I would say that she’s rockin’ a grill,except that she’s not. Rockin’ it that is. Is she unaware that she’s 54?
Look, I do lots of silly things to make myself look younger. I poison my head color my gray roots every 3 or 4 weeks, I participate in an activity that I do not enjoy 4-5 days a week, and last night I drank water with my dinner instead of wine. And I really, really wanted wine.But a grill? Seriously? Does she look in the mirror and think she looks hip? Looks young? Looks cool?
What’s wrong? Were her sinewy yoga arms no longer garnering her enough attention?
Oh Madonna, Madonna, Madonna, I will forever love the 80’s, 90’s and even early 00’s you, but you’ve got to start aging a little more gracefully my friend. And speaking of friends – that grill? So not yours.
And in parting, I have this very special wish for you…
Have a great weekend. (And whatever you do, please don’t get a grill!)
I still hate running. Seriously. I get no joy out of it. Zero.
One might wonder what sort of crazy person does something she hates five days a week. Something that makes her sore afterwards. Something that makes her out of breath and miserable while she’s doing it.
Yeah, when I figure that out I’ll let you know.
I’m training for a 10K – that’s about 6.2 miles, which is about 6 miles too far in my book. To date the furthest I’ve ever run is five miles. And that was so hard. Like really, really, really hard. And I had to walk some of it. (I always have to walk some of it.)
I’m training with the run club at my gym. We meet on Sundays for a long run and then we have running homework every week. I think I’d rather do Chandler’s Math Analysis homework. And I really suck at math. (Except for percentages and how they relate to things that are on sale. I’ll tell you, I can calculate the sale price of something in my head with the snap of a finger, no calculator needed.)
At the start of the training for the 10K our coach told us that we had to do our homework. “Don’t come to these long Sunday runs without doing your homework,” he warned us. “Because if you do, one of three things are guaranteed to happen. One, you will get hurt. Two, you will die. Or three, you will not finish your race.”
Honestly any of those scenarios sound preferable to me having to run six point two miles.
Last week I was pretty excited because I had it in my head that we had an easy week and our homework was Monday off, Tuesday 2 miles, Wednesday 1 mile, Thursday 2 miles, Friday off, and Saturday one mile. My friend Carol corrected me and told me that is was Tuesday 2 miles, Wednesday 2 miles, Thursday 3 miles. We checked. She was right. Stupid Carol!
I’ve been running for over four months now, but I’m not getting any better at it. Well, it is getting a tiny bit easier, but I’m so slow. I’m always one of the last ones to finish.
On yesterday’s run we did a 4 mile trail run. My friend -who shall remain nameless, but she knows who she is!- asked me to run with her because she hadn’t run for a week because she’d been sick. Yeah, that’s how slow I am. I run with the infirmed.
Also, she got lost on a trail once and hurt her foot, so understandably she hates trails. This trail was pretty narrow in places with sharp drop-offs and very uneven terrain – very hard to do if you are not a trail-run fan. (Or if, like me, you’re not an any-run fan.)
See those dots on the trails? Those are some of the many, many runners in front of us.
My nameless friend had to walk a lot of it because of the unevenness of the terrain, so I, out of the goodness of my heart, walked a lot of it too. You know, because I’m a good friend like that. Not because I couldn’t run it. (Cough cough!)
I will admit that it is a beautiful trail (if you like dry California scrub) and at a little over halfway you end up at a waterfall.
Feeling strong – of course this waterfall is at the bottom of a canyon and now I have to go back up!
And I suppose I should tell you that the main reason my friend wanted me to stay with her was because she was afraid of getting lost. So you know I got us lost right? And of course getting us lost resulted in us doing an extra mile. (I might or might not have said bad words to our running coach when he found us at the bottom of the trail where we’d taken a wrong turn and told us we’d have to go back.) I probably should have told her that I’m not just bad at math and running. I also have a terrible sense of direction.
Needless to say, we came in last for the people that were doing the four mile run. I’m pretty sure we still would have even if we hadn’t gone the extra mile.
So yes, as far as I’m concerned – running? It still totally sucks.
This is the year you’re going to be fit. Be healthy. Be strong. How ya doing with that?
They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. (I don’t know who “they” are, but I do know that’s what “they” say.) Well, we’re a little more than three weeks into 2014. Have you formed any healthy new habits yet? Sometimes we need a little help. A little push. Or just an awesome sale!
Well, if you live in Southern California, Arizona, Las Vegas or Hawaii, you’re in luck, because Whole Foods is having one heck of an awesome sale on everything that is going to get you healthy this year.
That’s right – vitamins, protein powders, homeopathic medicines – all that good stuff that you know you should be taking, but maybe haven’t started quite yet. (And if you are already taking them, this is definitely the perfect time to stock up!)
If you are a regular reader of my blog (thank you from the bottom of my heart, BTW), you know that I’ve been on a fitness routine for the last six or seven months. One of the ways I try to stay fit and strong is by drinking a protein shake almost every day.
Here’s my favorite shake recipe:
one cup of almond milk or coconut milk
one scoop of vanilla protein powder
a tablespoon of chia or flax seeds for my omega 3’s (I switch back and forth between the two)
1/2 banana
a glob of peanut butter (yes, my very scientific measurement – a glob)
4-5 ice cubes
and once in a while I’ll throw in some spinach or kale (You can’t taste it, I swear!)
Green protein shake with chia seeds. Mmmmmm!
Well, you’d better believe I’ll be heading to Whole Foods this weekend to stock up on protein powder. No matter what type of protein powder you’re into, Whole Foods will have it on sale January 24-26.
If you’re a vegan and whey powder is not for you…
If you prefer your protein powder made from hemp (hey, I’m not judging!)…
If you like your protein gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, hypoallergenic and vegan then this one will make you feel like a warrior (and give you extra stamina to hold that warrior pose even longer in your next yoga class)…
They even have protein powder for people who dig Fabio (I kid you not)…
If you drink this will you look like or perhaps be able to date Fabio? Maybe.
What I’m trying to say is, if you’re into protein shakes, then Whole Foods definitely has a protein powder for you. (Oh and the chia and flax seeds I throw in – they’re on sale this weekend too!)
Another thing I’ll be stocking up on at the Whole Food Whole Body Sale is vitamins and homeopathic medicine. I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on my blog, but I will tell you that I am a big believer in supplement taking.
Every day I try to take:
Vitamin D (helps me hold onto that calcium being sucked out of my bones due to being a middle aged woman how unfairly the universe treats women’s bodies, is good for warding off colds, and is good for your skin)
CoQ10 (great source of anti-oxidants which is great for your heart – and your skin!)
Fish oil or Krill oil (good for brain power and reduces signs of aging)
Vitamin B (increases energy and is really, really good for your skin)
So in case you haven’t noticed I take vitamins because I’m incredibly vain and terrified of looking my age I like to be healthy.
And because it’s cold and flu season I like to have a lot of Emergen-C and Boiron products on hand. I’ve only been sick once in the last two years and I truly believe it’s because I load up on vitamins and homeopathic products when other people around me are sick. I swear by taking Emergen-C to keep colds away and taking Boiron products at the very first sign of cold or flu if those sneaky viruses somehow slip their way into my body despite my best efforts to keep them at bay. Trust me if you do get sick and take a product like Boiron right away, you won’t feel nearly as bad. (In my opinion anyway. Like I said, I’m not a doctor.)
Good stuff here people, good stuff!
So, if you really are wanting a new and improved you this year (and live in Southern California, Arizona, Las Vegas or Hawaii) you might want to consider heading out to Whole Foods this weekend (Jan 24-26) to stock up on some fabulous health items. And if you end up in the Thousand Oaks store you might just bump into me. (I might or might not be the one with Fabio in my cart.)
Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market, but my opinions on supplement taking and almost-daily habit of protein shake drinking are still 100% true.
Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. He had a heart procedure. But surgery sounds so much more dramatic doesn’t it? And a surgeon performed it. In a hospital OR. So yes, it might be an exaggeration. But it isn’t really a lie.
He had something called supraventricular tachycardia, which basically means he had an extra passageway from his heart’s upper chamber to its lower chamber that was causing him some occasional problems while running. It would make his heart beat too fast. (Like 250 BPM. Literally.) It wasn’t life threatening. (Whew!) But it’s still not something you want to have. Especially if you are a runner.
The procedure was simple and was done laparoscopically, so he wasn’t cut open. There were just tiny little tubes inserted into his groin area and pushed up to his heart. Then the doctor burned closed that pesky little hole. It was an outpatient procedure. It was done on a Monday and he was back in school on Wednesday. He should be running again this week.
The procedure was a success and he is 100% cured. This isn’t something that comes back. It’s like a paper cut. It’s super annoying, but once it heals it’s like it was never there.
No big deal right?
Except.
My son was in the hospital for an outpatient procedure. On his heart.
And I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t scare the shit out of me. But I held it together like moms do. I didn’t want him to know how nervous I was. I think he did the same for me too by acting pretty calm as well. He said the thing he was most nervous about was getting the IV. (He had a hernia operation a couple of years ago and did not like getting that IV inserted one little bit.)
But his surgeon was fantastic. (Or was he simply a cardiological procedurist that day? Since it was a procedure. And not a surgery. Hmmm, I somehow do not think he would like that.) He explained everything to us before and after. The procedure was a success. The only recovery really was the healing of the insertion points of the catheters.
Of course my boy is clever. He milked it a bit last week. “But Mom, I just had heart surgery,” was his go-to response whenever something was asked of him. I would remind him that it was just a procedure. But still. I let him milk it. I enjoyed babying him just a little.
I stayed home from work the day after the procedure just to be with him. I drove him the half mile to school all week. I eased up on his chores. I made his favorite dinners last week and bought him his favorite ice cream.
I’m just so glad to have this little thing (that I would often worry was a big thing) over with.
It’s the most wonderful time of year – Awards’ Season. And of all the awards shows, The Golden Globes are my favorite. (Or is that “is my favorite?”) It’s when two worlds meet and both television and film are honored. It’s when celebrities dress up, get drunk, and have one hell of a good time.
Of course I start watching promptly at 3:00 tuned into Guiliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest on the E!’s Red Carpet report.
I loved Guiliana’s dress. But she really needs to eat a sandwich. Her arms look like sticks. That chick is way too skinny. (Probably why she chose a ballgown – so you can’t see how emaciated she is.)
Photo Credit: Steve Granitz
Julia Roberts’ dress confused me. It looked like she put a formal strapless gown over a business shirt from her closet. What happened? Was she afraid she was going to pop out the westside sold out of Hollywood Secrets breast tape? Hey I know, instead of risking a wardrobe malfunction I’ll just stuff this shirt from Banana Republic under an otherwise beautiful strapless gown. Waa laa! I am a genius. Project Runway here I com!
(Speaking of breast tape and wardrobe malfunctions – Robin Wright looked stunning, but did you catch that almost wardrobe malfunction with her breast tape -that wasn’t sticking- during her acceptance speech?)
Her hair, make-up and earrings are gorgeous! (Photo Credit: Just Jared – Obviously!)
Well from the neck up anyway. Because that dress? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Photo Credit: Jordan Strauss
I love and adore Drew Barrymore but that dress has got to go. I’ll give her a pass because she’s pregnant and not one of those stick skinny pregnant girls. And I actually like the high-low bottom of the dress. But she needs to have a talk with Kerry Washington’s stylist to see how to walk the red carpet right when carrying an extra person inside of you.
Photo Credit: Jordan StraussGorgeous! (Photo credit – Jordan Strauss)
And was it just me or did Amy Adams’ and Julie Bowens’ dresses look oddly similar?
BTW – I say Amy wins this contest hands down. Julie, you have got to lose those 1980’s bridesmaid dress poofy sleeves!
And since I mentioned Project Runway – Heidi Klum? Once again all I can say is WTF? For someone who is a supermodel and the main judge on a show about fashion, she always seems to get her red carpet looks wrong. That necklace overpowers what is actually a pretty dress.
Photo Credit: Jordan Strauss
And what is up with that bangs meets Farrah Fawcett hair? You want to know how to wear bangs? Ask Reece Witherspoon. Her bangs were gorgeous. And so was her dress. Simple, understated elegance. No overpowering necklace needed. (Remember, Heidi, sometimes less is more!)
Photo Credit: Getty Images
What did I love? (Other than Reece Witherspoon of course?)
Sophia Vergara. Her huge necklace totally worked. Though I do wish she would ditch the blonde and go back to the dark hair. It’s so much more stunning on her. (Though as someone who still considers myself a blonde even though I have been wearing my hair dark for the last six or seven years I totally get it.)
Photo Credit: Jason Merritt
Maria Menounos – love this dress. Sexy and understated at the same time. (And being understated when you’re obviously not wearing any underwear is a good trick!)
Lupita Nyong’o’s dress was my absolute favorite. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen and this gorgeous, gorgeous dress with the detachable cape was truly a stunner.
Photo credit: Just Jared
(If I were going to add a snarky comment about this photo it would be about the women in the background and their overly sensible shoes, but it looks like perhaps they’re working, so I’ll be nice!)
Margot Robbie’s dress was my very close second favorite. Again, I like things that are simple and this simple elegance was simply stunning. (I know I have to come up with some new adjectives, but I’m really on a time-crunch here!)
Photo Credit: Jason Merritt
I loved Kate Beckinsale’s metallic dress. It looked very art deco.
And of course Tina Fey and Amy Poeler were not only hysterically funny, they both looked just beautiful.
My favorite jokes: George Clooney would rather go off by himself into space by himself than spend one more minute with a woman his own age. (If only George had been there to hear the joke, I think he would have laughed just as hysterically as the audience.)
Also: “For his role in Dallas Buyer’s Club Matthew McConaughey lost 45 pounds or what actresses call, being in a movie.”
Oh, and Emma Thompson with a martini in one hand and ouchy Louboutins in the other – I want nothing more in life than to be this woman’s very best friend.
And Jared Leto – I loved you as Jordan Catalano, but you really pissed my boyfriend, Bradley Cooper, off when you beat him for best supporting actor. At least he really looked pissed off when you were giving your speech and they panned to him in the audience. (Don’t worry Bradley, I can make you forget all about it.)
And lastly, even more confusing that Julia Roberts’ dress was Sandra Bullocks. Her hair and make-up look exquisite and again, I love the high low bottom of this dress and the pink on the inside, but I really can’t tell if I love this dress or if it reeks of prom. What do you think yay or nay? This one has me flummoxed.
6. If you are binge watching TV shows and have not caught up to real time stay off Twitter.
7. Maggie Smith rules. (I actually knew that already.)
8. So does Bryan Cranston. (Of that I was not aware.)
9. Candy Crush is even more addictive than binge watching TV. (However, I have not missed it even for one second after deleting it from my phone. I do, however, regret the 8,743 hours I spent ignoring my family while playing it.)
11. Running sucks. (I knew that already too – but not like I know it now.)
12. Having none of your clothes fit properly because they are too big is a good problem to have (and one that you really shouldn’t complain about to your friends), but it’s still a pain in the ass.
13. Parenting a teenage girl in the digital age is really hard. Like really fucking hard.
14. Chia seeds are not just for late 20th Century themed gag gifts. They are actually full of Omega 3’s and really good for you. They’re also really hard to get out of your teeth. (See #13 for how hard.) Even with dental floss.
Here are some things that I absolutely already knew that I was greatly reminded of in 2013
1. I really did a spectacularly awesome job when I picked my friends. (And I’m so glad they picked me back.)
Seriously, can’t you just taste those words in your mouth?!
What did you learn, love, or were reminded of in 2013?
*This post was inspired by 100% ripped off from the fabulous Kim Sisto-Robinson’s blog post 21 Things I’ve Learned in 2013 and Other Stuff. You should read it. Her words are beautiful. (And they taste amazing!)
Dave and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in March. It doesn’t seem possible that the cute guy I had a crush on during a college internship has been stealing my covers on a nightly basis for the past two decades.
Can you tell how faded this photo is after facing a window in our living room for the past (almost) 20 years?
Weddings are so different now than they were when we got married.
Bridesmaid dresses don’t have to match anymore. Or look so bridesmaidey. (Thank god!)
The number of attendants can be lopsided. (Oh how I wish I’d had my five best girlfriends stand up with me instead of only two because Dave only wanted two groomsmen. But you know, back in the 90’s people didn’t do things like that.)
And the invitations? Ugh.
Okay my invitations were actually lovely, so maybe ugh is too strong a word. Perhaps I should say, “Yawn.”
I remember sitting in the back of the party store with my mom looking at book after book of plain white and plain ivory invitations. I think I finally just picked one before my eyes started to cross. And so I could get the heck out of that party store.
Wedding invitations are so much more interesting now. They can be classical or whimsical or cultural and can reflect your personality so much more than plain ivory cardstock. And you can order them from the comfort of your own home while you and your fiancé are snuggled together in your matching jammies on the couch, with your tablet resting comfortably on your laps.
Or if you’re a stickler for tradition and like boring white classic wedding invitations, they have those too. If I’m honest, I’ll admit I do kind of sway this way. But I tend to like things that are kind of plain and simple. Luckily Minted even has cards for people like me.
Disclosure: I was given a credit by Minted.com to facilitate this review, but the opinions of the awesomeness of Minted are expressed are 100% my own. (I can probably be bought off for a trip around the world or lots and lots of cash – but free stationery – not so much. But you don’t have to trust me – you have eyes – you can obviously see for yourself that Minted’s designs are beautiful and fun.)
Dave and I won’t be renewing our vows for our 20th anniversary (not our style), so I’ll be shopping for one of the many other ultra-cool things on Minted’s site, like maybe some business cards
or Happy New Year cards (since I let the ball drop on Christmas cards this year).
From my Family to Yours, Wishing You Peace, Happiness and Love in the New Year!
But whatever I decide to order the good news is I can do it while wearing my jammies from the comfort of my couch. And not crammed in the back of some party store.
Marley is into screamo music. What’s sceamo music? I’d explain it to you, but I don’t really know. I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with angst, wearing black clothes, having a heavy hand with the black eyeliner, and hating your parents on a semi-regular basis. And the lead singers scream instead of sing. (Hence the name screamo.)
So it’s the perfect music for teenagers. At least the angst-ridden moody ones.
Like my daughter.
Some of you may be scratching your heads as you remember me taking an excited Marley to see Miley Cyrus, Travie McCoy and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis at the KIIS Jingle Ball – definitely not scremo. Well, all I can say to that is sometimes when there’s no one around to witness it I listen to country music in the car. So I suppose it’s possible that she likes listening to guys with neck tats scream (rather than sing) just as much as she likes to listen to Miley auto-tunetwerk her way through a broken heart. What can I say – she’s a complicated girl.
Marley found out that Austin Carlile, the lead singer of the band Of Mice and Men, was doing an autograph signing to promote his Neff clothing line at Tilly’s in Pasadena. I said that I would take her because I remember what it’s like to idolize a rockstar. I used to be a bit of a fangirl myself. (My old friends are laughing hysterically right now saying to themselves, “A bit?!”)
Every mother dreams of her daughter meeting rockstars like this right?
Tilly’s was handing out wristbands at 8AM (for a 2PM autograph signing) so I told Marley’s friends to meet at our house at 7:30. (Goodbye Saturday morning kickboxing class.) We were on the road by 7:45 but I started to get a little nervous when an overturned big rig closed down four lanes of the 101 and added about 30 minutes to our trip. What if this was a bigger deal than I realized and we showed up to a strip mall full of 500 pink hair kids in sleeping bags who had been camping out for days, rivaling Black Friday Walmart shoppers willing to give up their Thanksgiving for the prize of a $200 flat screen TV, just for the chance to meet their scremo idol?
I enjoyed listening to the girls on the car ride over. They all thanked me profusely for giving up my Saturday and told me I was such a cool mom (Marley’s eyes rolled so far back into her head I think they completely spun around on that comment). They mostly talked about the bands they liked. All of them mentioned listening to Green Day first and moving on to screamo band from there. So the next time you get all weepy listening to Time of Your Life, just rememberthat Green Day is a gateway band. (Thanks a lot Billy Joe!)
We got to Tilly’s a few minutes before 9:00 and the line was long, but not too bad.
We ran in and I asked the girl if I needed a wristband. I didn’t want to take a wristband away from a kid, but I wanted to be able to go in and get photos of the girls.
“I don’t know. That depends on his people,” she answered.
If this was going to be the happiest 15 seconds of my daughter’s teenage existence I wanted to be there to witness it dammit! I gave up my kickboxing class Saturday for this. Sorry #401 – you should have gotten here earlier.
The girls set up camp on a couple of blankets and I wandered around the strip mall for a bit. I had intended to camp out in the Starbucks all day with my laptop and newBridget Jones book (new Bridget Jones – squee!), but the lure of Old Navy and Nordstrom Rack proved to be too strong. I eventually made it to Starbucks around 11:00 (truly the worst Starbucks ever, BTW) and was lucky enough to procure a spot with an outlet.
I was there about 30 minutes when Marley and one of her friends showed up to get some sugar drinks (guess who paid). They had drawn song lyrics all over their arms with Sharpie. One of the girls had taken a picture of their five hands and tweeted it. Austin Carlile retweeted it and it was then retweeted over 200 times. (OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod! Austin Carlile retweeted my tweet!) I don’t think the girls really needed the sugar.
At 12:30 I went to get the girls a pizza and myself a salad. They allowed me to sit on their blanket with them to eat. As we were finishing the line started to push forward. He was here! Or about to be here – I’m not sure which. We cleaned up the pizza box, Starbucks cups, and all the other trash that accumulates from sitting on a blanket for five hours while waiting to meet a rock god and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Well, they waited. I went to Nordstrom Rack to use the restroom. (And maybe check out their boots.) I walked down the street to the little thrift store I saw on my pizza run. Closed at 3:00 (It was 3:20.) 3:00?Who closes their store at 3:00 on a Saturday?! I sat on the lip of the fountain and read Bridget Jones and chatted with other parents.
It turns out that despite the scary tattoos, Austin Carlile is a very inspirational guy who tells people to follow their dreams, that things will get better, and to love, not hate. (Teenage angst is mere putty in his hands.)
He was incredibly gracious and generous with his fans and would hug anyone who asked for a hug (they all asked for hugs), listened to what they had to say, and would sign more than one thing (any celebrity handler will tell you that to move things along it is imperative to only sign one thing).
His fans were in heaven. (His publicist? Not so much.)
I have to admit, he’s pretty cute.
I joined Marley and her friends when they reached close to the front of the line (at around 4:45!) and two incredibly beautiful girls came up to me. You know the type – the type who look like they are used to getting what they want with a few blinks of their extra-long eyelashes and a well-placed pout.
“Are you here to meet Austin or are you just a mom?”
Just mom, grrr! Was it my gray roots and desperate need (that shall never be fulfilled) of botox or my lack of black eyeliner and black clothing that gave me away?
“I’m a mom, why?”
“Well, I see you have a wristband and it’s not really fair to take one from a kid. I got my wristband from another mom and I was wondering if my friend could have yours so we can meet him.”
“My wristband won’t slip off. It’s on too tight.”
“Well, that’s okay. We could wait with you and you could tell them that my friend is your daughter and you want her to have your wristband.”
At first I felt bad for her. Like I said, I know what it’s like to be a fangirl. Then I remembered how long these kids in line had been waiting. “Really? What time did you get here?” I asked her.
“Um, I don’t know a couple of hours ago.”
“A couple of hours ago? Well, my girls have been here for eight hours. And you want to hop in line with us, in front of the 100 people behind us who have also been here for eight hours? I may have ‘taken a wristband from a kid,’ but it still would have been long gone by the time you got here. You should have come earlier like everybody else.”
She slumped her shoulders and walked away.
“Was I wrong?” I asked a wristbandless dad next to me whose girls were in line right in front of mine? Maybe I was an asshole for taking a wristband from a kid.
“No way,” he told me. “Those girls didn’t earn it.”
At 5:00 the girls got in. Marley was over the moon. Austin chatted with her for about 30 seconds and then gave her a 10 second hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was shaking when she walked away.
She’ll remember this hug forever
“What did you say to each other when he was hugging you?” I asked her.
“I’ll never tell anyone. That’s just for me,” she said.
Good for her. I hope she never does tell anyone. I hope she keeps just for her for forever.
All of my girls, like the girls I saw coming out before them, were crying – the anticipation and excitement and emotion of meeting Austin Carlile overwhelming them.
“Let’s go home, Mom. I’m so tired,” Marley said to me after they all went through.
All of the girls looked wrecked. Happy, but wrecked.
I sent out a tweet with a picture of the girls that said: “Next in line. Totally worth the 8 hour wait to see @austincarlile He’s so gracious to his fans. Happy girls.” Austin Carlile retweeted it Saturday night. (OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod! Austin Carlile retweeted my tweet!) It got 20 retweets and 220 favorites. I have about 40 new teenage followers. I’m sure they’ll be unfollowing me immediately upon discovering that I’m just a mom and not a fangirl.
But when Marley’s friends thanked me again and told me I was a cool mom on the ride home Marley didn’t roll her eyes. Now that’s worth giving up a Saturday for.
I’m not talking about what they did to my poor body. I’ve forgiven them for that. (Mostly.)
Or the gray roots that are in desperate need of a touch up that I blame solely on them and not my genetic make-up even though the women in my family do tend to gray prematurely. (Gray hair at 48 is premature right?)
I don’t even mean the wrinkles that surely have more to do with the stern and sour looks that attach themselves to my face when I’m worrying about my kids, than the tanning I did in the 80’s (with Bain de Soleil SPF #4 that instantly turned your skin the most beautiful shade of orange that no self tanner today can even come close to competing with).
In the 80’s my silly friends used baby oil, but I “protected” my skin with this.
No, I am specifically talking about today. I look like crap today. And it’s all Chandler and Marley’s fault.
I went to the gym this morning at 5:30 even though I woke up feeling like I was getting a cold. I refused to believe that the universe would give me a cold five days before Christmas and I convinced myself I was just tired like every morning when I get up at o’dark o’clock. But as soon as I did my first jumping jack in my boot camp class I knew that a dreaded winter cold was most definitely settling itself inside my head.
When I go to the gym I need to be a bit more organized than other days to get to work on time. I left my class before stretching (my favorite part) so I could get home a little early because I had told Chandler I would drive him to school today. That sets my dog walk back about five minutes. But I was prepared for it. (Shhh – don’t tell Dave I gave the dog a half-block shorter walk.)
After Chandler was deposited at school and the dog was walked I woke up Marley, made our breakfast and then started getting ready for work when Dave took her to school. Just as I got out of the shower the phone rang. It was Marley. She forgot the Christmas cookies we stayed up until 10:00 baking and wrapping in cute little bags for her teachers and her friends.
(I did not feel sick last night when I was baking cookies, but the virus must have been brewing inside me, so would the 350 degree temperature of the oven kill the virus or or excelerate its power into some nuclear strength super virus?
Just wondering.
If Marley offers you a cookie today you might want to decline.)
Where was I? Oh yeah, Marley forgot her cookies. Crap.
Dave took the dog when he took her to school so I was afraid he was going to go straight to the park and walk the dog without coming home. (Yes our very spoiled dog gets two morning walks a day – a short one with me and a long one with Dave.) He didn’t answer his cell so I quickly dressed and hopped in the car.
Luckily I only got about a half block away when I saw him coming down our street. I honked and got his attention and he offered to go back and drop off the cookies.
I went back home, used my Neti pot, which takes extra time I did not have, and decided to put on “weekend make-up” which means no eye shadow or lipstick to save time. And I very much regret not using concealer.
Just as I was plugging in my flat iron (thank god I didn’t wash my hair – I’d have been totally screwed), the phone rang again.
Chandler forgot his running bag. A bag he brings with him every single day to school.
I believe both my children have a serious case of winter break fever that has seriously affected their already sub-par organizational skills.
I made sure Chandler’s bag had everything he needed, found his practice running shoes, and drove to where he was waiting at the end of the street.
When I got home my hair did not cooperate with my flat iron. It’s casual Friday, but I don’t think my favorite hat would go over well in my office.
Perfect for early morning Saturday soccer games – but the office? Not so much.
I really didn’t have time to spritz my hair with a little water and blow it out a little like I usually do when my flat iron can’t fix my two-day dirty hair.
So thanks to my forgetful daughter I have weekend make-up that doesn’t do much to mask my sallow virus-ridden skin and thanks to my forgetful son my hair looks like it belongs under a hat.
So if you see me today please forgive the way I look. I blame my kids.
Last week I was offered two last minute tickets to KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball. Now most of the acts at Jingle Ball aren’t really my beatbox jam (that sounds way hipper than “cup of tea” right?) – Selena Gomez… Ariana Grande… Austin Mahone (who?)… Fifth Harmony (again, who?)… Miley Cyrus.
Jingle Ball 2013
Actually most of the artists aren’t Marley’s beatbox jam either, but she likes Travie McCoy and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and she looooves Miley Cyrus. (God help me.)
Oh what a mother will do to bring joy to her child.
(Plus Enrique Iglesias was going to be there. And he’s super-hot.)
Enrique – you can wrap those buff arms around me any time!
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “That Charlene is such good mom to drive 90 minutes in traffic on a Friday night to go to downtown LA and sacrifice her poor eardrums to a nightful of banal pop music.”
And you’d be right.
Except you’re wrong. I am a bad mom. A very very bad mom.
Oh, don’t worry, I took her. But I probably shouldn’t have.
Marley had to be on the soccer field the next day at 7AM to play three (THREE!) soccer games at 8:00, 10:30 and 1:00 in her very first post-season championship soccer tournament.
Even with a full night’s sleep I was anticipating an “I’m too tired, I can’t run anymore” Marley meltdown around the third quarter of the second game. (She’s a rather lazy athlete.)
And all week long we’d been getting reminder emails from the (waaaay too enthusiastic) team mom and coach.
“Please make sure your girls are rested, fed and hydrated. They’ll need all their energy on Saturday!!!”
“For our Saturday games, we need to arrive no later than 7:00am in order to check in all the players. Please have an early night folks, and be sure to give the girls a good breakfast!”
(Like I, an adult woman, need to be reminded to put my kid to bed on time and feed her a proper breakfast before a very early morning three game soccer tournament.)
Well, apparently I do, because I’m sure that a good mother would have realized that as fun as the concert would be for her daughter, her daughter made a commitment to soccer and it was important that she get a good night’s rest before her tournament. She owed that to her teammates. Marley didn’t even have to know that we were offered the tickets, so she wouldn’t even have to be upset about it.
But I’m not a good mother. I’m a bad mother who wants my daughter to think I’m a good mother and love me for just five minutes of her miserable tortured angst-ridden hormonal teenage life.
(Plus did I mention that Enrique Iglesias was going to be there? And that he’s super hot?)
Look at that smile – so cute!
We had a talk. I told her that if I took her she would have to suck it up and over-perform on the soccer field no matter how tired she was. She nodded her head in agreement. She promised she would not complain and play her very very best.
And I was right. She was happy. And so sweet. And she loved me the most for five minutes. (Even though it was her father’s connection that got us the tickets.) She didn’t even complain when she ate dinner at home instead of paying double for the she-knows-how-bad-it-is-for-you-but-doesn’t-care-it’s-still-her-favorite-because-it’s-so-delicious McDonald’s at the Staples Center.
And we had a great time. I got through the lip syncing. And the bad music. The supposed war between Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande went right over my head. I very much enjoyed Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. (They rocked the house.) Enrique Iglesias did not disappoint. (I’m pretty sure he was singing only to me.) But I was not very impressed with Robin Thicke.
Neither was Marley.
Marley says Robin Thicke degrades women and she is not down with that!
I was incredibly impressed with New Politics. In fact, they were freaking amazing. (And super cute – Enrique who?) I’m definitely going to have to see them in concert for real. (Meaning where they play a full set instead of just two songs.) In the first place they are a real band who actually plays instruments and does not sing to track or pre-recorded music (a rarity in the Jingle Ball world). And secondly, the lead singer break dances! And is crazy good at it. Seriously, check this out (I promise it will put a smile on your face.)
Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, Miley did indeed twerk Santa Clause. (I love and want to keep my readers, so I will spare you a picture.)
We had a great time.
So much fun!
And got home at 12:45AM. I got to bed at 1:00. And got my ass out of bed four and a half hours later. I gave Marley an extra half hour. I’m sure that when the coach (and over enthusiastic team mom) said get “a good night’s sleep,” five hours wasn’t exactly what they had in mind.
But Marley got up without complaint. And totally stepped it up on the soccer field. (Even though the first game it was raining – hard. And the second and third games were just cold. Like 40 degree cold. And we’re from California so that’s like 20 degrees to us.)
She actually played better than she’s ever played before.
Maybe I’m not such a bad mom after all.
Oh… and one last thing. Can the owner of this camera get in touch with me immediately? (Please!)
Charlene Ross 