I Think I’ll Write a Travel Blog

Flying Virgin Airlines
Away we go

I think I’ll write a travel blog. After all, last week I was traveling. Alone.

That’s right, just me and my (not so) little carry on. (You’re all jealous aren’t you?)

I didn’t go anywhere glamorous, but maybe if I started writing a travel blog, I could start going to glamorous places.

Maybe I could make the URL of my travel blog Suburban Mom Dumps Family to Travel to Glamorous Places dot com.

No?

There is a travel blog called Adventurous Kate written by a fabulous 20-something (named Kate, duh) who travels the world solo and writes about it. She made it into her job! I hate her. I want to be her. Why wasn’t the internet invented when I was 20-something and adventurous?

Since I am not fabulous and young 20-something and adventurous – wait, that’s not true, I may not be 20-something, but I am fabulous and adventurous. Well, at heart anyway, just not currently in practice… let’s start over…

Since I am not 20-something, if I had a travel blog to write about my travel “adventures” I would probably write something like this…

Last Week I had an early flight to Virginia. I was excited because I was flying Virgin Airlines for the first time and didn’t have to worry about anyone but me. I had a cup of coffee on the way to the airport, but I got there early enough to buy another at Starbucks. (I figured since I got up at 4AM I earned it!)

As I was walking down the long hall to the plane I must have jerked my arm because the coffee came flying out of the cup and right onto my shirt. Crap! I was meeting someone at a restaurant right after I got off the plane. And I HATE having coffee stains (or any stains for that matter) on my shirt.

I HATE IT!

My luck turned around because the flight wasn’t very full and I had a whole row to myself. Score! I like to sit on the aisle because I have to get up at least two or three times on long fights to pee. (Everyone who knows me well is nodding their heads right now.) But I also like to sit at the window so I can see what we’re flying over and lean up against the wall. With the whole row to myself I could do both. Holla!

Inside Virgin Airlines plane
TV screens for every seat and a whole row to myself – sweet!

So as soon as that fasten-seat-belt sign turned itself off I hopped right up and hightailed it to the bathroom. I tried blotting the coffee stain with a wet paper towel and got nowhere. So, since the stain was near the bottom of my shirt, I stuck it under the running water and rubbed some soap on it and rinsed, and rinsed, and rinsed (you would not believe how much you have to rinse to get a tiny bit of soap out) and now had a shirt that had a six inch by six inch sopping wet area. I took a bunch of paper towels and squeezed out the excess water as best I could, buttoned my sweater over the spectacle of it and returned to my seat row.

The shirt felt cold on my skin so I put a paper towel between my stomach and my shirt. (That paints a pretty picture doesn’t it?) Then I ate half the sandwich that I brought for breakfast. And blopped avocado on my shirt. Huhhhh (That is the sound of me taking a deep breath and trying not to scream the word SHIT! on a quiet plane.)

I got back up, went to the bathroom and repeated the whole stick-the-bottom-of-my-shirt-under-the-running-water-process. When I got back to my seat I put my Pashmina under my shirt and wrapped it around my shoulders so I would stay warm, but didn’t cover my shirt so it could dry. Thank god I had the whole row to myself and the plane was dark. If I had a seatmate, they’d probably think I was mental.

(Travel tip: always travel with a Pashmina type scarf – so much better than the nasty travel blankets they always run out of have on the plane.)

scart
This is what I look like in my Pashmina when I travel! (Hey… sexy lady!)

A couple hours later I went to the bathroom again (look, I drink a lot of water) and noticed a third stain on my shirt. WTF?!  When did I become incapable of wearing a shirt without getting it dirty? I was like a toddler in desperate need of a bib. This time I just took the shirt off and put it in the sink. A bit more soap, a bit more scrubbing, a lot more rinsing, and a lot of paper towels to squeeze it (semi) dry. (I wonder if Adventurous Kate ever used an airline bathroom as her own personal washing machine.)

I know what you’re all thinking – I had a carry on. Why didn’t I just change when I got to the airport? Because I wanted to wear the shirt I was wearing, that’s why. (She says with a foot stomp. See acting like a toddle above!)

I returned to my seat and resumed my classy position of shoving my scarf under (but not on top of) my shirt and around my shoulders. I arrived to my destination with my shirt clean(ish?) and dry. But I don’t think I’ll be ditching my family to write a travel blog any time soon. (Unless you think there might be a market for How To Use An Airline Bathroom As A Washing Machine dot com.)

*Pashmina photo “borrowed” from http://womenclothingtoday.com

17 thoughts on “I Think I’ll Write a Travel Blog

  1. That cracked me up!!! I swear that happens to me when I am alone, awkward stains and all. Except I usually have an audience who does think I am mental! lol Love you!!!

  2. From one walking stain to another:
    This was some funny shit.

    Also, when can we travel together?

    Because we’d get along just fine. (And that pashmina looks big enough for both of us.)

  3. Charlene, that is so hilarious!!! Love it. I guess the moral of the story could be, “Don’t ditch your family for some well-deserved, alone-time traveling or you’ll just end up airing out your dirty laundry.” 😉

    Great post.

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