I’m not a runner, but today I ran one mile. That’s right – one whole mile! I know, I know – amateur! I sort of got talked into joining the run club at my gym which is crazy because not only am I not a runner, I’ve never had any desire to be a runner. Not even a little. You know those people who decide mid-life that they are going to take up running and then start training and then do something completely insane like run a marathon? Or even worse, start running daily. Like as a way of life? I’m not doing that. Do you know why? Because I hate running. I HATE IT! Every step I take I curse the name of my friend who talked me into this foolishness. (Juliana – you KNOW I’m talking about you!) I try with all my might to think of anything –anything- other than this hell that is called running and the fact that I can’t breathe and that I’m miserable because I feel like my heart and my lungs are going to simultaneously explode. Today as I was running I tried to focus on the beauty of the morning sky as it grew brighter, but that just made me focus on the fact that I forgot to put my contact in before heading outside. (No, that’s not a typo, I’m nearsighted and only wear one contact which makes one eye nearsighted and one eye farsighted and I don’t have to wear reading glasses. Go ahead and call me vain. Of course I’m vain – otherwise I wouldn’t be running!) I tried to think about the high-fat salt laden restaurant meal (and alcohol) I’ll be enjoying with two girlfriends later tonight in an attempt to convince myself that this torture I was putting myself through will all be worth it. I tried counting 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 with every step like someone who was meditating might count their breaths. Except that people that meditate are peaceful. And I’m not peaceful. No moment of zen. No runner’s high. Only misery; no peace. Instead all I could think of, the one thought that kept popping into my head was, “Running sucks.” And I hate it. And I really don’t want to do it again. (Even though I probably will.)
I took Marley shopping for school clothes this weekend. I was hoping to score some good deals from Labor Day sales. There weren’t as many deals as I had hoped. Probably because I’ve found so much joy in shopping at thrift stores and yard sales lately. It’s hard to wrap my head around a $13 Batman tee shirt as a bargain when I recently purchased three skirts, a sweater and a pair of pants for just two dollars more. (My new favorite game to play with myself is to calculate the cost of my outfit in my head…”Wow, this entire outfit only cost $12 including my shoes and purse. I am one hell of a savvy shopper!”) Marley enjoys my thrifty finds (favorite Vans hoodie for only $1.00 – you’re welcome), but does not enjoy thrift store shopping. Or yard sale shopping. Or, truth be told, shopping in general. But I digress… (which is really hard to do in just one paragraph)… shopping with her made me feel old. Like that mother who just doesn’t get it. We do not think the same things are cute. I really never thought I’d be that mother. I remember shopping with my own mother when I was 13 and the importance of having the right clothes. Cute clothes. Clothes that made me stand out in exactly the right way. (Wait, who am I kidding? I still feel that way.) So I bought her (mostly) what she wanted and was thankful that she becomes bored with shopping so quickly and didn’t really want much. I sent Dave a text from Hot Topic, “What’s worse? Dress code questionable clothing or a Black Veil Brides tee shirt?” His response: “Aaaahhhhhhh!” Aaaahhhhhh indeed.
Today is September 1st which means 2013 is 2/3 over and at the end of the month it will be 3/4 over and what have I done this year? I’m looking at my vision board to see what goals have been reached and the sad truth is, not many. The word “Imagine” is on there twice. Well, I’ve hit that goal as I’ve certainly done a lot of imagining. But perhaps next year instead of gluing on the word “imagine” I should glue on the word “do.” I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because I pasted on of a glass of wine and a cup of coffee and I’ve had my share of those. There’s a picture of healthy food and a fit woman and I’ve lost 13 pounds and 13 inches these last two months. I clipped out the sentence “Give hugs.” and I hug Marley every day and make Chandler hug me every day, but I don’t hug Dave every day and I need to start doing that. But (other than my trip to Napa in March) I haven’t traveled (and it’s really hard to write a travel blog when you haven’t traveled), I haven’t taken enough risks, and I haven’t gotten Bradley Cooper to star in the movie version of my unpublished book. I haven’t been querying my novel enough and I haven’t been writing enough and that needs to stop right now. Or rather start right now. More writing. More querying. More. As in every day. So this month, this ninth month, this pivotal 2/3’s – 3/4’s month, I’m going to write (and post) just one paragraph. Every day. It might not help me hit my goals. But it’s something.
I found the inspiration for “One Paragraph A Day” from my friend Kim who wrote one paragraph a day on her blog about a month ago. She found the inspiration here. Thank you ladies for the kick in the butt I needed and inspiring me to do more every day.
Chandler is a quirky kid who loves history and had been begging me to take him to the Lincoln exhibit at the Ronald Reagan Library. (Well, maybe not begging. But asking insistently. And repeatedly.)
Reagan Library Entrance
Marley and Dave were busy with other things, so I got the rare and wonderful opportunity to spend a Saturday afternoon with my 16-year-old son. Even though I had him trapped in a metal box with no escape for twenty minutes I was nice on the car ride over and didn’t ask him about girls.
We mostly chatted about his new classes at school and what we were looking forward to seeing at the museum. (And by chatted I mean I asked him questions and he gave me one – two word answers.) I told him I was most excited about seeing Air Force One. You can see the exhibit building from the freeway and it looks quite impressive.
The bulk of the museum of course is dedicated to Reagan’s presidency. There is a lot of memorabilia including many gifts given to Reagan, the outfits he and the first lady wore on the day of his inauguration, White House china, and even notes scrawled by Reagan when he was in the hospital after he was shot and instructed by his doctors not to speak.
The museum has a replica of the oval office complete with actual items that were on his desk and the small bronze statues he had displayed during his presidency.
There are also a lot of interactive activities including “acting” in a movie with Reagan, “delivering” his inaugural speech, and “setting” the White House table for dinner. Chandler of course could not be bothered with standing on the podium, but I look very presidential, don’t you think?
Look out Hillary!
Air Force One was as cool as I had anticipated. Just the building itself is spectacular. And the plane inside the building is visually stunning. We were able to board the plane, but weren’t allowed to take photographs on board. But in case you were wondering, presidents fly a bit more comfortably than you and I do. (Even if you already fly first class.)
After exploring Air Force One and the other presidential vehicles we went on to the National Treasures Gallery where there is a steel beam from the World Trade Center. It’s amazing how moved you can be by a charred piece of metal.
Finally we got to what Chandler had been waiting for – the Lincoln Exhibit. A. Lincoln: From Railsplitter to Rushmore is a mash-up of over 250 original Abraham Lincoln artifacts and movie sets form Steven Spielberg’s “Lincoln” Movie. Objects on display include President Lincoln’s famous stovepipe hat, a bloodied pillow from the night he died, Mary Todd Lincoln’s bible, and coolest of all a Lincoln-signed Emancipation Proclamation.
Actual Lincoln Stovepipe Hat and signed copy of Emancipation Proclamation – does it get any cooler than that? (Sorry for poor quality of no-flash-allowed photos.)
My little (or rather big) history buff thought the Lincoln exhibition was fantastic and I have to agree.
We then moved on to the outside to see a piece of the Berlin Wall and Ronald Reagan’s grave. The views are just gorgeous. And again, it’s pretty cool to look at history right up close.
A piece of world history smack at the West End of Simi Valley.
If you are looking for a Los Angeles or Ventura County day trip and would like to experience some really cool history, I suggest getting yourself to the Reagan Museum before the Lincoln exhibit is gone. But you’d better get there quickly, because the exhibit only lasts through September 30th.
It’s a fantastic way to spend the day. And maybe you’ll even get lucky like me and convince your teenager to pose in a photo with you.
A rare mother-son picture.
Disclosure: I was given two tickets to the Ronald Reagan Library to facilitate this post, however all opinions, geeking out over Air Force One, and the thrill of spending the day with just my son are completely my own.
My six-week weight loss total was 12 pounds! I also lost 4.2% body fat and a whopping 13.5 inches of flab. (Almost 4 inches were from my waist!)
Hello flat stomach. (And goodbye boobs! WAAAH!)Buh-bye muffin tops. (And I do think my butt is a bit higher!)
I may not look like an informercial model, but not bad, right?
(A note about these pictures – I know the lighting and the quality is terrible. My photographer (Marley) was very reluctant and semi-uncooperative. Hopefully even though the pictures are crap and I’m “bigger” in the after shots because she was standing closer, you can see a difference.)
The rest of my team did fantastic as well. (One of my teammates lost 14 pounds and over 5% body fat – whoo hoo! You GO girl!)
Here we are with our certificates of completion (and getting ready to get our drink on) after the results…
The Pink Bitches Post-weigh-in, Pre-party
Yeah, go ahead and say it – we are one group of hot suburban moms!
No, I did not win the competition. Some dude named Mark did. (Of course, dudes always lose the most.) Actually, the winner really should be commended. He lost over 20 pounds and 5% body fat. Congratulations Mark!
And our team came in third (yes, out of three teams), but in our defense we were the fittest team to start with and had the least amount to lose. (And please know I speak for my skinny teammates when I say that, I still have at least another five pounds to go.)
What I Gained
Even more important than what I lost is what I gained.
Friendship: I was blessed to be on a team with three other amazing women. The camaraderie we shared and our mutual hatred of Phil (I’m just kidding, Phil – we LOVE you!) is what got me through our grueling workouts. My team helped push me to do things I wouldn’t have done on my own. Leslie, Jennifer, and Juliana – you ladies rock and there’s nobody else I would have rather had on my team. And Phil, I mean this from my heart, hating you was awesome. There is no other trainer I would have rather worked with.
The Pink Bitches and the infamous Phil just before weigh-in
Confidence: I feel really good about the way I look and I haven’t felt like that in a really long time. I’ve been getting a lot of compliments lately from people at the gym and even people I’ve run into around town who don’t even know I’ve been doing this competition and I have to admit, it feels great.
In fact, when we went out to celebrate afterwards I wore this:
What you can’t see are my 4-inch heels. (I was working it that night!)
And sure I’m a 48-year-old suburban mom, but I think I kinda rocked it. In fact when we were at the bar I even got hit on. Twice. Sadly it was by a couple of different drunk old dudes who were completely unworthy of my new found fabulousness, and not by a 25-year-old who looked like my wine bar boyfriend, Austin. But still. It was flattering. As someone who admittedly likes attention, I will say that it was nice to be noticed.
Oh Austin, why couldn’t you have been the one hitting on me?
A New Wardrobe: Well, an old wardrobe really. It’s awesome to be able to fit into (almost) everything in my closet again. Though I probably won’t be wearing those turn-of-the-century mom jeans anytime soon it’s nice to know they fit. And I do have a ton of skirts and dresses that I’m pretty sure are still stylish and am happy to put back in my wardrobe rotation.
I’m Not Done Yet
I’ll definitely be sticking to the four meal a day plan that Holly taught us (though I do plan on using wine as my carb a few nights a week). And my teammates and I will continue working out together for a long time to come. I still have five pounds to lose and quite a bit of toning to go (bat wing triceps, I will make you disappear, I will!). With the knowledge from this program and help from my awesome new friends, I know I can do it.
After 6 weeks of hard work we earned these drinks!
My husband asked me if it was worth it – the hard-ass workouts, the soreness, the time it took, the meal planning, the not drinking.
Would I do the Just Lose It program again? Absolutely!
I am done! My Biggest-Loser-Style 6 week Just Lose It Weight Loss Challenge is O-V-E-R, OVER! My final strength workout was yesterday (on a Sunday morning at 7AM thankyouverymuch!) and my final weigh-in is tonight at 7PM. And yes, I will have a margarita in my hand at 7:05! (Well, maybe not until 8:00.)
Hello Lovely. I’ve been waiting six long weeks for you.
Last week I was down another pound, bringing my weight loss at 5 weeks to a total of 9.2 pounds.
I have been really, really good this week by not obsessively getting on the scale every single morning like I have pretty much done every single day of my adult life so I would be surprised by tonight’s results. For me, not getting on the scale every morning was even harder than not drinking wine. Yeah, that hard. Go ahead and say it – I am a freak.
And remember last week when I said I was going to take it up a notch? Well, I wasn’t kidding. Plus I didn’t have a choice, because Holly, our nutritionist, apparently takes it up a notch on the final week as well. She took away our whole grains (goodbye brown rice and quinoa) and replaced them with watermelon and grapefruit. I mean, I love fruit, but using fruit as your carb (and not the fermented kind made from grapes) for four meals a day – it gets challenging. (Not to mention a tad bit gassy. Ahem.)
And she took away my beloved Clif Builder Bars. My delicious, easy to grab, don’t have to plan or chop or measure, afternoon meal was taken away from me. Why, Holly, why?
And not only that, we were told to drink 3-4 cups of dandelion tea each day. Drinking dandelion tea is supposed to help your body’s natural detoxification process by breaking down fats during digestion and carry away waste.
Ummm… hello, I haven’t had a drink in six weeks (okay, except for the wine tasting in Week 2. And another about-to-expire Groupon dinner that included a glass of wine in Week 4 that I neglected to tell you about). But still.
AND I’ve been eating really, really clean. I’m pretty sure I’m about as detoxed as I’m ever going to be.
Have you ever tasted dandelion tea? The box says it tastes, “pleasantly roasted, sweet and slightly bitter.” I say it tastes like you went running and took off your sweaty socks and shoved them in the corner of your gym bag for a week and then dipped them in water and started sucking on them.* Only worse. Perhaps that’s what they mean when they say “slightly bitter.”
Would you want to drink this?
One of the women on another other team said the only way she could drink it was to let it cool and then chug it. It’s a little like Survivor when they have those gross food challenges – just swallow it as fast as possible and don’t think about it.
This is what I feel like after chugging my dandelion tea.
Of course I shouldn’t complain too much. Even with the added restrictions this week, I’ve been eating a lot. Here is a photo of my four meals yesterday:
That’s a lot of food!
Breakfast: eggs with mushroom and asparagus (and just a tablespoon of fat free feta – shhh, don’t tell Holly) and one whole grapefruit, Lunch: turkey and roast beef rolls filled with avocado slices, pepperoncini and onion (the only thing missing is the mayonnaise and bread) and 400 grams of watermelon, Afternoon Meal: Greek Yogurt with raspberries (ugh 2% – the whole fat is my heaven & I will go to my grave defending its healthful deliciousness, but I’m being “good” this week), and Dinner: grilled salmon and shrimp, roasted sweet potatoes, grilled zucchini and mushrooms, green beans and salad (a fantastic meal if I do say so myself, but a nice buttery Chardonnay to accompany this meal would have been nice).
And of course three cups of old sweaty gym socks dandelion tea.
There was no savoring. I think they need a tea tag that says “Chug”
Yeah, I know that seems like a lot of food, but in this program you work out hard. And this week I skipped my rest days by running intervals on the treadmill. (I’d tell you not to tell Phil, but he caught me both times – that dude is always at the gym.) For those of you who don’t know what interval training is, it’s where you workout reallyreallyreally hard for a minute or two (I do two) and then cool down for a minute or two (I do one). So I run faster than I am comfortable (6 MPH) for two minutes and then speed-walk (4 MPH) to “cool down.” Rest Day Schmest Day.
Plus… look what I can do:
Yeah, three of ’em! Am I awesome or what?
Be sure to come back Wednesday when I reveal my Just Lose it Fitness Challenge results. I’m almost as excited to find out what they are as I am to taste that margarita!
I am five weeks down with only one to go on my Biggest Loser-style Just Lose It fitness challenge at Stevenson Fitness.
At one of our 5:30 AM workouts the other morning, one of my teammates (you don’t get to know which one, I’m discreet that way) said, “I feel terrible. I was very naughty last night.”
“Did you have wine?” I asked excitedly, my eyes widening and the corners of my mouth starting to form just the tiniest bit of drool.
“No, I ate two fist fulls of Smart Start cereal. And then I felt so guilty. I don’t even know why I did it.”
This doesn’t look very naughty to me!
You know a nutrition plan is tough when you feel guilty about “binging” on whole grain chock-full of antioxidants cereal. (If you could call two fist fulls a binge!)
But the truth is the eating plan isn’t tough. It’s just restrictive. The food is getting a little boring.
We’re coming into the home stretch. Just a week until our final weigh-in and I won’t lie, the 5th week has been the hardest so far. At least for me.
I’ve had a few stressful nights where I really could have used a glass of wine (or two fist fulls of gluten-laden carbs).
And worst of all I’ve hit a plateau with my weight loss. I was actually up point two pounds last week. Up! Point two! And yes, I know it’s only two tenths of a pound, and that’s nothing, but trust me, I’d be just as upset if I lost only point two as well. How in the hell did I gain weight (even the teeniest tiniest bit of weight) when Phil has us running around the building four times and doing these impossible push-up-pike combos with our feet on some wheelie board? And don’t you dare tell me it’s muscle. I just want to see that number on the scale drop. Dramatically.
And look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. Yes, in six weeks. Is that too much to ask?
It is?
Oh.
If I’m honest (with you and with myself) I will admit that while I haven’t “cheated,” little habits have started to slip back. Licking the cream cheese for Marley’s bagel off my finger. “Tasting” food as I cook. Putting a bigger serving of carbs on my plate than I should. Using more than a teaspoon of olive oil on my salad. I mean a teaspoon?! Come on!
Too much salad dressing and too many delicious roasted rosemary potatoes. (But I did pull the skin off my chicken. Just so you know.)
Oh, and I never did give up my one cup of morning coffee with cream and sugar. (Oops.)
So this week, my last week, I’m pumping it up a notch. Goodbye beloved delicious so-full-of-cream-it’s-practically-white coffee. Hello black tea with lemon. Goodbye balsamic vinaigrette. Hello salads with lemon juice and a teaspoon of olive oil. Hello measuring cup. Hello food scale. And Marley? You can make your own damn bagel.
I have one more week with this Just Lose It program and I am in it to win it! I want to lose at least two pounds this last week and I know I can do it.
Even if it kills me.
Be sure and check back next week for my final week and final weight loss results. And if you missed a week, you can catch up here: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4.
I’ve just completed my 4th week of my Biggest Loser-style Just Lose it program. At my 3rd week’s weigh-in I was down another 1.4 pounds. That makes 8.2 pounds in just three weeks – not too shabby!
But, I feel like other than bragging about my awesome weight loss all I’ve done is complain about this Just Lose It Program. Not only that, a friend of mine even commented last week that I need to lighten up on Phil.
I mentioned this to my teammates and they snickered and said that Phil deserves all the smack talk I dole out and I can lighten up on him when he lightens up on us. (Even though obviously the whole point of the program is for him not to lighten up on us so we can lighten up. Or become lighter. Whatever.)
Instead of lifting wine glasses I’ve spent the last 4 weeks lifting these.
Moving on…
I like to think of myself as a positive person, so this week no whining about not drinking wine and kvetching about the torture of Phil. Just a few of the amazingly good things about the Just Lose It program.
Sleep
I have to admit I’ve been sleeping great since participating in this program. And sure, that’s because I’m physically exhausted, but that’s okay. I have a lot of stress in my life that prevents me from sleeping well at night. Falling asleep is not usually an issue for me, but I wake up around two or three in the morning and all of my stress issues (coupled with a good dose of hot flash night sweats) will swarm around my brain making it impossible to get back to sleep unless I took a preemptive measure at bedtime with my very good friend Advil PM. But since starting this program I have been sleeping like a rock without any aid from my favorite little blue pill. Well, a rock that has to get up in the middle of the night to pee. (Sometimes twice.) So maybe I’ve been sleeping more like a baby than a rock. Hmmmm, maybe I should look into adult diapers. Or not. Because even though I get up in the middle of the night to pee (for like two minutes straight) because of all of the freaking lemon water I’ve been drinking, I fall right back asleep the minute I get back into bed. I guess physical exhaustion has a way of turning off your overly worrisome brain.
The Clothes in My Closet
Some of the old clothes in my closet are starting to fit. So I think the high-waisted mom jeans from the turn of the century that for some reason I can’t seem to let go of because “some day they’ll fit again,” may indeed fit again. Which is awesome. I think. I mean, I can’t really see myself wearing them. (I’m way too cool for mom jeans right?)
I did fit into my old pair of workout pants that I love and adore. I even wore them to the gym last Monday. And then I realized that the elastic is starting to go. (And shut up. That is NOT why they fit. Maybe.) So when Phil made us run around the building (three times) my pants kept falling down. And when we were doing reverse pike on a stability ball I think I may have been giving Phil (and the rest of the gym) a nice show of my whale tail. (The high school boys who work out at my gym might be scarred for life.)
This is not me. As much as it horrifies you to look at this, trust me if I showed mine, the high school boys at the gym would not be the only ones scarred for life!
Team Work
Except for a season of basketball in 5th grade (we lost every game) and a season of softball in 8th grade (we lost every game), I’ve never really been on a team. My kids have been on plenty of teams and sure, I know the importance of teamwork in theory, but I’ve never really experienced it firsthand before. Being on a team -especially my team- rocks. I’ve said it before and it’s totally true, I would never have come as far as I have in this competition without them. They help me stay strong. When I make a gorgeous steak dinner and watch my husband drink our favorite bottle of Costco $7 red while I’ve got sparkling water in my wine glass I remember that my teammates are doing the same. When we go to Concerts in the Park and the only thing in my red Solo cup is water, I raise a silent toast to my teammates. I’m doing this for you ladies.
All that’s missing is a red Solo cup filled with $7 red.
We’re coming into the home stretch. Just two more weeks. (And 336 more hours without wine.) At this point in the program it would be easy to slip back into an old habit or two. But I’m lucky. I have a great team to encourage me. I even have Phil to encourage me.
Motivational postcard sent from Phil. I can’t believe he forgot to say that I was his favorite!
I can totally do this. I don’t want to let my team down. I don’t want to let myself down. (And okay, I admit it, I really don’t want to let Phil down.)
Be sure to check back next Monday to see how much weight I lost during week 4. And if you missed a week, catch up here: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3.
So, I just completed Week 3 of my Biggest Loser style weight loss competition, Just Lose It. And can I tell you something?
I am exhausted.
Last night my dog woke me up in the middle of the night barking at who knows what and I didn’t even have the strength to yell at him to be quiet. It should be illegal to be this tired.
And my second week’s weigh-in? Not so hot. I only lost one pound. We were warned that our second week’s weight loss would not be as dramatic as the first week’s (where I lost 5.8 pounds). But seriously? Only one teeny tiny pound?!
Why is it when you gain a pound it seems like a lot, but when you lose a pound it seems like so little?
And yeah, yeah, I’m building muscle, and I have noticed that my clothes are looser and I actually went up a notch -or is that down a notch?- on my belt buckle – whatever. I’ve been working my ass off can’t believe I only lost one pound!!! (She says while jumping up and down pounding her fists like an out of control toddler throwing a temper tantrum.)
And another thing… I really miss drinking. There, I said it. I. Miss. Drinking! I went to my writer’s group on Wednesday night and drank water while everyone enjoyed a lovely glass (or three) of wine and I was incredibly conscious of the smell of that delicious red wine that was not passing my lips. I would say that the smell was intoxicating except that sadly it wasn’t. And to make matters worse, it was a good bottle of wine, not the $6 hooch I usually have in my house.
(As a interesting side note, one of my writer friend’s has given up cheese and she said all she could smell was the cheese on the table which I did not smell at all.)
I’m also getting tired of this whole “eating four times a day at three-to-four hour intervals” thing. Don’t get me wrong, I like the fact that I get to eat four meals instead of three (it’s not three meals and a small snack, it’s four meals!), but planning the meals and the timing is becoming freaking tedious. Every time I go five hours without eating I live in fear of Holly scolding me. (Tsk tsk tsk, your blood sugar is dropping when you do that. Your metabolism is shutting down. You’ll never lose weight that way!)
My afternoon snack meal is usually around three o’clock and while I’m ravenous ready to eat, the thought of planning a healthy (and proper ratio) protein-carb-fat meal three hours before dinner is just too taxing, so I usually just end up having a Clif Builder’s Protein Bar. They’re good and the mint one does taste quite a lot like a Thin Mint (though sadly, while delicious, the peanut butter one tastes nothing like a Reeese’s – or even peanut butter), but meh. I’m kind of tired of them. (Funny how I used to have wine almost every day and never got tired of that!)
Which flavor will I choose today?
I’d rather through some cheese on some tortilla chips, throw them in the toaster oven for two minutes and then slather them with sour cream. Cheese, tortilla chips, sour cream – that sounds like a perfect protein-carb-fat ratio to me. You know, other than the fat part being totally out of whack. (And might have a lot to do with why my arms-middle-thighs fat part is out of whack!)
And Phil? It’s a good thing he’s so cute, because otherwise I’d hate him even more than I already do. Which is a lot.
I’m going to make this into a dartboard.
He makes us do terrible things like modified pull-ups and dips and burpies and plank. (Ugh plank.) And the whole time he’s torturing us he has the nicest smile on his face and is so freaking encouraging. Which makes it kind of hard to hate him, but I refuse to fall for his clever I’m-so-nice-and-cute-it’s-impossible-to-hate-me-even-though-I’m-making-you-do-terrible-things routine. Let there be no doubt. I hate Phil. (Mostly.)
And he keeps making us run and I don’t think he understands – I HATE RUNNING. I have never been a runner, will never be a runner, and have absolutely no desire to be a runner. But last week I ran fifteen minutes straight on the treadmill. And I don’t think I’ve ever run for fifteen whole minutes -without stopping or walking- in my entire life.
And the fact that I was even able to do that? Well, I have to admit… that is kind of awesome!
Be sure to come back next Monday for Week 4 and to find out how much weight I lost on Week 3
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Last Friday night, when I was nearing the end of my second week of the Biggest Loser-style weight loss competition Just Lose It program at my gym, I was invited to my friend’s beach house for a girls’ night slumber party.
At first I thankfully declined the invitation.
I mean, I couldn’t drink. And trust me, I’ve given myself plenty of pep talks before walking into a social gathering about how I’m not going to drink because I am trying to lose weight, only to find a glass of wine in my hand 30 seconds after walking in the door.
And party food is my biggest weakness. (If we’re ever at the same party and you want to find me, just head over to the food table where you’ll most likely find me face first hoovering as many hors devours as I possibly can into my cheese hole.)
But we had nothing going on at home. And if I’m going to be successful beyond this program I’m going to have to learn how to rein it in and live my life in (a little bit of) moderation.
So I put on my big-girl no-drinking panties and went to the beach house.
Of course I got shit from my friends 30 seconds after walking in the door. I told them if they tried to make me drink I would leave. So they shut the hell up.
I have to be honest, if this Just Lose It program was an individual competition as opposed to a team competition, I would have ended up drinking. My drunk friends were acting like assholes, but I really don’t think I would have noticed (or cared) if I was drunk and acting like an asshole too. Screw proving something to myself. I disappoint myself all the time. I’m used to it. But I had a weigh-in in three days. I needed to stay strong and not disappoint my team.
I did have fun, but trust me, they were having more. Seriously, not to be offensive, but if this is what it’s like to be “high on life,” pass me a bottle of vodka so I can take a big ol’ swig. Being high on booze? It’s better.
Speaking of “high,”, the high point of the night was the food. At least for me. (No surprise there.) While there was fatty delicious crap dip (I only had two bites. With corn chips. Not bread.), the dinner itself was incredibly healthy. We grilled Salmon and chicken and fresh vegetables picked from one girlfriend’s garden. Plus we had cherries. Because my nutritionist says I need carbs. Amazing.
Yes, we know how to make a meal!
After dinner we pumped up the 80’s iTunes and danced. If you are a man reading this, and are anything like my husband, I will tell you just like I told him that seven women dancing in the living room of a beach house does not mean we were just one drink away from having a big lesbian orgy right in the middle of the hardwood floor. Sorry to disappoint you, dudes. It just means that dancing is fun. And girls just wanna have fun. (Yeah, that was lame, but I couldn’t resist.)
Around eleven o’clock (which is about an hour and a half past my bedtime) we decided to walk to the dive bar down the street, that due to previous trips to the beach house has been nicknamed “The Hurt Locker” by my husband.
And this, is where things got a little bit nutty.
I can’t really tell you what happened at The Hurt Locker because it’s a little like Vegas that way. But here are some things that might or might not have happened. (I can neither confirm nor deny them.)
There might have been a two-man band there (singer and guitar player) with a guitar player who only seemed to know one riff and therefore every song sounded exactly the same. If there was such a band, the mystery remains how in the hell the singer even knew what song the guitarist was playing.
One of the girls might have chatted up a few of the locals to get free beer. I won’t lie, I like free beer and attention from the opposite sex too, but at this place? Not worth the $5 savings.
One of the girls might have had everyone in the entire bar dancing because of her hilarious dance moves and vivacious personality. She’s very pretty, but her confidence and funny demeanor translated into her being sexiest broad in the joint (by far). Her goal may have been to make sure every single person at the bar was having a good time. (If that did happen and that was her goal, she achieved it.)
The girl chatting up locals for free beer might not have liked not being the belle of the bar and might have told some of the patrons that the dancing girl was a lesbian. Or perhaps she was trying to protect the dancing girl from unwanted molesters suitors. You know, if she did say that, which I’m not saying she did.
But I will tell you that the dancing girl might be is funnier and cuter than me, so while I wasn’t the one calling her a lesbian in an effort to minimize the attention being paid to her, she might have deserved it! (I’m just sayin’)
One of the girls might have flirted with a cute boy who is the same age as her son – 21. (And people call me a cougar.)
But I’m only saying those things might have happened. I’ll never tell. And if they did… well, my friends were just having fun. Drunk girls do silly things. I was sober, so of course my behavior was boring perfect.
But I will tell you this, it’s a good thing I’m seeing some real progress with this Just Lose It program, because I had fun, but my girlfriends? They had a blast!
Charlene Ross 