Just Lose It: What It’s Really Like to Join a Six-Week Weight Loss Competition (Week 2)

July 22, 2013August 15, 2013 charleneaross5 Comments

I’ve completed Week 2 of my “Biggest Loser-style” Just Lose It program at Stevenson Fitness, but I’m sure what everyone really wants to know is how much weight I lost from Week 1. (What, you mean you haven’t been curiously obsessing over it all week? Whatever. I’ll tell you anyway.)

After my first week I lost 5.8 pounds. Yes, I am awesome. Or just fat. Either way… I have to admit I was pretty happy with the results.

As a team we lost 14.4 pounds – an average of 2.5% per person. Our team is in 2nd place – the first place team lost 38.4 pounds total (wow!) and an average of 3.9% per person. Obviously they are cheating. Plus there are five of them and only four of us, so there! (But I have faith. Our team will pull ahead and be the biggest losers – you’ll see.)

Biggest-Loser-Style-Weight-Loss-Team — Trainer Safia (middle) hanging with Phil and his Pink Bitches

After our weigh-in last week we had a meeting with our nutritionist, Holly, who went over our food diary. (Yes, we have to keep a diary and write down everything we eat and at what time. And I mean everything.)

Holly said I’ve done very good on my diet (um hello, see weight loss above), but I’m not eating enough carbs. And by carbs she does not mean yummy bread, pasta or French fries. She means brown rice, the smallest portion of (non-French-fried) potatoes you’ve ever seen, or fruit. (Yawn.)

She explained that while the lack of carbs could be part of the reason I lost almost six pounds in a week, in the long run it’s not going to serve me well. I’ll become cranky and irritable and more likely to binge.

If you want to know the truth I think that’s a little rude. She doesn’t even know me. How does she know whether or not I’m cranky and irritable? Maybe that’s just my personality. And maybe I lost 5.8 pounds because I did not cheat on my diet (which is not a diet, but a lifestyle change -ugh!) even once and because bad mean Phil (quite literally) worked my ass off! Lack of carbs is making me cranky – Pffft! I might hate Holly too.

Um… anyway…

I found Week 2 to be a bit more challenging diet-wise. I mean, how much freaking chicken can one person eat? I swear if I see one more piece of chicken on my plate I’m going to kill it. Oh wait, it’s already dead. Well, I’m going to… to… I don’t know, I’m going to anything but eat it is what I’m going to do.

Chicken with black beans and corn. (You see that Holly – plenty of carbs!)

And if I’m honest (and sadly I always am), I will admit that the over-eating of chicken is my fault and not rude Holly’s. I can eat beef or pork or fish, but I don’t really like to eat too much red meat. (Okay, that’s a lie. I could eat red meat every day, possibly every meal, and be happy as a Survivor contestant after winning a food-reward challenge, but I’m pretty sure that’s not really good for you.)

But my family is fairly picky and doesn’t really like pork (unless it’s Easter ham or bacon) and my daughter won’t eat fish. So, we eat a lot of chicken. But these past two weeks we’ve eaten even more than usual in replacement of the quesadilla/pasta/grilled cheese gourmet meals that I usually rely on presenting to my family a few times a week. Even my husband who never complains about what I serve for dinner gently suggested we might have something else.

And then I snapped at him. And not because I didn’t eat any carbs. I mean I had 12 cherries that day. I think.

Also during Week 2 I’m sad to admit that I cheated and went wine tasting. But it wasn’t my fault. My friend bought a Groupon for SIP and it was about to expire. And friends don’t let friends let wine-tasting-Groupons expire.

I did talk to Holly about it beforehand and she told me to treat wine as my carb and to be sure to balance it out with a protein. (Wine as my carb? I might like this Holly afterall!) So I brought some cheese. Except that you can’t bring food to SIP so I had to sneak it in my purse.

wine-and-cheese — Some people sneak wine where they’re not supposed to – I sneak food!

I enjoyed wine tasting very much. (Like you wouldn’t believe.)

wine-glow — See how wine makes me glow? Or perhaps I’m cleverly minimizing my wrinkles with a filter. At least one of those statements is true.

I also enjoyed flirting with our cute 24-year-old wine pourer, Austin. (And yes, I am familiar with the term sommelier, but are cute 24-year-olds who work at wine tasting rooms considered sommeliers? I don’t think so. Let’s just go with wine pourer.) And I think my 5.8 pound one week weight loss gave me a confidence that translated to hotness because my boyfriend Austin did not bust me on the cheese.

cute-wine-bar-guy — In my mind Austin’s red eyes are only for me.

And then we went to Ladyface for a late light dinner where I enjoyed their Salade Niçoise and a club soda with a splash of cranberry. And do you know who showed up 20 minutes later and sat right next to us at the bar? Austin! (5.8 pound weigh loss = confidence = cute boys following you.)

The fact that we didn’t tell him we were headed to Ladyface and he left after about 10 minutes when his friend showed up is really none of your business.

Yes, I enjoyed my cheater wine tasting evening very much.

Do you know what I did not enjoy? That night I slept like crap. And the next day I felt like crap. Following Rude Holly and Mean Phil’s program had my body so detoxed and clean that drinking wine made me feel crappy. And feeling crappy makes me crabby. And wine was my carb. So obviously Holly does not know what she’s talking about when she says lack of carbs will make me crabby because it turns out that it’s carbs that make me crabby.

At least program-cheating-wine-carbs.

Sh*t.

I do not like that. Not one little bit.

Check out my post on Thursday to find out about my girls’ night at my friend’s beach house with my six drunk-ass friends and sober-wine-carb-free me. (Yeah, that happened.) And check back next Monday to continue on my “Biggest Loser-style” Just Lose It weight loss journey.

Throwback Thursday: The First Five Years

July 18, 2013July 16, 2013 charleneaross5 Comments

I was feeling a little nostalgic today so I thought I’d participate in a little Throwback Thursday. What’s Throwback Thursday?

Throwback Thursday is the name of a weekly post theme that social media users participate in as part of a very general “throwback” activity for posting content and usually post photos on sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram that are from the past.

But I didn’t want to do that. It sounded like too much work to find an old photo to post. (And an old photo of what?) Plus, how do you even get an old photo on Instagram?

So I decided to do a different take on Throwback Thursday and re-post a piece that I wrote for skirt.com last year. (Thank you for indulging my laziness, all this working out has made me tired!)

The First Five Years

“I wake up almost every night covered in sweat,” I said to a table full of women on Friday night.

“Oh God, is that what we’re talking about?” a latecomer said as she walked up to our table.

“Oh yes, it’s no longer poopy diapers,” I responded. “The topic has changed.”

Friday night I had a reunion dinner with six women I met 15 years ago in a playgroup when Chandler was a baby. And yes, the topic had changed.

I was the first of my circle of friends to get married let alone pregnant and to say I had no idea what I was doing is an understatement. Luckily I found a gym for pregnant and postpartum women and when I popped in to purchase a breast pump when he was about a week old, I was invited to join a playgroup one of the gym members was forming.

I was desperate for mommy friends, so with a nine day old newborn in tow, I went to the very first “playgroup” meeting on a chilly Thursday afternoon. There were four new moms in attendance. There was an eight month old, a four month old, a three month old, nine day old Chandler, and three other mothers trying to figure out what the heck we were supposed to be doing. I held Chandler tightly and watched the other babies lie on their backs on the carpet, kicking their feet at their portable baby gyms.

I couldn’t wait to go back the next week.

The four of us met for two or three more weeks before finding new members. Within a few months we had over a dozen moms and decided to close our group. We were meeting every week at people’s houses and were just getting too big.

We had all been career women who had become stay-at-home moms. Among us was a wedding dress designer, an artist, an actress, a paralegal, a marketing vice president, a graphic artist, a teacher, an interior designer, and a screenwriter. While most of us had imagined seeing “Mom” as a chapter in our lives, few of us had ever imagined seeing it as a job title on our resumes. We didn’t quite know how to wrap our heads around this new identity.

Over pot luck lunches we’d talk about the things our other friends did not want to talk about – nap schedules, projectile vomit, chaffed nipples , the terrible awful thing that childbirth had done to our bodies, where our babies were (or were not) on the developmental chart, percentile placements, our very disrupted sex lives, and yes, poopy diapers. (Lots and lots of talk about poopy diapers.)

As our babies became toddlers and our houses could no longer contain so many of them running around we shifted our Thursday meetings to a neighborhood park. We would lay out picnic blankets and low beach chairs and spend our Thursday afternoons lazing around chatting while we watched our children play, our greedy conversations constantly interrupted by sand in an eye, requests for food, and the call of, “Mom, Mom, Mom,” a demand to be pushed on the swing again and again and again. When the ice cream man came we would joke that what we really needed was a cappuccino man and daydream out loud about that business plan. If it rained we’d shift to an indoor play place and ignore the germs in the ball pit. We wondered why none of the indoor play places had coffee. Or better yet, wine. When the kids got a little older we added a Friday beach day during the summer.

Of course some people clicked better than others and little side groups of two or three formed for extra playdates or outings – but never in an exclusionary way. With the exception of one member who was certifiably crazy (but incredibly entertaining – oh the blogs upon blogs I could write about that cuckoo), we all genuinely liked each other and got along well.

We celebrated the highs in life with birthday parties and baby showers and mom’s nights out. We were each other’s rocks for the lows – breast cancer, a miscarriage, the death of a parent.

Eventually as the kids got older our group started to dwindle. Four members moved away – one upstate, three out of state. Almost everyone eventually went back to work at least part-time. By the time our babies entered kindergarten maintaining our Thursday afternoon ritual had become nearly impossible. We would meet during winter break and in the summer, but it was never quite the same. The sad truth is while all of our kids remember playgroup as a whole, they barely remember each other.

I still keep in close contact with three of the moms and fairly close contact with two others. Of course we are all friends of Facebook (those of us who are on Facebook) and watch each other’s children grow up there.

It was so nice to catch up on Friday night. I only wish more of us had been there. And yes, our topics had changed – poopy diapers and chaffed nipples had been replaced by the demands of high school and hot flashes.

Our jokes about which toddlers would be attending prom together had progressed to “Oh shit, in two more years our kids are going to be attending prom.” (We’re not ready!)

What book on Oprah’s Book Club list we were enjoying changed to who would admit to reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

And yes, okay, because I am maddeningly honest in my blog I will admit it – the gossip of Tom and Nicole’s divorce was updated to snickers about the split between Tom and Katie. (Hey, we’re women – it happens.)

We lingered over dinner for three and a half hours – about the same amount of time we allotted for our Thursday playgroups. It wasn’t enough. I wanted more time with these women – these moms- who were there for me at the beginning of this journey called motherhood.

I love who my children are becoming, and it is a joy to watch them grow. I do not wish for them to be forever toddlers. (Who misses not being able to leave the house without a sippy cup, container of Goldfish, diapers and a change of clothes?) I really am enjoying this stage of our lives.

But I do wish I could still take my picnic blanket and beach chair to linger at the park and chat with my friends next –and every- Thursday.

babies-portrait — That baby in the red shirt balling his eyes out is Chandler. Priceless!

Just Lose It: What It’s Really Like to Join a Six-Week Weight Loss Competition (Week 1)

July 15, 2013July 22, 2013 charleneaross14 Comments

Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself, Yeah, I’d look great too If I had a personal trainer and a nutritionist like she does? (Or he does. If you’re a dude. Or want to look like one.)

I have. (Like all the time.)

So decided to approach the manager of my gym to see what she thought about me participating in their “Just Lose It” six week weight loss competition and writing a blog series about it. She thought it was a great idea. Of course I did too. Not only will I participate in a group and individual weight loss challenge complete with a personal trainer and nutritionist (and therefore look amazing), I will have interesting and informative blog material for the next six weeks. (Win, win!) The program includes two weekly team workouts with a trainer and one weekly team meeting with a nutritionist.

Sounds awesome right?

Well, if your definition of awesome is stepping your fat ass on a scale at night while wearing tennis shoes in front of a really cute boy trainer, then having another cute boy trainer measure your body fat, and then having your body measurements taken (at least that was done by a woman), then yeah, it’s pretty awesome.

And no you do not get to know what my numbers are. At least not yet. (Nosy!)

But here’s a couple of “before” pictures of me (if you click on it it will get bigger):

Before-weight-loss-photo — Feel free to snicker!

After the shock and humiliation of learning my stats I sat down with the other participants to have the basics of the program explained to us:

This is a challenge where three small teams (two five-person and one four-person) will be competing to see which team loses the most inches, body fat and pounds. There will also be an individual “Biggest Loser” (hence winner) at the end of the competition. (The loss totals are done as a percentage to compensate for the fact that one team only has four members and because of the whole “men lose weight faster than women” thing.)

We will meet with our trainer twice a week and the nutritionist once a week. We also have to do one additional strength training session as a team designed by our trainer, but without our trainer present. And we have to do three weekly cardio sessions (again designed by our trainer) that last 30 – 60 minutes.

Uh… I thought this thing was only twice a week.

Nope. It turns out if you want to look like “those people” (you know, the skinny, in shape, fit people) you have to workout like they do.

Sigh…

But still. It sounds pretty easy to me. Well, maybe not easy, but at least doable. I mean, I workout all the time. On good weeks I hit the gym five to six times and on bad weeks I get there at least two or three.

And I eat healthfully. Ish.

Really, how hard can this challenge be?

Well, considering the fact that I’ve been unable to drop any significant weight for the last year and a half and the people who stick to this program drop a ton of weight in just six weeks (one woman I talked to lost over 20 pounds!) the answer, my poor tired aching body is finding out, is pretty freaking hard.

In the first place, there is no drinking alcohol. What?! Bu…bu…but… it’s summertime! Time for delicious margaritas. Yummy sangria. Refreshing lemonade and vodka. Crisp Pinot Grigio. Fruity Sauvignon Blanc. Buttery Chardonnay. (There may not be any wine for the next six weeks, but trust me – there will be plenty of whining!)

The diet is healthy,but strict. At least the food is plentiful (it had better be with all the working out we’re doing). I have to eat four times a day (every four hours) with a very regimented protein/healthy-carb/fat ratio. Nothing that contains flour may be consumed for the first two weeks. So my two to three times a week “Oh-crap-it’s-six-o’clock-I-forgot-to-pull-something-out-of-the-freezer-what-are-we-going-to-have-for-dinner-how-about pasta/quesadilla/grilled cheese?” dinner plan just got thrown out the window. (Shit!) I can have potatoes. But not the (French) fried variety that I prefer.

And I’m sure it goes without saying no sugar. But honestly, I’d rather have a French fry. (Or wine.)

Day One

My trainer’s name is Phil. I hate Phil. And not because he was the cute boy trainer who took my fat measurement. (Bastard!)

I hate Phil because of what he is making me and my team members do to win this contest. Which is, you know, workout.

Hard.

Really really hard.

He made me say the F word. (But only once.) I’d tell you our workout routine, but I don’t want the other trainers getting wind of the ~~awesomeness~~ terribleness of Phil and copying any of our workouts. Because my team -The Pink Bitches- we’re going to win this competition. (Believe it!)

Day Two

Phil told us we could rest today. But I took my dog on a 2 mile walk, did a 4 minute Tabata Training (yes, only 4 minutes, but trust me they are 4 intense minutes) and called myself awesome.

Day Three

Workout #2 with Phil. Phil made us run. I hate running. And sprint. And since sprinting is doing something I hate really, really fast, I hate sprinting even more. (Have I mentioned that I hate Phil?) He made me say the F word again. And not just once.

Then Phil made us do no less than 400 reps of various core exercises. I wish I was exaggerating.

And lucky us, there was even time for upper body weight lifting. (Yay!)

At the end of the workout, Phil was nice enough to help stretch me out. I (almost) felt bad for him because ~~I think~~ I smelled ~~pretty bad~~ gross, so I have to give him credit for coming within two inches of me. the stretching felt great – in an ouchy-hurts-so-good kind of way. I started to like Phil. (A little.)

Day Four

The four of us took Deena’s 5:30 AM kickboxing class. (Phil made us do it.) I workout at 5:30 AM all the time, but I was so sore that there is no way in hell I would have gone if the other Pink Bitches weren’t there counting on me. (Turns out accountability works.)

And Deena? She is so freaking perky in the morning ~~I want to punch her~~ I love her. Her class was great, but I was dying. D-Y-I-N-G!

Day Five

The Pink Bitches met again at 5:30 AM for a weight training session developed by Phil. We thought it would take an hour. It took an hour and a half. I might not be the only one who hates Phil.

Day Six

Rest day. I love Phil.

Day Seven

Cardio Day. Fifteen minutes stair climber (think going the wrong way up an escalator – for 15 minutes!), fifteen minutes on the recumbent bike, fifteen minutes on the ellyptical. All at high levels and a fast pace.

Every muscle inside my body hurts. My eyelashes hurt.

I really hate Phil.

Check back next week to see how much weight I lost the first week.

Why Pay Retail When You Can Get it Free on Craigslist

July 8, 2013 charleneaross2 Comments

Oh yes, it’s that time again. Time for a little mindless fun. Why waste your time on the internet playing Spider Solitaire or Candy Crush when you can waste your time on the internet reading how I waste my time on the internet looking for free shit on Craigslist. It’s kind of like a public service.

Here are some of the treasures I spotted:

Laptop Bag
Fits up to a 17 inch laptop. Hardly used at all. Please respond with a telephone number where I can reach you.

Dresser

I think it’s a great dresser, however I’m moving out and away so I need to get rid of it. It has a few scratches, some bruises, and one of the door hinges is a little broken, but it doesn’t prevent the cabinet door from closing. It needs to go within the next two days.

Ornamental Grass
I have an ornamental grass plant I am giving away for FREE. You dig it up & it’s yours!!

Broken TV

Anyone want a broken tv to fix or recycle? Thin line across screen.

broken-television — Dude, there are like 50 free TVs on Craigslist that actually work. Get off your lazy ass and call your waste management company to see when and where you can dump your e-waste. (And BTW – nice picture!)

Queen Bed, Box Spring and Frame

Need to get rid of a queen mattress, box spring and frame. The mattress is one year old. The box spring used to double as a cat hiding place and needs to new fabric on the outside. However, it is still structurally sound and the wood is in excellent condition.

free-box-spring — A cat hiding place?! Ooh, I hope he sometimes peed in there, because there’s nothing like the smell of cat piss – especially on your mattress! (I’m allergic to cats, so think I’ll pass on this little gem!)

Free Entertainment Center

Free. The black bookshelf is gone but the entertainment center is free for the taking.

And last, but certainly not least…

Free Bird House

Free bird house it’s heavy bring someone to help you at least 3 people and a truck.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my recap of what you can get for free on Craigslist. If anything interests you, let me know and I’ll get you the link. Remember… I do this all for you!

New Popular Baby Names for Boys and Girls

July 3, 2013July 3, 2013 charleneaross5 Comments

This post was not inspired by the ridiculous naming of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s love child North West. (My funny husband said he was surprised Kris Kardashian didn’t convince them to spell it Knorth.) Ah… so sorry that your parents are douchebags Little Nori, but the good news is they’re both rich, so you’ll have plenty of money for the therapy you will so obviously be needing later!

And no, I’m not having a baby. My body is shutdown for baby-making. (Not that that’s any of your business!)

But my cousin is expecting her first child and she recently posted this on her FB page:

I thought I’d put in my two cents:

Yes, that’s right. According to the baby naming website Nameberry and this article from The Inquisitr, here are some funky baby names for both boys and girls trending right now:

Severine – apparently inspired by the Bond girl in “Skyfall.” (Thank god people weren’t so silly in the 60’s and didn’t start naming their kids Pussy (Galore) after “Goldfinger” or Kissy (Suzuki) after “You Only Live Twice.”)

Good thing Carrie’s not having a girl because if she names her son after a James Bond character it will likely be James.

Phaedra – likely an homage to “Real Housewives of Atlanta” rather than a sudden interest in Greek Mythology. At least Phaedra Parks is not really a housewife, but a successful attorney and people aren’t naming their daughters after a spoiled housewife living well off of her husband’s success. (Although, to be honest I’d like to be a spoiled housewife living well off of my husband’s success like I used to be.)

Carrie, if you’re going to name your baby after a reality TV star and want something a little unusual go with something like Ozzy* or Malcolm*, but please don’t make it Tarzan* or God forbid “The Situation!”

Mingus – which I guess is inspired by Charles Mingus, the jazz bassist/composer. (Sorry Charles, I’ve never heard of you. But then, I’m not really into jazz.)

And my dearest and most favorite cousin, if you are going to name your darling baby boy after a jazz musician (not that you would) Miles is a very nice name, but Coltrane – that’s just weird.

And remember, what every you do – DO NOT NAME HIM THOR!

I’ve always found it humorous that baby names are inspired by pop culture. Of course I don’t know why I’m so smug. While my son Chandler’s name was not inspired by pop culture, the inspiration did come from my husband’s favorite author, Raymond Chandler. It was not due to our love of Chandler Bing from “Friends.” And yeah, yeah our last name happens to be Ross. Ha ha ha – isn’t that funny?

But I’m telling you – he was named after Raymond Chandler. And no, his middle name is not Joey!

And my daughter Marley’s name was not inspired by the book Marley and Me (which was published five years after she was born), but again by Raymond Chandler. Or rather his character, Phillip Marlowe. (I did not like the name Marlowe, but I love the name Marley, though admittedly she probably has a lot more in common personality-wise with John Grogan’s dog than Raymond Chandler’s character.)

Joey-Tribbiani-Chandler-Bing-and-Ross-Geller-joey-chandler-and-ross — I did NOT name my son after any of these people!

Interesting side note: the name Marlowe is also on the Hot 2013 Baby Name List this year.

It also puzzles me why parents like to give their kids ~~crazy~~ unique spellings to their otherwise not-very-unique names. Is is supposed to make them feel special? Guess what? I doesn’t. My Starbucks name is Jane because nobody can spell Charlene. And my name is spelled the most common way. (I think.)

It’s bad enough that my name was never on a mug at Disneyland because it wasn’t that common. Can you imagine how upsetting it would be if my name really was Jane but I spelled it Jayne and every time I looked at those damn mugs/key chains/shot glasses I saw Jane staring back at me? I’ll tell you – pretty freaking upsetting!

You are just setting your child up for a lifetime of frustration because everyone will spell their name wrong. Every. Single. Time.

There is someone I do business with named Brittni. I’m sorry – Brittni?! I think Brittney is a lovely name, but when you spell it Brittni it seems like you’re dealing with a stripper, not a business professional.

So to answer my cousin’s question, here are some baby boy names that I like: Ethan, Evan, Oliver, Henry. I also really do dig James. But Carrie, if you name him James, don’t spell it Jaymes. He’ll never have a coffee mug with his name on it.

And people might think he’s a stripper.

*Ozzy, Malcolm and Tarzan were all contestants on different seasons of Survivor

Image of Thor via: Assira, Wikimedia Commons/Image of Joey, Chandler & Ross via Friends

This is What Happens When You Call Someone Out in a Blog

July 1, 2013July 2, 2013 charleneaross3 Comments

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog about my birthday weekend and mentioned that I refused to get on stage during kickboxing because I didn’t like the way my ass looked in the workout pants I was wearing. I might have made a smart-allecky remark about Chris Stevenson not picking me up and placing me on stage against my will (as he is known to do) for fear of hurting his back (due to the size of my ass). I was trying to be self-deprecating, but Chris took it to mean that I was challenging his manhood and calling him old (which I would never do because he is at least 10 years younger than me and that would make me… nevermind)!

Stevenson Fitness.Group-X-Slide-21 — Kick it Chris!

This past Saturday he motioned me up again. I did not want to go.

As much as I enjoy being the center of attention (what – a blogger that likes attention?!) kickboxing is a place I prefer to remain anonymous. I’m not very graceful and my kicks aren’t very high. I have to stop a lot to wipe off the incredible amount of sweat that is pouring down my face (I hate sweat on my face) and take a lot of water breaks. And of course the woman he had pulled onstage already was gorgeous and about two inches taller and 20 30 pounds skinnier than I am. That’s always fun to stand right next to. In front of everybody.

And saying my workout look is not my best look would be an understatement. Even before the sweat. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail that just looks sloppy instead of a messy ponytail that looks cute like other women seem to be able to achieve. And I hate the way I look without bangs, but I pull them back in a bobby pin and expose my gray roots and in-desperate-need-of-some-Botox forehead to the universe because the only thing worse than sweat on your face is wet sweaty bangs on your face.

And I wear baggy black yoga pants from Costco and drab deteriorating tank tops from Old Navy instead of the brightly colored Lululemon outfits that 90% of the other women at my gym tend to wear.

And don’t get me started on the sorry state of my middle age arms. Ugh.

But it was 95 degrees outside (at 9:30 AM) and when you are in a kickboxing class with 50 other people it gets really, really hot no matter how high you turn on the air in studio. It looked like I might be able to breathe a little bit better on stage. (And who knows, maybe my batwing triceps would be useful and actually fan the people standing behind me.)

And as lame as my kickboxing skills are (and for someone whose been kickboxing for about 14 years they’re pretty lame) – nobody really watches you when you’re on stage; they’re too busy watching themselves in the mirror. (Or is that just me?!) I couldn’t even tell you who was pulled up for the class I took three days before. (Except that she was probably skinny with a cute-messy ponytail and Lululemon clothes.)

So when Chris motioned me up to the stage this time I rolled my eyes and walked up there. I mean, I was afraid if I didn’t he might try picking me up, throw out his back and feel unmanly. And I didn’t want him feeling unmanly.

And you know what? I think I kind of rocked it.

Stevenson-Fitness-stage — Rockin’ the stage at Stevenson Fitness

*Photo of Chris Stevenson on stage courtesy of www.stevensonfitness.com

Where Would YOU Go if Money Was No Object?

June 28, 2013 charleneaross8 Comments

This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. I chose prompt #5: 8 places you’d go this summer if money wasn’t an object.

Hmmm… do I have to do them all this summer? I guess I’d better get started. And since we’re talking Lotto Dreams travel, I’ll have to hire a Lear Jet so I don’t have to mingle with the type of people who fly tourist. (Which is pretty much me!)

Earth – photo credit Tonynetone via Creative Commons

#1 Istanbul

When I was in college a favorite marketing professor of mine told tales of her backpacking trips abroad. She was the one who sparked the desire in me to backpack across Europe during the summer of 1986. She traveled to many places and her favorite place hands down was Istanbul. She made it sound so magical I’ve wanted to go ever since. She especially loved the Grand Bazaar where haggling for beautiful and unique treasures was an art form. Most Saturdays Chandler and I go yard saling and haggle over prices of ~~used junk~~ unique treasures. I cherish the time with him and I enjoy our little treasure hunts, but somehow I think shopping for shit we don’t need in Turkey would be way better.

Istanbul-Grand-Bazaar — Istanbul Grand Bazaar Photo credit Brian Snelson via Creative Commons

#2 Italy

I became engaged in Italy and it holds a very special place in my heart. The food, the art, the culture, the people, the gorgeous countryside, the art, the wine, the fooood (yeah, there’s a reason Elizabeth Gilbert ate her way through Italy) – I am madly in love with Italy. However, I have not spent any time at the lake district or on the Italian coast. (Unless you count those nine hours in 1986 when I sat at the very unattractive port of Brindisi waiting for the ferry to the party nation of Greece.) I would love to rent a villa at Lake Como or the Amalfi Coast and spend an entire summer there lying around doing absolutely nothing but drinking wine and eating. (Except that I have six more destinations to visit!)

Verona-Italy-Juliet-balcony — Standing on Juliet’s balcony in Verona, Italy the day after my engagement.

#3 London

I spent a semester of college attending school in London and it quickly became one of my favorite cities. Dave and I have often talked about how we would love to live in London for a year or two. I love the museums and the architecture, the parks and the pubs. I love shopping on Portobello Road and Kensington High Street. I can’t wait to take my kids to London one day and show them the sights. My kids don’t really love cities, but I think London would turn them around.

London-Big-Ben — Lovely London – Photo credit Tim Morris via Creative Commons

#4 Greece

Was that nine hour wait in the industrial port of Brindisi and 24 hour barf-over-the-side ferry ride worth it? You bet. During that 1986 trip I went to Athens (don’t bother) and Ios (party paradise) and then returned to Greece in 1988 (before starting my semester in London) to visit Ios once again, and added Mykonos and Santorini. The stark contrast of the white stucco buildings and bright blue sea is just breathtaking. I think I’d skip Ios this time (mostly out of fear that they wouldn’t let me off the boat because I’m too old!) But I would love to spend some serious time there lounging on the beaches of Santori, Mykonos and Corfu reading a book and eating a lot of simple Mediterranean food and not much else. Ah yes, the art of doing nothing!

Brindisi-to-Greece — Heading to Greece via huge ferry slumber party

#5 New York City

Well, I’m halfway through my fantasy travel summer and of course a trip to New York is mandatory. I haven’t been to New York in eight years and I miss it desperately. I always feel so alive in that city. I love the shops and restaurants. I love the bars and seeing plays both on and off Broadway. I love walking everywhere. And I simply adore the fashion. People don’t dress up in California like they do in New York. I could stand on the streets of Manhattan and people watch all day.

Side note: I follow a fabulous blog called Fashables that features street style photography. (Photographs taken of random people walking down the street.) It helps me get my New York fix. But I am dying to go back soon for reals.

Fashables collage — New York street style photography by Ryan Shell of Fashables

# 6 Napa Valley/San Francisco

Napa/San Francisco totally counts as one place right? I went to Napa earlier this year for the 2013 Wine Sisterhood trip (did I mention it was amazing) and can’t wait to go back. The trip I went on was a girlfriend’s trip, but I’d love to take my husband there. We went in 1990 when we were dating and we are well overdue for a trip back. And since this is a money-is-no-object fantasy, I’d like to hire a limo to take us to all the wineries and restaurants (yes every single one) and drink until I start to slur and eat until I start to waddle. I think a week should do it. I loved the Andaz Napa Hotel and would definitely stay there again. And a trip to San Fransicso on the way to our next destination would definitely be in order.

Chappellet-vineyards — Beautiful Chappellet vineyards in Napa Valley

#7 Hawaii

Dave and I have been there three times – twice to Maui (once before we were married and for our honeymoon) and once to Kauai when Chandler was just under two. As much as I love Hawaii (and I do), I probably wouldn’t put it in my Top 8, but Marley is dying to go to Hawaii. She finds it horribly unfair that Chandler has been to Hawaii and she hasn’t. The fact that Chandler doesn’t remember the trip at all does not seem to sway her thinking about this gross injustice we have committed against her.

Hmmm… now that I’ve looked over my list I’m not sure I’ve really chosen that wisely. Maybe I should ditch London and Greece and tell Marley too bad about Hawaii and choose an African Safari or Costa Rica or Machu Picchu or Puerto Rico. I also love the Canadian Rockies and I’d like to see Columbia and Brazil and Berlin and Croatia. Eight is just not enough. So where would my final destination be?…

#8 Michigan

Michigan? What?! Instead of an African Safari? Well, I’ve already decided to ditch Hawaii (sorry Marley) and all this traveling has made me rather tired. And my mom and uncle own a lovely little cottage on a small lake in Michigan and my cousins own the house next door. It’s like we have our own little family compound. And while it’s not exactly rustic, it’s not very luxurious either -somewhere in between. Just right as Goldilocks would say. There are boats and wave runners and kayaks for sport and plenty of lounge chairs for reading and napping. The trees are green and the people are friendly. (Like scary-weird friendly.) It’s a little bit of heaven right smack in the middle of the country and it feels like home. At the end of a long journey (even an imaginary one) there’s no place like home.

What 8 places would you travel to if money were no object? I’d love to know!

Whole Foods has Arrived in Oxnard (Huzzah!)

June 24, 2013June 28, 2013 charleneaross2 Comments

Whole Foods Oxnard held a Friends and Family event last Monday to celebrate the store’s Grand Opening on Wednesday, June 19th. There was going to be food and entertainment so I was extremely excited to be invited to the event for an opportunity to write a sponsored post. (Have I ever mentioned that I like to eat?)

I was especially happy to participate in this opportunity because I try very hard to eat healthfully and feed my family healthy foods. Now don’t get me wrong, I love and adore junk food because it’s delicious, but I rarely eat it. And since Chandler’s friends don’t like to come over because we never have junk food in the house and many of my friends tell me I eat healthier than anyone they know (I doubt it), I guess I’m doing a pretty good job.

So last Monday night my friend Kim and I headed out to Oxnard to check the new Whole Foods Market out. My first thought when I walked into the store was, “Wow! This place is gorgeous.” As someone who likes to grocery shop (like, for reals) I really appreciated not only the store’s incredible selection, but the beautiful aesthetics.

I knew there was going to be appetizers, but when we were told there was going to be wine and beer tasting as well, my next thought was, “This is hands down the BEST market grand opening ever in the history of market grand openings!” (Not that I’ve ever been to a market grand opening. But I could tell.)

Kim and I headed off to find some ~~free grub and booze~~ food and wine samples when we ran into a blogger friend of hers who asked Kim if I was her mother. And since I am only five years older than Kim I didn’t just want to taste some wine, I needed to up end an entire bottle down my throat.

(I will admit that I don’t think she really looked at me when she said that, and when she did was completely mortified. But still. Really?! I guess it could have been worse – she could have said, “Kim, is this your mom? When is her baby due?”)

I forgave the faux paus (mostly) and went on to have a fabulous time.

I could get into a lot of trouble in a store like this. Everything I tasted was nothing short of excellent. There was sushi, vegan salads, salmon burgers, barbecued beef sliders, taquitos, samosas, flatbread pizza, cheese (like crazy good cheese), and the wine and beer tasting that I mentioned. Didn’t I tell you – best store grand opening EVER!

Whole-Foods-Food-and-wine — In my head I took a lot more pictures of the amazing food and wine, but apparently in reality – not so much!

Kim and I were lucky enough to talk to the store’s designer and she explained to us the store was designed with the local environment in mind so the interior reflects the agricultural significance and beach culture of Oxnard and Ventura. Because it is right off the 101 Freeway many of the design elements were inspired by travel to and exploration of the beach and Channel Islands.

The store really is gorgeous, but I’m not going to lie – the most amazing and unique feature about the market is the fact that it has an old Air Stream trailer that was converted into a bar. That’s right – Whole Foods Oxnard has a bar! (Forget best market grand opening ever – how about just best market ever!)

Whole-Foods-Bar-Rincon — Pretend the picture of me and Kim isn’t blurry, that I’m sucking my stomach in instead of poking it out, and that the photo of me isn’t crappy. (Please!)

Bar Rincon, located at the front of the store, serves wine, a rotating selection of over 24 craft beers – many of them local, and an extensive food menu. Kim and I hightailed it up to the bar and chatted up the cute sales rep from Figueroa Mountain Brewing company pouring samples of Hoppy Poppy IPA. The beer was excellent. We also tasted some Hitching Post “Hometown” Pinot Noir (made famous in the movie Sideways). Like the cheese I had previously inhaled – crazy good! It was about this time I was very bummed that I had volunteered to drive.

Whole-Foods-Rincon-Bar — Good times at the Bar Rincon

We were given a tour of the store and here are some of the features I really loved:

They will be selling seasonal and locally sourced produce from my favorite local organic farm, McGrath Family Farms. (Yes, I have a favorite farm. Doesn’t everybody?)
There is a large selection of organic and sulfite-free wines, some starting at $2.49 per bottle and over 100 varieties under $10. (If there’s one thing I love it’s a bargain! Bargain wine most of all.)
There is a beer aisle with 72 feet of chilled beer with an impressive assortment of local craft beers, domestic favorites and unique imports. (I wonder how often Alex, the cute beer sales rep hangs out here.)
Their meat department has a full line of locally sourced, 100% grass-fed beef, chicken and turkey. I love this because the more I read about what’s in my food’s food, the less I want to eat it. (Ignorance may be bliss, but in this case it’s not very healthy.)
Whole Foods does not sell items with High Fructose Corn Syrup. Not a single one!
Bar Rincon has free WiFi. (I think I’m moving in!)

Low-Priced-Wine — Yes, there are plenty of bargains at Whole Foods!

Craft-beers — 72 feet of chilled beer – yes please!

I also found out that as part of its commitment to supporting local causes in the community in which it works, Whole Foods Market stores, nationwide, hold Community Support Days several times a year and donate five percent of that day’s net sales to a local nonprofit or educational organization. This Wednesday, June 26th, Whole Foods Oxnard will be holding a Community Support Day. Five percent of net sales from the Whole Foods Market Oxnard store will go to an organization called House Farm Workers! that helps provide safe, decent and affordable housing for farm workers. (So this Wednesday would be a really good day to shop there!)

A market that sells healthy food, supports its community, and has a bar (with free WiFi) – Whole Foods Oxnard is definitely the kind of market made just for me!

Disclaimer: While this is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market Oxnard, all opinions expressed are solely my own.

The ABC’s of Keeping Score with Middle Age

June 19, 2013February 24, 2015 charleneaross10 Comments

Last Friday was my birthday. My birthday is on Flag Day, so I hope you hung a flag in my honor. Or in honor of our flag. Whichever.

American-Flag-unicycle — Now this is how I like to see Flag Day celebrated!

To celebrate I got my butt out of bed at 5AM even though I didn’t sleep well the night before and went to the 5:30 Boot Camp class at my gym to prove to myself that I wasn’t old. (And so I wouldn’t feel guilty about eating whatever I wanted that day.) At the end of class the instructor had everyone sing Happy Birthday to me. I’d be a liar if I said I hated that. It wasn’t a scary milestone birthday, but it’s two very short years away from a scary milestone birthday, so I did some serious reflecting on my life -where I’ve been and where the hell I’m going- when I went on my morning dog walk. Then I had a mini-mid-life crisis, got a spa pedicure and had my toenails painted blue. And then to stick my tongue out even further to this thing called old middle age I got my hair colored so I could say buh-bye to my gray roots (until they pop back up in about three weeks a week and a half, sticking their middle finger up at my stuck out tongue in rude defiance). Me: 1 – Middle Age: 0 (At least until my roots come back!)

blue-toe-nail-polish — Don’t my feet look youthful?

In the late afternoon I went to a party for Chandler’s cross country team because even though it way MY birthday, I’m a mother first. (Plus I heard there’d be wine.) It was the track coach’s wife’s birthday too and some of the kiss ass very nice track moms got her a cake and had everyone gather around to sing Happy Birthday. She insisted that they sing to me too. I like the track coach’s wife. We got home from the party around 8:00 and Dave and I watched a DVR’d episode of Mr. Selfridge. Or rather Dave watched it. I was asleep (and probably drooling) by 8:30. Me: 1 – Middle Age: 1. (Dammit!) On Saturday morning I took the 9:30 kickboxing class at the gym a little terrified that Chris Stevenson would pull me on stage as he tends to do on birthdays. I really didn’t want to go on stage because A.) my normal workout pants were dirty and I was forced to wear a pair that screams, “Yes, my ass really is that fat” and B.) Even though I’ve been going to Boot Camp regularly, I haven’t been to kickboxing in a few weeks and wasn’t sure how well I could keep up with the intensity of the class. Chris was feeling unusually generous because he tried to coax me onstage, but didn’t pick me up and place me there like he’s done in the past. (He was probably afraid he’d hurt his back when he saw the size of my ass in above-mentioned workout pants.) Saturday night it was time to celebrate my birthday properly. I met my friend Cindy at Latigo Kid in downtown Agoura Hills at my bedtime 8PM for a margarita (or two) before heading over to The Canyon Club to relive my youth and see 80’s New Wave/Pop/New Romantic sensation ABC. (Take that middle age!) Oh yeah, when I live it up, I live it up big. And if you’re going to live it up big and relive your 80’s (or 90’s) youth in this town, The Canyon Club is the place to do it. The club’s got a great ambiance and it’s all 80’s/90’s music all the time – Psychedelic Furs just played there (so bummed to have missed them), Courtney Love is coming, The English Beat is coming, Rick Springfield plays there all the time.

Canyon-Club-Agoura-Hills — The coolest club in Agoura Hills through the blurry lens of my cellphone

ABC’s lead singer, Martin Fry may be 55-years-old, but he has definitely still got it. He shot his Poison Arrow straight through my heart alright. (See what I did there? No? Did you say #epicfail? Sorry!) In all seriousness, the band was fantastic. Martin looked very sharp dressed in a suit and his voice sounded great – amazing actually. Cindy and I smashed up as close as we could and danced and danced. The Look of Love, When Smokey Sings, Be Near Me – we sang along at the top of our lungs to all of them. They rocked the house. 80’s Music Rockstars: 1 – Middle Age: 0

ABC-Martin-Fry — These blurry pics are as good as it gets with my cellphone camera!

Although I will admit, the band went on exactly at 9:00 and was off stage by 10:15. (Probably when they used to start playing in the 80’s.) Because even though Martin Fry is a rockstar, he is even older than me. (I wonder if he ever falls asleep on the couch at 8:30 when he’s not performing.) 80’s Music Rockstars: 1 – Middle Age: 1. Yes, that damn Middle Age even sticks its middle finger up at rockstars. The only thing to do is keep rocking and stick up your middle finger right back. (You know, when you’re not asleep on the couch.) *Flag on unicycle photo courtesy of Mike Baird

You are NOT Wearing That to School!

June 14, 2013June 14, 2013 charleneaross3 Comments

I made Marley change her shirt before school on Tuesday – her 2nd to last day of 7th grade. Actually I told her she had to change her bra. She chose to change her shirt instead.

She was wearing her lacrosse practice jersey – a tank top that has arm holes that practically run down the entire length of the shirt. Underneath she had on a beige bandeau bra. (I will admit that she was wearing a regular bra under the bandeau.)

“Hello, here is my bra,” her outfit screamed at the top of its lungs. At least to me. It was 100% completely inappropriate for school. Or anywhere really.

I told her she had to wear a sports bra underneath if she wanted to wear that shirt to school. Not that the the shirt is appropriate for school with a sports bra (hell, the shirt is barely appropriate for lacrosse practice with a sports bra), but it’s better. And I get it. I really do. I understand why she’d want to wear her lacrosse practice jersey to school. It’s cuter than her uniform jersey (with the normal size arm holes).

But sports bras aren’t cool. Or cute. Sports bras are for playing lacrosse, not for letting ~~boys~~ people know you play lacrosse.

Cool girls. Cute girls. The populars. They all wear bandeaus exposed underneath their barely-there-with-practically-no-sides tank tops. They all do! At least according to Marley.

And she’s right. I’ve seen them. (And with too-short shorts too I might add.)

And I also understand why their mothers let them. Why I’ve let Marley. Because they are so young and they do look awfully cute. And it’s been so long since things have looked that cute on us. (Or is that just me?)

And I remember what it was like to be that age. To want to wear what everyone else was wearing.

And I remember hearing the words that are worse for “it’s time for bed” or “it’s time to wake up” or “remember to wash your face” or “clean your room.”

I remember hearing, “You are not wearing that to school.”

I hated hearing it and I hate saying it. But that’s what moms do. And one day she’ll say those words to her daughter and she’ll know what it’s like too.

But of course that day is a long way away. And until then I have a feeling I’ll have a lot more “you’re not wearing that to school battles to fight.”

*This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s writer’s workshop: 3.) Write a post inspired by the word: bra

Charlene Ross

Author: charleneaross