You’ve Got Spam

I’ve become lazy with my blog. No. Make that blazy. (Have you noticed?)

But that hasn’t stopped the spam from coming. Usually it gets detected by my Akismet app, goes directly into the spam folder and I ignore it. I do skim the folder occasionally. Usually it’s someone hawking SEO or designer purses or weight loss pills in poorly worded English. Something like this:

It was hard to find your posts in google. I found it on 17 place, you should build a lot of quality backlinks , it will help you to get more visitors. I know how to help you, just search in google – k2 seo tricks

Thanks, but I like to keep my blog hard to find. You know, exclusive. Like one of those trendy clubs without a name or address on the door. Keep the riff raff (and 99.999999% of the blog reading population) out.

Sometimes the spam will compliment my writing in hopes of me clicking onto their website. (I guess?)

I especially like this one from a blog called Education Bandwagon:

I believe that is one of the so much significant information for me. And i’m glad studying your article. Howwever want to observation on few basic issues, The web site taste is perfect, the articles is actually great :D. Just right job, cheers

Oh, I’ll be hopping on that Education Bandwagon alright! I hope they’re a tutoring site. Chandler needs some help getting his SATs up.

Every once in a while the spam slips through and ends up in my comments waiting to be approved. And those ones are the weirdest of all. Like this one for example:

This build-up of abdominal muscles will push out against the fat and make your belly fat to appear larger and thicker.
It can cause you to collect fat specifically in your abdomen.

(Okay, you’re obviously selling some sort of diet pill. But then the next sentence says…) 

Considering that the estimated total number of breeding African penguins in 2010 is equivalent to the number of penguins rescued in the Treasure oil spill just 10 years earlier,is cause for grave concern.

Um… what?!

And then there was this one…

Lawat leaf extracts are traditionally used in preventing hair loss, promoting hair growth and releaving itchiness and skin inflammation. It can affect the appearance, confidence, and maybe even the self esteem of a person.

(Okay, so this time, some sort of hair loss prevention site. But then…) 

She did not seem too enthusiastic about it and claimed that she had just been to the toilet and did not feel like peeing any more.

Yeah, and you thought the penguin thing was weird, right? I mean does she not want to pee because she’s losing her hair? I’m confused.

The weird search terms keep coming in as well. Here are a few of my recent favorites for your amusement:

ジョニーウィアー ウェディング (Thanks to Google translator I know that this means “Johnny Weir Wedding” in Japanese. The crazy thing is three people searched for it. Yes. In Japanese.)

spongebob ross or pants (uh, that’s Spongebob Square Pants, Silly!)

charlene bad mom (I am not!)

what the hell is vajazzling (It’s this!)

And a special shout out to all of you who are looking for pictures of Bradley Cooper or Enrique Iglesias shirtless or naked – you are my people!

So yes, I’ve become blazy. My muse has checked out, gone on vacation. Perhaps she’s in Europe with half of my Facebook friends. I look forward to her speedy return. But hopefully I’ve managed to amuse you in her absence.