My Snarky Academy Award 2022 Red Carpet Review

Hello, Friends. I’m back. But only sort of. I did not have time to watch the red carpet yesterday because I was out living my life. (Translation: out celebrating a friend’s birthday on a Sunday afternoon at a flea market instead of on a Saturday night at a club because that is what ladies of a certain age do!)

But I did watch the Oscars (and Will Smith – you were in the wrong – WTF, dude!) and while watching the Oscars I sent screenshots to my daughter and her friend so they could do all the heavy lifting. Plus, 21 year olds are better at being snarky.

Before I start though, and say I found the dresses a little boring this year, to be honest. They were either pretty, but not amazing, or just meh, and not overly horrible. But please do enjoy the comments below by my daughter Marley, her friend Rachel, and me (who is definitely qualified to give fashion advise as I sit in my Costo leggings and Target hoodie).

Megan the Stallion

Rachael: Overall really good look. I think the color makes her skin pop and glow. I love how her dress is blue like the ocean which makes her look like a mermaid.

Marley: I think that the bottom looks like butterfly wings which is beautiful. I don’t know how she’s able to sit in it with the wires I’m a little concerned it’ll go flat but I think it’s absolutely gorgeous on her especially the way it shapes her legs.

Me: This is not typically the kind of dress I love, but Megan pulls it off and looks gorgeous.

Amy Schumer

Marley: Super ugly dress, I don’t understand the gaudy bow at all.

Rachael: I hate this dress 110% awful. Absolutely horrendous. I dont like the bow at all.

Me: This kills me because I love Amy Schumer so much, but this dress looks like she found it on the clearance rack at dress barn.

Ariana DeBose

Marley: I love the pants suit instead of a dress and it might even be a two piece if not the slit in the center. I don’t know how I feel about the Cape. Not really a cape person but I mean I guess it does make it a little bit fancier than just a pants suit

Rachael: I really love the color on her I think it looks really good. I really love the contrast of like the black nails with the really bright red it makes her stand out. I love the pants to be honest, the trousers are really cute. she can really rock this bold color all the way. I personally just don’t like the top itself also the jacket is a little weird I think she could’ve gone without it.

Me: I feel like the designers are getting a little overly creative with bodices trying to show cleavage in a new and clever way. And it’s just weird. That being said, I love this outfit (cape and all). I think it looks fab.

Timothee Chalamet

Rachael: OK first of all I just think Timothée Chalamet is really hot so I think it’s a really good. I love the jewelry, I’m not digging though the no top. I think it would look really good if it had a under top like with the jacket, but I love the hair.

Marley: Honestly not a fan. I don’t know why he doesn’t have a shirt on. I think that the blazer itself is cool and has a lot of design to it that I think is pretty however put on a shirt. That’s really it. Just wear a shirt.

Me: He looks like an ice skater who spent so much time lacing his skates that he didn’t have enough time to put his shirt before hitting the ice. (Also super glad that Marley and Rachael have the good sense to know that the dude really needs a shirt!)

Kirsten Dunst

Marley: I think her dress looks like those roses that you’ll see at the front of CVS during Valentine’s Day that are made of that kind of stiff tissue paper I don’t really understand it

Rachael: I think this dress is horrendous. I don’t think it looks good on her, I don’t think it would look good on anybody to be honest with you. I don’t know why they went with this dress, I have no words.

Me: Marley and Rachael don’t know what they’re talking about. This dress is gorgeous.

Olivia Coleman

Marley: I don’t understand why designers make ugly sleeves a staple for every award show. This dress is just ugly.

Rachael: lt’s just not good. Blegh. No.

Me: Olivia Coleman, in my opinion is the new Meryl Streep. Amazing in whatever she does. We will be seeing her at the Oscars as long as she continues to make movies so she really does need to fire her stylist. Because, (what Rachael said) blegh. No!

Jamie Lee Curtis

Marley: She looks like she’s in medieval times wearing chain mail and trying not to get attacked in an oncoming war. I don’t really understand it I don’t think it’s very flattering on her and I really don’t get the vision nor do I see the vision

Rachael: I don’t like this at all I really don’t know much else to say besides that it really is awful. I don’t like that the jewelry make any sense. I think this is a really awful look I don’t know who let her walk out like this but whoever did deserves jail time.

Me: Again, this is hard for me because I love Jamie Lee Curtis so much (like, I mean love, love, love), but this monstrosity is a hard no!

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Marley: I do think that the dress makes her waste look incredible, however I think that it’s absolutely ugly. I don’t understand the gold what a tiger head that are on there, and the whole T shoulders just really doesn’t make any sense to me.

Rachael: this is just really not a flattering dress. I think it’s really weird I don’t know I just don’t like it. I don’t know what’s going on with like all the symbols or like the tinfoil that looks like literal like tinfoil buttons I don’t like this at all it is really strange.

Me: What the actual fuck, Maggie? This dress is ridiculous.

H.E.R.

Marley: Honestly I think it looks like she forgot a dress last minuet and grabbed a green screen off the wall. Not a fan of the shape either.

Rachael: this is really disappointing. I love H.E.R., but this is really bad. I dont like the design, the color is way too bright and the clutch purse is a weird accessory.

Me: They are wrong. This dress is fab. And look at those shoes – they are spectacular!

Queen Latifah

Marley: Yellow looks stunning on her, but I’m really not a fan of the robe she’s wearing.

Rachael: i think the dress style shouldve been different. I dont really care for the robe either i think this whole outfit needs a makeover baldy.

Me: I am seriously doubting my decision to seek Marley and Rachael’s opinions. Because there is only one thing to say about this look and it is Yaaaaas, Queen! (She looks amazing!)

Billie Eilish

Marley: The only thing that is redeemable about this outfit is her hair and makeup. The dress is horrible and looks like a dyed curtain.

Rachael: I love her hair style, its very cute but I think outfit choice was criminal.

Me: Well, at least these girls are starting to make sense again! This dress is horrific.

Jessica Chastain

Marley: Very gorgeous dress, but I feel like it’s something you would see at a rich high school prom.

Rachael: This reminds me of middle school, TBH. I think its pretty and love the shimmer though.

Me: I think this dress is my favorite dress of the night. I think it’s gorgeous. (I really thought the girls would hate it though – I’m glad they (mostly) liked it too.)

So, there you have it, friends. My 2022 Oscar Red Carpet Review. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are there any spectacular or horrific dresses I missed? Let me know in the comments below.

Photos taken from here. (Thank you, People Magazine.)

2 thoughts on “My Snarky Academy Award 2022 Red Carpet Review

  1. Best line…he took so much time lacing up his skates that he forgot to put a shirt on! OMG I love it!

  2. OMG I love this and wait for it all year. The addition of Rachel is so much fun. I’m with you on the new cleavage approaches – a hard nope. Looks like incredible fashion is just coming out of its pandemic too. xoxoxoxoxo

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