Yes, in case you were not aware – this thing we call aging (you know, getting old) it sucks. Big time! Yeah, in France older women may be sexy, but they have something in their water that allows them to eat wine and cheese and chocolate everyday (not to mention bread) and still be skinny. (The French women will tell you that it has to do with all the walking and this weird thing called moderation – but I don’t believe them. I think they practice some sort of sell-your-soul-to-the-devil French voodoo over there.)
But I’m getting off topic. (I know – so unusual for me, right?)
Back to getting old. And it sucking.
Sure I can probably think of 5,422 reasons why getting old sucks off the top of my head.
Crows feet anyone? Sorry Botox – you’re just not for me.
My aching back. And my aching feet, my aching neck, my aching shoulders…
The fact that I can’t eat onions anymore without taking an antacid. Really?!
The inelasticity of my aging skin. Anti-aging lotion does not work people. It. Does. Not. Work.
The size of my pores. Let’s just say if my pores were a colander a lot of .
And I’m not even going to mention the hot flashes, pimples (pimples!), and mood swings (What the F did you say?!) that a certain mid-life-change-that-will-not-be-named (shhh, it’s menopause) brings to the getting old table. Nope, this blog is not about that.
This blog is about the #1 reason getting old sucks. And to illustrate I will tell you a little story. (Because why say something in a few words when you can say the same thing in many? Do not answer that!)
Last week my friend Jennifer and I went out for sushi. And because of the weight gain that can often follow ingesting 1,000,000 milligrams of soy sauce salt (not to mention the fat in the crunchy, creamy cut rolls) we decided (or rather Jennifer forced me) to walk the two and a half miles from Jennifer’s house to the sushi bar. (So yes, that means we’d also have to walk the two and a half miles back.) I gave up looking fashionable (it’s hard to look fashionable in tennis shoes) and good hair (there is a moist marine wind by Jennifer’s house -even though she lives 30 miles from the beach- that makes my hair frizzy) so we could walk five miles and not get fat gain weight after enjoying a nice meal.
It was actually a pretty good plan.
And do you know what happened the next day when I got on the scale? Do you?
I gained two pounds. TWO POUNDS! After walking five miles. FIVE MILES!
I got my recommended daily 10,000 steps in, but they did not help me. Not one little bit.
And do you know why? Because I’m getting old. And getting old sucks.
Although… I will admit… back pain, pimples, crater-sized pores and all, this aging thing – it sure beats the alternative.
Charlene Ross 
I told you……..
Yeah, but I’m getting old. I can’t remember shit!
Oh Carlene, i had pretty good skin until my 20s when the pimple gods flew over my house and realized that had not asualted my face. I hear out getting older, but you know what- you are never going to get old and neither am I. We see life a little differently and I think that means we’ll be hot again in our 80s. 🙂
I did mean Charlene but I cant see my screen anymore.
Haha! That’s because you’re getting old Elizabeth! (Kidding of course – you’re right we will totally be hot in our 80’s!)
mmmm….wine, cheese, chocolate.
What else did you say?
Je suis hungry.
You are the best ! Love reading you. Thanks for writing about my life.
Thank you so much Wendy! (And yeah, we’re all in this aging thing together – right?)
This is a huge issue for me and my husband. He loves to take out Chinese and I HATE it. Not that it doesn’t taste yummy, it’s the FOUR pounds I regularly put on every morning after. I just am not psychology strong enough to eat Chinese.
Soy sauce. Salt. Water retention. Unless you ingested 6000 calories and not one of those was used (impossible bc calories get burned even in your sleep) you couldn’t have gained that much weight overnight. My yoga teacher told me that if you think of yourself as energy instead of an aging body, then you will feel younger. If you have fun, young energy, which you do. When I remember that it works. Just remember that you are hot energy and yes that will always be with you……but I love this piece very funny 🙂
Who are you & how do you know so much about my life?? LOL! I can relate to everything you said. Especially the soy sauce/weight gain. Hubby & I had Chinese food on Sat,, and when I stepped on the scale Sunday morning, I had gained 3.5 lbs. If I had known walking 5 miles would cut that back to 2 lbs., I might have considered it. 🙂