Chandler got his drivers license two weeks ago. It is wonderful and frightening at the same time.
He passed his driving test the first time he took it. (Unlike me, who flunked it three times before I passed. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh. I’m used to it. I’ve been getting shit about it from my family for 30 years. Whatever. And BTW – I’m not a bad driver. I just freeze up and get very nervous during manual tests. I swear.)
I think it helped that he had a driving lesson three days before the test and they took him on the driving test route several times and I took him several more. He felt pretty confident. And he should have. He’s a good driver. For a 16 year old.
When he got his license the woman at the DMV congratulated him and then said, “You think you have freedom now, but the truth is now you’re going to be your parents’ slave. You’ll be running errands for them all the time.”
“I laughed and said, “You got that right!”
The first time he drove alone it was three days after he got his license. He went to buy a gift card for a Sweet 16 birthday party he was attending the next night. It was dark. And raining. I posted this on Facebook:
And then I thought, “Oh god. What if something does happen? And I posted that snarky comment. What the hell is wrong with me?” (What is wrong with me is I’m the queen of using humor at inappropriate times to mask unpleasant feelings. It’s one of my many, many charms.)
I spent the next 17 minutes being very unsettled until I heard him come through the front door.
A week after Chandler had his license we asked him to run to the market to return a video to Redbox. He looked at us and said, “When the lady at the DMV said I’d be running your errands I didn’t believe her. I didn’t think you’d be that kind of parents.” Oh you are wrong about that my son. Very wrong indeed.
Yesterday we went to a Super Bowl party and for the first time Dave and I could both drink (or rather both drink a lot) because we had a designated driver. Hooray! I’m not sure if we’re being responsible parents or irresponsible parents by drinking too much at a party and having our teenage son drive us home, but I’m going to say responsible parents. (Right?)
It’s so weird though. Watching your child grow up so fast. And I know it’s cliche, so please forgive my lack of cleverness and originality. Everyone with older kids says it to me and I say it to parents of younger kids. And we are all right.
It. Happens. So. Fast.
How is it possible that the tiny little 7 pound 6 ounce baby I held in my arms for the very first time 16 years ago is driving a car? He’s got car keys in his hand and one foot out the door. I know that he’s ready but I’m not ready. It leaves me unsettled. I want him to come back through the front door.
Chandler went to a Sweet Sixteen birthday party at a swanky hotel in the city on Saturday night. We decided to give a gift card to a trendy local shop that all the teenage girls seem to love because I believe it’s important to shop local. Also, because Chandler has no idea what to buy a girl. And I don’t know the girl so I have no idea what to buy her either.
I asked Chandler if he needed help wrapping it. I have little boxes and adorable girl wrapping paper. Nope. He had it covered. He had a tin from a gift card he received at Christmastime. Of course it was green and red and not what I would choose, but I’m walking that fine line between having my kids do things independently and teaching them the proper way to do them.
“What about a card?” Dave asked as Chandler was heading out the door to buy the gift card. (Yes, Chandler has his driver’s license now. But that is a blog for another time. I’m going to have to take a few swigs of freezer vodka before I can work up the courage to write how I feel about that!)
“I have something,” I said. I have a stash of gift tags and generic cards. Because while I’ll give Chandler twenty bucks to buy a gift card for some girl I don’t know so he can enjoy his childhood and maintain a semi-cool social status by going to cool birthday parties, I draw the line at spending $3.49 for a birthday card every time he heads to a party. (Sorry Hallmark, your wit and sentiment is for my friends only!)
Although, now that I think of it, it would be rather entertaining to see what kind of card Chandler would pick. (Oh to be a fly on the wall while that’s happening!)
Before Chandler headed out the door to the party I asked him if he needed a card or a gift tag. He told me no. And then he showed me this:
Name blurred to protect the innocent!
Yes, dear reader, that would be masking tape on the bottom of a Christmas gift tin. All I can say to Chandler’s future wife is I’m sorry. I really have tried. But this boy is hopeless.
Extra Extra read all about it Michelle Obama has bangs. (And she looks awesome right?) The world is all a-twitter about it. (And not just Twitter. Everyone is talking about Michelle Obama’s bangs!)
But where did Michelle Obama get the idea to change her look? Who inspired her to cut her hair? Who know how to rock bangs like nobody’s business?
I’m just sayin’…
Look, I’m not saying that she called me on the phone and asked if she could steal borrow my look. (I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.) But her husband does follow me on Twitter. He’s even DM’d me. (What do you mean it was one of his staffers and not really him?!)
All I’m saying is that I’ve been rockin’ the bang look for some time now (as in FOREVER) and something like 300 people (different people) read my blog last month, so you know, I’m pretty famous now. It’s totally obvious that she got her inspiration from me!
Hangin’ with Chandler in 2009 (and rockin’ those bangs)!
And if my silly blog didn’t make you laugh, this certainly will…
Happy Friday! It’s time for everyone’s favorite blog: My Random Things Blog. What? Not your favorite? Well, my cousin likes it. I assumed she spoke for everyone!
Random Things #1:My Crazy Dog. We gave our dog Rocky some chew toys for Christmas. (Because, you know, we didn’t want him to feel left out when we were opening Christmas presents.) He took the word chew to heart. This little stuffed lion might have started the day thinking he was king of the jungle, but after one hour with my beast of the house he was torn to shreds.
King of the jungle no more…
Random Things #2Meatless Monday. I’m trying to be better about instituting Meatless Mondays into our weekly meal plan. Of course because of the picky eaters in my family (*cough my children cough*) all we ever have for Meatless Monday is pasta. And that’s starting to get a little boring. Anyone have any healthy recipes for Meatless Monday that a picky eater might eat? Please note that Chandler doesn’t like pizza. (Yeah, I know.) Or beans. And Marley doesn’t like fish. What’s that you say? How ’bout pasta? Sigh…
Random Things #3Downton Abbey. Dave and I are a bit late to the party and have just started watching Downton Abbey Season 1. I was trying to explain to Marley the premise of the show and she said, “So she has to marry her cousin? Like a gypsy? Or a hillbilly?” Hysterical, but I think she nailed it. Turns out the English monarchy may have more in common with the “lower class” than we may think!
Where upper class gypsies and rednecks reside
Random Things #4 I’ve got nothing! Ugh! I had something else. I’m pretty sure it was hysterical even. Even funnier than gypsies and rednecks. But I’ve lost it. It’s gone. I had it yesterday when I was writing my blog in my head. But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, if I don’t write things down they might as well not exist. When I remember I’ll let you know. In the meantime I’ll keep this blog short & sweet and wish you a wonderful weekend.
Yeah, I made a vision board this year. (Or dream board as some people call them.) Some of my friends think I’m lame for doing this. They see no value in it. It’s a time waster. A little too new age. Too hippie.
I don’t care. I love doing it. It inspires me. And when I invite my (new age hippie) girlfriends over (and throw in some yummy brie and $10 wine) all the better.
When my girlfriends got to my house I told them I was already finished and showed them this board….
Now that’s a nice vision!
They really (really) liked that vision!
Then we got started for reals.
What is a vision board? It’s a collage made up of pictures and word or phrases of your vision of the future. It can be anything you want it to be. You can do a vision board any time, but I try make a new one around the start of a new year.
My vision boards always seem to be sort of similar. There is always a woman smiling and having fun. There is always coffee and wine. The words “inspiration” and “dream” seem to be forever present.
But this year I’ve added some new words. Some new phrases.
“The Joy of playing it un-safe” – because I always seem to play it safe.
Doing scary things!
“Breaking out of your comfort zone” – that definitely needs to happen this year. And it actually already is. I’ve started putting myself out there this year in ways that I haven’t before.
“Author” – not writer, but author. Author. This is the year I shop my book.
There is a picture of New York City. (After all, when I sell my book I’ll have to go to New York to see my publisher won’t I?)
“Metamorphosis” – this year things need to change. I need to change. Doing the same things over and over (and over again) will not net me new results. I think I (finally) get that now. (I hope I do anyway.)
And yes there is my smiling girl having the time of her life (with the hair that I covet but can never have thanks to my cursed widow’s peak), the woman doing yoga, the woman who is strong and fit, and the woman in an outfit that I know would look awesome on me.
I want to feel like this! (And I want that hair!)
There’s a photo of Bradley Cooper, but not because I love him (though I do), but because I can see him playing one of the characters in my book if it were ever when it’s made into a movie.
There is a hammock at a beach. (Yes please.)
Some beautiful pictures of nature.
The word “romance.” It would be nice for Dave and I to have some of that this year. I’d really like to work on that.
“Be inspired”
“Imagine all Your Possibilities”
“Eat Drink Read”
“What if…”
What if…
What if…
What if this year turns out to be everything I want it to be?
The view from my desk. (To remind me to be my very best me!)
Oh yes, it is that time of year again – awards’ season. And everyone knows (well maybe not everyone) that if there’s one thing I love to do, it’s make snarky comments about the red carpet and the awards themselves from the comfort of my home as I sit crisscross on the den floor, in men’s flannel pajama bottoms folding a week’s worth of laundry in front of my circa 1986 25 inch TV .
But this year I was not crisscross on the floor in pajama pants. I was wearing jeans and a purple leopard print cardigan, purchased on sale at Target the day after Christmas, that fashion-know-nothing Chandler gave a big thumbs down to. I even put on a little bit of eye shadow.
No, it wasn’t for the awards. (I have a black tafetta dress for that.) I had some girlfriends over for a vision board party and the red carpet was only on in the background -on mute- and I missed most of the pre-show prancing.
So I was going to skip it this year. But then I got a post on my Facebook page from my funny friend Tina who was looking forward to my commentary. And I hate to disappoint the people I love. (Which is weird, because if you ask my children they’ll tell you I’m very good at it. Disappointing the people I love specifically them.)
But I digress… and so here it is… My Annual Snarky Golden Globe Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them) – the 2013 Addition…
ANNE HATHAWAY…
Stunning! (Credit: Getty)
I’ve always really liked Anne Hathaway, but after seeing Les Miserables, in my eyes she can do no wrong. Her gut wrenching performance of Fantine had me bawling. Snot-running-down-my-face-even-though-I’m-desperately-trying-to-hide-it-because-I-was-sitting-next-to-my-15-year-old-son BAWLING. (If she doesn’t win the Oscar on February 24 I will throw something heavy at my TV screen.) I loved her dress, loved her hair, and loved, Loved, LOVED her speech.
HALLE BERRY…
Channeling her inner Angelina Jolie. (Credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)
I really loved Halle Berry’s dress and she always looks stunning. But what’s with the pose in this photo Halle? That’s so Angelina Jolie 2012. (Of course who am I kidding – if I had a leg that looked like that I’d stick it out for everyone to see too!)
JENNIFER LAWRENCE
IMAGE CREDIT: JEFF VESPA/WIREIMAGE
What the Freaking What was going on with the top of Jennifer Lawrence’s dress? Her boobs look like bullets. Seriously, was that some sort of bullet-proof costumery stolen from the Hunger Games set? (Cinna, you can do better!) The rest of the dress is gorgeous, but that bustier portion needs some serious work. Of course Jennifer is only 22 so I suppose she can get away with that sort of thing.
EWAN MCGREGOR
Swoon! (Photo credit: Jason Merritt, Getty Images)
How sexy does Ewan McGregor look in this picture. Answer: SO DAMN SEXY! You know how he would look even sexier? If I were on his arm instead of his wife. Look, I think it’s great that Ewan is happily married and is faithful to his longtime wife Eve, and yes that love and loyalty only adds to his sexiness, but I’ve loved him since seeing him in Shallow Grave in 1995 on a trip to England, years before anyone in the states even knew who he was. I’ve loved him at least as long as she has. Isn’t that worth him considering taking me to an awards show instead of her? Just once? I promise not to wear anything stupid on my head (like she always seems to do).
JESSICA CHASTAIN
What the what? (Jason Merritt, Getty Images)
I don’t even know what to say about this dress – except um… NO! The fit is funky, the color is kind of weird and it is just not flattering at all. And her hair?! Ugh! What is with those roots? It looks like she’s in serious need of a dye job!
I know this is short (for me), but as I said, I wasn’t going to write this at all. So I will end my (not very) snarky snarks here and end them on a high note.
I just loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Like Anne Hathaway, they can do no wrong in my eyes. They are funny, brilliant, awesome women. They both looked spectacular and freaking killed it last night. Killed it! (That James Cameron joke – almost peed my pants!) In case you missed the opening of the show, here it is for you. Enjoy. (And you’re welcome!)
Having my kids home from school for two weeks without anything to do (with the exception of ripping presents open in a manic frenzy for less than 60 minutes one Tuesday) seemed pretty daunting. So when I was offered tickets to take the family to the Palm Springs Tramway I jumped at the chance.
At first we were going to make it a day trip, because we are kind of crazy like that, but then my mom offered me a hotel room on her expiring Marriott points and we jumped at that. (Apparently the Ross family does a lot of jumping when things are offered for free.)
We dropped our beast of a dog off at my mother’s so she could dog sit and took off across the 118 to the 210 freeway for a little family adventure. Since traffic was light we let Chandler drive. He gets his license next month and needs practice. He did a great job, but there are a lot of trucks on the 210 freeway and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fairly terrified the whole time. We stopped at Costco for pit stop (for the car and ourselves) and jumped down the aisles to snack on the plentiful free samples. (Okay, we didn’t really jump.)
Rockin’ Idyllwild like the tourists do!
We decided to take a detour and drive to Idyllwild on the way to Palm Springs to eat lunch and poke around the town like tourists. We found a great little lunch place called The Red Kettle that had something for all of us – breakfast for Dave and Chandler, a burger for Marley, and a delicious grilled chicken salad (that probably had 1,000 calories, but at least I could semi-convince myself I was eating healthfully) for me.
Downtown Idyllwild
After our late lunch and tourist poking we headed down the California 74 to the Courtyard Hotel in Palm Desert.
A long and winding road
The weather was cold, but we told the kids to bring their suits so we could sit in the Jacuzzi. Apparently I wasn’t listening to myself (why should I, no one else in my family does) and didn’t pack one for myself. But I’m resourceful. If I can MacGyver some slippers together with duct tape, I can certainly find a suitable bathing suit inside of my over-packed suitcase. So I just slipped on my super-tight Spanx-like camisole under a tank top and put on some black granny bikini underwear and joined my family in the hot tub. (Oh yeah, between the Costco free-food sampling and the makeshift bathing suit I am just one or two short steps away from submitting an audition tape to Redneck Island.)
After our jaunt in the hot tub we headed out to the Thursday night street fair in Palm Springs. We enjoyed walking in the crisp night air and looking at the artists’ booths. In a “it’s such a small world” type of way we ran into some friends from our neighborhood at the street fair. They told us they had tried to go to the Palm Springs Tram that day around noon and it was a three-hour wait to get up the mountain. Uh-oh. They suggested we get the 8:00 tram the next morning.
On our way back to the hotel we picked up some bagels and cream cheese from the market for breakfast so we could get an early start the next morning. When we got to the hotel we looked at a brochure for the tramway and saw that the first tram up the mountain was actually at 10:00. (8:00 is the first tram on weekends.) We were happy to have an extra two hours to sleep.
(Well, the family had extra sleep. I got up at 5:30 AM like a crazy person and went down to the hotel lobby to take advantage of the free WiFi, drink a lot of mediocre coffee, and get some work done.)
My quiet little lobby workspace
I woke the family at 7:30, we showered, dined on bagels and orange slices, and checked out a little over an hour later. We arrived at the tram around 9:30. We were directed to a very full parking lot and took a shuttle to the tram station. It turns out that our friends were right and the first tram ride up was at 8:00. If we had checked the aerial tram website instead of the brochure we would have seen that holiday hours were in effect. There was a bit of a wait, but we were lucky, as the tickets I was given were good at any time. (I was told by the man at the information booth that my tickets were like gold!)
My advice: Be awesome like me and write a travel blog so you will have connections. Buy your tickets online and avoid the wait.
The ride up the mountain is pretty spectacular. You start at 2,643 feet and climb to 8,516 feet in just 10 minutes. (Gum is a good idea.) And the car actually rotates! Yes, the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway has the World’s Largest Rotating Tramcar. I thought it would be scary, but the ride is so smooth and so beautiful, that all I felt was an incredible sense of awe.
Up we go
Once we reached the top we were greeted with a beautiful winter wonderland. (And 27 degree weather – BRRR!) We decided to hike the Desert View Trail – a mile and a half loop.
I insisted that Marley wear a ski jacket (much to her chagrin because she was sporting some cute new Christmas clothes) but didn’t stand firm on making her wear knee socks instead of little ped socks. I should have known better because Marley always beats her own little off-beat drum and preferred to walk off-trail in the deeper unpacked snow. This resulted in us swapping shoes (my hiking boots for the Merrells she had borrowed) mid-hike. I didn’t know if I was a good mom for taking over the snow-filled shoes or a bad mom for not having the foresight to insist upon a better shoe-sock combination in the first place.
My off-trail hiker
The Desert View Trail had five viewpoints of the Cochella Valley that were just spectacular.
Beautiful!
The trail had some ups and downs, but was very easy and I think even a family with young kids could do it if they had snacks and time for “resting.” (We’ve been taking our kids hiking their whole lives and we learned quickly that when they are young they really like to rest!) There are plenty of rocks at the viewpoints for the kids (and grown-ups) to climb.
If you look closely you can see Chandler at the top.
Of course when Marley reaches the top of a rock there is no missing her!
She’s on top of the world
There is plenty to do besides hike. There are huge areas for snow play and a lot of families brought discs and small sleds on the tramway with them. The hills are quite small though, and probably more fun for younger kids (say under 10). There are also two restaurants at the top of the Palm Springs Tramway…
A cafeteria style restaurant…
and a “fine dining” restaurant called Peaks…
Fancy!
They both looked quite nice. Of course we prefer to bring a picnic lunch and spread it out on a log. (Future Redneck Island contestants – remember!)
Picnic in the snow
We ended up spending about three hours at the top of the mountain. It really was a fantastic little getaway. (I’d highly recommend it.) And the views… well, they were just spectacular.
Duct tape, Bananagrams and Whistle? Yes, welcome to the random inner workings of my brain. And even though my first Friday Random Things blog did not really get a lot of views or comments, I’ve never let a bad idea (or bad writing) stop me. Besides, I can’t really think about anything interesting enough to write about this week, so I’m going to continue on and write about 5 uninteresting, totally random things instead.
Random Things #1:Whistle. Marley and I were in the car the other day singing along to Whistle by Flo Rida. (I can’t help it, it’s catchy.) As we sang the words:
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I’m gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
I remembered that the other day Marley and I were talking about something and she said, “Mom, I know more than you think I do.” Ugh. I’m sure she does. But I really hope she doesn’t know what the words to Whistle mean. (It kind of makes you long for the days of Like AVirgin!)
Random Things #2 End of the World. The world is supposed to end today. If I were cool and had my act together I’d have some sort of End of the World Party. But I’m not (cool) and I don’t (have my act together) so I’ll probably do what I do most Friday nights – try to convince my family to play Bananagrams and end up watching episodes of 30 Rock from the DVR queue while playing Words with Friends as a consolation when they all say no instead. I know, I know, once again you are all jealous of my exciting rockstar suburban life.
Random Things #3 Kickboxing is my muse. My gym has an awesome kickboxing class. And for some reason, whenever I am in it I get brilliant ideas. I mean brilliant! And of course every writer knows that if you don’t write your brilliant idea down, you will lose it, no matter how inspiring. So I run out of the class and ask the people at the front desk for a pen and paper to jot my idea down quickly so I don’t drip sweat all over the counter. My friend who manages the gym told me that she’s going to get me Post-it notes for Christmas. You might be wondering where all these brilliant ideas are that I keep running out of class to write. Well, if you are wondering that, that’s just mean because isn’t it obvious? No?! Sigh…
Random Things #4 Duct Tape fixes everything! Every other year I get new slippers for Christmas. (Picked out by me, handed to Dave with a, “Here wrap these and give them to me for Christmas.”) Yeah, just like Friday nights at the Ross household is off-the-charts crazy fun, the gift giving at Christmas is equally enviable! My slippers that are soon to be retiring are dying. And I mean dying. One of them is cracked at the bottom and I keep tripping when I wear them because they bend and catch on things. Of course the solution to this duct tape. (Take that MacGyver!) The only problem is that after a few days the duct tape starts to scrunch up and the bottom of my slipper is sticky from the tape and starts collecting dog hair and whatever else is on my floor and I have to start over with brand new tape. I’m very happy Christmas is only a few days away. Mostly because I’m running out of duct tape.
Yeah, these are my classy house shoes
Random Things #5 Thank you. The world is supposed to end today. (Though I have a feeling that instead I’ll be getting new slippers for Christmas on Tuesday and writing more unbrilliant random things next Friday.) If it doesn’t, be thankful. Be a little kinder. Kiss someone and tell them that you love them. Hold the door open for someone. Play Banangrams with your mother when she asks you to. Be the best you, you can possibly be. I thank you all for reading my silly words. It means the world to me!
I’m considering adding a Friday “Random Things” post to my blog. We’ll see how this one goes.
Random Things #1: The search word (or search words). I won’t lie – the search word (or search words) that leads people to my blog fascinate me. Here is a photo of the search terms that brought people to my website this week:
Uh… really?!
Not sure if I should be flattered or insulted with that last one. Some other past search words for my blog have been: diet eating of rice in breakfast (there were 2 searches for that!), remark i’m in love with a dress (huh?), is gas x yummy (well, I take it in pill form, so… no), ross thanksgiving (do I have a stalker?) , adam ant girlfriend 2012 (it’s me!), and too many cabbage soup diet variations to mention!
These brown boots were originally posted here and are my top search by far!
Random Things #2: I thought that Marley put the dishes away the other morning without being asked. (Fantastic – right?) But she said her father told her to do it. (Well, she still did it quietly and without complaint.) The problem was the dishes were dirty. You’d think she might have noticed. (She didn’t.)
Does this look clean to you?
Random Things #3: I decorated our piano for Christmas with my Santas and snowmen. After it looked perfect Marley added some vintage snowflakes, weird Christmas cows, a few extra Santas and snowmen and I did not have a control-freak-anal-attack about it (even inwardly… much). And just now when I went to place a link on a blog I wrote last year for skirt called Controlling Christmas about my anal-tree-decorating tendencies, only to find that the blog has disappeared from the web-o-sphere and only the comments remain, I didn’t freak out about that either. Though it might make me drink. (Where did my blog go?)
And snowmen… (and no that does not count as Random Things #5)
Adorable!
Random Things #5: Chandler drove on the freeway for the first time this week. It was on Sunday morning when the traffic was light. Dave was in the front passenger seat and I was in the back. Thank god! I might have had a heart attack if I rode in the front. Chandler did great. I think he’s going to be a good, conscientious driver. But driving with your first-born –your baby- on the freeway… I don’t recommend it without Xanax. I think I’d rather spend the day riding roller coasters at Magic Mountain. (And I’m pretty much done with roller coasters.)
Less scary than driving on the freeway for the first time with your child behind the wheel.
I think five random things are enough random things for today. Tell me something random about your week.
I think I’ll write a travel blog. After all, last week I was traveling. Alone.
That’s right, just me and my (not so) little carry on. (You’re all jealous aren’t you?)
I didn’t go anywhere glamorous, but maybe if I started writing a travel blog, I could start going to glamorous places.
Maybe I could make the URL of my travel blog Suburban Mom Dumps Family to Travel to Glamorous Places dot com.
No?
There is a travel blog called Adventurous Kate written by a fabulous 20-something (named Kate, duh) who travels the world solo and writes about it. She made it into her job! I hate her. I want to be her. Why wasn’t the internet invented when I was 20-something and adventurous?
Since I am not fabulous and young 20-something and adventurous – wait, that’s not true, I may not be 20-something, but I am fabulous and adventurous. Well, at heart anyway, just not currently in practice… let’s start over…
Since I am not 20-something, if I had a travel blog to write about my travel “adventures” I would probably write something like this…
Last Week I had an early flight to Virginia. I was excited because I was flying Virgin Airlines for the first time and didn’t have to worry about anyone but me. I had a cup of coffee on the way to the airport, but I got there early enough to buy another at Starbucks. (I figured since I got up at 4AM I earned it!)
As I was walking down the long hall to the plane I must have jerked my arm because the coffee came flying out of the cup and right onto my shirt. Crap! I was meeting someone at a restaurant right after I got off the plane. And I HATE having coffee stains (or any stains for that matter) on my shirt.
I HATE IT!
My luck turned around because the flight wasn’t very full and I had a whole row to myself. Score! I like to sit on the aisle because I have to get up at least two or three times on long fights to pee. (Everyone who knows me well is nodding their heads right now.) But I also like to sit at the window so I can see what we’re flying over and lean up against the wall. With the whole row to myself I could do both. Holla!
TV screens for every seat and a whole row to myself – sweet!
So as soon as that fasten-seat-belt sign turned itself off I hopped right up and hightailed it to the bathroom. I tried blotting the coffee stain with a wet paper towel and got nowhere. So, since the stain was near the bottom of my shirt, I stuck it under the running water and rubbed some soap on it and rinsed, and rinsed, and rinsed (you would not believe how much you have to rinse to get a tiny bit of soap out) and now had a shirt that had a six inch by six inch sopping wet area. I took a bunch of paper towels and squeezed out the excess water as best I could, buttoned my sweater over the spectacle of it and returned to my seat row.
The shirt felt cold on my skin so I put a paper towel between my stomach and my shirt. (That paints a pretty picture doesn’t it?) Then I ate half the sandwich that I brought for breakfast. And blopped avocado on my shirt. Huhhhh (That is the sound of me taking a deep breath and trying not to scream the word SHIT! on a quiet plane.)
I got back up, went to the bathroom and repeated the whole stick-the-bottom-of-my-shirt-under-the-running-water-process. When I got back to my seat I put my Pashmina under my shirt and wrapped it around my shoulders so I would stay warm, but didn’t cover my shirt so it could dry. Thank god I had the whole row to myself and the plane was dark. If I had a seatmate, they’d probably think I was mental.
(Travel tip: always travel with a Pashmina type scarf – so much better than the nasty travel blankets they always run out of have on the plane.)
This is what I look like in my Pashmina when I travel! (Hey… sexy lady!)
A couple hours later I went to the bathroom again (look, I drink a lot of water) and noticed a third stain on my shirt. WTF?! When did I become incapable of wearing a shirt without getting it dirty? I was like a toddler in desperate need of a bib. This time I just took the shirt off and put it in the sink. A bit more soap, a bit more scrubbing, a lot more rinsing, and a lot of paper towels to squeeze it (semi) dry. (I wonder if Adventurous Kate ever used an airline bathroom as her own personal washing machine.)
I know what you’re all thinking – I had a carry on. Why didn’t I just change when I got to the airport? Because I wanted to wear the shirt I was wearing, that’s why. (She says with a foot stomp. See acting like a toddle above!)
I returned to my seat and resumed my classy position of shoving my scarf under (but not on top of) my shirt and around my shoulders. I arrived to my destination with my shirt clean(ish?) and dry. But I don’t think I’ll be ditching my family to write a travel blog any time soon. (Unless you think there might be a market for How To Use An Airline Bathroom As A Washing Machine dot com.)
Charlene Ross 