The woman in the mirror does not reflect the girl inside my soul.
That girl is 40 or 32 or sometimes 22.
Not 60.

I do not feel old except for the days when my hamstring hurts when I drive 20 miles, 10 miles, or even 2 miles to Trader Joe’s for this week’s groceries.
Or days when I can’t remember a conversation with my husband that he swears we had.
Or a task I completed at work. (I don’t even remember reading that email, much less answering it. Why can’t I remember doing that?)
On those days, the days when my body and my mind are failing me I feel it. Every year, every month, every day, every minute, every second of my many years.

The wrinkles on my un-botoxed face show my age, which is terrible, but I try to reframe as wonderful as they capture the life I’ve lived.
Those marionette lines, formed by a lifetime of happy ear-to-ear smiles and boisterous laughter.
The elevens between my eyes formed by frustrations and disappointments too numerous to count.
The crinkles outside my eyes formed by the joy and wonder of motherhood.
A whole lifetime of emotion displayed as a map on my face.

Some days I will look in the mirror and think where has the time gone.
I will remember it’s already been two years since my niece died, three years since stepfather died, five years since my father died, sixteen years since my sister-in-law died, 20 years since my grandmother died and it feels like forever and yesterday at the same time.
Amanda. Bill. Dad. Tammy. Grandma.
How are we all just carrying on without you?

Life is so precious, yet so easy to take for granted. 
I must remind myself to appreciate it, marvel at it.
All of it.
The bitter coffee with too much cream savoured on quiet mornings, gulped down on chaotic ones.
The dream vacations, long planned, finally taken, over too soon.
The daily dog walks with familiar sights and friendly neighbors.
Texts and memes sent by friends as a way to say I love you.
Time spent with my wonderful adult children.
The mundane and the sublime.

The woman in the mirror does not reflect the girl inside this old face. This old body.
That girl still feels so young.
But maybe it does reflect the woman that girl has become.