I hate to start a blog post like that. You know me. I’m always happy. I have a positive attitude. The forever optimist who sees the glass half full. One of my best friends calls me Pollyanna. But it’s true, I’m done with 2023. It was a terrible year for our family.
On October 12 my niece Amanda died after a painful battle with cancer. She was 32 and a bright and beautiful star, full of life until the very end. How do you wrap your head around that? You don’t. How do you move on? By getting out of bed when it is the very last thing you want to do and putting one foot in front of the other and remembering that happiness does come after loss even if that day is not today or the next day or the next. Eventually bits of joy will start to seep through.
Amanda was someone who attracted positivity. Light. Joy. Amanda would not want us to live a half life. And so we much choose to live a full life. Our best life. To seek the light.
I have a happiness journal that I write in daily. (Or try my best to.) Every year the same things make me happy – hugging the peole I love, spending time with family and friends, music, reading with my dog on my lap, sharing a funny joke with a friend. Most days in my journal are filled with simple moments. A reminder that joy can be found in the ordinary. That laughter can sneak in even on the most difficult days.
Here are some of the things that made me happy during this most difficult year.
January 6 – We took dinner to my mom’s to see her and Amanda before they leave for Sacramento. We played Six-Card Flip and I really am so grateful to have family so close by.
January 16 – We were off for MLK Day and we did vision boards at Laurel’s for five hours and it was heavenly.
January 24 – We are in St. Kitts! Work bucket list item! It is so beautiful here. I saw Angelia. Oh yes! I am so happy!
February 3 – Walking by Sumac, I heard the music from the morning assembly and it made me so nostalgic. I really did love that school and am so glad my kids went there.
February 10 – Writers’ Group was just me, Rina and Kim. We went to Tequila Amores, had too many margaritas, still did our writing prompt, and my heart was so happy to be in a neighborhood restaurant with my awesome writer friends. Also, Rina misheard the writing prompt and it was 100! The prompt was, “Is there something your family only eats on the weekends and what makes it special.” She heard, “Do you let others define you?” We laughed so hard!
February 15 – On my dog walk this morning it was a bit windy (and cold!) and the wind made the cherry blossoms fly off the trees and dance in the sky. It was so beautiful to watch them rain down – almost like snow.
March 9 – I am visiting Jennifer in St. George. Sitting on her back porch and talking for hours (over two bottles of wine) made me realize how much I miss her. It was so great to be with her and really did make me so happy.
March 24 – Home at last after so much travel. Dave and I watched a romcom and I drank 3/4 bottle of wine. I went to bed at 8:00 and slept almost 11 hours and it was fantastic.
March 27 – I had no video calls and didn’t shower or wear make-up and honestly, that made me so happy! Also, I got to watch Chandler give his presentation for his NASA internship on Zoom. What a proud mama moment!
April 2 – I walked around Westlake with Rita and Arlyne and then we had lunch and played Rummy Tile at Stonehaus. It was a beautiful day. Chilly, but gorgeous. These lifelong friendships bring me such joy.
April 11 – Working on a puzzle with Chandler. Having Marley sit on the couch and do her taxes while I work in the kitchen. These little moments with my kids are what make me happy.
April 30 – For the first time in 10 years (other than the pandemic) we are not at Stagecoach. But they live streamed it on Amazon Prime and we watched it at Rita’s and wore our cowboy hats and drank tequila and ate and danced and still had so much fun.
May 8 – I was walking Geordie in the park and saw a boy, his dad, and his grandfather playing soccer and it just made me so happy. I’ll never stop saying it – I love living in this beautiful Shangrila.
May 20 – I went to the Strawberry Festival with Mom and Amanda and then had dinner at Mom’s with Dena and Emme. It was great to see old friends and even more great to see Amanda enjoying her day.
June 20 – Rita took me roller skating for my birthday. Roller skating! It was so, so fun! I do so love to skate.
June 21 – Marley is 23! Her presence on this earth makes me happy. She is such a cool human. I can’t believe I made her.
June 28 – Park City is so beautiful! We went on a hike and had dinner with Preston and Lexi. It was so great to catch up with them. Just lovely.
July 2 – We blew off a hike and did mostly nothing but walk to Main Street and then to dinner and it was just what we needed. A pefect last day to our Park City vacation.
July 20 – I took Amanda to group therapy and she treated me to lunch and we went thrifting. We had such a lovely time. We were in Ventura and the weather was perfect and it was just a good and perfect day.
August 8 – I got my inbox down to zero. Zero! It has been an overcrowded hot mess all year – at one point hovering near 1,000 and today I cleaned out every last email. Success!
August 19 – I saw the Barbie movie with Marisa and Jessica and that is some wonderful girl power stuff right there! We wore pink and had dinner at the bar at Paul Martin’s and wine in the theater and it was a perfect night.
August 27 - Beach Day in St. Pete’s with Danielle and Angelina. Floating in the gulf with a noodle in the warm clear water is just sublime. Then we listened to live music at a restaurant called the Salty Nun. Could you ask for a more perfect day?
September 4 – BBQ at Arlyne’s. The usual crowd. I am so happy and blessed to be part of this wonderful friend group.
September 24 – I had a clothing exchange and it was so great to give away so much stuff (and get a few things in return). Best of all – we filled my car with bags and bags for the battered women’s thrift store. I hope they make tons of money from it!
September 30 – I’m in Nashville staying at Cheryl’s and it is so great to see her. We went to The Listening Room and then onto Broadway and had a blast!
October 4 – Marley is going to San Diego tomorrow with her friend Lexi to see All American Rejects and it brings back such memories of the trips to San Diego that Rita and I used to take in our 20s. I’m so happy that she is living her best 23-year-old life.
October 12 – Amanda died today. My only happiness is that she is no longer in pain.
October 13 – This morning I asked Tammy to send me a dragonfly if Amanda is with her and she did. A dragonfly flew over my head at 2PM. I know that Amanda is with her mother and brings me such comfort and joy.
November 4 – AKPsi reunion. It was so great to see everyone. My happy moment was dancing to New Order and Flock of Seagulls with Steve Miller. Wow! So fun! Dancing to 80’s music – now that is my happy place.
November 12 – Today was Amanda’s celebration of life. It was at the beach and we all wore bright colors and played music per her request. My heart is broken but I did find joy in watching everyone dance, being with family, and seeing so much love pouring out for Amanda. So much love.
November 20 – I was driving to the office and stopped at the light at Kanan (the forever light) and the dude in front of me was rocking out in his car. I love that. You go, dude! Feel that music!
December 3 – Rita and Dale and I went to see Pinky Patel and she was hilarious. Her story about going from 9-5 worker to stand up comedian makes me so happy. What a treat to spend the evening laughing with two of my best friends.
December 10 – We went to brunch at Dena and Chris’s new house and it was so nice! We played games that were so FUN! (Even Dave enjoyed it – HA!) There were moments meloncholy because of missing Dad and Amanda but being with my family makes my heart happy.
December 15 – U2 at the Sphere was everything and more. We were THISCLOSE to the band. What an experience. We probably couldn’t afford this trip but we also couldn’t afford not to go. Being in the pit at a U2 concert = bucket list item.
December 24 – We had Christmas Eve fondue. No longer just the four of us. We invited my mom and Tracy was here and it was just lovely. I adore having smart, kind, funny adult children.
Whew! That was a lot. (And trust me – I cut about half of the moments I had bookmarked!) And this is why I write these moments down – to remind myself that happiness does worm its way in to the monotony of ordinary days and the sadness of a broken heart if you let it.
I hope you have set aside some time to reflect on some of your happy moments of 2023. I’d love to hear them.
Charlene Ross 