’m working on to market my book (a novella, a newsletter and some guest posts) and while I haven’t missed a deadline (yet), I am behind on every single one of them.

To be able to write you need to be able to focus. And it’s hard to focus when your to-be-filed/put-away pile looks like this.

to-be-filed-pile — I wonder what would happen if I just closed up the box and threw it in the garage.

And the end of your dining room table looks like this.

mail-pile — You see those coupons I put on the table instead of directly into the recycle bin? I will never clip them. Ever.

Yes, that’s an Entertaiment Weekly under a People Magazine. Don’t judge me. The smartest person I know sits down for an hour every week and reads People Magazine from cover to cover. She says it keeps her informed on all things pop culture. Not just what celebrities are wearing (and who they’re sleeping with), but movies, television, books and music (and there’s often a human interest story thrown in there too). It makes it easy for her to have a topical conversation with just about anyone. I prefer Entertainment Weekly. Of course both remain piled up and unread. (And I’m not just talking last week’s!) Which makes me unorganized, unsmart, uninteresting, and unable to have a topical conversation with anyone about anything.

But that’s beside the point. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was telling you how hard it is for me to write because I can’t focus. The clutter in my house is competing with the clutter in my brain.

But forget about my inability to focus. What I really need to be able to write is more time.

I get up at 5AM to do it, which is obviously when I should be sleeping. Or getting up to make the 5:30AM boot camp class at the gym.

So writing in the morning makes me tired. And a little bit fat.

But it’s quiet in the morning and that helps. I don’t like any kind of noise or music or distractions when I write. (It’s weird, I love music more than almost anything, yet listening to it when I’m trying to write makes me want to rip my ears off.)

Dave and Marley get up at 6AM and insist on interacting with me (as civlized people in families do), which gives me the perfect opportunity to shift my focus towards Facebook.

Sometimes I bring my laptop to work and try to write on my lunchbreak, but that means I go from sitting at my desk to sitting at another desk in an unused office when what I really need is to go for a walk and breathe some fresh air and clear my head of office clutter.

I work all day (9-6) and get home at about 6:30 and cook dinner. By the time we’ve eaten and everything’s cleaned up I’m exhausted. I’ll sit down to watch TV with the family and usually end up asleep on the couch (either drooling or snoring -or both!) by 8:30. (Did I mention I get up at 5:00?)

I’m trying to be better about writing at night. I recently told Dave that I have no time for new TV shows. I have to be more productive with my time. He took this as permission to watch Making a Murderer without me. (It was not.)

These are the excuses I give myself: I’m too distracted, stressed, busy, tired, fat to write. And yet when I don’t, I feel worse than all of that combined.

This post was inspired by this post and this post, both of which are better and definitely worth your time.

What Made Me Happy in 2015

January 4, 2016February 29, 2016 charleneaross4 Comments

Every year my mom gives me a National Geographic desk calendar for Christmas. It’s always my favorite gift. The calendar is in a weekly format and there is a different breathtaking photo for each week. The beauty of nature astounds me and the photographs in these calendars often leave me awestruck.

national-geographic-2016-calendar — My 2016 Calendar

Near the beginning of last year I read that Elizabeth Gilbert kept a Happiness Jar and at the end of the day she would scribble down the happiest moment of her day on a piece of scrap paper and put it in a jar. (She said that on sad days she would write down the least-crappy moment.)

I thought this was a great idea, but I decided to write my happiest moments on my National Geographic calendar instead. My plan was on the last day of the year to sit down and read over my happy moments and reflect on my year as I prepared myself for the year to come.

I will admit that I wasn’t the best at keeping faithful to this practice. In fact I would almost never write down my happy moment before heading to bed. Usually I would write it down the next morning. Okay, maybe that’s not even true. Usually I would sit down near the end of the week (*cough-Saturday Morning-cough*) and think to myself, what the hell made me happy this week?

happiness-calendar — Some days I was better than others at recording my happy times

The good news is, I’m a genuinly happy person, so being happy isn’t hard for me. But I am trying to be more mindful and I wanted to focus on specific moments that filled my heart with joy, no matter how small. In fact, the smaller the better. Sure seeing Chandler march down the aisle at his high school graduation ceremony or Marley earn her varsity letter made me happy, but I wanted to reflect upon the little moments. And as the year went on I did get better at recognizing little happy moments of my day and writing them on a piece of scrap paper to transfer to my calendar later.

My stinky ninety-pound dog climbing on my lap (even though he knows he shouldn’t) and staring at me with those puppy eyes in a way that gives me no choice but to kiss his smelly head and pet him.
Watching a butterfly flit past.
Singing Adele’s Hello (before it was overplayed) at the top of my lungs while driving to work.

So on New Year’s Eve, when Dave was walking the dog and the kids were hiding away in their rooms I sat down with a glass of wine in my hand and a plate of cheese on my lap and went through my calendar.

National-geographic-photography-calendar — Mmmmm cheese makes me happy!

There were many moments that repeated themselves. For example, my writing group meets once a month and every month I noted it as my happiest moment that day. Going out with friends made the list twenty-seven times, singing in the car made the list seven times, working out at the 5:30AM class made the list nine times and running made the list eight times (which I know is weird since I hate running, but my happiness had more to do with the fact that I was able to run and not die).

2015 was a great year for me – in many ways epic. Chandler graduated high school and went away to college. Marley finished her first year of high school and went on a month-long trip with her grandparents. I received a publishing offer the day after my 50th birthday. I’m telling you, it was a fantastic year full of big wonderful moments. But I believe what also made it great was taking the time to notice the little moments.

Here are some of them:

January 27th: I was stopped at a light and the woman in the car next to me was blowing bubbles out of her window.

March 6th: Dave and I walked the dog after dinner tonight and had such a nice talk.

April 2nd: I talked to my friend Pat today. He always makes me laugh and feel young and happy.

April 26th: Dancing with cute gay men (who only want to dance and nothing else) at Stagecoach Music Festival. Music and dancing always make me feel so young.

April 30th: Marley took out the recycling and told me to come outside so I could see the sunset. It was glorious and I was so happy that she wanted to share it with me.

May 10th: I was vacuuming and Chandler came home from prom and said, “Can I do that for you, Mom, since it’s Mother’s Day?” (Um, Yes!)

June 6th: Pulling weeds -or at least seeing the result- my yard looks so nice!

June 26th: Walking on the beach for hours looking for sea glass. So meditative.

July 11th: Spending the morning yard saling with Chandler. (And finding a Lululemon top for $1.00!)

August 29th: Watching Bridget Jones’s Diary while drinking a Frosted Cowboy.

October 16: Wearing a coat and gloves for the first time in so long and feeling the cool, crisp air. (We were in DC visitng Chandler and it was still ridiculously hot in LA.)

November 16th: Marley thanked me for making her breakfast, just as she does every morning. It always makes me so happy when she says, “Thank you.”

December 14th: Finding out my book was well-reviewed in Publishers Weekly. (Okay, this was kind of a big moment!)

December 19th: Sitting in the car with Chandler eating tacos from a taco truck in the rain while thrift shopping.

December 20th: Baking with Marley.

December 22nd: I was standing in front of the silverware drawer when Dave offered to set up coffee for the next morning. Then he said, “But for that to happen I need two things. 1.) for you to move and 2.) for you to give me a kiss.”

I loved reading and remembering the small things that made me happy and it was such a lovely way to reflect on my year. I am definitely continuing this daily practice (well, daily-ish practice) of writing down my happy moments. And I look forward to December 31, 2016 when I’ll find a quiet space (and some wine and cheese) to relive them again.

What made you happy in 2015?

Photo credit: Elizabeth Gilbert’s Happiness Jar

What’s on Your Twitter Feed?

December 16, 2015February 29, 2016 charleneaross6 Comments

Marley has a friend (who shall remain nameless) who recently sent her this text:

snarky-teenage-texts — Hey… wait a minute…

Now that’s some funny shit. And it seems like it would be completely accurate. I mean what else is Twitter for but:

Stalking your daughter’s rants & band obsessions
Tweeting to wineries about how awesome they are in hopes they will mistake you for someone who is influential and send you a free case of their wine (hasn’t happened yet, but a girl can dream)
Retweeting @dailyhotguy’s half-naked hot dude pics (If you are unfamiliar with @dailyhotguy here’s one their tweets from Thanksgiving – that I did not retweet, BTW!)

henry-cavill-shirtless — Um, yep, even with a silly turkey hat, shirtless Henry Cavill is still hot!

But the thing is…

Hey. Hey! Quit looking at Henry! Get your eyes back on the words. Thank you.

What was I saying?

Oh yeah. The thing is, while it seems like that would be an accurate portrayal of my Twitter feed, it really isn’t. At least not lately.

Recently I’ve tweeted about…

Authors’ books or writers’ websites (and okay, okay, maybe my book or website)

tweets-about-books — So… I might be a tad self-promoting

Country music lyrics (don’t judge)

tweets-about-jake-owen — I can’t believe Jake Owen didn’t tweet me back professing his undying love for me!

Bradley Cooper

Yeah, I know. My tweets are kind of lame.

And, okay, I do tweet about wine, but not that much.

tweets about wine — So far no free cases of wine.

And the last time I tweeted a picture of a half-naked dude was in July. Of 2014!!!

half-naked-guy-on-twitter — Yep! Totally worth it!

So, while hilariously funny, I don’t think Marley’s friend’s assessment of my Twitter feed is all that accurate. Though perhaps if it was my feed would be more interesting.

(Note to self: More tweets about half naked dudes and wine!)

You can find me on Twitter as @rossgirl08. And here are some other super cool people to follow: @BookStarDaily, @dailyhotguy, @kimtracyprince, & @theskimm

P.S. Sorry for the uber shitty quality of my Twitter snips. Going to see if I can fix that. (You know, in all my free time!) 🙂

Thanksgiving is Over but I’m Still Thankful

December 1, 2015February 29, 2016 charleneaross10 Comments

My Thanksgiving this year was lovely. We went to my aunt and uncle’s house and I ate enough turkey and carbs to fuel a small country for a week. Okay, I’m exaggerating. Obviously. I didn’t eat that much turkey.

Chandler is away at college in Washington D.C. and didn’t come home. It’s too far, too expensive, and he’ll be home in two weeks for winter break. He was invited to my friend’s for dinner (she lives in Virginia) and to a couple of teammates houses for the weekend, but declined all offers and stayed in the dorms with what seemed like very few others. (Most of the kids at his school are east coasters.) He wasn’t sad, so I tried not to be sad even though he probably had Easy Mac & microwave popcorn for dinner. I missed him like crazy but am so thankful he is living his dream.

Because I knew what I’d be eating, I went to the 5:30 AM boot camp class on Wednesday and the 90 minute 7:00 AM boot camp class on Thanksgiving Day, but skipped the 5:30 AM boot camp class on Friday morning and went on a hike with my friend Rita instead. (Not at 5:30 AM in case you’re wondering.) We were supposed to do a five-mile loop, but got lost twice and according to my step-keeper walked over ten miles. Then we went to brunch. Saturday I went to kickboxing, but Sunday I blew off my walk with my running group. Yes, you read that correctly, I said, walk with my running group. Some of us are walking now. Don’t judge. Walking is better for you anyway. Want proof? Read this article. (And ignore the fact that it has a picture of an ~~old lady~~ mature woman running.) I am thankful that at age 50 I am able to move my body so much. (Even if I was too tired to move it on Sunday morning.)

Mature woman jogging on beach — Quit running, old lady – it’s bad for you!

Friday night Dave, Marley and I went over to Rita’s house for pie and games. Rita’s sister was there with her eight year old daughter and Rita’s neighbor came over too. We played Guesstures, which is basically charades. When the game was over and Rita’s sister and niece left, instead of leaving like good people and good parents Marley convinced us to stay so we could play Cards Against Humanity. I knew what it was, but had never played before, and really should know better about letting Marley talk me into such things. If you are unfamiliar with the game their slogan is: A party game for horrible people. The game is simple. Each round, one player asks a question from a black card, and everyone else answers with their funniest white card. It’s like Apples to Apples, but wrong. So very, very wrong.

Here are some examples of the combinations you might come up with:

cards-against-humanity-question-and-answer-card — So wrong!

These are actually some pretty tame combinations. If I screenshotted some of the more risque ones I’d forever live in fear of child protective services knocking on my door. But Marley has played the game before. (At school!) And as we all know, there are some parents that buy booze for their kid’s parties because “everybody does it” and “all kids drink anyway” (newsflash: everybody does NOT and all kids DON’T). I’m not that parent. So if I play a party game with my fifteen year old where possible answers could be assless chaps or foreskin, I guess I’m not the worst parent in the world (and I’m thankful for that).

Saturday night we went to my friend Arlyne’s for her annual Saturday night Thanksgiving and steal-the-presents bingo. Rita was there and Lisa (who says I never write about her in my blog) was there which meant I laughed a lot, because Arlyne and Rita and Lisa always make me laugh. Once again I ate too much and drank too much, but felt so happy and blessed that a retail job in the 80’s netted me life-long friendships with some amazingly awesome people.

Sunday I’d like to say that I detoxed, but I had leftover butternut squash lasagna and cheesecake for breakfast and two glasses of wine with dinner. I did do laundry and wrote a little (very little) and dusted the TV. It was a lazy day. After dinner Dave and I watched the movie About Time, which was written and directed by Richard Curtis, who wrote and directed Love Actually. (Which everyone knows is one of the best movies ever!) I loved it (British humor is the best) and balled like a baby at the sentimentality of it. At 9:00 I was too tired to watch The Walking Dead and was so thankful for my DVR.

My life is not perfect. In fact, if you want to know the truth it is riddled with problems and stress and is oftentimes hard. (Like, impossibly fucking hard.) But every day I take the time to recognize what I am thankful for, both big and small.

The beauty of the sunrise or a desert flower in a parking lot planter.

The laughter I experience when I’m with my good friends.

A gym with kick-ass classes and kick-ass people.

Children who are happy and healthy.

A husband who still makes me laugh and think even after knowing him for over 26 years.

Parents who are healthy. And wonderful.

Music that makes me sing along and dance in the kitchen. (Did I forget to tell you about Marley catching me dancing and singing in the kitchen when I was making sweet potatoes?)

My Snuggie that keeps me warm as I binge watch TV.

Wine that is cheap, but still pretty damn good.

cheap wine that is good — Bargain wine from Costco – cheap and delicious

No, my life is not perfect, far from it. But it’s also pretty wonderful. Really wonderful. I know that I am so lucky. And I choose to be thankful for all that I have – big and small. Not just on Thanksgiving, but every day.

Every. Single. Day.

Photo credit of mature woman: here

Charlene Ross

Category: Life… and its Little Slices