So, there’s this young woman in my office named Angela who is super chill. (My seventeen-year-old daughter will never read this, but if she did, she’d roll her eyes all the way to the back of her head and say, “Mom! Don’t talk like that.” Anyway.) Angela said to me, “I saw this thing that looks really fun and made me think of you, but I don’t know if you’ll be offended by it.”
“Uh oh,” I said. “What is it?”
“It’s this wine and beer tasting event called Sipurbia,” she said.
“I know what that is!” I told her. “What would offend me about it? The fact that is sounds awesome?”
She giggled and shrugged.
“Or that it sounds like something a suburban mom would do?”
“Yeah, maybe that,” she said coyly.
“Well, that’s what I am,” I told her. “At this point, I sort of have to own it. Plus, it sounds like a lot of fun.”
“It does,” she agreed.
And you know when a fifty-year-old suburban mom (I know, I turned fifty two-and-a-half years ago, be quiet!) and a super chill twenty-five-year-old think something sounds fun, you know it’s going to be fun!
So, you’re asking, what in the heck is Sipurbia? It’s a wine and beer festival happening right here in Agoura Hills at Paramount Ranch. And when I say wine and beer festival I mean there will be unlimited (yes, unlimited) wine and beer tastings from local wineries and breweries. So please. Leave your car at home and make sure that Lyft app is downloaded on your phone.
There will also be food trucks, lawn games, cool vendors, and music. And when I say music, I mean the The Spazmatics (which everyone knows is the best 80’s cover band in the world!), 3 Strange Dayz (for those of you who prefer 90’s music), and a DJ to keep things going when the bands are taking a break.
Plus, if that weren’t enough the event benefits The Bumblebee Foundation, which gives financial and emotional support to families affected by pediatric cancer. So by going, you will not only be doing something good for yourself. You will be doing something good for others.
Here is all the info you need:
Website: www.sipurbia.com When: Sunday, May 6th 2018 from 3-7 p.m (last call at 6:30) Why: Benefiting Bumblebee Foundation (www.bumblebeefoundation.org)
Where: Paramount Ranch 2903 Cornell Rd, Agoura Hills, CA 91301 (just off Kanan)
What: Beer. Wine. Music. Food. Charity. Memories.
Look, Dave and I are actually going to be in Napa that weekend for a wedding on May 5th, but we’re hauling ourselves back home early Sunday morning so we can go to this thing. It sounds that fun.
Tickets: $40 (GA) & $100 (VIP) per person until 2/28. (And then they go up, so get them NOW!)
But because I’m so nice (and I want to hang out with you) if you click here to purchase tickets you will get 25% off if you use coupon code ROSS25
“Just so you know, I’m not going to be available for anything remotely domestic or marital related for at least a week,” I said to Dave on the first day of August.
“And that makes this week different than any other week, how?” he snarked.
Yeah, and you thought I was the funny one. (I am.)
It was actually a lie, because I had no plans on Tuesday, so I did fulfill the domestic/marital duty of making dinner and was even nice enough to do the dishes, but that’s where I drew the line. His sassy comment meant he wasn’t getting lucky. (Plus it was Tuesday. What kind of married people get busy on a Tuesday after 22 years of sharing the same last name?)
But, I digress.
The first day of August, marked my first week of having anything at all to do this summer. Yes, that’s right, all summer long I’ve been a Facebook voyeur, watching my friends travel to marvelous places like Cancun, Barbados, Costa Rica, shit even “just” Oregon while I’ve been working all day, only to go home and lose brain cells watching the Bachelorette. (Don’t judge – and if you subscribed to my newsletter you’d know why.)
And as JoJo and Jordan start their new life together (or the next six months, which is about as long as I give them), I too have finally started my new life. Or, at least (less dramatically and more truthfully) I’ve finally started to have some fun this summer.
It’s gone a little something like this:
Monday, August 1st: Cards Against Humanity
My writing group got together and played the ever awesome Cards Against Humanity where tough choices like this had to be made.
There was a lot of laughing. And drinking. And even some crying (because we love each other that much). I got home at 1AM. (Yeah, this suburban mom’s has gone rockstar.)
Tuesday, August 2nd: Got My Ass Up After Five Hours of Sleep & Went to Work Like a Boss
Reverted to my boring suburban ways as noted above (i.e. watched season finale of The Bachelorette.)
Wednesday, August 3rd: Cetaphil Party at Cool Celebrity-Owned Restaurant
I was lucky enough to get invited to a party for awesome and influential bloggers thrown by Cetphil. And by invited I mean I was the awesome and influential Kim Tracy Prince’s plus one. The party was at Jessica Biel’s Aw Fudge on Melrose where everyone who works there looks like (and probably is) a model. (Seriously people, the servers are HOT!) The party was top notch. I learned all about Cetaphil (which, BTW, my kids’ pediatrician has always recommended for them), met some fantastic people including Whit Honea (he’s awesome – read his stuff) and Fab Mom Jill Simonian, and got a bitchen swag bag from Cetaphil that included these that literally saved my life (or at least my face) this week full of late nights.
Thursday, August 4th: #BlogHer16 Expo
I hooked up again with the awesome (and influential) Kim Tracy Prince where we met our friend Rina Baraz Nehdar at the #BlogHer16 Expo.
For those of you who don’t know, BlogHer a website that hosts the world’s largest conference for women bloggers and content creators. (And yes, men can go too. If they want.) This is serious business people. Some of the sponsors were Go Daddy, Herbalife, Staples, Go Rving and Best Buy; and this year’s keynote speakers included Sheryl Crow and Kim Kardashian West (I know, but seriously, if I had been able to shove a copy of Frosted Cowboy in her hand so I could snap a picture and post it on Instagram do not think for one second that I wouldn’t have done it) among many, many others. Thursday night, attendees were invited to a huge expo hall where companies wooed bloggers with their wares. We were given huge (and heavy) swag bags upon entry that included everything from Vagisil to vitamins to VELCRO to vibrators. (Okay, I might or might not have stood in line at a booth to get the vibrator.)
I got to meet many women IRL (including the Awesome Angela Amman pictured in the pink blouse in the top of this post) that I’d only known online and the complimentary wine was surprisingly tasty. My favorite item in my swag bag was this beautiful necklace from Saressa Designs supplied by a company called The Artisan Group who bring small craft items to celebrities. (So I guess that means I’m a celebrity now!)
Friday, August 5th: Old Dominion at The Ventura County Fair
I had to skip BlogHer (and Kim Kardashian) so I could see Old Dominion play at the Ventura County Fair with my friend Simmah. And if you are not familiar with them, do yourself a huge favor and listen to their album, Meat and Candy NOW. It’s so good! I entered to win a Meet and Greet pass on their website and the music gods were smiling on me because I won!
And even though this is by no means my first backstage rodeo, I was nervous and giddy and forgot to tell them how awesome they were at Stagecoach in my allotted 60 seconds with them, but I did tell them how much I loved their songwriting and in particular how the song Nowhere Fast gives me all the feels. (Like, seriously, it’s so good!) And then I told them they really suck at Twitter. (I told you, I was nervous. Plus, they really are very bad at Twitter.) They were awesome though, so nice. I’m pretty sure they all want me. (Don’t all hot country rockstars secretly pine away for 50-year-old suburban women who babble on non-stop for 60 seconds at a meet and greet?)
Saturday, August 6th: #BlogHer16 Convention
I got my tired ass out of bed much earlier than I wanted to attend the final day of the BlogHer convention with Rina and Kim. I’m talking a marathon thirteen hour day.
There was delicious food, engaging keynote speakers, informative workshops, and tons of schmoozing. The convention has such a fantastic energy. Highlights for me were the “The Pitch,” where five innovative women pitched their businesses in hopes of earning a $50,000 prize, hearing Lucy McBath of Mothers of the Movement tell her heartbreaking story, listening to Mayim Bialik talk about her website GrokNation and watching the pilot episode of the Amazon Prime show One Mississippi and the Q&A with the show’s star and creator Tig Notaro afterwards.
And then there was dancing. From 6-9 we took over the Conga Room at La Live and partied like rockstars. Or, like suburban moms in a club before it was even dark outside who were happy to be on a dance floor letting loose after a long weekend instead of at home cooking dinner for our families. (Which is kind of like being a rockstar, right?)
Sunday, August 7th: Warped Tour
Speaking of rockstars, I did not sleep all day Sunday like most people would after a week like I had. No, I got up like the baller that I am and took Marley to the Warped Tour in Pomona which 65 miles from my house and was about two degrees cooler than the surface of the sun. If you are unfamiliar with the Warped Tour you must not have a teenager who likes to listen to music where the word “singing” should be replaced with “screaming.” (Lucky you!)
So, yes, I am freaking Mother of the Year. And I looked like it too. After a week of looking totally cute for country rockstars and parties I put on the most suburban “Suburban Mom Running Errands” outfit I could find – a brightly colored tank top, baggy shorts, this cute baseball hat, and tennis shoes and stuck out like a sore thumb in a sea of black. (And no, you do not get a photo of that!)
The good news is, I have friends in high places and after a little bit of confusion (and maybe some begging) was able to score a wristband that gave me all access backstage where I was able to find a lovely couch under a tree at the commissary patio and sat there all afternoon reading my book. (Yes, I brought a book!)
Okay, maybe I’m not such a rockstar after all. But I don’t care. I ‘d earned the rest.
P.S. If you have read this entire post the real rockstar is YOU! It’s so freaking long. Thanks for sticking with me. You’re awesome!
I love a good musical – Les Miserables, A Chorus Line, Wicked, Spamalot. Hey, (dirty little secret) I even liked Starlight Express. (But I saw it in London where everything is awesome.)
But my all-time favorite musical is Rent. So when I saw that it was playing at the Saban Theater and Marley asked if we could go I had to say yes.
I have to admit I was a little worried. Rent is a tough production and I’ve seen more than one play mangled by a regional cast. It turns out I didn’t need to worry at all – the cast was excellent. Everyone had a great voice and the acting was superb. Marley found Roger quite dreamy. (She’s not wrong.) Carmen Jackson from the ensemble who sings the solo in Seasons of Love was especially amazing. That girl needs to get herself on The Voice. The audience was cheering throughout the play and the cast received an enthusiastic standing ovation at the end.
Rent is playing at The Saban Theater in Beverly Hills, a beautiful Art Deco theater on Wilshire Boulevard that opened in 1930 as the Fox Theater. These days the Saban usually houses concerts, but it’s the perfect place to see a play. The theater is gorgeous, there is a large lobby area with a bar and the seats are comfortable with plenty of legroom. Seeing a play in a majestic old theater really adds to the performance and the production company (Plan-B Entertainment) did a great job with the set design.
The only problem with the show is there are only a few performances left: Friday, July 24 at 8:00PM, Saturday, July 25 at 2:00PM, Saturday, July 25 at 8:00 PM, and Sunday, July 26 at 2:00PM. So if you are in Los Angeles and love Rent or have always wanted to see Rent or are just looking for something awesome to do this weekend I highly suggest you go see it. There are still tickets available. You can buy them here.
I’m going to go searching for my Rent CD now. I can’t get Glory out of my head. I know I’ll be singing it all day long.
*I was given a pair of complimentary tickets to facilitate this review. But trust me when I tell you this cast and production is fantastic. Get your tickets now! Seriously what are you waiting for?
Last week I was given the privilege of screening the movie Muffin Top: A Love Story. And let me tell you, it was a privilege because this movie is LOL funny. Like, for reals.
Muffin Top: A Love Story is an awkward, sweet, funny movie made for chicks, by chicks. That’s right, a movie about women actually made by women. (So weird, right?) It’s the story of Suzanne (writer, director, producer Cathryn Michon), a Women’s Studies Pop Culture professor who studies images of women in the media for a living, and yet is still insecure about her body due to the myth of female perfection in our airbrushed culture.
Check out the trailer:
The movie tells us what we all know, but still don’t believe – that we are all beautiful and must learn to love ourselves before we can be loved. (Oh, and that supermodels are genetic freaks). Best of all it delivers this message in a way that will have you snorting your wine out your nose with hysterical laughter. And will also have you (shockingly) fall madly in love with David Arquette. (Seriously, who knew?)
If you love the awkwardness of The Office or Veep or Curb Your Enthusiasm, you will love it.
If you’re a woman who’s ever looked in the mirror and hated what she sees, you will love it and absolutely need to see it. (And if you haven’t I simultaneously want to punch you and kiss you. But mostly punch you. Because, really? Never?! You might be a little conceited.)
Muffin Top: A Love Story is available On Demand here. So grab some girlfriends, a few bottles of wine and plenty of chocolate and enjoy the funniest girls’-night-in you’ve had in a long while.
Or click this link to see if Muffin Top is coming to a movie theater in your town as a red carpet event and make it a girls’-night-out. Select cities will have cast member attending. (Hello David!)
But please, do yourself a favor and do see it. You’ll be so happy you did. And remember, supermodels are genetic freaks! you’re beautiful.
Throwback Thursday. This was originally posted on skirt.com on January 3, 2011.
“You cannot blog about this,” my girlfriend said when we met a few weeks ago for drinks.
“Blog about what?” I asked innocently.
“This story I’m about to tell you. But I’ll only tell you if you promise not to blog about it.”
Shit, I hate when my friends make me promise that. They only make me promise that when the story is really, really good.
“What if I promise not to use your name and swear to never tell a living soul your true identity?”
She rolled her eyes and let out a deep breath. “Fine! But if you tell anyone it was me I will deny it and then I will fucking kill you.”
Awesome, this story’s gonna be good.
She took a look around the bar and moved in a bit closer to me, “Last week before Jake* and I went away for our anniversary I got vajazzled.”
I almost choked on my olive. “What the hell is vajazzled?” I asked even though I was pretty sure I already knew.
“Vajazzling is just like bedazzling, but for your whoo whoo.” she said.
That’s right – my girlfriend had bling bling applied to her vajay-jay!
“No freaking way! Where did you get it done?”
“That’s actually the funny part of the story. I saw it advertised on one of those Groupon sites. Well, it wasn’t Groupon, but one of those sites just like it. The description went on and on about the esthetician and how experienced she was and blah blah blah and since we were going out of town for our anniversary I thought it would be a fun surprise.”
“And was it?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah!” she answered again with the eye roll. “But wait, that’s not the story. So I call the number on the certificate and some dude answers the phone. ‘Hello,’ he says. No, Vajazzling by Virginia or Bling Bling Whoo Whoos R Us, just ‘Hello.’
“I’m thinking to myself, what the hell kind of shady place is this that some dude is answering the esthetician’s phone and not even giving the business name? I’ve never gotten a wax without a referral and now I buy one on a local website and it’s totally shady. I was so shocked I didn’t even reply. I’m thinking to myself that I don’t want to do it and wondering if I can get my money back and the dude again says, ‘Hello?’
“So I just stammer, ‘Uh I think I dialed the wrong number. I was trying to call my sister.’ and hung up the phone. I don’t know why I said that, I was just so flustered and so embarrassed. I mean I didn’t want to say, ‘Hi, I was calling to get a wax and vajazzle’ to some dude who just answers the phone Hello.”
“Did you just misdial?” I asked her.
“No.” she said. “I was hoping I did, but I checked the number on the certificate and I definitely did not misdial. I was too embarrassed to call back since I gave that line about calling my sister so I figured I’d just call back the next day and hopefully she’d answer her own freaking phone.
“The next day I call back and I get a voicemail message from the dude. It’s not even her phone! What the hell kind of services is this off-brand-Groupon site selling? I mean I can tell by the address that it’s on a commercial street and not some residence so I’m totally confused by the whole phone thing. Obviously there’s some kind of mistake.
“So I sit down at my computer to check the certificate online to see if maybe there is a correction on the number. There isn’t. Then I check 411.com and see if I can find the number that way – not listed. Great! So I call 411 and it’s not listed there either.
“Now I’m weighing my options – do I call the dude back and see if it is the right number and if it is do I want to be waxed by some chick who doesn’t even have her own phone or do I write an email to the site telling them I want my money back.
“Then the 411 operator asks if I know where the business is and he can maybe look it up that way. I give him the address and luckily he was able to find the number that way. The waxing chick rents a space out of a salon and uses her cell phone which is why I couldn’t find the number. Fortunately it’s a salon I’d actually heard of with a good reputation. And it was a mistake – the site did have her number wrong.”
“So is it still there?” I asked. “Can I see it?”
“No it’s gone. But what did you want me to do, lift up my skirt and show you and the rest of the bar?” she snorted.
“Well, I was thinking of going into the bathroom,” I said seriously. I mean, I was pretty curious. “What did it look like?”
She laughed. “I got little crystals that said ‘Wild’ and a little pink heart.”
“No way! Would you do it again?”
“Yeah, I’d totally do it again. Maybe for Valentine’s Day. But like I said, you cannot blog about this.”
“Oh I’m blogging about it,” I told her. “But don’t worry your identity is safe with me!”
So those of you who know me, don’t ask me who it was – I’ll never tell!
*Jake is obviously not my friend’s husband’s real name!
Friday night I went out with three of my closest girlfriends. We are coming up on knowing each other for 30 years (not sure how that’s possible) and being with them always makes me happy.
We’re all different and at different stages of our lives.
Trixie will be celebrating her 5th wedding anniversary this year. She has two step-children in their twenties, but no children of her own by design. She lives in a fabulous designer home, has a very successful entertainment lawyer husband, and a fast-paced, interesting career working for a concert promoter. She receives “thank you” gifts from people like Halle Berry and goes to parties at places like Norman Lear’s house. As you can imagine she always has the best stories.
SkinnyBitch (so named because she has always been my skinniest friend – and I live in LA, so that’s saying something!) became an empty-nester last fall when her only child (her daughter and very best friend) went off to college in New York. She is a therapist and always gives us useful, welcome (and free) advice.
Simmah is single and has no kids. She’s never married (though she could have – she’s been asked), but she’s had a couple long-term, live-in relationships. She went through a tough break up recently and is making peace with being alone right now. She spends her free time going to the gym, hiking, playing tennis, being with friends. She might envy my family life (or she might not), but I’ll tell you, there are times when I envy her solitude. Her freedom. Her incredibly clean house. Her space.
Our group wasn’t quite complete. Trixie’s sister lives an hour away (in no traffic) – too far to come out on a Friday night. And Heidi was unable to make it due to some wifely/motherly duties at home. She’s never been as good at ditching her family as I am.
What do my very different friends have in common? You know besides their awesomeness, and good taste in suburban-mom friends? They’re all smart. They’re all beautiful. And they’re all funny as shit! My husband makes me laugh every day, but no one makes me laugh harder or louder or longer than these ladies. No one.
We had dinner at a French restaurant. Blue crab cakes and muscles with pommes frites, two bottles of wine, stories, advice, a little bit of celebrity gossip, and a whole lot of laughter made for the one of the best evenings I’ve had in a while.
I drank too much wine and slept over at Simmah’s. She completely gutted and remodeled her house a couple years ago. It’s gorgeous. I want to live there. We used to be roommates. Maybe I could leave Dave and the kids and shack up with her again. She does have a guest room.
In the morning we sleep in until about 7:30 or so – late for both of us, she’s an early riser too. She made breakfast. Eggs and chorizo with tortillas, hash browns and bacon. Oh my god, she makes the best bacon.
We talked and laughed and talked and laughed some more. One of the things we talked about is how grateful we are for our long friendship. We both realize how quickly time is passing and that time spent with girlfriends laughing and talking and even crying is not only precious, but necessary for a happy life.
I lingered until 11:00 or so before getting back to the chores and errands and family at home waiting for me.
I wish for so much for my children when they are adults. I wish them success whatever that may be for them. I wish them health. I wish them happiness. And I wish and I hope and I pray that they are as lucky as me when it comes to finding lifelong friends.
We got there just as the event started and were introduced to the artist, Gildas Coudrais. He claimed that his English wasn’t very good, but trust me, it’s a million times better than my French. (I can say: please, thank you , thank you very much, one, two, where is, good morning and good night. Poorly.) He was incredibly charming. And very talented. (Pretty cute too!)
The artwork he created for the show was a drawing of the rabbit on the King Rabbit Malbec label with a quote from a famous person. Then the famous person’s name was crossed out and “King Rabbit” was written in it’s place. Very avant-garde. I thought the pieces were fabulous. If I had the disposable income I aspire to have one day I would have bought this one and hung it in my bedroom:
Or maybe this one…
Gildas told us about his partnership with Whole Foods and how he worked with them and the wine makers to create his wine labels. (It sounded like there was a lot of wine tasting involved. Talk about a dream job!)
We tried all five wines and I liked them all. The wines are French, but developed in a style more pleasing to the California palete. They are only available at Whole Foods Markets and are a steal at $9.99. Magnifique! I wanted to buy them all, but I’m a girl on a budget, so I only bought two. (But I can guarantee that I’ll be back to my local Whole Foods quite soon to buy more.)
The wines I purchased were the Chantebelle Sauvignon Blanc which was crisp and delightful, and the Anciens Temps Cabernet–Syrah, an intense and bold-flavored wine. I like my red wine bold. (Like my men!)
And speaking of men – check out this picture:
Okay, stop being rude and ignore the fact that I’m probably old enough to be their mother. These adorable French boys were filming the event. I’ll share the link when it’s up on YouTube.
The evening really was a lot of fun.
A cute and charming artist…
*Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market Venice. (But trust me when I tell you, the evening was quite delightful!)
Hey, my LA & Valley friends, what are you doing this Saturday night? That’s right, this Saturday night, March 1st. Binge-watching TV with a pizza? (Yawn, did that last weekend.) A little beer-pong and karaoke at the local dive bar? Dinner at Applebee’s? (I’m kidding!)
Can I make a suggestion?
How about something a little different? A little sophisticated even? Something that will get you out of your weekend rut.
You will taste 5 value-priced ($9.99) French wines paired with petit fours (that’s a fancy French word for appetizer, in case you didn’t know, which of course you did, because like me, you’re very sophisticated) and get to check out the art of Germany-based French artist and wine label designer, Gildas Coudrais.
I actually used to do cultured and sophisticated French-wine-meets-French-art stuff like this all the time. Okay, that’s not true at all. I’ve never done that. But I do go wine tasting quite often and do love French wine.
And French men.
And French fries.
And I’ve been to the Louvre. Twice.
Wanna know what you’ll be tasting?
Chantebelle Sauvignon Blanc– a bright and brisk beauty with crisp citrus flavors. (Bring on the goat cheese!)
King Rabbit Malbec – with rich, black plums, berries and cherries dance smoothly on the palate. (I’ll take that with a rare steak, please.)
Anciens Temps Cabernet–Syrah – with robust flavors of black pepper and berries, and a vanilla-kissed finish. (Sounds like it needs a robust cheese – slice me a chunk of that blue!)
Eagle Coq Pinot Noir – boasts juicy red cherry and currant flavors pleasing French & California drinkers alike. (And they say it goes well with brie – I’m so in!)
Fantastique Pinot Noir – a bolder Pinot, with flavors of spiced black cherries. (Is it time for chocolate yet?)
Just so you know, I am not suggesting that this is the food -pardon me, petit fours- that the wines will be paired with, I’m just saying what I would be inclined to pair them with.
And even if it sounds too good to be true that French wines like this would be available at Whole Foods for under $10, it isn’t. Too good to be true I mean. It is true!
And remember, artwork of Gildas Coudrais, the wine label artist will be there. He’s had an interesting career – he designed theme cards for a French print company, taught art lessons to children and adults, and led an artist’s workshop for disabled people. He currently lives in Germany with his wife and two young daughters. His pop-art is pretty funky. I dig it.
I like that – I love you… which has a miraculously powerful melody.
So are you in? (I am!) If so, click this link and RSVP on their Facebook page. You don’t have to RSVP to attend, but there’s less chance of them running out of petit fours that way. (And nobody wants that.)
And if you really want to show them some love follow Whole Foods Market Venice on Facebook and Twitter. (I do!)
Hope to see you Saturday night!
*Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market Venice. (But my love of French wine, French cheese, French men and French fries? You can’t buy that!)
It’s Throwback Thursday. Another Blast from the Past previously posted on skirt.com.
When was the last time you spent six hours on a Saturday with one of your best friends? No husbands. No kids. Just the two of you, dressed nicely, ready to take on the day? That long huh?
On Saturday my friend Heidi (yes the one who wears granny panties) picked me up at 8:30 AM to take me to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. I know – a strange concept – two suburban moms heading out to the city to do something cultured.
Heidi recently became a member of LACMA and was invited to attend a lecture on their exhibit Fashioning Fashion: European Dress in Detail, 1700-1915 and a chance to tour the exhibit half an hour before the museum opened. Heidi really loves historical fashion and I really love running away from my family for the day so seeing beautiful old clothing and hearing about the torturous ways in which people used to dress themselves sounded like a win for both of us.
As we were driving to the museum Heidi told me a funny story that took place the previous day. Apparently every Friday her son’s school has a morning assembly where every class recites a poem or sings a song or something nauseatingly adorable like that. The auditorium –or wherever they hold the assembly- was very crowded with dutiful parents watching their kids and Heidi was way in the back, kind of craning her head to see.
I should tell you for the purpose of the story that Heidi’s son goes to a private school in a fancy schmancy part of our suburbs and there are some celebrities and athletes who send their children there. Heidi was standing next to a retired superstar athlete (who I will not name, but trust me, even if you never once watched the sport he played, you’ve heard of him because he is considered by most to be the greatest to ever play his sport) and Superstar’s hot dad friend. According to Heidi the hot dad –Hot Dad- looked like a younger (late 30’s), better looking Liam Neeson. (It will surprise no one that I have offered to start taking Heidi’s son to Friday assemblies!
Hot Dad offered to let Heidi stand in front of him so she could see. “That’s really nice, thank you. I just need to see 5th grade,” she said and switched places with him.
“Did you ask if you could lean against him?” I teased.
After she was standing there for a few minutes Superstar said, “Oh there’s my kid’s class.” She offered to swap places with him so he could see. They swapped and as she was standing next to him Superstar picked his nose!
“What!” I screamed. “He just jammed his finger up in there?”
“No. It was that kind of thumb and index finger thing on the side where you make it look like you’re scratching, but in the infamous words of Seinfeld, it wasn’t a scratch, it was a pick. He was digging!”
So the next time you look at your husband, or boyfriend, or whoever, and think to yourself, I could have done better, just remember that even world famous athletes with hot actress wives and hot dad friends pick their nose in public!
The rest of the day went on like that with funny stories and gossip. The lecture was interesting, watching the type of people who go to such a lecture at 9:30 on a Saturday morning was even more interesting, and the exhibit was lovely. I am thankful that net crinolines and bustles are a thing of the past and I am even more thankful that corsets have been replaced by Spanx!
After walking through the exhibit we went to a popular restaurant we used to love in college, but never go to anymore because it’s too far away from our suburban bubble. It’s the kind of restaurant that has cute waiters on a Saturday afternoon and is practically empty at noon (when we got there) but has people waiting outside the door by 1:00. I had on a low cut sweater with a good bra and self-dyed my roots the previous day so I felt cute enough to flirt with the hot waiter. He knew how to work it for a good tip so he flirted back. I even had a Groupon. I’m telling you – it was a good day.
I did not get my picture taken with the hot waiter like I usually do. This will make one group of friends bitterly disappointed in me and another group of friends extremely proud of me. I don’t know if this means I’m getting old or growing up so my feelings are somewhere in between.
We got coffee afterwards – a mocha for Heidi’s sweet tooth and a regular coffee with a ton of crème and sugar for me to satisfy my need of turning a zero calorie drink into a rich, yummy 500 calorie drink. The hot cups felt good in our hands when we walked to the car as we were between rainstorms and the day was cold and crisp and breezy. It was the type of weather that reminded me of when Heidi and I lived in London for a semester in college.
I got home around 2:30 and all that culture and food and flirting (and probably the 20oz beer) made me tired so I took a nap. With my husband. He says I can flirt with hot waiters anytime.
In the late afternoon I took my kids to get a haircut. Their hairdresser moved to a new shop in a mini mall that also houses a bakery and a comic book/used record store. We visited and made purchases in both. They were in heaven.
So was I.
We even ate the leftovers from lunch for dinner so I didn’t have to cook or clean up.
My typical Sunday goes a little something like this:
My alarm goes off at 5:00 (yes even on Sunday), but I probably stayed up late on Saturday night – you know, until 10:00 or 10:30 and most likely had a good bit of wine, so I decide to be nice to myself and sleep in until 6:00. I get up, have some coffee, attempt to write my Monday blog post, hit a mental block and end up cruising Facebook or Pinterest instead. At 7:15 I realize I still have to walk the dog and get ready to run at 8:00 and curse myself for wasting so much time and not getting up at 5:00 (though if I had I probably would have just wasted even more time on Facebook and Pinterest.)
At 8:00 I meet my run club and suffer through 25-50 minutes of torture train for my 10K. Then my running friends and I go have coffee. After coffee it’s home to laundry, house cleaning, pulling my wardrobe for the week, grocery shopping (I usually hit at least two stores), and meal prep for the week (when you work 9-6 you’ve got to have a meal plan and at least a few things pre-made) . Sunday is always my busiest and most hectic day. I always aspire to take a nap. It never happens.
But yesterday was different. Instead of wardrobe and meal planning and laundry and shopping I ditched suburbia and headed out to Hollywood for a field trip with some of my friends from my writers’ group to see our friend Kim Tracy Prince perform in a show called Expressing Motherhood at the Lillian Theater. Sure, we have no vegetables in the house, we’ll be dining on grilled cheese all week, and I’ll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off in the mornings, having no idea what I’m going to wear. I’m pretty sure we’ll survive. Besides, I deserve a day out with my girlfriends, dammit!
Expressing Motherhood is a show where 12 women get up and perform monologues they have written about motherhood. Some of them (like Kim’s) are hysterically funny, some are incredibly poignant, and a few of them are just gut wrenching. All of them are fabulous. I do wish Kim had advised me to bring Kleenex and wear waterproof mascara (that would have been helpful)! I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this show.
The good news for you is there are 4 more Expressing Motherhood shows next weekend. (2/14 at 7:00, 2/15 at 7:00, and 2/16 at 2:00 & 7:00) If you live in the Los Angeles area, I strongly suggest you ditch your usual weekend routine and head out to the show. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but listening to a 64-year-old woman talking about the rebirth of her vagina is truly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. And listening to another woman talk about her son’s cleft palate – one of the most heartbreaking.
Tickets are $25 online (buy them here) and $30 at the door. They sell wine and AWESOME lard-free chicken tamales that you can actually bring with you into the theater instead scarfing down quickly in the lobby like at most theaters.
I highly encourage you to grab some girlfriends, get out of your suburban rut, and go see the show. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll drink some wine, maybe eat a tamale. You might not have any vegetables in the house or your work wardrobe planned, but you’ll have a great time. And you deserve that don’t you? (The answer is yes, you do!)
P.S. This is NOT a sponsored post. I paid to see this show and would do it again. It really is so fantastic!