My 2023 Academy Awards Red Carpet Review

March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 charlenearossLeave a comment

Once again, the Oscars have come at an unfortunate time for me. I had the double whammy of coming home from a long weekend getaway at my girlfriend’s house in the beautiful St. George, UT (landed at Burbank Airport at 1:00 PM) and hosting a virtual trivia event for work at 5:00 PM. Sure, I was home between 2:00 and 5:00 – prime Red Carpet time, but between preparing for my work event and preparing for the week, sadly there was no Red Carpet for me. (But that’s what pictures on the internet are for.)

But before my trip, Marley promised me that she would stay home and we would eat pizza and drink margaritas and watch the awards while scouring the internet for Red Carpet pictures. And so we did.

And so, from my comfy couch, while consuming more calories during the Oscar broadcast than these ladies did the entire previous week, I present to you, Marley and Charlene’s Snarky Red Carpet Review.

Do we want to start with the good news or the bad news? Who are we kidding? Let’s start with the bad news.

This dress is very bad news…

Me: What the heck is going on with this dress?! It doesn’t look like it fits well – it almost looks baggy, the cape is hideous, and that fur on the bottom is just no, no, no!

Marley: I think without the awful fabric swallowing her body, it would have been beautiful. But instead the dress is ruined by those feathers and weird cape shawl.

Marley: Oh. Uh. that’s really bad, Mom. That’s really bad.

Me: Sigh. I mean Nicole always looks beautiful, but from her overly casual extensioned hair to her just plain ugly dress, I’m going to call this a no.

Marley: Everything about thai dress is terrible. It reminds me of one of those cheap Halloween table cloths

Me: In a word: hideous. But also, I have more words. It looks like a 1980’s Cinderella wedding dress dyed purple and black. Even without those awful balloon sleeves this dress would be terrible.

Marley: Marley She looks like she’s wearing crumpled bed sheets with some booty shorts and a sports bra.

Me: I don’t know what it looks like other than one big ol’ mess. It looks like she is as bad at picking stylists as she is at picking movie rolls. (If you were unfortunate enough to see Don’t Worry Darling, you know what I’m talking about.) And what is with that hair? Are her bangs created from the end of her ponytail? Thumbs down on everything about this look. I don’t even like her shoes.

And please, don’t for a second think it’s just the women we were snarky to. The men have to own up to their fashion mistakes as well.

Marley: Who is that?

Me: He’s an Irish actor and (searching the internet) that’s his wife. She is an orthodontist.

Marley: She’s an orthodontist? Lucky patients! The buttons on that suit look like bleached buttholes. You would think his wife is the famous one. She looks stunning.

Me: She does look stunning. Not a fan of his suit. Also, should it concern me that you know what bleached buttholes look like?

Marley: It looks like he bought it off Fashion Nova

Me: What is Fashion Nova?

Marley: It’s cheap fast fashion clothing with a lot of satin.

Me: Well, someone needs to tell The Rock that fast fashion is incredibly bad for the environment and that jacket is bad for my eyes. He looks like the maître d’ at a bad Vegas review show.

And now for the very good news, we are on to the good dresses. That’s right – there were not a lot of terrible dresses. And while terrible dresses do make for a funnier and snarkier post, if you know me at all, you know that I really am all about spreading joy and positivity. (Though admittedly, Marley – not so much!) And so, on to the very good news.

Me: I think this is everyone’s favorite dress. It has everything – the gorgeous, rich color, the beautiful fabric and the way it drapes just perfectly, the Angelia Jolie slit – it’s all around fab.

Marley: That would have been the best dress of the night if it didn’t have that stupid bow.

(In case you are somehow unaware, Marley hates bows)

Me: You are wrong. It is the best dress of the night. The dress is gorgeous. Even the bow.

While this dress is maybe a little bit on the nightgowny side, I think the look is overall, incredibly pretty. The hair, the makeup, the jewelry, the fairy princess dress – I give this look a 10/10.

Me: I think this dress is very pretty. I love the way it flows and Michelle looks stunning. I’m so glad she won the Oscar. This woman is 60 years old, friends. Definitely not “past her prime.”

Me: Wowza! I love the color of this dress. It looks like actual fire. 🔥🔥🔥

Marley: I usually don’t like the sparkly dresses, but she looks really pretty.

Marley: She looks amazing. So many women are wearing white tonight like they are all getting married. I still don’t understand the wedding dress theme but this is one of my favorite dresses.

Me: Agree. She looks absolutely stunning.

Also – did you notice that during the awards she came out in this exact same dress but in black? So basically, stars are just like us, because when I find something I like, I tend to buy one in every color.

Marley: You know I don’t like that headpiece but the rest of the dress is stunning. She wins for wedding dress of the night.

Me: I also don’t know how I feel about that headpiece situation but the dress is indeed stunning.

Marley: I think that’s really pretty. I mean, to be honest, the sequins do make it look a little cheap in my opinion, but the shape is really pretty.

Me: To be honest, I’m a bit conflicted about this dress. The sequins are a little too big and disco-bally and the ruffly cold shoulder is a litte too ruffly, but I don’t know. Somehow it works. And yes, as always, she does look really pretty.

Me: I think this dress is really pretty. I love the color.

Marley: No. That dress is not good. The color is pretty but I hate the shape.

Me: She looks gorgeous

Marley: she does

And because I am all about spreading joy and positivity, I will leave you this this photo…

I mean, look at these two. These are two powerful, beautiful, badass women in their 60s, who in this youth-obsessed industry (and youth-obsessed country and culture) just won their first Oscars. If that’s not beautiful, I don’t know what is.

Okay, friends. Let us know – what did we get right, what did we get wrong, and what did we miss?

Also, P.S. – Marley and I did not review Jamie Lee Curtis’s dress, but we both thought she looked amazing!

Photos borrowed from Vogue, CNN, and Deadline

The Golden Globes Are Back! (And So Is My Red Carpet Review)

January 11, 2023 charlenearossLeave a comment

“Do you want me to record the Golden Globes for you?” my husband asked me yesterday afternoon.

“The Golden Globes are back?” I answered. “I had no idea. Sure. Thank you. When are they on? Sunday?”

“Tonight?! On a Tuesday?! Why???”

Look, if you are a regular reader of my red carpet report (which is basically the only time I ever write a blog post anymore and seriously question myself everytime I do it), you know that I am often caught unaware of when awards shows are happening. But, I’m quite positive that the Globes have always been a Sunday event. What happened? Did they get a weekday discount on the Beverly Hilton ballroom?

Also, can I be honest? While watching the show, I wasn’t really that inspired. Most of the dresses were pretty but not amazing and the most of ones that weren’t great weren’t actually terrible. Tuesdays in general are kind of meh and so is this review.

But I rallied (as I do) to write this post for the 3 people who tell me they look forward to it every year. And, like every year, instead of writing it on the night of the awards like a professional, I get up at o’dark thirty the next morning (that would be today) and give my suburbanite comments on haute couture as if I know what I’m talking about. (Because I do.) Marley rallied as well because she is a good daughter.

And so, without further ado (aka me blathering on about why I am once again unprepared and unqualified to write this blog post), my 2023 Golden Globes Red Carpet Review…

We’ll start with the nopes.

Me: Selena Gomez is 30 and this dress is too matronly. It looks like it was made for 50-something-year old trying to hide her upper-arm jiggle. (And if there’s something I know about, it’s being a 50-something-year old trying to hide upper arm jiggle.) Take away those purple sleeves and this dress is a win. They have got to go.

Marley: I will forever never understand why puffy sleeves are a thing. They don’t look good.

Me I feel like I should like this dress but I don’t. The whole spider webby thing maybe. She looks gorgeous as always but I have to vote no on this one.

Marley: Is it a spider web or diamond bullseye?

Me: That flower has got to go and that Angelina Jolie high leg slit is so 2000 and whatever year that was.

Me: This dress is just one big ol’ ruffly mess. It’s a nope.

Me: Again with the ruffles. If this dress had just flowed elegantly down to the floor it would have been a 10/10 but that weird bottom ruins it for me. (I was so happy that Julia won the GG for Ozark though. Ruth Langmore will forever be one of my favorite TV characters.)

Me: It’s like Stevie Nicks’ designer added pleats, changed the color, and forgot the middle of one of her outfits. (BTW, in the 70’s when disco inspired fashion was a thing, I had a Danskin leotard and wrap skirt in this exact color.)

Marley: Slave Princess Leia but make it red carpet.

Me: I am conflicted by this dress as well. I want to love it. I think I would love it if it had a black underlay and you couldn’t see through to her bodysuit, which makes me sound like a modest old lady and this dress upsets me because it proves I am officially over.

Me: This is another dress I can’t figure out if I like or not. There really is something about it that is so pretty but also it looks like the chenille bedspread in my grandmother’s lake cabin.

Marley: Lamp shade couture.

Lest you think the women are the only ones who need to fire their designers, let me present you with this…

Me: WTF, is going on there, Adam? I dig the color but that weird tie has got to go.

Marley: I think he looks like a little flower boy who is wearing a suit he’ll laugh at in 20 years.

Me: Why???

Marley: Donald looks like he just woke up and was thrown into a car so he wouldn’t be late for the event.

Gentlemen, if you’d like to mix it up a bit, and don’t want to wear a basic tuxedo and still look daper, may I present this:

Me: Andrew looks great in this burnt orange suit. Love!

Marley: It’s nice to see something that isn’t a black suit and I think he looks like a fancy scooby-doo.

Me: Jeremy is looking fine in this leather suit. That necklace if bold and fabulous. I love it.

Marley: Leather on leather usually is tacky but he really pulls it off.

Me: Matt Bomer in a burgandy velvet tux = 100.

Here are my faves:

Me: In a word: Stunning. In more words: Angela Bassett is 64 years old and has obviously sold her soul to the devil. My question is, can she give me his number?

Marley: Amazing. Stunning. 11/10.

Me: Love the sparkly gold bricks and the diamond-shaped neckline. Fab!

Me: This is my favorite dress of the night. So simple, but also elegant and very different. I LOVE it.

Marley: I really hate this dress. I feel awful saying it but it really looks like a pad after your first day of a heavy flow. I don’t see the vision.

Me: Marley is 100% wrong and frankly I am disappointed in her not seeing the vision. She is a lover of modern art and if this were on a canvas at a museum she would find it as breathtaking as it is. (Though, to be fair, I am not a lover of modern art and if I saw this on a canvas in a museum, I would think it looked like a pretty blob of orange paint. Go figure.) But also, this dress is gorgeous.

Me: Why do I love Salma Hayek’s dress and dislike Jessica Chastain’s dress when the concept if very similar. I do not know. What I do know is that this dress is stunning.

Me: This is how you mix up the bottom of a dress. I find Margot Robbie very pretty in pink.

Marley: I feel like she can do so much better than this dress.

Me: Perhaps, but I still like it!

Me: I think this dress is very unique and beautiful.

Marley: Her silhouette is amazing in this but I hate the trend of square necklines, they’re so ugly.

Me: Marley is incorrect about square necklines. They accentuate the collarbone and hide the armpit-bar-overhang-flab. Not that I would know anything about that. (Spoiler alert: I know everything about that.)

Marley’s favorites:

Marley: I love the two piece and I think the yellow looks great on her, big fan.

Me: While I love dresses that are simply elegant and I don’t mind a two-piece ensemble, something about this just doesn’t work for me. I think the bandeau is too narrow, maybe. Do not love.

Marley: I love this and if I was famous I’d wear it on a red carpet, the top piece especially is amazing.

Me: I have to disagree with Marley again. While I do think the corsety top is very pretty, I don’ like how the skirt fluffs out below the hips. It’s almost as if her skirt is falling off. I’d like this dress more if it either hugged her body completely or fluffed out at the waist. Everyone knows that a full skirt is meant to hide the hips. (That is why it is my go-to style.) You can’t have it both ways. (Says me, the fashion expert.)

Marley: I love this dress, she looks so beautiful and I really like how the two pieces connect.

Me: There is too much going on here. Disagree.

And that, my friends, is what we call in Hollywood (and 30 miles from Hollywood), a wrap. This snarky suburbanite with opinions about things she has no business having opinions about has got to get herself to work. (Which means I need to take a quick shower and become Zoom presentable in about 30 minutes.)

I’d love to know your thoughts. Did I get it right or miss the mark? (But only tell me if you think I got it right.) 😉

Photos borrowed from here and here.

My Snarky 2022 Emmy’s Red Carpet Review

September 13, 2022 charleneaross5 Comments

I know I say this every year – I wasn’t going to do a review this year. My work week is insane – I should be working late (like 10 PM late) and starting early (like 5 AM early) in an effort to keep my head above water. But instead, I left work on time to watch the Emmy’s and used my early morning time to write this post. Plus, I had a happy hour planned tonight that I had to postpone two whole days. Do you see the sacrafices I make to do this for you people? (And by you people, I mean those of you who are kind enough to still read my blog after all these years. Thank you.)

And, also, yes I do realize that I can’t do a happy hour if I’m working until 10PM. (So maybe I really wouldn’t have done that anyway. Work until 10PM that is – I was definitely going to happy hour.)

But I digress -or I suppose that was me digressing, so rather, back to the point: the dresses.

With the help of my daughter Marley (and a few texts from my friends), here we go with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s start with the ugly.

This dress is ugly.

Me: I absolutely love Julie Garner and I loved Ruth so much – I’m so glad she won for Best Supporting Actress. Her speech was lovely. She is lovely. This dress is not lovely. That cut out diamond is just dumb. It looks like she took a dress out of her very stylish grandmother’s closet and cut a peek-a-boo diamond out of the middle to make it look young and edgy. I’m going to give that a big ol’ nope. This dress does not work for me.

Marley: I’m really not a big fan of this dress, I think if a woman of basically any other body type would be made fun of on twitter for this cutout. I just think it’s a huge miss.

Sarah Paulson

Me: Sarah, Sarah, Sarah – this weird top-of-a-nun-habit + too-big 80’s belt + weird peplum pleat skirt is not working for me. I love Sarah Paulson’s acting but she needs to find a new stylist stat!

Marley: Sarah, no! :(. Sarah, why? Why are you doing this?

Kaley Cuoco

Me: This looks like an ice skating dress with an extra-long train. I just – no!

Marley: I feel like Katy Perry would have worn a better version of this dress at the 2009 VMAs or something. It looks like a cupcake.

Jasmine Savoy Brown

Me: Maybe I’m just old but this pleather dress is not for me. She might gain entry into Berghain wearing that getup but she should not have been allowed into the Emmy’s wearing it! in this case the dress does not meet the occassion.

Marley:I don’t love how blocky the dress is but I really love the concept and the idea of it. But the execution is only alright, however it has pockets!! So it’s great.

See, I am old for not liking it.

Laura Linney

Me: Speaking of grandma’s closets – what is with that weird poncho-y mock turtleneck-y monstrosity? Why such ugly dresses, women of Ozark, why? (BTW, I was very sad Laura Linney didn’t win. Zendaya is fabulous but I find Euphoria unwatchable, where Ozark was amazing and Wendy Byrde is one of the most complex-remarkable-loveable-hateable characters ever.)

Marley: The only word that came to my head was candlestick.

Kerry Washington

Me: Kerry would look gorgeous in a burlap sack and usually makes my best dressed list but this look is just not working for me. I don’t like the I’m-heading-to-yoga messy top knot and those tights with that dress are just horrific. If this dress was long and she had a better hairstyle it would be an A+.

Marley: I loathe the black tights, I think it makes an already iffy dress look downright terrible. Just a big miss with this fit.

Alright, these ugly ass dresses are bringing me down. Let’s get to the good stuff.

Issa Rae

Me: Now this is how you rock a cutout. This dress is gorgeous and Issa Rae looks stunning.

Hannah Waddingham

Me: And this is how you rock a poufy pink tulle dress. Gorgeous. Well done, Hannah. Well done!

Marley: I really like this dress, it reminds me of the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz.

Amy Poehler

Me: I love Amy Poehler so much and am often sad because she makes it to my worst dressed list so frequently. But not tonight. Tonight she rocked it! Amy – you are one sexy hot mama in that dress. (Also, see how to rock a cutout part two!)

Marley: I think this is a really pretty dress and Amy looks gorgeous. It’s really flattering on her and the color is a great choice.

Geena Davis

Me: LOVE! I absolutely adore this shade of yellow. (Two of my very favorite tops are this shade of yellow.) This dress is a Greecian Goddess classic with a bright yellow twist. And I must have that belt.

Sheryl Lee Ralph

Me: Sheryl Lee Ralph stole the Emmy’s with her amazing acceptance speech. This woman is a queen! The jeweled hair, the jeweled makeup, the jeweled jewelry, that pop of perfect orange (not too sherberty, not too bright). This entire look is an A+++

Marley: I think this dress is stunning, especially the orange lining. Her hair as well is just beautiful, I love how it goes all the way to her hip.

My friend Laurel: Sheryl Lee Ralph wins queen of the night. Pop of orange in her skirt – yes!

HoYeon Jung

Me: I think this dress is really pretty. A simple cut + interesting (but not crazy) pattern = fabulous look. And I dig that barrette placement.

Marley: I love how this dress fits her, I think she looked amazing tonight. Everything from her hair down to her purse, I think it’s a great look.

Zendaya

Me: This elegant dress is stunning. And it has pockets! Perfection.

Marley: She always looks amazing and tonight’s no different. The dress fits her perfectly and she’s just stunning.

Jean Smart

Me: Look at Jean Smart rockin’ this dress. She looks amazing!

Rosario Dawson

Me: Pay attention, Laura Linney and Sarah Paulson – this is how you pull off an interesting top. This dress is fabulous.

My friend Laurel: Rosario = perfection.

Me: Normally, I wouldn’t add a look like this – I think it’s fine – not amazing and definitely not offensive. But my friend Laura texted me and said, “Can you say how beautiful Mariska looked?!!!” And she does look beautiful. I do love the jewelry. And I never watches SVU, but I got the joke when she and Christopher Meloni presented – hilarious. She really did look fab.

And speaking of fab – you know I always like to add a few gentlemen to the mix for you ladies, so here you go.

Me: Trevor Noah in navy blue. Yes, please. [Insert heart eye emoji!]

Me: This is how you rock an non-traditional tux. I love it!

Nicholas Hoult

Me: This is how you do NOT rock a non-traditional tux. What is with those bell bottoms? This look is a no for me.

Marley: Five-star restaurant waitstaff couture.

Andrew Garfield

Me: You know, Andrew Garfield usually doesn’t do it for me, but in this suit, he does it for me!

Well, friends, I’ve got to get to work. No time to edit, so please be more forgiving of grammatical/spelling errors than I was of celebrity fashion choices. (But seriously, Sarah Paulson, get a new stylist!)

And please, as always – let me know what you think. Agree? Disagree? And what looks did I miss?Photos source: eonline

My Snarky Academy Award 2022 Red Carpet Review

March 28, 2022 charleneaross2 Comments

Hello, Friends. I’m back. But only sort of. I did not have time to watch the red carpet yesterday because I was out living my life. (Translation: out celebrating a friend’s birthday on a Sunday afternoon at a flea market instead of on a Saturday night at a club because that is what ladies of a certain age do!)

But I did watch the Oscars (and Will Smith – you were in the wrong – WTF, dude!) and while watching the Oscars I sent screenshots to my daughter and her friend so they could do all the heavy lifting. Plus, 21 year olds are better at being snarky.

Before I start though, and say I found the dresses a little boring this year, to be honest. They were either pretty, but not amazing, or just meh, and not overly horrible. But please do enjoy the comments below by my daughter Marley, her friend Rachel, and me (who is definitely qualified to give fashion advise as I sit in my Costo leggings and Target hoodie).

Rachael: Overall really good look. I think the color makes her skin pop and glow. I love how her dress is blue like the ocean which makes her look like a mermaid.

Marley: I think that the bottom looks like butterfly wings which is beautiful. I don’t know how she’s able to sit in it with the wires I’m a little concerned it’ll go flat but I think it’s absolutely gorgeous on her especially the way it shapes her legs.

Me: This is not typically the kind of dress I love, but Megan pulls it off and looks gorgeous.

Marley: Super ugly dress, I don’t understand the gaudy bow at all.

Rachael: I hate this dress 110% awful. Absolutely horrendous. I dont like the bow at all.

Me: This kills me because I love Amy Schumer so much, but this dress looks like she found it on the clearance rack at dress barn.

Marley: I love the pants suit instead of a dress and it might even be a two piece if not the slit in the center. I don’t know how I feel about the Cape. Not really a cape person but I mean I guess it does make it a little bit fancier than just a pants suit

Rachael: I really love the color on her I think it looks really good. I really love the contrast of like the black nails with the really bright red it makes her stand out. I love the pants to be honest, the trousers are really cute. she can really rock this bold color all the way. I personally just don’t like the top itself also the jacket is a little weird I think she could’ve gone without it.

Me: I feel like the designers are getting a little overly creative with bodices trying to show cleavage in a new and clever way. And it’s just weird. That being said, I love this outfit (cape and all). I think it looks fab.

Rachael: OK first of all I just think Timothée Chalamet is really hot so I think it’s a really good. I love the jewelry, I’m not digging though the no top. I think it would look really good if it had a under top like with the jacket, but I love the hair.

Marley: Honestly not a fan. I don’t know why he doesn’t have a shirt on. I think that the blazer itself is cool and has a lot of design to it that I think is pretty however put on a shirt. That’s really it. Just wear a shirt.

Me: He looks like an ice skater who spent so much time lacing his skates that he didn’t have enough time to put his shirt before hitting the ice. (Also super glad that Marley and Rachael have the good sense to know that the dude really needs a shirt!)

Marley: I think her dress looks like those roses that you’ll see at the front of CVS during Valentine’s Day that are made of that kind of stiff tissue paper I don’t really understand it

Rachael: I think this dress is horrendous. I don’t think it looks good on her, I don’t think it would look good on anybody to be honest with you. I don’t know why they went with this dress, I have no words.

Me: Marley and Rachael don’t know what they’re talking about. This dress is gorgeous.

Marley: I don’t understand why designers make ugly sleeves a staple for every award show. This dress is just ugly.

Rachael: lt’s just not good. Blegh. No.

Me: Olivia Coleman, in my opinion is the new Meryl Streep. Amazing in whatever she does. We will be seeing her at the Oscars as long as she continues to make movies so she really does need to fire her stylist. Because, (what Rachael said) blegh. No!

Marley: She looks like she’s in medieval times wearing chain mail and trying not to get attacked in an oncoming war. I don’t really understand it I don’t think it’s very flattering on her and I really don’t get the vision nor do I see the vision

Rachael: I don’t like this at all I really don’t know much else to say besides that it really is awful. I don’t like that the jewelry make any sense. I think this is a really awful look I don’t know who let her walk out like this but whoever did deserves jail time.

Me: Again, this is hard for me because I love Jamie Lee Curtis so much (like, I mean love, love, love), but this monstrosity is a hard no!

Marley: I do think that the dress makes her waste look incredible, however I think that it’s absolutely ugly. I don’t understand the gold what a tiger head that are on there, and the whole T shoulders just really doesn’t make any sense to me.

Rachael: this is just really not a flattering dress. I think it’s really weird I don’t know I just don’t like it. I don’t know what’s going on with like all the symbols or like the tinfoil that looks like literal like tinfoil buttons I don’t like this at all it is really strange.

Me: What the actual fuck, Maggie? This dress is ridiculous.

Marley: Honestly I think it looks like she forgot a dress last minuet and grabbed a green screen off the wall. Not a fan of the shape either.

Rachael: this is really disappointing. I love H.E.R., but this is really bad. I dont like the design, the color is way too bright and the clutch purse is a weird accessory.

Me: They are wrong. This dress is fab. And look at those shoes – they are spectacular!

Marley: Yellow looks stunning on her, but I’m really not a fan of the robe she’s wearing.

Rachael: i think the dress style shouldve been different. I dont really care for the robe either i think this whole outfit needs a makeover baldy.

Me: I am seriously doubting my decision to seek Marley and Rachael’s opinions. Because there is only one thing to say about this look and it is Yaaaaas, Queen! (She looks amazing!)

Marley: The only thing that is redeemable about this outfit is her hair and makeup. The dress is horrible and looks like a dyed curtain.

Rachael: I love her hair style, its very cute but I think outfit choice was criminal.

Me: Well, at least these girls are starting to make sense again! This dress is horrific.

Marley: Very gorgeous dress, but I feel like it’s something you would see at a rich high school prom.

Rachael: This reminds me of middle school, TBH. I think its pretty and love the shimmer though.

Me: I think this dress is my favorite dress of the night. I think it’s gorgeous. (I really thought the girls would hate it though – I’m glad they (mostly) liked it too.)

So, there you have it, friends. My 2022 Oscar Red Carpet Review. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are there any spectacular or horrific dresses I missed? Let me know in the comments below.

Photos taken from here. (Thank you, People Magazine.)

My 2021 Emmy Red Carpet Review

September 20, 2021 charleneaross3 Comments

Apparently the Emmy’s were on last night. I had no idea. Which is sad because at least 5 people rely on me to write this report every year. And I love the Emmy’s. We watch a lot of TV and last year we really watched a lot of TV. Plus, the last few years it seems I’ve been traveling and my friends have taken over this post and this time I was actually home for once.

But I’ve got a lot going on. I recently received a promotion at work (yay), but my replacement hasn’t started yet, so I basically have two jobs, and I’ve launched a new program which is awesome, but also all-encompassing and overwhelming. Yesterday I spent five hours bringing my email inbox from 205 to 9. Then I did all my Sunday errands – laundry, Trader Joe’s, Costco, getting gas, returning a library book – Friends, I was hella productive.

But the Emmy’s? Not on my radar. Not only am I distracted by work, I’m also distracted by life. Because, like I said, I’ve got a lot going on. My niece has cancer. And not just your run-of-the-mill-we’ll-zap-that-with-some-chemo-your-hair-will-fall-out-but-then-you’ll-have-a-pretty-good-chance-of-being-fine type of cancer. She’s got an extremely rare holy-shit-what-the-fuck-do-we-do-and-how-in-the-world-do-we-treat-this type of cancer. So my family’s dealing with that.

I’m sorry for telling you that. Because this post is supposed to be funny and help you escape by looking at shiny and ridiculous things. And I truly believe that laughter is the best medicine. But sometimes that’s a struggle. Even for me. (Though, I will tell you, yesterday a family text chain turned into a selfie text chain that was hilarious. And my niece can rock a scrunchie from a hospital bed, let me tell you.)

But also. I don’t like to disappoint. So here is my favorite dress.

Michaela Cole looks stunning. Who knew neon yellow could be so fab?

Here are dresses that are dumb.

I love Sarah Paulson, but she consistently ends up on my worst dressed list.

I don’t think Gillian Anderson realized what kind of event she was attending. Gillian! It’s the Emmy’s not a fancy dinner at a yoga retreat!

Emma Corrin. All I can say is WTF? Neither Princess Diana nor The Queen would be amused.

And so there you have it. My I-didn’t-watch-the-Emmy’s-and-don’t-really-care Red Carpet Review.

Oh, and also. May I ask a favor? Would you mind looking at my niece Amanda’s GoFundMe? I know. GoFundMes drive me crazy too. I never thought I’d have to write one. It made me itchy and uncomfortable and downright depressed. And it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to ask. But, I’d do anything for my brother and his daughter needs help. And I would be so grateful.

Plus, look at her. This girl knows how to rock a dress.

Emmy photos taken from here.

My 2021 Academy Award Red Carpet Review

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021 charleneaross1 Comment

Can I be honest? I was a little underwhelmed with last night’s Oscar’s. I mean, the show itself was fine. I appreciated the effort. The set did look super cool. But, there was just no glamour. And I get it, we’re still in a pandemic and there weren’t many movies anyway, but the whole thing really left me uninspired.

But, the people have demanded this review. (And by “the people” I mean three Facebook friends.) Plus, I rarely get to spend time with Marley these days, and my friends Laurel and Shauna were texing me their input which made for a fun night. And for the first time in three years I was actually home to do it. And so, here we go again with another Academy Award Red Carpet Review.

Amanda Seyfried

Me: the dress is a yes, red is definitely her color.

Marley: She looks amazing, but I hate those ruffles and those pleats. It’s a no.

Regina King

Me: I want to love this dress so much, and I do love most of it – the cut, the color, the fit, the bottom, but those wings are just too much. Regina is a queen, however and would amazing in a paper sack.

Marley: Those sleeves look like the angel statues from Dr. Who. If you close your eyes they follow you.

Shauna: What’s up with Regina’s sleeves? She looks like a butterfly.

Colman Domingo

Me: Now that is one hot gay tux on a hot gay man. I love it!

Marley: I feel like I’ve already seen Lil’ Nas X wear the same thing. But it does look good on him.

Carey Mulligan

Me: Stunning.

Marley: Stunning!

Shauna: She looks like a princess!

Laura Dern

Me: I feel like I should hate this, but I actually don’t. I mean, I don’t love it, but she looks pretty.

Marley: Where did she come from? The Beauty and the Beast? Is she a duster? Did she kill a thousand swans?

Laurel: She looks like she’s going to take flight.

Youn Yuh-jung

Marley: I love her dress. It’s very pretty.

Me: It has pockets!

Marley: I know. That’s why I love it.

Me: I am also madly in love with Youn Yuy-jung. I loved her speech (she is hilarious) and her mad love for Brad Pitt.

Margot Robbie

Me: Love, love, LOVE that hair! The dress is a little unglamorous, but like I said, it’s an unglamorous year. It’s simple and pretty. But those bangs and that messy ponytail? I’m obsessed!

Marlee Matlin

Marley: This is the first time I don’t hate stupid sleeves. I like the beading and she looks beautful.

Me: She looks gorgeous. I like the dress and feel like my friend Kim Robinson will absolutely love it.

H.E.R.

Laurel: H.E.R. looks regal.

Marley: H.E.R. looks fantastic. Probably my favorite outfit of the night.

Me: I love it!

Zendaya

Marley: Zendaya looks beautiful, I love that dress.

Me: Zendaya looks beautiful. I hate that dress.

Laurel: Beautiful girl, bad yellow dress.

Halle Berry

Me: No! No!! NO!! You know how in those ugly duckling movies the girl just changes her hair and clothes and suddenly she’s beautiful? Halle Berry just did the opposite! Because Halle Berry, one of the most beautiful women to ever grace our fine planet was looking pretty fugly with that stupid hair (god, I hope it’s a wig!). Seriously. What happened? Oh yeah, and I didn’t like her dress either.

Marley: Halle Berry’s hair is stupid and her dress is ugly.

Laurel: Halle Berry looks awful. Bad dress. Bad Hair.

Shauna: Agree

Reece Witherspoon

Me: Reece Witherspoon looks fine. Her dress is fine. She probably put about the same amount of effort in choosing that dress as I’m putting into writing this blog post, which is to say, not much. But in this unglamorous year, I will give her a pass. But, Reece? Part your hair on the side like a grown-up! You are a Gen-X grown ass woman and you’re not fooling anyone with that Gen Z middle part!

Viola Davis

Me: I like it! Very unique. She looks like a modern Greek Goddess

Shaua: I am trying to wrap my head around Viola Davis’s dress. It ‘s very distracting but kinda cool.

Me: Marley and I love it.

Laurel: I love it.

Shauna: REFUSE HATE! I love it!

(Apparently I am quite the influencer.)

Dana Murray

Me: I did not know who Dana Murray was before tonight. A quick IMDB search shows that she has made quite the rise over the last 12 years at Pixar and Disney from working in the animation department for Up to becoming the producer of Soul. You go, girl. Now get yourself a dress that does not look like one of the balloons that made the Ed Asner’s house float away.

Marley: Is she from the Wizard of Oz? Her dress looks like it’s caught in a tornado.

Laurel: NO! What is this?

Shauna: It looks like she is about to float away.

Frances McDormand

Me: Look, I get that Frances McDormand doesn’t do glamour. That’s fine. She’s an eccentric and complicated woman. You don’t want to wear makeup? Fine. You want to wear an ugly dress? Fine? But is it really too much effort to put on a Crest white strip and pull a comb through that dirty-ass hair? I wouldn’t do a late night milk run at 7-11 without puttiing a hat on that mop!

Laurel: For God’s sake, woman run a brush through that dirty hair!

Shauna: Frances McDormand is WEIRD!

So was this Academy Awards, Shauna. But at least unlike Frances McDormand’s non-existing stylist (and also, myself), they tried. They really did try.

What are your thoughts on this year’s Academy Awards?

Photos were mostly trolled from here, but also from here.

Oscar’s Fashion Eye is 2020

February 10, 2020March 9, 2020 charleneaross1 Comment

It’s Laurel & Lexington here! Usually Charlene writes a funny, snarky, poignant blog post for the Oscar’s ever-anticipated Red Carpet, but this year, her working/traveling/jet-setting self is allowing her friends & daughter to guest-write her post. She may live to regret it, like Kristen Wiig is regretting her dress choice, but hey – life is all about taking risks! Just ask Maya Rudolph, if you can find her under that smock.

Let’s break this down into 4 categories.

Black & White
In the Pink
Just Lovely
That’s a HARD NO

Charlene here: Laurel & Lexi – 1,000 thank yous for taking over my blog and writing this post. Sitting at the airport now (work is so inconvenient to my snarky hobbies!) and will add my commentary (if needed). From what I’ve seen so far, I might be out of a (non) job with Laurel & Lexi’s spot-on fashion eye.

Black & White

The classic black gown, the stunning white couture, a handsome tux. Who needs color when you can rock black & white like this?

Keanu Reeves & his mom – so right on so many levels. Well done!

Cynthia Erivo owns every piece of this look. Versace goodness!

Why ya gotta be so perfect, Charlize Theron? Hot damn!

Ms. Cruz, te amo – you are divine in black & white.

Renee Zellweger – that Armani dress is undeniably stunning.
Charlene: This may be the dress of the night. Bridget Jones – I like you just as you are. (Fabulous!)

Brad Pitt – winner, winner, won’t kick you out of bed for eating a chicken dinner.
You know what I mean.
Charlene: I do know what you mean, and you are right!

In The Pink

We don’t have to fear pink – it’s feminine and free and fabulous. From blush to bubblegum, pink is the new black. These goddesses look so beautiful – their accessories alone are enough to include them!

Julia Butters – this dress is so flowy and perfect for her young self, and that sparkly pink orb bag! Lexington says: she looks like cotton candy. Deelish.
Charlene: She does look adorable, but I have to admit, I am not a fan of the sleeves (but she is a child, so I will allow it). That purse, though? I want it!

Brie Larson is elegant in this sparkly, clingy, sexy look. Steamy!
Charlene: Brie Larson always looks amazing. Her stylist definitely knows what they’re doing!

Idina Menzel nails it here – the gown, the necklace, the hair & make-up.
We can’t let this one go!
Charlene: Hmmm… I’m not sure I’m as big a fan.

Angela Bassett looks incredible in this bold pink stunner – love every element of her look! Is she aging? Nope.
Charlene: Angela Bassett is 61! 61!!! She has obviously made a deal with the devil!

Gal Gadot called her friend Caitriona Balfa and said, “Let’s wear black & pink gowns and look hot.” And they did!

Caitriona Balfa – ditto!
Charlene: I actually can’t tell if I hate that pink thing or not. (I know if Marley chose to participate she would have!) I want to hate it – but not sure that I do.

Just Lovely

If I weren’t sitting on my couch waiting for my Persian food to be delivered while watching this fancy night out, I might not be wearing jammy pants and Isotoner slippers. But am I. However, these gorgeous people are just lovely.

Billy Porter in Giles Deacon couture – I mean, is anyone more stylish? Just Lovely.
Charlene: Only Billy Porter could pull this off. And he does!

Janelle Monáe is…Just Lovely. There are no words.
Charlene: Laurel is wrong – there are words and the are: Wow! I love this dress so much. Stunning-Fabulous-Lovely

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is Just Lovely, in her blue elegance and heavenly jewels.
Charlene: Another starlet who has made a deal with the devil. Not only is she hilariously funny, gorgeous, and does not age, she is probably rich enough to actually afford that necklace!

Kaitlyn Dever, you shatter our Just Lovely category. Holy beauty!!
Charlene: Simply Fabulous.

Kelly Ripa could have stunned us in the Black & White category with this classic gown, but with Mark’s beautiful blue tux, they are…Just Lovely!

Mindy Kaling in Dolce & Gabana and her Chopard jewelry is so lovely, it almost hurts.
So good!
Charlene: 100% agree!

Olivia Colman in Stella McCartney and those earrings is Just Lovely!
Charlene: I love Olivia Colman, but often do not love what she wears. This I like.

Rebel Wilson, in gold goddessness, and perfect red lips. Just Lovely!
Charlene: Rebel looks FAB!

As always, Regina King looks like a queen. And is Just Lovely!
Charlene: Regina King never disappoints. She is Hollywood glamour at it’s finest. She is not only a King – she is a Fashion Queen!

Take your Just Lovely and get a room, Colin & Scarlet!
Charlene: Talk about a deal with the devil – how did Colin Jost ever land ScarJo? (I’ll tell you – he makes her laugh!) But seriously, her dress is just like her – beyond gorgeous, and they both look lovely.

Sandra Oh YES! You are Just frocking Lovely in this gown.
Charlene – This is where Laurel and I disagree. While Sandra does look lovely, I do not love the chenille bedspread portion of this dress. (I swear the bottom and sleeves of this dress look exactly like my grandmother’s old bedspread.) Take off that fuzzy business and you’ve got yourself a gorgeous dress.

That’s a HARD NO

It’s a challenge to put our beloved into this category, but fear not – it’s necessary. They need to think about what they’ve done!

Charlene’s friend Jillian said it best: *Kristen Wiig looks like a red octopus*.
It’s a shame, because with that cute hair & make-up, she could have been just lovely.
Charlene: Yes, this dress definitely falls into the “less is more” category. As in this dress would be (more) beautiful if it had less (as in none) of whatever that ruffle business is attached to it. Without the octopus arm lasagna noodles stuck on the side of this dress it would be stunning.

Maya Rudolph, we love you so, but what the frock is going on here?
Charlene: (I see what you did there, Laurel!) Also, Maya, I love you. But you seriously need to fire your stylist. Stat!

Ryan Michelle Bathe, you are shockingly beautiful – the opposite of this tent.
Charlene: Laurel – really?! I like it!

Saoirse Ronan, what the frock happened here???
Charlene: Saoirse is usually in my best dressed category, but I am not a fan of this one. Just too much going on. Take away the peplum and you’ve got a beautiful dress (or keep the peplum and make the skirt black). And those bangs? Not a fan. (And this is coming from a girl who has always and will forever always have bangs!)

Coco would say NO NO! Billie Eilish, this is a HARD NO!
Charlene: While I am not a fan of this look, I know that this is Billie’s signature style (which I am also not a huge fan of), so I respect it. But, what I DO give a hard no on are those nails. Seriously, Billie. WTF with those nails?!

And that’s it, folks. This year’s Oscars prove that fashion isn’t for everyone, but those who get it, really get it right! Oh…wait…one more for Charlene! xoxo

Laurel and Lexi – once again, thank you so much! You did a fabulous job. Next year I will try my best to not be working. But if I am, I know my red carpet post will be in good hands.

My Snarky 2020 Golden Globe Review

January 6, 2020January 6, 2020 charleneaross4 Comments

Oh yes, it’s that time of year again. The Golden Globe Awards! And this time I was actually ready! For whatever reason the last few years the awards have caught me off-guard or I’ve been out of town while they were, but last night I was ready.

Also it seems that the last few years people have been dressing really well and there wasn’t much to snark about. Well, the terrible stylists (and terrible dresses) are back, making yesterday’s red carpet watching a true delight! Thank you, my dearly beloved Hollywood elite for making my job so very easy this year.

I even got input from my writing group as the texts were flying in (ping, ping, ping!) during the ceremony. So, without further adieu, here is my 2020 Golden Globe snarky red carpet review…

Dakota Fanning

Marley: The only good thing about this dress is the color. Otherwise it’s absolutely horrible.

Me: I disagree. The whole thing is horrible. While the color is pretty, it washes her out completely. It looks like she found it at a thrift store in the 1978 prom section.

My friend Lexi: She took a wrong turn for her job at Disneyland.

Cate Blanchett

Marley: With those wack shoulder things she looks like she’s trying to fly away from this ugly dress.

Me: Marley is spot-on (and also hilarious!). The bodice looks like some sort of sparkly bondage top and that pleated yellow crepe is again looking very late-seventies. This dress is a hella-no!

Charlize Theron

Marley: This looks like they ran out of time when trying to dress her so they threw some fabric on her and let her go.

My friend Lexi: Charlize can pull off anything, but the color looks like she crashed into a highlighter.

Me: First, let’s all agree that Charlize looks stunning. Her hair and make-up is gorgeous. But this dress confuses me. I actually like the color, but it’s just. Weird.

Giuliana Rancic

Marley: Her dress looks like it doesn’t even fit her body and the clutch looks like she stole it from somebody whose dress actually matches it.

Me: I actually think the dress is very pretty, but her hair is horrific. The color does not match her skin tone at all. On the red carpet it looked like straw. And I am not into body shaming (because trust me, my body is about as far from perfect as they come), but that girl really needs to eat a sandwich.

Jennifer Lopez

Marley: Her dress looks like it was made out of left over tissue paper from Christmas.

Me: J-Lo, this is a J-No! Jennifer, be 50 & Fabulous, not 50 & I-don’t-even-know-what-this-is. But that necklace? OMG – I MUST have it!

Olivia Colman

Marley: What’s wrong with normal sleeves? Why did we decide to stop putting them in dresses?

Me: When it comes to acting Olivia Colman can do no wrong. She is the new (British) Meryl Streep. But when it comes to dressing she can seemingly do no right. (It’s okay, Olivia, Meryl is also a disaster most of the time when it comes to fashion.) Also, Marley is right, what’s was with the horrible sleeve trend last night?

Jodie Comer

Marley: Whose tablecloth did she steal?

Me: Again with the sleeves. Also, why??? It looks like a sad, satin sack.

Joey King

Marley: I want to like this dress, but everything in me is telling me I need to hate it. Who would choose that pattern, and why?

Me: I agree with Marley. I want to like this dress. It looks like a cool piece of modern art. But also, if I were one of the people that got seizures from strobe lights, I think this dress would put me in a similar state. I want to (want to) say yes, but for me, it’s a no.

Kaitlyn Dever

Marley: Didn’t we learn to leave couch patterns behind after Kim Kardashian’s Met Gala look?

Me: First I want to say that I think Kaitlyn looks adorable. (Also, if you have not seen Booksmart, you must. It is spectacular.) And again, I want to like this dress, but it looks like an adult coloring book with not enough colored pencil choices. And also. Again. Those sleeves.

Kerry Washington

Marley: It has potential, but it’s horrible. The idea is there but the execution looks like something from episode one of Project Runway where the designers still have no clue what they’re doing.

Me: It looks like she got confused and thought her belt was her shirt. I was feeling sort of old for hating this, because I know this is supposed to be edgy and provocative, but since Marley and my writing group hated the look as well (my friend Lexi: Where is Kerry Washington’s shirt?), I feel vindicated. I am not old, I am right. This look is not good.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Marley: This looks like she took inspiration from slave Leia but decided she needed to cover up more so she threw some tulle over it to make it more palatable. I bet we’ll see this on Goop in a few months for ten thousand dollars.

Me: To me this looks like she threw a sheer lingerie robe over a bathing suit. If sheer lingerie robes came with too many frills in puke brown.

Lucy Boynton

Marley: Was her inspiration Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz? I don’t understand that wack lace thing on her chest? I am so confused.

Me: Last year Lucy wore ugly gold lame to the Golden Globes. It was also horrible, but this tinfoil-space-meets-Little-House-on-the-Prairie creation is worse. And that makeup! Was is with all the black and silver shit all over her eyes?

Taylor Swift

Marley: I think the dress shape and overall construction is good, but that pattern is horrible.

Me: I agree. If this dress was black or red or any solid color, it would be gorgeous. But that pattern, while it would be cute on a sundress, makes it a big no.

My friend Lexi: OMG – who shot the sofa?

Alright, enough already. My eyes are starting to bleed. Believe it or not, there were some gorgeous, gorgeous looks last night. (Though they are not nearly as fun!) Here are some of them.

Nicole Kidman

Marley: It’s pretty, but nothing special

Me: Marley is wrong! I think this dress is stunning. Nicole is often on my worst dressed list, but she’s been upping her style game lately. An enthusiastic thumbs up.

Zoey Deutch

Marley: I mean… I guess? I feel like they can do better next time. I just hate these sleeves. Bring back normal sleeves.

Me: I love it! Even the yellow (which is a tricky color and this one is a tad on the mustard side, but I’ll let it pass). I love the plunge, which is deep, but still not too revealing, the shape and even the sleeves. And that necklace? Perfection.

Tiffany Haddish

Marley: This is a really simple dress, which is seemingly rare on this red carpet. I almost wish it had a little more but that would probably ruin it.

Me: Simply beautiful. I love the pink.

Saoirse Ronan

Marley: It’s simple, beautiful, and looks amazing on her and her body.

Me: Agree. Stunning. She wore a perfect dress last year and has done it again.

Kate McKinnon

Marley: Kate is perfect, therefore this is perfect. That’s all.

Me: What Marley said.

Helen Mirren

Marley: Not only is that a beautiful color, but it looks amazing on her and fits her great.

Me: I say it every year. I want to look (and dress) like Helen Mirren when I grow up. She is the epitome of beauty, class, and style.

Rachel Brosnahan

Me: One of my favorite looks of the night. Love the color and the cut and everything about it. Stunning.

Cynthia Erivo

Marley: It’s classy and it looks great on her.

Me: Agree. I love the style. It’s like a blingy tuxedo dress. and I love her hair. Win!

Laura Dern

Me: I love this flowy style. This pattern works for me and I think Laura looks gorgeous.

Kit Harrington and Rose Leslie

Marley: I know it’s the style, but it just looks like she’s wearing the shorts I used to have to wear under my skirt in lacrosse.

Me: While I agree that I don’t love the see-through with the short black skirt aspect of the dress, I think overall the dress is so pretty. I love the color and the style and the beading, so I’ll let it slide. Also, Leslie and Kit definitely win the cute couple award.

Okay, look. There are so many more that I don’t have time to get to. As always I should have done most of this last night. But I was tired and left the bulk of the work for the morning. And I have a job that I am already late to, so I don’t have time to talk about Reece Witherspoon’s okay dress and horrible hair or the awful color of Sandra Bullocks dress. But I will be nice and give you one piece of eye candy, as I know y’all look forward to at the end of this post.

Andrew Scott

Me: I dig the color of the gold color of the tie and jacket. Makes it look much less waiter-ish. Plus, if you have not seen Fleabag, drop everything immediately and binge it now. It is full of sad, messy, crazy people. The writing is brilliant and it is funny AF.

That is my review for the year. I hope it made you laugh. And remember, I am making fun of the clothing and style choices, not the people themselves (mostly).

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what we posted and what we missed.

Photos borrowed from here, here, here and here.

My Snarky 2018 Emmy Red Carpet Review

September 18, 2018September 18, 2018 charleneaross4 Comments

Every few years the Emmy’s are on a Monday. I’m sure it has something to do with football. I’m just going to go on record as saying I don’t like it.

Marley wins the trooper award because she worked until 11:00 last night and I woke up to an email (sent at 12:26 AM) with Marley’s Emmy comments.

So without any further adieu, here is Marley and Charlene’s 2018 Emmy Red Carpet Review:

Tracee Ellis Ross

traee-ellis-ross-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: She looks like she raided some 8 year old girls bedroom and took her comforter and wore it as a dress. The material looks so cheap. Yikes.

Charlene: I really don’t even know what to say. Who looks at that dress and says, “Yeah, that’s the one!” Well, I guess the answer is Tracee Ellis Ross, buy whyyyy???

Heidi Klum

heidi-klum-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: Usually she dresses hella ugly but honestly this is a great color and a nice and classy dress.

Charlene: Heidi Klum is almost always on my worst-dressed list so I thought it was only fair to show her in a dress that’s not terrible. I don’t love it, but it’s pretty and she looks gorgeous.

Kit Harington

kit-harrington-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: I mean, he isn’t dressed special but is still a very cute man.

Charlene: I think he’s wearing a nice suit with a very nice cut and is indeed a very cute man.

Evan Rachel Wood

Marley: She looks frickin stunning, best dressed by far. Honestly that dress is perfect.

Charlene: I do love the beautiful simplicity of this dress. Stunning.

Hilaria Baldwin

hilaria-baldwin-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: I mean… wow. That for sure is a look. Kinda looks like a thanksgiving table runner turned couture.

Charlene: I actually think this dress is really pretty. It seems odd that I would like an orange evening gown, but I even like the color.

Jonathan Van Ness

jonathan-van-ness-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: That sure is, uhhh something. The under shirt is really a look that I don’t think we need more of.

Charlene: Agree. I don’t even think I want to see someone I want to see without a shirt in that gawd awful see-through shirt. No thank you very much.

Megan Mullally

megan-mullally-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-arrivals-fashion

Marley: She kinda looks like a fancy school teacher

Charlene: Yeah, I want to like this dress, but it’s just too casual for me.

Sarah Paulson

sarah-paulson-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: IDK why she thought that was a good idea. She looks so uncomfortable. Also, boob contour was NOT blended. Im offended.

Charlene: Yeah, not a fan of this dress. And even more so, what I’m really not a fan of was the trend last night of the women having their hair pulled back with that middle part and severe makeup. Do not like!

Sandra Oh

sandra-oh-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion
Marley: She can do no wrong. She is perfect.

Charlene: 100% agree. This was one of my favorite dresses of the night. It is gorgeous.

Emilia Clarke

emilia-clarke-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: Yikes. It was like half cute but the top was just done so badly.

Charlene: Yeah, I have to agree with Marley. I can’t say exactly what I don’t love about this dress – it’s not ugly, it just doesn’t work for me. And there’s that hairstyle again. It’s like all they hair stylists in Hollywood got lazy.

Keri Russell

keri-russell-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: How many birds did she have to murder to make this dress?

Charlene: I actually love this dress, which is odd as the whole asymetrical-part-of-your-dress-is-missing thing doesn’t usually work for me, but somehow this dress does work and I think Keri looks hot. Also, this shade of yellow is on the green side and not good.

Regina King

regina-king-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: This is what happens when highlighters come to life and attack.

Charlene: Damn, I love Regina King, but I do not love this dress. That circle thing in the front looks like a mini version of those sunshields you pop up and put in your car window to keep it from getting too hot. Like someone just unrolled one of those things and popped it in the front of her dress.

Gwendoline Christie

gwendolyn-christie-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: She must be on the run from the cops because she had to of stolen that material from somebody’s curtain rod.

Charlene: I think she looks beautiful and I loved the dress when I saw it on TV, but that ride in the limo did make her a little wrinkley. Also, this shade of yellow is too mustardy for my taste.

Jenifer Lewis

jenifer-lewis-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion-nike

Marley: I approve of this highly.

Charlene: Me too.

Leslie Jones

leslie-jones-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Marley: I mean, I love a good pantsuit but wow that isn’t a good pantsuit.

Charlene: I kind of want to hate it because it sort of looks like a Care Bear vomited on a suit, but for Leslie it kind of works. (What do you think?)

And here are a few that Marley missed (plus she didn’t pick nearly enough men!):

Amy Sedaris

Amy-Sedaris-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Amy Sedaris is funny AF, but that doesn’t mean she has to dress funny. This dress is a nope.com for me. Also, I would have tripped on the laces of those shoes.

Connie Britton

connie-britton-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Connie Britton looks gorgeous and I want to like this dress, but honestly it looks like a longer version of a dress I could have gotten from White House Black Market when they were featuring a teal line.

Maya Rudolph

maya-rudolph-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

This looks like a puffy sleeved prom dress from the 80’s. And not a pretty one. But, it was better than the horrific one she wore on TV.

maya-rudolph-white-emmy-dress — Please excuse the grainy-out-of-focus picture I snapped of Maya Rudolph on my TV.

Adina Porter

adina-porter-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Now this is how you wear yellow. Gorgeous shade and gorgeous dress.

Jessica Biel

jessica-biel-2018-emmy-awards-red-carpet-fashion

Last year I wasn’t sure about Jessica Biel’s dress. This year I am sure, and I love it! She looks fab.

Kristen Bell

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This dress is stunning. Simplicity at its finest. I don’t even mind her (almost) center-part pulled back hair. The dress is gorgeous and so is she.

And now for some men…

Karamo Brown

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He looks like a gay pirate who came across a Harry Potter cape and some horse riding boots. But he looks like a smokin’ hot gay pirate who came across a Harry Potter cape and some horse riding boots, so I’ll allow it.

Milo Ventimiglia

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Milo looks like a waiter. A hot waiter. And yet, I still cannot allow it.

Jimmy O. Yang

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Jimmy looks very dapper in his burgundy suit. I dig the cut and the color and give him a big thumbs up.

John Legend

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Speaking of dapper, could John Legend look any finer? (Hint: the answer is no.)

Justin Hartley

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I’m inclined to say that Justin Hartley’s sleeves are too short – but look at him. Who cares!

And that my friends, wraps up this year’s Emmy’s Red Carpet Review. (Or as Marley likes to call it – Emmy’s Red Carpet Roast.)

We’d love to hear your comments. Any looks we missed? Anything you disagree with? We’d love to know!

Photos were found here and here.

My 2018 Academy Awards Red Carpet Review

March 5, 2018March 4, 2018 charleneaross5 Comments

So. My timing hasn’t been great this year.

You may remember the night of the Golden Globes was on my son’s 21st birthday.

And the Oscars? They are rudely happening on the night of a business trip to Las Vegas.

mandalay-bay-hotel-room — My red carpet view.

What the mother-loving what?! Can’t these freaking awards be the earth to my sun and revolve around my schedule? Sigh…

So I’ve decided to hand the reins over to my daughter. I have to admit, I don’t even know who all of these people are, but I uploaded photos of dresses I hated and dresses I loved and I’m letting Marley do all the commentary. (Which, I have to be honest, is more than just a little bit hard for a control freak like me. But I trust her. Mostly. Besides, I’ve got a work dinner I’ve got to get to.)

And so, may I present to you, Marley Ross’s snarky Academy Awards Red Carpet Commentary…

Marley: She looks like she ran out of time whilst getting dressed and decided to steal the fancy hotel duvet cover. I just don’t know who looked at this and really thought, “this is it, this is the perfect dress.”

Marley: I guess she also decided to steal and thought to take the canopy from her daughter’s room and give it to a stylist to fix a little. The color is very pretty, but it’s such an ugly dress.

Her dressed are always beautiful, and this one is no exception. The color, the style, and the design is just all perfect for her.

Marley: She looks like an old Barbie doll, but not in a good way. The dress is hideous, but the color makes her look great. The style is just such a miss, though.

Marley: The only good thing about this dress is the color. And how it makes her waist look great. Everything else is just ugly. The sequins. The diamonds. Just… all of it.

Marley: Okay but why? This is just the worst. Even her face seems like she’s thinking “God help me.” The shoes look like hooves.

taraj-p-henson-oscars-1 — Taraji P. Henson

Marley: This is my favorite dress of the night. It’s so perfect for her, its just beautiful. The slit it stunning, and the top part of the dress is so well designed.

whoopi-goldberg-oscars — Whoopi Goldberg

Marley: Oh Whoopi… who hurt you like this? The color and style is good, but that’s about it. The design looks like something from another century.

Marley: Okay but seriously, this is the ugliest thing I’ve seen, and I’ve seen our President playing tennis. I don’t know if that’s the fur of one hundred raccoons, or the hay from one hundred barns. I genuinely cannot tell.

This is a really simple but gorgeous dress. It’s perfect for her.

Marley: Another simple but beautiful dress. The color is very complimenting for her.

Marley: This is my second favorite dress. The top is stunning and the color is so unique.

Marley: I think this is the perfect dress for her. I really love it.

Marley: That dress costs more than mine and Chandler’s college tuition. And honestly, I think it’s ugly. It’s reminds me of the 20’s but not in a good way.

Marley: I love the blue and how everything matches so well.

Marley: The length is perfect, the color is perfect, and the style is perfect.

jennifer-lawrence-oscars — Jennifer Lawrence

Marley: This dress looks like somebody robbed a Coinstar and took only the nickles to glue together for this dress.

Marley: This is so flattering and beautiful. A great choice for her.

Marley: He looks like he just left some bondage event and forgot the Oscar’s were happening.

Marley: God I love him. He looks amazing in this suit. And very attractive 11/10.

lin-manuel-miranda-oscars — Lin Manuel Miranda

Marley: The blue is a great color and he’s just adorable.

Marley: This suit is great. The off white, the black tie, and the antlers pin that if you’ve seen the movie you’ll understand. It’s a great ode to his debut movie and just a really great outfit.

Well, there you have it, friends. I do disagree with some of her picks, but for the most part, for a kid who spends most of her time in leggings and hoodies, she’s got a pretty keen eye for fashion. (She takes after her mother that way!)

Photos credits: fashionista.com and

Charlene Ross

Tag: red carpet