I have to be honest… this year’s snarky Oscar post… it’s a little uninspired. Dave and I never go to the movies anymore so I saw very few of the movies nominated. Thanks to a friend we were able to catch Gravity and American Hustle via screeners (well, I mostly slept through American Hustle – I know my boyfriend Bradley Cooper is in that movie- I get up at 5AM, what can I say?), but we didn’t see anything else. It’s hard to root for movies you haven’t seen.
Also, everyone looked really lovely last night. It’s hard to snark when everyone looks great.
Plus, if I’m honest, I’ll tell you that the older I get (sigh, I hate saying that), I really don’t like to be mean. How about if I just show you some pretty pictures I
stole borrowed off the internet instead and hope for some blog traffic via Pinterest and call it a day this time? You’ll forgive me won’t you?
Okay, I’ll tell you what, I will start with just a little bit of snark.
This is what happens when you invite Olympic ice skaters to the Oscars. Tara Lipinski shows up in a wedding gown and Johnny Weir dresses like a fancy butler.
Angelina Jolie – really? I miss your leg. That dress is pretty, but honestly a bit matron-y, a little mother-of-the bride even – you could have waited 20 years to wear it. And Brad Pitt? That hair? Uh.. no!
And speaking of hair – Jared Leto. You are so pretty, Jared, but would be even more beautiful if you had the Jordan Catalano haircut going again. I know you are a rock star and an arteest and really don’t care about such things, but your lady fans would really appreciate it and you want to please your fans, don’t you Jared? But I will say, your acceptance speech – one of the best I’ve ever heard. So gracious and lovely. I can’t think of anything that would have made a more beautiful speech. (Except maybe a haircut.)
Pharrell Williams – I suppose you can get away with this, because you’re a musician and might not know any better. But your wife might have wanted to dress up a bit more. (Oh – BTW, your performance? Loved it!)
I loved Amy Adams’ dress but I did not like her hair. It would have been so much prettier if she’d worn it down, all wavy and Veronica Lake-like. But I forgive her because of the threat of rain. Perhaps she’s like me and her hair gets all limp and frizzy at the slightest hint of moisture in the air.
Charlize Theron – thee most stunning and breathtaking dress of the night. WOW! And that necklace, spectacular. Move over Jessica Rabbit (and Angelina Jolie), Charlize has just out va-va-voomed you.
Giuliana Rancic – that dress is so pretty. Like a princess. And the umbrella is a fabulous accessory.
I love the soft light blue of Best Supporting Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o’s dress. And that diamond headband – gorgeous! Lupita may be new to the Hollywood scene, but she certainly found the right stylist. This girl can work the red carpet for sure!
Jennifer Lawrence looks fabulous once again. Peplum was a big runway trend and her red peplum dress was a stunner. Her make-up was pretty and I liked the swept-back hair. And that necklace worn kind of backwards? I must have it!
I loved Jennifer Garner’s fringe-y flapper-style dress. That’s how you have some fun on the red carpet. And Amy Adams – please take notes on Jennifer’s hair. Her side-swept loose waves are perfect.
Sandra Bullock looked stunning in this navy blue strapless dress. (And again, I love the side-swept hair!)
Best Actress Oscar winner Cate Blanchett also looked very pretty. This dress might have washed her out a little bit, but overall I think it was very pretty. And those earrings? Add them to my shopping cart with Jennifer Lawrence’s necklace.
Jenna Dewan-Tatum – I don’t know who you are. I’m guessing you are married to Channing Tatum? (Lucky girl!) Your big ol’ mess of diamonds that turns into a big ol’ mess of feathers? I kind of like it.
Bette Midler – this dress is simply stunning. And your Wind Beneath My Wings performance was sublime. I love and adore you.
And to end my un-snarky snark here’s some eye candy for you. You’re welcome.
And remember Bradley – even though I slept through most of your performance (my fault – not yours!) and didn’t see Jared’s, I hear you didn’t stand a chance against him, so please don’t feel badly for losing the Best Supporting Actor category. But just in case you do, remember, I’m always here to comfort you.
Photo credit: All photos Getty Images borrowed from here. (Thank you NY Daily News!)
5 thoughts on “My Snarky Oscar Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them): 2014”
Totally agree with you on Jared Leto. BEST speech – WORST hair.
But I love him anyway.
What did you think about Ellen’s hosting?
I adore her and that selfie was fantastic.
I hope she continues to host…
that is all.
I LOVED Ellen hosting. And the selfie (with my boyfriend) WAS fantastic. I might have to borrow that too and add it to this post. But later. Right now I’m very tired! (Even my non-snarky snarks wear me out!) 🙂
1. Love when you snark the oscars
2. despised Jennifer Laurence’s hair, but loved the dress
3. LOVED Cate B’s dress
4. despised Gardner’s dress
5. I agree about Amy A’s hair. TOO old school.
6. Angelina Jolie could wear a paper bag and look FAB
7. I predict Jared Leto will be HUGE in Hollywood.
8. I was beginning to not dig Mathew M. but now I dig him LOTS.
8. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Lupita Nyong’o. She is like shiny dripping milk chocolate.
9. You. Rock. Charlene.
YOU rock Kim. Even though you’re wrong about Jennifer’s G’s dress! xoxo
so there is Bradley. I got nervous for a second. I agree 100% about Angelina- too old. I wouldn’t be caught dead in it! you were so right! After me 🙂