Charlene and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hair Day

I cut my hair.


Why does hair off of your head look so gross?

Yep, two weeks ago that was on my head. (I think it looked better there than on the floor.)

I like my new haircut, but I’m still trying to get used to it and how to style it. I wanted to look like Julie Bowen. (I cannot watch Modern Family without saying, “I want her hair,” out loud. It’s practically Pavlovian.)

I showed my hairdresser these two pictures:

Julie Bowen-layered-bob-haircut
So cute!

I know what you’re thinking. Julie Bowen is blonde and doesn’t have bangs. I know!

But, even though my hair is auburn (do not call it brown, it is not brown, it is dark red) and I have bangs, I wanted it to look Julie Bowen-esqe.

Which, by the way is basically the same haircut that Kim Basinger had in 9 1/2 Weeks.

This is some awesome 80’s hair!

So you know, in 1986 I asked my then-hairdresser for Kim Basinger’s 9 1/2 Weeks ‘do. I was blonde then (believe it or not I was born that way), but still had bangs.  (I have always had bangs because I have a very intense widow’s peak that creates a huge cowlick and makes my hair part in the middle. You see that awesome side-swipe thing that Kim and Julie are sporting? That does not work on me.

And now I also have to have bangs because my  gray roots are ridiculous. If I didn’t have bangs I’d have to touch up my roots every two weeks instead of every three. At least the bonus is bangs = no need for Botox! (I mean, the lines are there, you just can’t see them.)

My hairdresser is awesome, and like I said, I like the new ‘do, but it doesn’t look sexy like Julie Bowen’s style. It looks sort of momish. And even though if you didn’t know who Julie Bowen was and I said that she’s the mom on Modern Family, you would totally know who I meant even though Sophia Vergara is also a mom on Modern Family, I don’t think her hair looks momish. Her hair is sexy. Her hair is hot.

My hair? Cute. But momish.

I cannot get a decent shot of me with my new haircut, so this in-the-car-at-a-stop-light-half-smile-selfie will have to do. Please be kind and ignore my old lady neck.

Holy crap, that’s a big picture! What the what? (All the better to see your neck wrinkles, my dear!)

Anyway, this morning? My hair? Not cute. Not momish. Just bad. As in terrible, horrible, no good, very bad. (And no you don’t get a picture.)

Two weeks ago I could have put it in a low side ponytail and called it a day, but that is not an option with my hair this short.

I would have put on a hat, but I don’t think painters caps with wine glasses that say Wine Sisterhood are considered office appropriate.

I curled it. I flattened it. I put it in a clip. It was bad, people. So with only ten minutes before I had to walk out the door (and I still had to pack my lunch) I took out the spray bottle, wet it and blow dried it all over again. Fortunately it’s short so it dried fast.

And it actually turned out kind of cute. Momish. But cute.

I wonder if Julie Bowen (or Kim Basinger) ever has mornings like this.

And of course a well-deserved shout-out to Alexander and Judith Viorst.

Photo credits: here and here.

4 thoughts on “Charlene and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hair Day

  1. I didn’t see your so-called bad hair day but I did see you last Wednesday and you looked marvelous. Add to the new cut your sexy “I’ve been sick for a week” voice and you were definitely more Sofia Vergara than Julie Bowen.

    I would love to look like either one of them (or Alex or Haley for that matter) but I’m too lazy (blazy) to do my hair at all…

    Maybe in my next life. Or not.
    The good news is you make me laugh in This life and I decided not to give a crap about laugh lines, either.

    Necks can suck it.

  2. Really? I think your hair is adorbs! The bangs just make it your own. Like now girls can come in to THEIR stylist’s salon and say, hey! I want to look like that writer, Charlene Ross!

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