Big News

I’ve got some news just in case you haven’t already heard. (And if we’re friends on Facebook, then you probably have.)

My novel is being published. Let me pinch myself and say it again. My book is being published.

I am not agented and it’s being published by a small independent publishing house, but did you hear me? I’ve got a book deal. My book is being published. Published!

People I’ve never met before said, “I love your book.”

I love your book.

I will admit that this is not the first time I’ve heard these words. But it was the first time I’ve heard these words from someone who didn’t love me. Who didn’t know me at all. Never read my blog. Didn’t follow me on Twitter. Hadn’t clicked “like” my lame Facebook fan page.

(Oh, BTW, feel free to follow me on Twitter here and “like” my lame Facebook fan page here!)

After all the rejections (not as many as Kathryn Stockett but plenty more than JK Rowling), someone finally said yes.

Someone finally said, “I love your book.”

It will be coming out on February 8, 2016 on Velvet Morning Press.

book-signing-contract
Oh, that’s just me, sitting in my messy kitchen, signing a book deal.

The name of my book is FROSTED COWBOY and if you missed the cover reveal and a sneak peak at the first few pages you can check it out here.

What’s it about? Here’s a little blurb:

Laney Delaney was living the dream. She had a fabulous fiancé and a career as a couture wedding dress designer. But after catching her (not-so-fabulous) fiancé cheating and being accused of upstaging one of her brides at a wedding, Laney finds herself with no boyfriend, no job and no plan. After some serious soul searching and a few intriguing encounters, Laney is determined to start over. But can she learn to trust again and believe in herself?

It’s a romantic comedy. Chick Lit. (With the emphasis on chick, rather than lit.) It’s just a bit of mindless fun that probably won’t make you think. But it will make you laugh.

I promise.

 

 

Gif credit: here

 

The Three Best Things on the Internet This Week (According to Me)

Hello. Yes, it’s been a while.

Not much, how ’bout you?

Oh sorry, I haven’t been blogging much lately and that song just popped in my head.

Little known fact: I once sang I’d Really Love to See You Tonight in a middle school talent show. Which when I think about it is really strange because (1) it’s kind of a song about hooking up with an ex for a one-nighter (only not kind of) and (2) I really, really can’t sing.

By the way, if you recognize this song (and those hair/facial hair styles) you’re old. But I’m old too, so at least you’re in good company.

But I digress (once again).

I have no stories to tell (actually, that’s not true, I have lots of stories to tell, but they’re all about my kids and since my kids are teenagers I’m not allowed to tell them) so instead I will tell you what I enjoyed most on the internet this week. Just in case you were wondering.

Incarcerated, written by Susan Swicegood Boswell on her blog Girl From Goat Pasture Road about her brother serving time in jail is heartbreaking and beautiful and MUST be read. Seriously, read it! NOW.

I’ll wait.

That wasn’t very nice of me was it? I mean, it was awesome, and her writing is so beautiful, but it kind of got you thinking about your own life and how you really need to step it up and start living life to its full potential didn’t it? So maybe it was nice of me. Actually, you should be thanking me for making you read that because now you are going to make your life so much better. You’re welcome!

Alright, enough introspection. Ready to laugh? Then read I Went to a Spa for my Uterus and This is My Story by Laura Hooper Beck. My friend Kim suggests that you not read it when kids are around if you have the type of kid who reads your laptop over your shoulder. I don’t think there are any bad words but it is after all a post about a spa treatment for her lady business. I say don’t read it at work because you’ll be howling so loudly that your boss will definitely know you’re not working. (Not that I know anything about reading things that aren’t worky on the internet at work.)

And since I made you read so much I’ll keep this short and sweet (for me anyway). This made me laugh because it’s so true.

Kale-chips
Do kale chips come in sour cream and onion flavor?

 

Thank you someecards!

What was the best thing you saw on the internet this week?

 

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

I think that most of my readers are probably moms. And to you I’d like to say thank you. We’re all busy. I know that. And the fact that you take a minute or two (or or seven because my posts are so damn long) out of your day to read the randomness that comes out of my head means more to me than you could ever know.

(And to you non-moms – I know you’re busy too. Thank you as well!)

As a token of my appreciation I’d like to give you a Mother’s Day gift. (Yes, even you non-moms. Jeez, for not being mothers you sure are naggy!)

What is this gift you ask? Flowers? An iPad? A spa day? A gift card to Trader Joe’s? Nope, sorry. As much as I’d love to give you all those things it’s not quite what my pocketbook will allow. So instead I’ve been trolling the internet (or okay, mostly Pinterest) to find things that will make you mothers (and non-mothers) laugh.

As my Mother’s Day gift to you, I’d like to present you with the gift of laughter…

 

Mothers-Day-love-note
So heartwarming

 

To moms of toddlers (I hope)…

bed-wetting-humor
I might or might not have done this before

 

Why it’s important to like your kids’ friends’ parents…

parenting-humor-playdate
Uh, you mean playdates were supposed to be for the kids? Oops!

 

You know something is broken when this happens…

silence-is-golden-humor
so true… so true..

 

For moms who feel like they’re talking to walls (who are probably better listeners)…

mom-humor
What did you say?

 

And finally, as the mother of a teenage daughter who just spent her spring break trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records for continuous watching of YouTube videos on her iPod, I find this one especially funny…

mom-computer-humor
Go play outside!

 

And I have saved the very best for last. Please do yourself a favor and watch this hilarious video from MommyTonk. I promise it will make you laugh out loud. (It’s so funny you might be the one thanking me!)

To all of you mothers, from the bottom of my heart, I would love to wish you love, laughter, a brunch with bottomless Bloody Marys, and a very Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

 

I Can’t Make You Laugh Today, but This Can

I am still not quite up for being funny (or clever or really anything) today, but I want to try to keep up with my one paragraph a day. So I am cheating by posting a link instead of a proper post. My friend Kim told me about this blog a couple of months ago, and I had meant to post a link then, but never got around to it. So it’s old. You’ve probably read it already. But if you haven’t, you absolutely must. Unless the F word offends you. (And if it does what the fuck are you doing reading my blog?)

I'm-Comic-Sans-Asshole
Click here to laugh your ass off!

BTW – I mean this Kim, not this Kim. Though both are wonderful writers and awesome people. You’d be wise to read both of their blogs regularly.