I know I say this every year – I wasn’t going to do a review this year. My work week is insane – I should be working late (like 10 PM late) and starting early (like 5 AM early) in an effort to keep my head above water. But instead, I left work on time to watch the Emmy’s and used my early morning time to write this post. Plus, I had a happy hour planned tonight that I had to postpone two whole days. Do you see the sacrafices I make to do this for you people? (And by you people, I mean those of you who are kind enough to still read my blog after all these years. Thank you.)
And, also, yes I do realize that I can’t do a happy hour if I’m working until 10PM. (So maybe I really wouldn’t have done that anyway. Work until 10PM that is – I was definitely going to happy hour.)
But I digress -or I suppose that was me digressing, so rather, back to the point: the dresses.
With the help of my daughter Marley (and a few texts from my friends), here we go with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s start with the ugly.
This dress is ugly.
Me: I absolutely love Julie Garner and I loved Ruth so much – I’m so glad she won for Best Supporting Actress. Her speech was lovely. She is lovely. This dress is not lovely. That cut out diamond is just dumb. It looks like she took a dress out of her very stylish grandmother’s closet and cut a peek-a-boo diamond out of the middle to make it look young and edgy. I’m going to give that a big ol’ nope. This dress does not work for me.
Marley: I’m really not a big fan of this dress, I think if a woman of basically any other body type would be made fun of on twitter for this cutout. I just think it’s a huge miss.
Me: Sarah, Sarah, Sarah – this weird top-of-a-nun-habit + too-big 80’s belt + weird peplum pleat skirt is not working for me. I love Sarah Paulson’s acting but she needs to find a new stylist stat!
Marley: Sarah, no! :(. Sarah, why? Why are you doing this?
Me: This looks like an ice skating dress with an extra-long train. I just – no!
Marley: I feel like Katy Perry would have worn a better version of this dress at the 2009 VMAs or something. It looks like a cupcake.
Jasmine Savoy Brown
Me: Maybe I’m just old but this pleather dress is not for me. She might gain entry into Berghain wearing that getup but she should not have been allowed into the Emmy’s wearing it! in this case the dress does not meet the occassion.
Marley:I don’t love how blocky the dress is but I really love the concept and the idea of it. But the execution is only alright, however it has pockets!! So it’s great.
See, I am old for not liking it.
Me: Speaking of grandma’s closets – what is with that weird poncho-y mock turtleneck-y monstrosity? Why such ugly dresses, women of Ozark, why? (BTW, I was very sad Laura Linney didn’t win. Zendaya is fabulous but I find Euphoria unwatchable, where Ozark was amazing and Wendy Byrde is one of the most complex-remarkable-loveable-hateable characters ever.)
Marley: The only word that came to my head was candlestick.
Me: Kerry would look gorgeous in a burlap sack and usually makes my best dressed list but this look is just not working for me. I don’t like the I’m-heading-to-yoga messy top knot and those tights with that dress are just horrific. If this dress was long and she had a better hairstyle it would be an A+.
Marley: I loathe the black tights, I think it makes an already iffy dress look downright terrible. Just a big miss with this fit.
Alright, these ugly ass dresses are bringing me down. Let’s get to the good stuff.
Me: Now this is how you rock a cutout. This dress is gorgeous and Issa Rae looks stunning.
Me: And this is how you rock a poufy pink tulle dress. Gorgeous. Well done, Hannah. Well done!
Marley: I really like this dress, it reminds me of the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz.
Me: I love Amy Poehler so much and am often sad because she makes it to my worst dressed list so frequently. But not tonight. Tonight she rocked it! Amy – you are one sexy hot mama in that dress. (Also, see how to rock a cutout part two!)
Marley: I think this is a really pretty dress and Amy looks gorgeous. It’s really flattering on her and the color is a great choice.
Me: LOVE! I absolutely adore this shade of yellow. (Two of my very favorite tops are this shade of yellow.) This dress is a Greecian Goddess classic with a bright yellow twist. And I must have that belt.
Sheryl Lee Ralph
Me: Sheryl Lee Ralph stole the Emmy’s with her amazing acceptance speech. This woman is a queen! The jeweled hair, the jeweled makeup, the jeweled jewelry, that pop of perfect orange (not too sherberty, not too bright). This entire look is an A+++
Marley: I think this dress is stunning, especially the orange lining. Her hair as well is just beautiful, I love how it goes all the way to her hip.
My friend Laurel: Sheryl Lee Ralph wins queen of the night. Pop of orange in her skirt – yes!
Me: I think this dress is really pretty. A simple cut + interesting (but not crazy) pattern = fabulous look. And I dig that barrette placement.
Marley: I love how this dress fits her, I think she looked amazing tonight. Everything from her hair down to her purse, I think it’s a great look.
Me: This elegant dress is stunning. And it has pockets! Perfection.
Marley: She always looks amazing and tonight’s no different. The dress fits her perfectly and she’s just stunning.
Me: Look at Jean Smart rockin’ this dress. She looks amazing!
Me: Pay attention, Laura Linney and Sarah Paulson – this is how you pull off an interesting top. This dress is fabulous.
My friend Laurel: Rosario = perfection.
Me: Normally, I wouldn’t add a look like this – I think it’s fine – not amazing and definitely not offensive. But my friend Laura texted me and said, “Can you say how beautiful Mariska looked?!!!” And she does look beautiful. I do love the jewelry. And I never watches SVU, but I got the joke when she and Christopher Meloni presented – hilarious. She really did look fab.
And speaking of fab – you know I always like to add a few gentlemen to the mix for you ladies, so here you go.
Me: Trevor Noah in navy blue. Yes, please. [Insert heart eye emoji!]
Me: This is how you rock an non-traditional tux. I love it!
Me: This is how you do NOT rock a non-traditional tux. What is with those bell bottoms? This look is a no for me.
Marley: Five-star restaurant waitstaff couture.
Me: You know, Andrew Garfield usually doesn’t do it for me, but in this suit, he does it for me!
Well, friends, I’ve got to get to work. No time to edit, so please be more forgiving of grammatical/spelling errors than I was of celebrity fashion choices. (But seriously, Sarah Paulson, get a new stylist!)
And please, as always – let me know what you think. Agree? Disagree? And what looks did I miss?Photos source: eonline
5 thoughts on “My Snarky 2022 Emmy’s Red Carpet Review”
This time the only thing I had to Google was Berghain. I feel informed. Thank you for an always wonderful review of a show I keep forgetting to watch!
To be fair, I literally just heard about Berghain from my kids (since one of them is in Berlin) the day before. It was an obscure reference for sure!
This was worth postponing happy hour … 😉
Thank you for nailing it, once again. And for including me – you make me feel special. As Lexi would say, slay, girl!
THANK YOU for sacrificing your career to post this hilarity! I was laughing out loud reading it. You and Marley nailed it again!!
P.S. I think Jasmine Savoy Brown looks like a bat in that dress!!