Can I let you in on a secret? You might think that because I’ve been writing this red carpet (that was actually purple this year) post for the last 10ish years, that I not only wait for the Emmy’s (Oscar’s and Golden Globe’s) every year with baited breath, but actually know when they are going to occur.
I’m not that organized. In fact I didn’t know the Emmy’s were happening tonight until my husband and I were reading the Sunday paper and noticed a story about the Emmy’s on the cover of ParadeMagazine.
Shit. Are those tonight?
Because I really don’t have time for this. I just got back from an eight night one-third vacation, two-thirds business trip. I landed at LAX on Saturday at 8:30 AM (after waking up at 4:45 AM for a 7:00 AM flight from Indianapolis), got home around 10:00 AM and went to bed until noon.
Then instead of getting up and cleaning (because you know I came home to a dirty house), shopping (because you also know I came home to a house with no fresh food), and doing laundry (spoiler alert – there was plenty of that, that wasn’t mine too), I dragged my jet lagged ass to a country festival at the beach.
Of course I did.
Which is my very long-winded way of saying. I’m tired. Marley got home from work around 8:30 PM after a late Saturday night and a long shift Sunday and she’s tired.
Plus, WordPress has changed its format and I hate it and this post looks all wonky and I have given up caring. You get what you get and you don’t get upset, people. I do this for you (the five people who look forward to this post every year), but I can only do so much.
A special shout out and thank you to my friend Laurel and her daughter Lexi who texted me their comments last night. They were on point. (Marley and I might have to pass the torch to them soon.)
Okay. Enough of the blah blah blah. I present to you, my 2019 Emmy Red (Purple) Carpet Review.
Now how about some love (or some well deserved shade) for the awesome Game of Thrones ladies.
And now, how about a shout out (or a shout at) to the ladies who wear pants.
Pink and red – who wore it best?
And then there’s this…
And now the good…
And the best of the best…
And now for the men…
And as always, unedited and likely with tons of mistakes (I mean in the way of grammar and typos – my opinions are spot on), that my friends, is a wrap.
Okay, so I have to confess. I didn’t know the Emmy’s were on last night. It’s not that I forgot or that it slipped my mind. It just wasn’t on my radar. At all.
Sorry, but I’m very busy. Friday night I went see Hall and Oates/Tears for Fears in concert. Yes, it was awesome and you should be very (very) jealous.
Saturday morning I went to a 9AM yogaish/boot campish class at Malibu Winery. This guy was my instructor.
Again, it’s okay if you’re a little jealous.
Saturday afternoon I got a much needed haircut and root touch up. Not that I’m mostly likely 100% gray or anything. (No need to be jealous about that.)
Saturday night Marley and I went to the Green Day concert at the Rose Bowl. You should be most jealous about that, because Oh. My. God. They were amazing. And Marley got us the total hook up when she snapchatted that she was there and a friend saw her post and messaged her that her brother was working the show and he hooked us up with floor passes. And if you’re wondering if being on the floor is really a lot better than being in the shit seats (almost) all the way at the top, the answer is YES!
And then Sunday, I completed the fabulousness by doing laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning my room. (#livingthedream) Also, I saw my mom and step-dad who just got home from a three month vacation. That, of course, was so nice.
See. I’ve been busy.
So at 8:15 on Sunday evening when we had just sat down to watch our DVR’d America’s Got Talent semi-finals and I envisioned myself falling asleep on the couch 30 minutes later, Marley got a text from my friend Laurel asking if she could babysit later in the week and was she going to be snarking on the Emmy’s with me tonight.
We missed the Red Carpet! We missed the beginning of the show. And I was so tired. I came this close to saying, “Screw it,” and just not doing it this year. But we do this for you, not for us, so we decided to rally. Marley sat next to me on the couch while we simultaneously watched the show and scanned the internet for Red Carpet pictures.
So I present to you our (Unplanned-Oh-Shit-Totally-Last-Minute) 2017 Emmy Red Carpet Review:
Marley: No. It looks like she’s wearing a diaper, the way that thing V’s and it looks like the designer didn’t have enough of the same fabric, so just used whatever he had and it was the first time he used a sewing machine.
Me: She is stunning, but there is just way too much going on there. It looks like a Project Runway designer tried way too hard to be cutting edge. Maybe without the weird train thing. But even then, Marley is right about the whole diaper, V thing.
Zoe Kravitz made a lot of people’s Best Dressed list. Not ours.
Marley: That dress looks like it was made with Dollar Store pom poms mixed with piñata.
Marley: Oh no! She looks like a burrito.
Me: a burrito?
Marley: Yeah, you know, wrapped up in tin foil, to go. Wait, that was Sarah Paulson? Oh no. I love her. Sweetie, no!
Me: Also, what’s with the hair? Sorry, Sarah, Marley and I are in agreeance. We love you, but your Emmy look a two thumbs down, no!
Tracee Ellis Ross
Marley: That dress is terrible. Disco ball gone wrong.
Me: I think she and Sarah Paulson share the same terrible designer.
I am very conflicted because I love Jane Fonda – she looks great and has obviously made a deal with the devil, but the Barbie pink color and sorority-girl pony tail are not working for me.
Marley: She looks like she’s wearing a Double Stuffed Oreo.
Marley: Ugh. No.
Me: I love Samantha Bee, but I’ve got to give her dress an F. (Sorry, Sam!)
Marley: The way the red carpet reflect in her dress looks like Hurricane Irma, you know, the eye of the storm.
Me: Reflection or not, I call her disco ball dress a no.
Marley: At least he doesn’t have the pornstache.
Me: I think he looks dreamy.
Marley: See, Donald Glover looks. He’s always stylish. He always looks nice. I just love him. But he’s quitting rapping and that makes me sad.
Marley: It looks great because it’s RuPaul and everything looks good on RuPaul. On anyone else it would be hideous, but RuPaul is a god.
I have searched the internet high and low for a picture of Jason Bateman on the Red Carpet last night, but cannot find any. This is obviously a crime against humanity because he looked yummy.
Marley: Oh god, Mom. Do not call people yummy. It’s disgusting.
Anyway, please enjoy this picture of Jason and his beautiful wife Amanda Anka from the 2013 Emmy Red Carpet. He basically looked the same: beautiful.
The We’re Not Sure
Marley: I think she looks great, but I don’t like it.
Me: I love it and the color is spectacular, but it looks a little too casual for me. Fabulous, but casual.
Her dress was gorgeous. Well it would have been if it didn’t have those weird unnecessary asymmetrical sleeves.
Marley: I don’t like that weird sleeve and I don’t support it. They just seem wrong.
She looks gorgeous – the boppit side ponytail totally works for her. The more I look at the dress, the more I like it, but I still don’t know – depending on the angle it goes from gorgeous to weird. Marley says no, but without any snarky commentary. She’s making a lot of Best Dressed lists, but also some Worst Dressed lists. I’ll ask you, what do you think?
Talk about deal with the devil! I think Michelle Pfieffer might just be the most beautiful woman in the world. This dress is stunning and so is she.
Marley: That’s a pretty dress. It looks like a prom dress, but it’s pretty.
Me: She looks like a princess. I love the simplicity. Gorgeous.
Marley: I love it because I love her and she’s good.
Me: I love it too. Classy and simple, yet fabulous.
Marley: Yeah. Um, I know she’s great, but it looks like she has a centerpiece from a wedding table across her dress.
Marley is right about Julia Louis Dreyfus being great. She is 100% wrong about her dress. It’s fabulous. And she looked amazing.
Marley: Part of it looks like a disco ball and is poorly put together. The bottom look like sad cheerleader pom poms. Not the nice ones, but the ninety nine cent store ones. what is with iall the pom pom dresses this year? Yikes!
Again, my darling daughter is very misguided. I love this dress, including the (not sad) pom poms.
I saved my favorite dress for last. Just like this year at the Oscars, Nicole has moved from my Worst Dressed List to my Best Dressed List. I freaking love this dress. (In fact, I think it would look good on me.)
Marley: Eh. I don’t like the diamond part. (Marley is 1000% wrong.)
So there it is – My and Marley’s 2017 Emmy Red Carpet Review. Oh, and if you want to see more of Marley and her fashion advice, check out this Buzzfeed video where she helps give one of the Try Guys a makeover. (Yes, my daughter in a Buzzfeed video – so cool!)
And as always, I love your comments. What did we get right (everything), what did we get wrong (nothing), and what did we miss?
Most photos were taken from here, some from here, and the one of Adam Von Rothfelder here.
You’re all so lucky. Today we have a guest commentator, my very own daughter, Marley Ross. Marley is even more qualified than I am to make snarky fashion comments, because even though she didn’t wear the same dress as seven other girls at her prom (but she’s only a junior and hasn’t gone to prom yet) she’s only sixteen, so she doesn’t mind being mean like I’m finding it more and more difficult to do.
And while it seems over the last few years there haven’t been that many fashion disasters, that was certainly not the case last night. In fact, IMHO (and Marley’s as well), much of last night’s red carpet was a complete and total shit show. (Except for Marley doesn’t say “shit” – at least not when her mother is around!)
So grab a cup of coffee (just be sure not to spit it at the screen when you read Marley’s comments), sit back, relax and enjoy this year’s Snarky Red Carpet Comments. (And forgive me for once again posting without editing. I hate bloggers who don’t edit, but I’ve got a day job people!)
Giuliana Ransic often makes my best dressed list, but not last night. As she hosts the red carpet show on E!, hers was the first dress I saw and all I could think was, WTF is she wearing? Her dress is pretty (though I don’t like the color), but it is ruined by that stupid cape. And her hair is in a messy ponytail that looks more appropriate for running errands than working the red carpet at an awards show.
Marley’s comments: She looks like skelator. The dress is pretty, but that cape. Why?
Our verdict: Lose the cape, fix your hair and eat one of those PBJs that Jimmy Kimmel’s mom made!
Claire Danes looked pretty (I love her hair), but did she use Donald Trump’s spray tanner? Her skin almost matches her dress. I actually like her dress, but what is that weird gold necklace-y thing that seems to be attached?
Marley’s comments: She looks like an Emmy, an Oscar, a Golden Globe. (Well, I guess she was dressing the part.)
Anna Chlumsky – WTF? Where do I begin with this mess of a dress? I almost forgive her because she had a baby three weeks ago, and God knows that three weeks after I had a baby I was no where near awards show ready (hell, it’s been 16 years since I had a baby and I’m nowhere near awards show ready), but this dress looks like a brocade potato sack.
Marley’s comments: Combo of a baby blanket and a grandma sweater.
I love Connie Britton, but I do not love this dress. It’s just weird.
Marley’s comments: Um, what? She looks a poster girl for my geometry class.
Amanda Peet was trending on Twitter last night because of all the shout outs she got from her husband, Game of Thrones co-creator, David Benioff, but I think she’ll be trending today because of this terrible dress.
Marley’s comments: Where did she get that? Charlie Brown’s closet.
It looks like Carly Chaikin is wearing what her character Darlene would wear if she were going to the Emmy’s. She looks beautiful (oh to be that young and be able to pull off that much eye make-up) and I actually love the top of her dress, but there is too much going on with the bottom. If the bottom had been solid or maybe solid with those silver stripes it would have been gorgeous, but the sheer netting and the polka dots just turns this dress into a big ol’ mess.
Marley’s comments: That dress! I can’t put it into words. And I love her too. She’s so great and so pretty and and I hate that dress. When they asked her who she’s wearing she should say, “A mess.”
I was forever rooting for Lady Edith on Downton Abbey, but I cannot root for this godawful disaster of a dress that Laura Carmichael wore last night. It looks like she paired her favorite summer top with some leftover tulle. Did Lady Mary play a mean trick and switch out her real dress for this monstrosity?
Marley’s comments: Why? What happened? It looks like an Easter basket. It looks like spring nail polish you’d put on a little kid.
Gabby Hoffman looks like she’s wearing pajamas. The end.
Marley’s comments: She looks like she just woke up from a nap and is like, “Okay, Emmy’s time.”
Supermodel & Project Runway star, Heidi Klum makes my worst dresses list every year (oh, the irony), and this year is no exception. If this dress was either long sleeves on both sides or spaghetti straps on both sides, it would be like Heidi: a 10. But why the asymmetrical mess? It does not make the dress interesting. It makes the dress stupid!
Marley’s comments: That dress is stupid and I think she was next in line for Donald Trump’s spray tanner.
Alright, enough of the negativity and snark (at least from me anyway) – let’s get to the dress I thought were fabulous. First let’s get to the color yellow. (I almost felt like at any moment I would hear Jimmy Kimmel say, “The 2016 Emmy Awards, brought to you by the color yellow.”) I did not used to be a yellow fan, but lately I am loving it. Maybe because my current favorite top is yellow (you can see it here) or maybe because the current yellows are more bright and less chartreuse-y (which is a little to pukey green for my taste), but whatever it is, I’m digging it.
I have loved Minnie Driver since Circle of Friendsand find her red carpet looks to always be beautiful and classic. I’m not sure about this dress. I want to love it more than I do. But she looks fabulous so I think I’ll give it the thumbs up. What do you think?
Marley’s comments: Nope. (I told you the snark was over only for me.)
Taraji P. Henson looks gorgeous and this dress is FAB! For some reason she changed during the awards to present and even put on a wig (and I think she looked fabulous in that outfit too), but I think this red carpet look is stunning. Simplicity at its finest.
Marley’s comments: I love it! (See, she can be nice!)
Angela Bassett’s dress is leaning a little bit towards the chartreuse, but I still think it’s stunning. And so is she – her hair, her make-up, those earrings: love, Love, LOVE!
The ladies in red also looked fabulous…
Kate McKinnon looks GORGEOUS! You can’t see them because of her hair, but there are little cutouts at the V of her dress that gives this simple red dress a little extra detail. That lipstick + that hair + that dress = Va Va Voom!
Marley’s comments: She is my favorite and she looks beautiful.
Tatiana Maslany: Marley and I agree – this was our favorite dress of the night! Sheer perfection. And as a side note, I am beyond thrilled that she won the Emmy for Orphan Black. If you haven’t seen it, you must. She plays eight or more characters and she is amazing!
Tina Fey looked absolutely stunning in green. I loved everything about her dress and her look.
Marley’s comments: She looks pretty.
The ladies dressed in neutral shades of nude, silver and white also looked beautiful.
Emilia Clarke looks stunning. I would be inclined to have her wear her hair down and would have added a necklace (because I like flowy hair and think everyone should wear a necklace always), but I think I would have been wrong. This look is the pure definition of “Less is More” and it is spectacular.
Marley’s comments: Mom, I like her hair up. She looks perfect.
While Julie Bowen is my current hair idol, she often misses the mark when it comes to the red carpet. But not last night. Last night she looked amazing and her dress was gorgeous.
Marley’s comments: The back of that dress is stupid. (Marley is wrong. The back of her dress was gorgeous.)
Giuliana Rancic and Heidi Klum take note: This is how you wear a ponytail to an awards show and this is how you wear asymmetrical. Sofia Vergara looks amazing (as always), plus she did eat one of the PBJs made by Jimmy Kimmel’s mom, so she gets an A+ in my book!
Marley’s comments: I don’t like it. It’s weird. Those things look like yogurt swirls. And not good yogurt swirls, like old fruit gone bad yogurt swirls.
Felicity Huffman’s look was one of my favorites of the night. That hair! Those earrings! That dress! She just reeked of fabulousness!
Marley’s comments: I like it!
I loved Judith Light’s dress. Both classic and original. She looked fabulous.
Marley’s comments: Her dress looks like a striped disco ball. (Sixteen-year-old snarky fashion critiquers sometimes just don’t get it.)
I thought Anika Noni Rose’s dress was pretty and an original take on a Grecian style dress. And OMG – I remember when my waist used to be that tiny.
Marley’s comments: The top of her dress looks like a dream catcher.
I had to google Annet Mahendru and Lucian Gibson to see who they were, but I just loved the beautiful simplicity of her dress. Gorgeous! But Lucian needs to google “how do dress at an awards show.”
Marley’s comments: Her dress looks unfinished (wrong, Marley – her dress is perfect!) and what is with that bag. It looks like it has a horse tail! (She might be right about that.)
Kristen Bell’s look was one of my favorites of the night. Here hair and make-up look stunning (with just the perfect amount of spray tan – a lovely bronze with not one bit of orange) and I think her dress is amazing. Seriously, I want it!
Marley’s comments: That dress looks like a cornucopia!
Allison Janey always looks gorgeous and last night was no exception. Damn I have to win the Lotto so I can hire her trainer. I loved her classic bun (a little to the side) and those earrings are spectacular.
Marley’s comments: Eh, it’s fine. (Sigh…)
There is only one word for Kerry Washington’s red carpet look: WOW! She looks a-maz-ing!
Marley’s comments: I love her dress except for the cape. Why is she wearing a cape? Who does she think she is? A super hero? She’s a mom! (Exactly, Marley. That makes her a super hero.)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus is another gorgeous lady that always seems to make my best-dressed list. This is how to wear a sheer dress.
Marley’s comments: I don’t like the polka dots. (Marley is not a polka dot fan.)
And because I always like to end my list with a little bit of eye candy for the ladies, here you go:
Kit Harrington is my free pass too!
Marley’s comments: He’s pretty.
So what do you think? Did Marley and I get it right? Agree? Disagree? Anyone I missed? Let us know in the comments below.
As Seth Meyers and his BFF Amy Poehler would say, Really, NBC? Really?!
The Emmy’s on a Monday? Sigh.
Look, I work until 6:00 and don’t get home until about 6:30 (okay, 6:20, but still). Then there’s the whole making, eating, and cleaning dinner business. I need to be able to watch my red carpet at 4:00 and my awards shows at 5:00 in order to have time to gather my snark. Plus I get up at 5AM. Last night at 10:00 by the time (spoiler alert) Breaking Bad won best drama (Yay!) I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I might have snored a little. Or drooled.
(Oh, and by the way, if you just got angry with my little spoiler alert above because you haven’t had a chance to watch the Emmy’s yet and it’s sitting in your DVR queue all ready to go, what the hell are you doing reading my Emmy comments? Really, Silly Person? Really?!)
So, due to the lateness of last night’s show and my selfish need for 6 1/2 hours of sleep, my report today will be rather short, but here goes…
Julia Louis-Dreyfus has obviously sold her soul to the devil. (Or has the best plastic surgeon in the history of the universe, but my very discerning eye says no, because it looks like she has had zero work done. Bitch!) Because, seriously, who goes from looking cute when she’s in her 30’s
to va-va voom stunning when she’s 53.
Damn, she’s gorgeous! (As Marley would say, “That’s not fair!”) Oh, and her dress was gorgeous too. Seriously though, deal with the devil. If not for any other reason, for the lack of under-arm fat. I could never wear a dress like that – my under-arm fat would be spilling over the sides! She’s 53, people! 53!!! But I LOVE her. And she is fabulous in Veep. I’m so glad she won. (And if I were Bryan Cranston I would have made out with her too!)
I really liked Allison Janney’s dress, but was that velvet? In August? She’s lucky it wasn’t 100 degrees yesterday. I will forgive the faux pas because she looked smokin’.
Lena Headey’s dress was gorgeous (and so was she), but I don’t know what surprised me more, her short dark hair or her multiple tattoos. (All those tats don’t seem very regal, and you know, queeny.)
I did not like Julianna Margulies’ hair at all. It was pulled way too tight and made her ears look elfy. Her dress was fine, but she is too skinny. Please Julianna, the Emmy’s are over now. Go eat a meal.
Some more dresses I liked…
Michelle Dockery looked regal, graceful, stunning. A true Lady, indeed.
I’m not sure how I feel about Anna Gunn’s dress. I want to love it, but I don’t quite love it. (And I LOVED her dress last year.) I do love the color, so let’s say I like it. Plus she looked awesome. And I’m so glad she won again. She deserved it. She was A-MAZ-ING in her final season. Amazing.
And once again, Julie Bowen’s dress just seems to miss the mark. I appreciate that she tries to be bold and a little different, but I do not like that neck thing on her dress. (What is that?)
And speaking of missing the mark, this dress? Uh, no!
And was it just me or did Peter Dinklage look really pissed that Aaron Paul won for best supporting actor? Like, really, really pissed. Sorry Peter, you were awesome this season, Game of Thrones was awesome this season, but this was Breaking Bad’s year.
Speaking of Game of Thrones, I will end my post with a swoon-worthy photo of Kit Harington. (You are so very welcome for the eye candy ladies!)
I’d love to know, what did you love or hate about the Emmy’s or Emmy’s’ fashion this year?
I was outside in Los Angeles on Sunday afternoon and let me tell you it was hot. And I don’t mean a little bit. I mean the kind of hot where if you’re wearing a skirt sweat runs down your legs and makes little puddles at your feet. I think the fact that I didn’t see one actress break even a tiny bit of a sweat when they were on the red carpet proves what I have always known – actresses (like models) are genetic freaks and not remotely human.
Kristin Wiig looked beautiful, and I loved her dress, but honestly she looked more like she was going to a summer cocktail BBQ instead of TV’s biggest night.
I do not know what was going on with that harsh hair-do of January Jones – but her dress – OMG – I LOVED it! I usually like the simpler outfits, I like simple elegance, and this dress is definitely not simple, there is a lot going on, but I just loved it. (But it would have looked soooo much better if she had worn her hair down with soft curls.)
Ginnifer Goodwin – looved her red-orange dress – it had a very retro 50’s glam feel to it. And that pixie-short hair – adorable!
Elizabeth Moss – love the blonde hair and the beautiful oriental-inspired flower print of her Dolce and Gabana dress. Definitely one of my favorites.
Edie Falco – WOW! That Stella McCartney dress was just stunning. This is what I’m talking about when I say simple elegance. It is daring without being slutty. Edie is 2 years older than me and it’s obvious I need to win the Lotto so I can hire her personal trainer. (My mid-life muffin top would just spill over that belt!) I also love her simple low ponytail and pretty eye make-up. I think she might be my favorite of the night. Gorgeous!
Hmmm… I’m looking over this post and realizing, not so snarky. Darn it – I hate when everyone looks great. Well, almost everyone…
Uh Heidi – aren’t you the host of a show about aspiring fashion designers? Is that where this dress came from? Was there some sort of challenge to turn a retro one-piece swimsuit into an evening gown? Because seriously, that’s what this looks like to me. Those slits are not sexy, they’re just weird.
Did you notice that all the actresses who wore yellow won an Emmy? I liked Claire Danes’ and Julie Bowen’s dresses, but I did not like Julianne Moore’s dress. I thought the yellow was a little on the pukey side (just a little) and I don’t know – it’s the type of simple dress I usually love, but I have to say, I was underwhelmed by it. I am so glad that Julianne Moore won however – her portrayal of Sarah Palin was dead on!)
As for the awards themselves, I loved the opening skit with the fabulous ladies of comedy. (Leah Dunham – you are AWESOME and have an amazing future in front of you.) And speaking of comedy – the bit with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Amy Poeler when Julia won was fantastic! (I wonder if all the nominees had been in on that and it would have gone off no matter who won – I hope so.) And Jon Stewart wrestling in the aisle with Jimmy Falon and Stephen Colbert and then coming up on stage to give a wonderful, funny, classy speech – swoon… will you please be my boyfriend?
What did you think of the Emmy Awards this year? And what dresses did you love? (Or hate?) I’d love to know!