My 2023 Academy Awards Red Carpet Review

March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 charlenearossLeave a comment

Once again, the Oscars have come at an unfortunate time for me. I had the double whammy of coming home from a long weekend getaway at my girlfriend’s house in the beautiful St. George, UT (landed at Burbank Airport at 1:00 PM) and hosting a virtual trivia event for work at 5:00 PM. Sure, I was home between 2:00 and 5:00 – prime Red Carpet time, but between preparing for my work event and preparing for the week, sadly there was no Red Carpet for me. (But that’s what pictures on the internet are for.)

But before my trip, Marley promised me that she would stay home and we would eat pizza and drink margaritas and watch the awards while scouring the internet for Red Carpet pictures. And so we did.

And so, from my comfy couch, while consuming more calories during the Oscar broadcast than these ladies did the entire previous week, I present to you, Marley and Charlene’s Snarky Red Carpet Review.

Do we want to start with the good news or the bad news? Who are we kidding? Let’s start with the bad news.

This dress is very bad news…

Me: What the heck is going on with this dress?! It doesn’t look like it fits well – it almost looks baggy, the cape is hideous, and that fur on the bottom is just no, no, no!

Marley: I think without the awful fabric swallowing her body, it would have been beautiful. But instead the dress is ruined by those feathers and weird cape shawl.

Marley: Oh. Uh. that’s really bad, Mom. That’s really bad.

Me: Sigh. I mean Nicole always looks beautiful, but from her overly casual extensioned hair to her just plain ugly dress, I’m going to call this a no.

Marley: Everything about thai dress is terrible. It reminds me of one of those cheap Halloween table cloths

Me: In a word: hideous. But also, I have more words. It looks like a 1980’s Cinderella wedding dress dyed purple and black. Even without those awful balloon sleeves this dress would be terrible.

Marley: Marley She looks like she’s wearing crumpled bed sheets with some booty shorts and a sports bra.

Me: I don’t know what it looks like other than one big ol’ mess. It looks like she is as bad at picking stylists as she is at picking movie rolls. (If you were unfortunate enough to see Don’t Worry Darling, you know what I’m talking about.) And what is with that hair? Are her bangs created from the end of her ponytail? Thumbs down on everything about this look. I don’t even like her shoes.

And please, don’t for a second think it’s just the women we were snarky to. The men have to own up to their fashion mistakes as well.

Marley: Who is that?

Me: He’s an Irish actor and (searching the internet) that’s his wife. She is an orthodontist.

Marley: She’s an orthodontist? Lucky patients! The buttons on that suit look like bleached buttholes. You would think his wife is the famous one. She looks stunning.

Me: She does look stunning. Not a fan of his suit. Also, should it concern me that you know what bleached buttholes look like?

Marley: It looks like he bought it off Fashion Nova

Me: What is Fashion Nova?

Marley: It’s cheap fast fashion clothing with a lot of satin.

Me: Well, someone needs to tell The Rock that fast fashion is incredibly bad for the environment and that jacket is bad for my eyes. He looks like the maître d’ at a bad Vegas review show.

And now for the very good news, we are on to the good dresses. That’s right – there were not a lot of terrible dresses. And while terrible dresses do make for a funnier and snarkier post, if you know me at all, you know that I really am all about spreading joy and positivity. (Though admittedly, Marley – not so much!) And so, on to the very good news.

Me: I think this is everyone’s favorite dress. It has everything – the gorgeous, rich color, the beautiful fabric and the way it drapes just perfectly, the Angelia Jolie slit – it’s all around fab.

Marley: That would have been the best dress of the night if it didn’t have that stupid bow.

(In case you are somehow unaware, Marley hates bows)

Me: You are wrong. It is the best dress of the night. The dress is gorgeous. Even the bow.

While this dress is maybe a little bit on the nightgowny side, I think the look is overall, incredibly pretty. The hair, the makeup, the jewelry, the fairy princess dress – I give this look a 10/10.

Me: I think this dress is very pretty. I love the way it flows and Michelle looks stunning. I’m so glad she won the Oscar. This woman is 60 years old, friends. Definitely not “past her prime.”

Me: Wowza! I love the color of this dress. It looks like actual fire. 🔥🔥🔥

Marley: I usually don’t like the sparkly dresses, but she looks really pretty.

Marley: She looks amazing. So many women are wearing white tonight like they are all getting married. I still don’t understand the wedding dress theme but this is one of my favorite dresses.

Me: Agree. She looks absolutely stunning.

Also – did you notice that during the awards she came out in this exact same dress but in black? So basically, stars are just like us, because when I find something I like, I tend to buy one in every color.

Marley: You know I don’t like that headpiece but the rest of the dress is stunning. She wins for wedding dress of the night.

Me: I also don’t know how I feel about that headpiece situation but the dress is indeed stunning.

Marley: I think that’s really pretty. I mean, to be honest, the sequins do make it look a little cheap in my opinion, but the shape is really pretty.

Me: To be honest, I’m a bit conflicted about this dress. The sequins are a little too big and disco-bally and the ruffly cold shoulder is a litte too ruffly, but I don’t know. Somehow it works. And yes, as always, she does look really pretty.

Me: I think this dress is really pretty. I love the color.

Marley: No. That dress is not good. The color is pretty but I hate the shape.

Me: She looks gorgeous

Marley: she does

And because I am all about spreading joy and positivity, I will leave you this this photo…

I mean, look at these two. These are two powerful, beautiful, badass women in their 60s, who in this youth-obsessed industry (and youth-obsessed country and culture) just won their first Oscars. If that’s not beautiful, I don’t know what is.

Okay, friends. Let us know – what did we get right, what did we get wrong, and what did we miss?

Also, P.S. – Marley and I did not review Jamie Lee Curtis’s dress, but we both thought she looked amazing!

Photos borrowed from Vogue, CNN, and Deadline

My Snarky Academy Award 2022 Red Carpet Review

March 28, 2022 charleneaross2 Comments

Hello, Friends. I’m back. But only sort of. I did not have time to watch the red carpet yesterday because I was out living my life. (Translation: out celebrating a friend’s birthday on a Sunday afternoon at a flea market instead of on a Saturday night at a club because that is what ladies of a certain age do!)

But I did watch the Oscars (and Will Smith – you were in the wrong – WTF, dude!) and while watching the Oscars I sent screenshots to my daughter and her friend so they could do all the heavy lifting. Plus, 21 year olds are better at being snarky.

Before I start though, and say I found the dresses a little boring this year, to be honest. They were either pretty, but not amazing, or just meh, and not overly horrible. But please do enjoy the comments below by my daughter Marley, her friend Rachel, and me (who is definitely qualified to give fashion advise as I sit in my Costo leggings and Target hoodie).

Rachael: Overall really good look. I think the color makes her skin pop and glow. I love how her dress is blue like the ocean which makes her look like a mermaid.

Marley: I think that the bottom looks like butterfly wings which is beautiful. I don’t know how she’s able to sit in it with the wires I’m a little concerned it’ll go flat but I think it’s absolutely gorgeous on her especially the way it shapes her legs.

Me: This is not typically the kind of dress I love, but Megan pulls it off and looks gorgeous.

Marley: Super ugly dress, I don’t understand the gaudy bow at all.

Rachael: I hate this dress 110% awful. Absolutely horrendous. I dont like the bow at all.

Me: This kills me because I love Amy Schumer so much, but this dress looks like she found it on the clearance rack at dress barn.

Marley: I love the pants suit instead of a dress and it might even be a two piece if not the slit in the center. I don’t know how I feel about the Cape. Not really a cape person but I mean I guess it does make it a little bit fancier than just a pants suit

Rachael: I really love the color on her I think it looks really good. I really love the contrast of like the black nails with the really bright red it makes her stand out. I love the pants to be honest, the trousers are really cute. she can really rock this bold color all the way. I personally just don’t like the top itself also the jacket is a little weird I think she could’ve gone without it.

Me: I feel like the designers are getting a little overly creative with bodices trying to show cleavage in a new and clever way. And it’s just weird. That being said, I love this outfit (cape and all). I think it looks fab.

Rachael: OK first of all I just think Timothée Chalamet is really hot so I think it’s a really good. I love the jewelry, I’m not digging though the no top. I think it would look really good if it had a under top like with the jacket, but I love the hair.

Marley: Honestly not a fan. I don’t know why he doesn’t have a shirt on. I think that the blazer itself is cool and has a lot of design to it that I think is pretty however put on a shirt. That’s really it. Just wear a shirt.

Me: He looks like an ice skater who spent so much time lacing his skates that he didn’t have enough time to put his shirt before hitting the ice. (Also super glad that Marley and Rachael have the good sense to know that the dude really needs a shirt!)

Marley: I think her dress looks like those roses that you’ll see at the front of CVS during Valentine’s Day that are made of that kind of stiff tissue paper I don’t really understand it

Rachael: I think this dress is horrendous. I don’t think it looks good on her, I don’t think it would look good on anybody to be honest with you. I don’t know why they went with this dress, I have no words.

Me: Marley and Rachael don’t know what they’re talking about. This dress is gorgeous.

Marley: I don’t understand why designers make ugly sleeves a staple for every award show. This dress is just ugly.

Rachael: lt’s just not good. Blegh. No.

Me: Olivia Coleman, in my opinion is the new Meryl Streep. Amazing in whatever she does. We will be seeing her at the Oscars as long as she continues to make movies so she really does need to fire her stylist. Because, (what Rachael said) blegh. No!

Marley: She looks like she’s in medieval times wearing chain mail and trying not to get attacked in an oncoming war. I don’t really understand it I don’t think it’s very flattering on her and I really don’t get the vision nor do I see the vision

Rachael: I don’t like this at all I really don’t know much else to say besides that it really is awful. I don’t like that the jewelry make any sense. I think this is a really awful look I don’t know who let her walk out like this but whoever did deserves jail time.

Me: Again, this is hard for me because I love Jamie Lee Curtis so much (like, I mean love, love, love), but this monstrosity is a hard no!

Marley: I do think that the dress makes her waste look incredible, however I think that it’s absolutely ugly. I don’t understand the gold what a tiger head that are on there, and the whole T shoulders just really doesn’t make any sense to me.

Rachael: this is just really not a flattering dress. I think it’s really weird I don’t know I just don’t like it. I don’t know what’s going on with like all the symbols or like the tinfoil that looks like literal like tinfoil buttons I don’t like this at all it is really strange.

Me: What the actual fuck, Maggie? This dress is ridiculous.

Marley: Honestly I think it looks like she forgot a dress last minuet and grabbed a green screen off the wall. Not a fan of the shape either.

Rachael: this is really disappointing. I love H.E.R., but this is really bad. I dont like the design, the color is way too bright and the clutch purse is a weird accessory.

Me: They are wrong. This dress is fab. And look at those shoes – they are spectacular!

Marley: Yellow looks stunning on her, but I’m really not a fan of the robe she’s wearing.

Rachael: i think the dress style shouldve been different. I dont really care for the robe either i think this whole outfit needs a makeover baldy.

Me: I am seriously doubting my decision to seek Marley and Rachael’s opinions. Because there is only one thing to say about this look and it is Yaaaaas, Queen! (She looks amazing!)

Marley: The only thing that is redeemable about this outfit is her hair and makeup. The dress is horrible and looks like a dyed curtain.

Rachael: I love her hair style, its very cute but I think outfit choice was criminal.

Me: Well, at least these girls are starting to make sense again! This dress is horrific.

Marley: Very gorgeous dress, but I feel like it’s something you would see at a rich high school prom.

Rachael: This reminds me of middle school, TBH. I think its pretty and love the shimmer though.

Me: I think this dress is my favorite dress of the night. I think it’s gorgeous. (I really thought the girls would hate it though – I’m glad they (mostly) liked it too.)

So, there you have it, friends. My 2022 Oscar Red Carpet Review. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are there any spectacular or horrific dresses I missed? Let me know in the comments below.

Photos taken from here. (Thank you, People Magazine.)

My 2021 Academy Award Red Carpet Review

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021 charleneaross1 Comment

Can I be honest? I was a little underwhelmed with last night’s Oscar’s. I mean, the show itself was fine. I appreciated the effort. The set did look super cool. But, there was just no glamour. And I get it, we’re still in a pandemic and there weren’t many movies anyway, but the whole thing really left me uninspired.

But, the people have demanded this review. (And by “the people” I mean three Facebook friends.) Plus, I rarely get to spend time with Marley these days, and my friends Laurel and Shauna were texing me their input which made for a fun night. And for the first time in three years I was actually home to do it. And so, here we go again with another Academy Award Red Carpet Review.

Amanda Seyfried

Me: the dress is a yes, red is definitely her color.

Marley: She looks amazing, but I hate those ruffles and those pleats. It’s a no.

Regina King

Me: I want to love this dress so much, and I do love most of it – the cut, the color, the fit, the bottom, but those wings are just too much. Regina is a queen, however and would amazing in a paper sack.

Marley: Those sleeves look like the angel statues from Dr. Who. If you close your eyes they follow you.

Shauna: What’s up with Regina’s sleeves? She looks like a butterfly.

Colman Domingo

Me: Now that is one hot gay tux on a hot gay man. I love it!

Marley: I feel like I’ve already seen Lil’ Nas X wear the same thing. But it does look good on him.

Carey Mulligan

Me: Stunning.

Marley: Stunning!

Shauna: She looks like a princess!

Laura Dern

Me: I feel like I should hate this, but I actually don’t. I mean, I don’t love it, but she looks pretty.

Marley: Where did she come from? The Beauty and the Beast? Is she a duster? Did she kill a thousand swans?

Laurel: She looks like she’s going to take flight.

Youn Yuh-jung

Marley: I love her dress. It’s very pretty.

Me: It has pockets!

Marley: I know. That’s why I love it.

Me: I am also madly in love with Youn Yuy-jung. I loved her speech (she is hilarious) and her mad love for Brad Pitt.

Margot Robbie

Me: Love, love, LOVE that hair! The dress is a little unglamorous, but like I said, it’s an unglamorous year. It’s simple and pretty. But those bangs and that messy ponytail? I’m obsessed!

Marlee Matlin

Marley: This is the first time I don’t hate stupid sleeves. I like the beading and she looks beautful.

Me: She looks gorgeous. I like the dress and feel like my friend Kim Robinson will absolutely love it.

H.E.R.

Laurel: H.E.R. looks regal.

Marley: H.E.R. looks fantastic. Probably my favorite outfit of the night.

Me: I love it!

Zendaya

Marley: Zendaya looks beautiful, I love that dress.

Me: Zendaya looks beautiful. I hate that dress.

Laurel: Beautiful girl, bad yellow dress.

Halle Berry

Me: No! No!! NO!! You know how in those ugly duckling movies the girl just changes her hair and clothes and suddenly she’s beautiful? Halle Berry just did the opposite! Because Halle Berry, one of the most beautiful women to ever grace our fine planet was looking pretty fugly with that stupid hair (god, I hope it’s a wig!). Seriously. What happened? Oh yeah, and I didn’t like her dress either.

Marley: Halle Berry’s hair is stupid and her dress is ugly.

Laurel: Halle Berry looks awful. Bad dress. Bad Hair.

Shauna: Agree

Reece Witherspoon

Me: Reece Witherspoon looks fine. Her dress is fine. She probably put about the same amount of effort in choosing that dress as I’m putting into writing this blog post, which is to say, not much. But in this unglamorous year, I will give her a pass. But, Reece? Part your hair on the side like a grown-up! You are a Gen-X grown ass woman and you’re not fooling anyone with that Gen Z middle part!

Viola Davis

Me: I like it! Very unique. She looks like a modern Greek Goddess

Shaua: I am trying to wrap my head around Viola Davis’s dress. It ‘s very distracting but kinda cool.

Me: Marley and I love it.

Laurel: I love it.

Shauna: REFUSE HATE! I love it!

(Apparently I am quite the influencer.)

Dana Murray

Me: I did not know who Dana Murray was before tonight. A quick IMDB search shows that she has made quite the rise over the last 12 years at Pixar and Disney from working in the animation department for Up to becoming the producer of Soul. You go, girl. Now get yourself a dress that does not look like one of the balloons that made the Ed Asner’s house float away.

Marley: Is she from the Wizard of Oz? Her dress looks like it’s caught in a tornado.

Laurel: NO! What is this?

Shauna: It looks like she is about to float away.

Frances McDormand

Me: Look, I get that Frances McDormand doesn’t do glamour. That’s fine. She’s an eccentric and complicated woman. You don’t want to wear makeup? Fine. You want to wear an ugly dress? Fine? But is it really too much effort to put on a Crest white strip and pull a comb through that dirty-ass hair? I wouldn’t do a late night milk run at 7-11 without puttiing a hat on that mop!

Laurel: For God’s sake, woman run a brush through that dirty hair!

Shauna: Frances McDormand is WEIRD!

So was this Academy Awards, Shauna. But at least unlike Frances McDormand’s non-existing stylist (and also, myself), they tried. They really did try.

What are your thoughts on this year’s Academy Awards?

Photos were mostly trolled from here, but also from here.

My 2018 Academy Awards Red Carpet Review

March 5, 2018March 4, 2018 charleneaross5 Comments

So. My timing hasn’t been great this year.

You may remember the night of the Golden Globes was on my son’s 21st birthday.

And the Oscars? They are rudely happening on the night of a business trip to Las Vegas.

mandalay-bay-hotel-room — My red carpet view.

What the mother-loving what?! Can’t these freaking awards be the earth to my sun and revolve around my schedule? Sigh…

So I’ve decided to hand the reins over to my daughter. I have to admit, I don’t even know who all of these people are, but I uploaded photos of dresses I hated and dresses I loved and I’m letting Marley do all the commentary. (Which, I have to be honest, is more than just a little bit hard for a control freak like me. But I trust her. Mostly. Besides, I’ve got a work dinner I’ve got to get to.)

And so, may I present to you, Marley Ross’s snarky Academy Awards Red Carpet Commentary…

Marley: She looks like she ran out of time whilst getting dressed and decided to steal the fancy hotel duvet cover. I just don’t know who looked at this and really thought, “this is it, this is the perfect dress.”

Marley: I guess she also decided to steal and thought to take the canopy from her daughter’s room and give it to a stylist to fix a little. The color is very pretty, but it’s such an ugly dress.

Her dressed are always beautiful, and this one is no exception. The color, the style, and the design is just all perfect for her.

Marley: She looks like an old Barbie doll, but not in a good way. The dress is hideous, but the color makes her look great. The style is just such a miss, though.

Marley: The only good thing about this dress is the color. And how it makes her waist look great. Everything else is just ugly. The sequins. The diamonds. Just… all of it.

Marley: Okay but why? This is just the worst. Even her face seems like she’s thinking “God help me.” The shoes look like hooves.

taraj-p-henson-oscars-1 — Taraji P. Henson

Marley: This is my favorite dress of the night. It’s so perfect for her, its just beautiful. The slit it stunning, and the top part of the dress is so well designed.

whoopi-goldberg-oscars — Whoopi Goldberg

Marley: Oh Whoopi… who hurt you like this? The color and style is good, but that’s about it. The design looks like something from another century.

Marley: Okay but seriously, this is the ugliest thing I’ve seen, and I’ve seen our President playing tennis. I don’t know if that’s the fur of one hundred raccoons, or the hay from one hundred barns. I genuinely cannot tell.

This is a really simple but gorgeous dress. It’s perfect for her.

Marley: Another simple but beautiful dress. The color is very complimenting for her.

Marley: This is my second favorite dress. The top is stunning and the color is so unique.

Marley: I think this is the perfect dress for her. I really love it.

Marley: That dress costs more than mine and Chandler’s college tuition. And honestly, I think it’s ugly. It’s reminds me of the 20’s but not in a good way.

Marley: I love the blue and how everything matches so well.

Marley: The length is perfect, the color is perfect, and the style is perfect.

jennifer-lawrence-oscars — Jennifer Lawrence

Marley: This dress looks like somebody robbed a Coinstar and took only the nickles to glue together for this dress.

Marley: This is so flattering and beautiful. A great choice for her.

Marley: He looks like he just left some bondage event and forgot the Oscar’s were happening.

Marley: God I love him. He looks amazing in this suit. And very attractive 11/10.

lin-manuel-miranda-oscars — Lin Manuel Miranda

Marley: The blue is a great color and he’s just adorable.

Marley: This suit is great. The off white, the black tie, and the antlers pin that if you’ve seen the movie you’ll understand. It’s a great ode to his debut movie and just a really great outfit.

Well, there you have it, friends. I do disagree with some of her picks, but for the most part, for a kid who spends most of her time in leggings and hoodies, she’s got a pretty keen eye for fashion. (She takes after her mother that way!)

Photos credits: fashionista.com and

My 2015 Snarky Oscar Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them)

February 23, 2015February 24, 2015 charleneaross7 Comments

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I used to enjoy the Oscars a lot more when I used to actually see movies. Out of the eight movies nominated for Best Picture I saw exactly one, The Grand Budapest Hotel. And I loved it dearly so of course I was rooting for it (even though I knew it wouldn’t win).

But oh, how I do adore the red carpet. Because I’m pretty sure that when people think of me the first think they think of is what a fashion icon I am. Seriously, no one can rock off-the-rack (from Target) like I can.

The Red Carpet

Dakota Johnson looked fabulous, but what happened to her mother’s face? (One too many trips under the knife – that’s what.) I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed the mother-daughter bickering on the red carpet between the two about Melanie’s refusal to see Dakota’s soft porn performance in FSOG (even though she was “so proud” of her).

Dakota-Johnson-Melanie-Griffith-Oscars-2015 — Is it me or is Melanie Griffith starting to look like Joan Rivers?

And speaking of soft porn, John Legend and his wife Chrissy Teigen looked gorgeous, but I kept expecting to see Chrissy give a Lindsay-Lohan-getting-out-of-a-limo-type red carpet peep show with the slit in that dress.

Julianne Moore looked stunning. I loved her dress (which does not look great against this background, but trust me, it’s gorgeous), just adored her side-swept chignon, and those earrings (that you cannot see in this picture)? I must have them!

I thought Jennifer Lopez’s dress was beautiful (I’m a sucker for a ballgown), but whoever did her make-up needs to be fired. Immediately. You can’t really tell from the photos, but her pink lipstick was hideous and her pink eye shadow was a mess. (If you saw her red carpet interview, you know what I’m talking about.)

2015-oscar-jennifer-lopez — Those pink lips have to go!

Rosamund Pike’s red dress paired with understated hair and jewelry was stunning. Stunning! (I know I just used that word to describe Julianne Moore, but if you can think of a better one please let me know.) I think her dress was my favorite.

I love Scarlet Johansson’s dress. I’m not sure how I feel about that necklace. And I have to ask, what the hell did she do to her hair?

2015-Oscar-Scarlet-Johansson — When did Scarlet Johansson start going to Miley Cyrus’s hairdresser?

And Gywneth Paltrow, whose website Goop loves to tell us how much better our lives could be if we partook in V steams and purchased $350 cut-off shorts might want to make her own life better by hiring a different stylist. Because this dress? NO! That hair? Yuck! But I will say, those earrings are FAB!

I really like Naomi Watts, but I do not like her dress at all. Except for the length it looks more like something you’d wear out clubbing.

2015-oscars-naomi-watts — That bandeau is not working for me.

The Awards

Okay, okay, enough of this red carpet business and onto a quick Academy Awards recap.

Opening number by Neil Patrick Harris, Anna Kendrick and Jack Black? -Fantastic!

I just loved JK Simmons thank you speech. What a lovely tribute to his wife. If my husband ever wins any kind of award that requires a speech he should just copy that speech.

In fact after watching that speech, I realized what it is I love so much about the awards and why I continue to watch them even when I don’t see the movies – it’s the acceptance speeches. I know this sounds corny, but watching people be filled with so much gratitude really does make me teary eyed and just, well, happy.

Speaking of acceptance speeches if you missed this one by Pawel Pawlikowski, the winner of the Best Foreign Language Film, you must watch it here. I had never heard of him before last night, but I am now madly in love with him and have decided he must be mine!

Michael Keaton really needs to learn how to chew gum in a more gentlemanly manner.

Ironically during the bit about seat fillers, I noticed the seat next to Jared Leto was empty. I really need to figure out a way to be a seat filler next year. I would take the job much more seriously. In fact I’d take it so seriously that if I was sitting next to Jared Leto I wouldn’t even get up when the person who was supposed be sitting there came back from the bathroom. Though he might ask me to leave because I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from giving him some well-needed fashion advice.

The Everything is Awesome musical number was #AWESOME. I need to call my sister and tell her to have her Lego-loving twins to make me a Lego Oscar statue. (It would make an excellent birthday present. Hint, hint!)

I wanted to snark on Patricia Arquette for looking like she rolled out of bed, put her hair in a messy ponytail and threw on a dress she found at Macy’s but I loved her heartfelt and impassioned speech so much that I’ve decided not to mention it.

2015-oscars -patricia-arquette — To you, Patricia Arquette, I say, “Go, Girl!”

The night really was full of tear-inducing speeches. Another one that you just have to watch is Graham Moore’s, the writer of The Imitation Game. And show your kids. Because it’s important. Even if they aren’t weird.

And OMG – who knew Lady Gaga could sing like that? Not me! Her tribute to Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music truly wowed me.

Eddie Redmayne’s speech was adorable and Julianne Moore’s speech was touching and fabulous. I’m over the red carpet, it really was all about the speeches for me.

2015-oscars-awards-julianne-moore — Happy Lady, you are fabulous!

And to my boyfriend Bradley Cooper, I’m so sorry you didn’t win (again). But like I told you last year, if you need someone to comfort you, you know where to find me.

2015-oscars-bradley-cooper-academy-awards — Swoon!

My Snarky Oscar Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them): 2014

March 3, 2014March 3, 2014 charleneaross5 Comments

I have to be honest… this year’s snarky Oscar post… it’s a little uninspired. Dave and I never go to the movies anymore so I saw very few of the movies nominated. Thanks to a friend we were able to catch Gravity and American Hustle via screeners (well, I mostly slept through American Hustle – I know my boyfriend Bradley Cooper is in that movie- I get up at 5AM, what can I say?), but we didn’t see anything else. It’s hard to root for movies you haven’t seen.

Also, everyone looked really lovely last night. It’s hard to snark when everyone looks great.

Plus, if I’m honest, I’ll tell you that the older I get (sigh, I hate saying that), I really don’t like to be mean. How about if I just show you some pretty pictures I ~~stole~~ borrowed off the internet instead and hope for some blog traffic via Pinterest and call it a day this time? You’ll forgive me won’t you?

Okay, I’ll tell you what, I will start with just a little bit of snark.

This is what happens when you invite Olympic ice skaters to the Oscars. Tara Lipinski shows up in a wedding gown and Johnny Weir dresses like a fancy butler.

Angelina Jolie – really? I miss your leg. That dress is pretty, but honestly a bit matron-y, a little mother-of-the bride even – you could have waited 20 years to wear it. And Brad Pitt? That hair? Uh.. no!

And speaking of hair – Jared Leto. You are so pretty, Jared, but would be even more beautiful if you had the Jordan Catalano haircut going again. I know you are a rock star and an arteest and really don’t care about such things, but your lady fans would really appreciate it and you want to please your fans, don’t you Jared? But I will say, your acceptance speech – one of the best I’ve ever heard. So gracious and lovely. I can’t think of anything that would have made a more beautiful speech. (Except maybe a haircut.)

Pharrell Williams – I suppose you can get away with this, because you’re a musician and might not know any better. But your wife might have wanted to dress up a bit more. (Oh – BTW, your performance? Loved it!)

I loved Amy Adams’ dress but I did not like her hair. It would have been so much prettier if she’d worn it down, all wavy and Veronica Lake-like. But I forgive her because of the threat of rain. Perhaps she’s like me and her hair gets all limp and frizzy at the slightest hint of moisture in the air.

Charlize Theron – thee most stunning and breathtaking dress of the night. WOW! And that necklace, spectacular. Move over Jessica Rabbit (and Angelina Jolie), Charlize has just out va-va-voomed you.

Giuliana Rancic – that dress is so pretty. Like a princess. And the umbrella is a fabulous accessory.

I love the soft light blue of Best Supporting Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o’s dress. And that diamond headband – gorgeous! Lupita may be new to the Hollywood scene, but she certainly found the right stylist. This girl can work the red carpet for sure!

Jennifer Lawrence looks fabulous once again. Peplum was a big runway trend and her red peplum dress was a stunner. Her make-up was pretty and I liked the swept-back hair. And that necklace worn kind of backwards? I must have it!

I loved Jennifer Garner’s fringe-y flapper-style dress. That’s how you have some fun on the red carpet. And Amy Adams – please take notes on Jennifer’s hair. Her side-swept loose waves are perfect.

Sandra Bullock looked stunning in this navy blue strapless dress. (And again, I love the side-swept hair!)

Best Actress Oscar winner Cate Blanchett also looked very pretty. This dress might have washed her out a little bit, but overall I think it was very pretty. And those earrings? Add them to my shopping cart with Jennifer Lawrence’s necklace.

Jenna Dewan-Tatum – I don’t know who you are. I’m guessing you are married to Channing Tatum? (Lucky girl!) Your big ol’ mess of diamonds that turns into a big ol’ mess of feathers? I kind of like it.

Bette Midler – this dress is simply stunning. And your Wind Beneath My Wings performance was sublime. I love and adore you.

And to end my un-snarky snark here’s some eye candy for you. You’re welcome.

And remember Bradley – even though I slept through most of your performance (my fault – not yours!) and didn’t see Jared’s, I hear you didn’t stand a chance against him, so please don’t feel badly for losing the Best Supporting Actor category. But just in case you do, remember, I’m always here to comfort you.

Photo credit: All photos Getty Images borrowed from here. (Thank you NY Daily News!)

My 2013 (Not-So) Snarky Oscar Comments

February 25, 2013February 26, 2013 charleneaross12 Comments

Oh yes, awards season came to an end last night when the 2013 Oscars awarded Argo with the Academy Award for Best Picture. Hooray! I was so glad that it won. Not only because it was fantastic, but because it was one of the four nominated movies I actually saw. But who cares about that? Everyone wants to know who looked awesome (and who didn’t) on the red carpet.

I have to admit that I was highly disappointed with last night’s awards. And not just because Seth MacFarlane was kind of stiff and nervous and just sort of meh. (I didn’t mind his poor taste jokes and I actually thought the opening skit was pretty funny.)

No, my bitter disappointed was in the dresses. They were gorgeous. Every single one of them. Every actress looked stunningly beautiful. How can I make fun of all the women who are thinner, more beautiful, more talented and so much richer than me if they all look amazing. So this blog – not so snarky.

Even Helena Bonham Carter who rarely disappoints with her poor sense of style looked pretty.

The 85th Academy Awards - Arrivals - Los Angeles-Helena-Bonham-Carter-2013 — Queen of the Prom

Okay, it looks like she’s wearing a prom dress, but for her, this look is downright glamorous.

And Jessica Chastain obviously read what I wrote about her awful Golden Globes look, because she looked beautiful as well. (A gorgeous dress that fits + side-parted hair = Red Carpet Glam Jessica!)

85th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals — Breathtaking!

Although….

Kristen Cheoweth. That dress is stunning! Your plastic surgery – not so much. Unless perhaps that bun on top of your head (which is adorable BTW) is pulled to tight?

kristin-chenoweth-oscars-2013-red-carpet-full — That dress is GORGEOUS!

kristin-chenoweth-oscars-2013-red-carpet-back — That bun is pulled too tight!

All snarkiness aside, I’ve always thought Kristen a true beauty and it saddens me to see that she has jumped onto the plastic surgery bandwagon. Please 40ish actresses – take a cue from your elder stateswomen like Meryll Streep, Sally Field or Helen Mirren who are aging so gracefully. (And if they’ve had work done then by all means see whoever it is they’re seeing and then give me their number!)

And speaking of Kristen Chenoweth – did you see her interview Bradley Cooper? She took off her shoe to compare her shortness with his mother’s shortness (he brought his mom – swoon) and he knelt down and helped her put it back on. (Double swoon Prince Charming!)

Oscar-Bradley-Cooper-red-carpet-2013 — A true prince!

A lot of the actresses seemed to be wearing their hair ala Rita Hayworth circa 1940-something…

And what an excellent choice. It’s such a soft, pretty look.

Oscar-Reece-Witherspoon-hair-2013 — Reece Witherspoon looks stunning with her retro wavy glam hair and Louis Vuitton couture dress.

Reece Witherspoon rocked the look. I loved her with bangs at the 2007 Oscars, but I might love this vintage Hollywood glam look even more.

My favorite dress of the night was Zoe Saldana’s. I loved the flowers on top, the belt, the funky side-bow and the flowy bottom.

I tried very hard to find something snarky and mean to say about Zoe, because rumor has it that she and my future-weekend-lover Bradley Cooper are still (or back) together. But I couldn’t. I mean look at her. She’s perfect. (Bitch!)

Oscar-Zoe-Saldana-2013-Red-Carpet — My future boyfriend’s girlfriend is perfect!

My second favorite dress of the night (a very close 2nd) was Jennifer Garner’s. (I first fell in love with Bradley Cooper when his Will Tippin pined away for Jennifer’s Sydney Bristow on Alias – hmmm… is there a theme here?)

oscars-ben-affleck-jennifer-garner-oscars-2013-red-carpet-05 — Hey Jen – if I tell the world you look STUNNING in my wildly popular blog will you put in a good word with Bradley for me?!

Anne Hathaway can do no wrong in my book. Everyone knew she would win last night. Her portrayal of Fantine was spectacularly gut wrenching. I mean, I started to cry when they showed the little 5 second clip when they were announcing the nominees. And her speeches are always so graceful. She is a true class act. And her dress – fabulous! (BTW – those are darts in her dress, not her nipples people!)

anne-hathaway-oscars-2013-red-carpet-03 — Love her so much!

And with that I think I will wrap up my take on last night’s fashions. As much as red carpet train wrecks boost my self-esteem as I sit on the floor in stretched out yoga pants and fold laundry while I watch the awards, I suppose I should take the high road and be happy that everyone looked so lovely. They’ve earned it.

But I will close with this…

“Did the woman in the gold dress just get plastic surgery? Her face looks like this,” Marley asked as she made a scrunchy face. She was talking about Renee Zellweger. That might be mean of me to mention, but she used to date Bradley Cooper, so I can’t really be held responsible for my actions when it comes to her.

(And yes, I know I already posted this photo. I just thought you might want to see it again. You’re welcome!)

Adendum: I was going to mention Kristen Stewart and then I changed my mind. I think because I could only find red carpet photos of her and she looked fine. But at the podium? WTF! Why is she famous? Why do producers keep putting her on awards shows? She always seems so put out to be there. If it’s for the young Twilight fans, even 12-year-old Marley says Blech when she sees her. I think this e-card sums her up nicely:

Photo credits:

Kristen Chenoweth: Just Jared.com / Reece Witherspoon: Celebrity Gossip.net / Zoe Saldona: Gossip Center.com / Jennifer Garner: Getty via Just Jared.com / Bradley Cooper: Photo by Jason Merritt – © 2013 Getty Images / Jessica Chastain: JustJared.com / Helena Bonham Carter: Birminghampost.net / Anne Hathaway: JustJared.com

My 2013 Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments

January 14, 2013January 15, 2013 charleneaross6 Comments

Golden-Globes-Hosts-Tina-and-Amy — Amy & Tina rocked the house! (Image NBCUniversal)

Oh yes, it is that time of year again – awards’ season. And everyone knows (well maybe not everyone) that if there’s one thing I love to do, it’s make snarky comments about the red carpet and the awards themselves from the comfort of my home as I sit crisscross on the den floor, in men’s flannel pajama bottoms folding a week’s worth of laundry in front of my circa 1986 25 inch TV .

But this year I was not crisscross on the floor in pajama pants. I was wearing jeans and a purple leopard print cardigan, purchased on sale at Target the day after Christmas, that fashion-know-nothing Chandler gave a big thumbs down to. I even put on a little bit of eye shadow.

No, it wasn’t for the awards. (I have a black tafetta dress for that.) I had some girlfriends over for a vision board party and the red carpet was only on in the background -on mute- and I missed most of the pre-show prancing.

So I was going to skip it this year. But then I got a post on my Facebook page from my funny friend Tina who was looking forward to my commentary. And I hate to disappoint the people I love. (Which is weird, because if you ask my children they’ll tell you I’m very good at it. Disappointing the people I love specifically them.)

But I digress… and so here it is… My Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them) – the 2013 Addition…

ANNE HATHAWAY…

I’ve always really liked Anne Hathaway, but after seeing Les Miserables, in my eyes she can do no wrong. Her gut wrenching performance of Fantine had me bawling. Snot-running-down-my-face-even-though-I’m-desperately-trying-to-hide-it-because-I-was-sitting-next-to-my-15-year-old-son BAWLING. (If she doesn’t win the Oscar on February 24 I will throw something heavy at my TV screen.) I loved her dress, loved her hair, and loved, Loved, LOVED her speech.

HALLE BERRY…

I really loved Halle Berry’s dress and she always looks stunning. But what’s with the pose in this photo Halle? That’s so Angelina Jolie 2012. (Of course who am I kidding – if I had a leg that looked like that I’d stick it out for everyone to see too!)

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

What the Freaking What was going on with the top of Jennifer Lawrence’s dress? Her boobs look like bullets. Seriously, was that some sort of bullet-proof costumery stolen from the Hunger Games set? (Cinna, you can do better!) The rest of the dress is gorgeous, but that bustier portion needs some serious work. Of course Jennifer is only 22 so I suppose she can get away with that sort of thing.

EWAN MCGREGOR

How sexy does Ewan McGregor look in this picture. Answer: SO DAMN SEXY! You know how he would look even sexier? If I were on his arm instead of his wife. Look, I think it’s great that Ewan is happily married and is faithful to his longtime wife Eve, and yes that love and loyalty only adds to his sexiness, but I’ve loved him since seeing him in Shallow Grave in 1995 on a trip to England, years before anyone in the states even knew who he was. I’ve loved him at least as long as she has. Isn’t that worth him considering taking me to an awards show instead of her? Just once? I promise not to wear anything stupid on my head (like she always seems to do).

JESSICA CHASTAIN

I don’t even know what to say about this dress – except um… NO! The fit is funky, the color is kind of weird and it is just not flattering at all. And her hair?! Ugh! What is with those roots? It looks like she’s in serious need of a dye job!

I know this is short (for me), but as I said, I wasn’t going to write this at all. So I will end my (not very) snarky snarks here and end them on a high note.

I just loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Like Anne Hathaway, they can do no wrong in my eyes. They are funny, brilliant, awesome women. They both looked spectacular and freaking killed it last night. Killed it! (That James Cameron joke – almost peed my pants!) In case you missed the opening of the show, here it is for you. Enjoy. (And you’re welcome!)

Charlene Ross

Tag: oscars