My Snarky Oscar Comments (Because I’m so Qualified to Give Them): 2014

March 3, 2014March 3, 2014 charleneaross5 Comments

I have to be honest… this year’s snarky Oscar post… it’s a little uninspired. Dave and I never go to the movies anymore so I saw very few of the movies nominated. Thanks to a friend we were able to catch Gravity and American Hustle via screeners (well, I mostly slept through American Hustle – I know my boyfriend Bradley Cooper is in that movie- I get up at 5AM, what can I say?), but we didn’t see anything else. It’s hard to root for movies you haven’t seen.

Also, everyone looked really lovely last night. It’s hard to snark when everyone looks great.

Plus, if I’m honest, I’ll tell you that the older I get (sigh, I hate saying that), I really don’t like to be mean. How about if I just show you some pretty pictures I ~~stole~~ borrowed off the internet instead and hope for some blog traffic via Pinterest and call it a day this time? You’ll forgive me won’t you?

Okay, I’ll tell you what, I will start with just a little bit of snark.

This is what happens when you invite Olympic ice skaters to the Oscars. Tara Lipinski shows up in a wedding gown and Johnny Weir dresses like a fancy butler.

Angelina Jolie – really? I miss your leg. That dress is pretty, but honestly a bit matron-y, a little mother-of-the bride even – you could have waited 20 years to wear it. And Brad Pitt? That hair? Uh.. no!

And speaking of hair – Jared Leto. You are so pretty, Jared, but would be even more beautiful if you had the Jordan Catalano haircut going again. I know you are a rock star and an arteest and really don’t care about such things, but your lady fans would really appreciate it and you want to please your fans, don’t you Jared? But I will say, your acceptance speech – one of the best I’ve ever heard. So gracious and lovely. I can’t think of anything that would have made a more beautiful speech. (Except maybe a haircut.)

Pharrell Williams – I suppose you can get away with this, because you’re a musician and might not know any better. But your wife might have wanted to dress up a bit more. (Oh – BTW, your performance? Loved it!)

I loved Amy Adams’ dress but I did not like her hair. It would have been so much prettier if she’d worn it down, all wavy and Veronica Lake-like. But I forgive her because of the threat of rain. Perhaps she’s like me and her hair gets all limp and frizzy at the slightest hint of moisture in the air.

Charlize Theron – thee most stunning and breathtaking dress of the night. WOW! And that necklace, spectacular. Move over Jessica Rabbit (and Angelina Jolie), Charlize has just out va-va-voomed you.

Giuliana Rancic – that dress is so pretty. Like a princess. And the umbrella is a fabulous accessory.

I love the soft light blue of Best Supporting Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o’s dress. And that diamond headband – gorgeous! Lupita may be new to the Hollywood scene, but she certainly found the right stylist. This girl can work the red carpet for sure!

Jennifer Lawrence looks fabulous once again. Peplum was a big runway trend and her red peplum dress was a stunner. Her make-up was pretty and I liked the swept-back hair. And that necklace worn kind of backwards? I must have it!

I loved Jennifer Garner’s fringe-y flapper-style dress. That’s how you have some fun on the red carpet. And Amy Adams – please take notes on Jennifer’s hair. Her side-swept loose waves are perfect.

Sandra Bullock looked stunning in this navy blue strapless dress. (And again, I love the side-swept hair!)

Best Actress Oscar winner Cate Blanchett also looked very pretty. This dress might have washed her out a little bit, but overall I think it was very pretty. And those earrings? Add them to my shopping cart with Jennifer Lawrence’s necklace.

Jenna Dewan-Tatum – I don’t know who you are. I’m guessing you are married to Channing Tatum? (Lucky girl!) Your big ol’ mess of diamonds that turns into a big ol’ mess of feathers? I kind of like it.

Bette Midler – this dress is simply stunning. And your Wind Beneath My Wings performance was sublime. I love and adore you.

And to end my un-snarky snark here’s some eye candy for you. You’re welcome.

And remember Bradley – even though I slept through most of your performance (my fault – not yours!) and didn’t see Jared’s, I hear you didn’t stand a chance against him, so please don’t feel badly for losing the Best Supporting Actor category. But just in case you do, remember, I’m always here to comfort you.

Photo credit: All photos Getty Images borrowed from here. (Thank you NY Daily News!)

Whole Foods Venice Fantastique French Wine Tasting & Art Exhibit (Ooh La La!)

February 26, 2014February 26, 2014 charlenearossLeave a comment

Hey, my LA & Valley friends, what are you doing this Saturday night? That’s right, this Saturday night, March 1st. Binge-watching TV with a pizza? (Yawn, did that last weekend.) A little beer-pong and karaoke at the local dive bar? Dinner at Applebee’s? (I’m kidding!)

Can I make a suggestion?

How about something a little different? A little sophisticated even? Something that will get you out of your weekend rut.

Whole Foods Market in Venice is having a fabulous (make that fantastique) French wine tasting and art exhibit for only $10. (And the proceeds benefit The Whole Planet Foundation – Alleviating Poverty Worldwide Through Entrepreneurship.)

You will taste 5 value-priced ($9.99) French wines paired with petit fours (that’s a fancy French word for appetizer, in case you didn’t know, which of course you did, because like me, you’re very sophisticated) and get to check out the art of Germany-based French artist and wine label designer, Gildas Coudrais.

Fantastique indeed!

Fantastique French Wine Tasting and Art Exhibit — Are you cool enough to hang here?

I actually used to do cultured and sophisticated French-wine-meets-French-art stuff like this all the time. Okay, that’s not true at all. I’ve never done that. But I do go wine tasting quite often and do love French wine.

whole-foods-venice-french-wine-tasting-art-show — Fantastique wine at a Fantastique price!

And French men.

Olivier-Martinez — Olivier Martinez – I might consider leaving Bradley Cooper for you!

And French fries.

And I’ve been to the Louvre. Twice.

Anyway…

Wanna know what you’ll be tasting?

wine-labels-by-Gildas-Coudrais — Ooh La La!

Chantebelle Sauvignon Blanc– a bright and brisk beauty with crisp citrus flavors. (Bring on the goat cheese!)

King Rabbit Malbec – with rich, black plums, berries and cherries dance smoothly on the palate. (I’ll take that with a rare steak, please.)

Anciens Temps Cabernet–Syrah – with robust flavors of black pepper and berries, and a vanilla-kissed finish. (Sounds like it needs a robust cheese – slice me a chunk of that blue!)

Eagle Coq Pinot Noir – boasts juicy red cherry and currant flavors pleasing French & California drinkers alike. (And they say it goes well with brie – I’m so in!)

Fantastique Pinot Noir – a bolder Pinot, with flavors of spiced black cherries. (Is it time for chocolate yet?)

Just so you know, I am not suggesting that this is the food -pardon me, petit fours- that the wines will be paired with, I’m just saying what I would be inclined to pair them with.

And even if it sounds too good to be true that French wines like this would be available at Whole Foods for under $10, it isn’t. Too good to be true I mean. It is true!

Anciens-temps-cabernet-syrah — $9.99 are you out of your mind?!

And remember, artwork of Gildas Coudrais, the wine label artist will be there. He’s had an interesting career – he designed theme cards for a French print company, taught art lessons to children and adults, and led an artist’s workshop for disabled people. He currently lives in Germany with his wife and two young daughters. His pop-art is pretty funky. I dig it.

gildas-coudrais-artwork — Translation: “which has miraculously powerful melody.”

I like that – I love you… which has a miraculously powerful melody.

So are you in? (I am!) If so, click this link and RSVP on their Facebook page. You don’t have to RSVP to attend, but there’s less chance of them running out of petit fours that way. (And nobody wants that.)

And if you really want to show them some love follow Whole Foods Market Venice on Facebook and Twitter. (I do!)

Hope to see you Saturday night!

*Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market Venice. (But my love of French wine, French cheese, French men and French fries? You can’t buy that!)

Photo credits: Olivier Martinez, French fries, & The Louvre

Weekend Update

February 24, 2014 charleneaross6 Comments

My weekend started with a trip to Costco on Friday night after work. I met my mom there because we like to split things. We hadn’t been in a while so we did quite a lot of damage. A take-and-bake pizza and nice bottle of wine was one of the many things inside the jumbo-sized shopping cart filled to the brim with food. As we unloaded the cart into our cars one of Marley’s friends met us in the parking lot and I took the girls to the high school for a comedy show. Chandler was already there watching a hypnosis show in another building. Dave and I enjoyed our pizza and wine kid-free and caught up with each other, then hung out with our favorite anti-hero Walter White. We only have a few episodes left and the shit is really hitting the fan. (In case you didn’t know drugs are bad people, very very bad.) When we’re done it’s on to House of Cards, then Downton Abbey. Who needs dinner and a movie when we’ve got take-and-bake pizza and binge TV?

On Saturday Marley had a lacrosse tournament at the Rose Bowl. Dave had to work in the morning so it was just Marley and me. We had a great mother-daughter talk on the way out. I’ve always found that kids will tell you things in the car they won’t tell you anywhere else. Probably because they don’t have to look at you. Marley played goalie all three games and did a great job even though she got pretty beat up the second game (and has the bruises to prove it). Dave was able to meet us there after the first game. The weather was perfect. It was a good day. As we were driving home I got a text alert. I asked Marley to read me the text. It was from my friend Rita.

Marley read me the text and asked me if I wanted her to answer.

“No, I’ll do it when we get home,” I told her.

Sometimes my texts with Rita are a bit blue. We act a little silly. (Or a lot silly.) I wondered if Marley had scanned up and seen our previous texts. I think she would have been pretty mortified. Of course I see her Instagrams and am pretty mortified. (She doesn’t post inappropriate pictures, but she says the F word a lot.) I wonder what’s more mortifying – a daughter reading her mother’s inappropriate texts or a mother reading her daughter’s inappropriate Instagrams? We’ll call it a draw.

I made a good dinner and afterwards, as Chandler was putting condiments away in the fridge he came up behind me and gave me a giant hug. He knows exactly how to make my heart go pitter-pat. I don’t know how I’ll bear it when he goes away to college next year.

After dinner I received a text from my friend Juliana. She and Carol decided to meet at Stonehaus and run around the lake instead of meeting our run club for our Sunday morning run. That would have been fine (the coffee at Stonehaus is FAB), but run club was only supposed run two miles and the run around the lake is four. Any runner will tell you (or someone who pretends to be a runner like me), that running is 90% mental. Well, I had only mentally prepared for 2 miles! And in case you’re bad at math four is twice as many as two. I’d take four dollars over two dollars. I’d take four (dozen) French fries over two (dozen) French fries. But what kind of idiot runs four miles when their run coach says they only have to run two?!

Apparently me.

Stupid run club friends.

Amazingly, I ran my best time ever. I ran 4.23 miles in 40:07. Chandler smirked at my time (I like him better when he’s hugging me), but I don’t care. I still say I kicked ass!

After the run (and more importantly coffee) I went to a memorial service for my aunt’s brother. It was at the beach and it was lovely, but I am heartbroken for my aunt and her sisters. They’ve lost their two brothers in less than two years. It’s so cliché to say life’s too short and often too cruel, but the thing about clichés is they’re usually true.

This is why still get a warm fuzzy feeling from enjoying simple pleasures with my husband. Why I delight in my talks with Marley. Why I I savor my hugs from Chandler. Why I celebrate a 9:29 minute mile.

Because it’s the little things in life. Small moments from a relatively uneventful suburban weekend that make this short cruel life so beautiful.

What did you do this weekend?

My Valentine’s Day Aboard the Love Boat with MIXIM Greek Yogurt

February 19, 2014February 20, 2014 charleneaross2 Comments

I know you are all wondering how my Valentine’s date with Dave on the Queen Mary was. In a word: AWESOME!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Really? Yes, really!

pink-queen-mary — Getting ready to board the Love Boat

I was invited to attend the MIXIM Greek Yogurt launch at the Queen Mary for Valentine’s Day last Friday night. It sounded like a lot of fun and Dave and I were really excited to go. In fact, we were so determined to spend a fun Valentine’s night doing something different, we suffered through 2 1/2 hours in get-out-of-town President’s Day traffic to get there. Okay, I admit – that, not so awesome. But once we got there – so fun!

Once we arrived at the Queen Mary we checked in and were escorted to the VIP lounge where we immediately headed to the bar. One big ~~sip~~ gulp of a vodka cranberry, and our traffic stress immediately drained away.

I’ll tell you what, Ehrmann, the makers of MIXIM Greek yogurt, sure do know how to throw a party. The VIP lounge not only had free cocktails, but pass around trays of fabulous hors d’oeuvres, a yummy pasta bar, and to-die-for cupcakes. (And I don’t even usually like cupcakes.) And of course all the yogurt your little heart desired.

MIXIM-yogurt-flavors — These girls are adorable. And the yogurt? Delicious!

In case you haven’t noticed, this is a sponsored post, so a little about the yogurt…

I am a HUGE Greek yogurt fan. I eat it every day. (And I mean every day.) The thing is, I usually am not a huge fan of fat free Greek yogurt. It tastes a bit chalky to me so I wasn’t sure I would really enjoy MIXIM very much. Oh how wrong I was! MIXIM fat free yogurt get in my belly now! MIXIM Greek yogurt comes in an adorable heart-shaped container that has a crunchy mix-in and a fruit or honey mix-in. They have six flavors – all of them were delicious, but my favorite was the dark chocolate/cherry. YUM!

Oh, and one very, very important thing to note: MIXIM does not use rBST. I do not eat or endorse products with rBST. (With a teenage daughter and a never-mind-it’s-none-of-your-business-mid-life-change me, we have all the hormones we need in our household thankyouverymuch!)

Okay, back to the party…

After Dave and I ate our body weight in pasta and fat-free, rBST-free, creamy delicious yogurt (and perhaps had another drink or two) we decided to join the party outside.

MIXIM-Queen-Mary-Party — Hangin’ with the cool kids on the deck of the Queen Mary.

Before we knew it, it was time for the Guinness Book of World Records attempt of the most couples simultaneously feeding each other.

Ehrmann MIXIM Greek Yogurt Love Boat — Look in the lower left hand corner – that’s me!

What? Can’t see me? Okay, I will totally humiliate myself by posting the worst picture of me ever. (Oh the things I will do for this blog!)

Gunniess-Book-World-Records-Couples-Simultaneously-Feeding-each-other — Look Mom! We’re in the Guinness Book of World Records!

That’s right! We made the record. We were 2 of the 436 individuals simultaneously spoon feeding each other.

After the attempt at the world record was deemed a success, Christian Ehrmann, owner of Ehrmann USA presented a $20,000 check to The Children’s Heart Foundation during the celebration.

Ehrmann MIXIM Greek Yogurt Love Boat Christian Ehrmann — Fabulous!

Then the Journey tribute band Don’t Stop Believin’ rocked the house. (Or rather rocked the boat!) And if that wasn’t enough, the night ended with a spectacular fireworks display.

MIXIM Queen Mary Fireworks — A perfect way to end an awesome night!

But wait, there’s more! No, not of my Valentine’s night (and if there was, that part is private!) – there’s more MIXIM LOVE, but this time, for you!

Get social with MIXIM by uploading a photo to Twitter, Vine, or Instagram with the hashtag #MIXIMLOVE between now and March 14, 2014 for a chance to win an iPad Air AND $1,000 in Visa gift cards. Whoo Hoo! Check out the #MIXIMLOVE Wall of Fame here and see if you can spot my pictures.

And try some of their delicious yogurt, will you? Click here for a coupon. (You’re welcome!)

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Ehrmann MIXIM. But the time I had? Fabulous. And the yogurt? Delicious!

P.S. All of the crisp, sharp, clear, un-dark photographs on this post were courtesy of MIXIM.

The Perfect Saturday

February 13, 2014February 13, 2014 charleneaross1 Comment

It’s Throwback Thursday. Another Blast from the Past previously posted on skirt.com.

When was the last time you spent six hours on a Saturday with one of your best friends? No husbands. No kids. Just the two of you, dressed nicely, ready to take on the day? That long huh?

On Saturday my friend Heidi (yes the one who wears granny panties) picked me up at 8:30 AM to take me to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. I know – a strange concept – two suburban moms heading out to the city to do something cultured.

Heidi recently became a member of LACMA and was invited to attend a lecture on their exhibit Fashioning Fashion: European Dress in Detail, 1700-1915 and a chance to tour the exhibit half an hour before the museum opened. Heidi really loves historical fashion and I really love running away from my family for the day so seeing beautiful old clothing and hearing about the torturous ways in which people used to dress themselves sounded like a win for both of us.

As we were driving to the museum Heidi told me a funny story that took place the previous day. Apparently every Friday her son’s school has a morning assembly where every class recites a poem or sings a song or something nauseatingly adorable like that. The auditorium –or wherever they hold the assembly- was very crowded with dutiful parents watching their kids and Heidi was way in the back, kind of craning her head to see.

I should tell you for the purpose of the story that Heidi’s son goes to a private school in a fancy schmancy part of our suburbs and there are some celebrities and athletes who send their children there. Heidi was standing next to a retired superstar athlete (who I will not name, but trust me, even if you never once watched the sport he played, you’ve heard of him because he is considered by most to be the greatest to ever play his sport) and Superstar’s hot dad friend. According to Heidi the hot dad –Hot Dad- looked like a younger (late 30’s), better looking Liam Neeson. (It will surprise no one that I have offered to start taking Heidi’s son to Friday assemblies!

Hot Dad offered to let Heidi stand in front of him so she could see. “That’s really nice, thank you. I just need to see 5^th grade,” she said and switched places with him.

“Did you ask if you could lean against him?” I teased.

After she was standing there for a few minutes Superstar said, “Oh there’s my kid’s class.” She offered to swap places with him so he could see. They swapped and as she was standing next to him Superstar picked his nose!

“What!” I screamed. “He just jammed his finger up in there?”

“No. It was that kind of thumb and index finger thing on the side where you make it look like you’re scratching, but in the infamous words of Seinfeld, it wasn’t a scratch, it was a pick. He was digging!”

So the next time you look at your husband, or boyfriend, or whoever, and think to yourself, I could have done better, just remember that even world famous athletes with hot actress wives and hot dad friends pick their nose in public!

The rest of the day went on like that with funny stories and gossip. The lecture was interesting, watching the type of people who go to such a lecture at 9:30 on a Saturday morning was even more interesting, and the exhibit was lovely. I am thankful that net crinolines and bustles are a thing of the past and I am even more thankful that corsets have been replaced by Spanx!

After walking through the exhibit we went to a popular restaurant we used to love in college, but never go to anymore because it’s too far away from our suburban bubble. It’s the kind of restaurant that has cute waiters on a Saturday afternoon and is practically empty at noon (when we got there) but has people waiting outside the door by 1:00. I had on a low cut sweater with a good bra and self-dyed my roots the previous day so I felt cute enough to flirt with the hot waiter. He knew how to work it for a good tip so he flirted back. I even had a Groupon. I’m telling you – it was a good day.

I did not get my picture taken with the hot waiter like I usually do. This will make one group of friends bitterly disappointed in me and another group of friends extremely proud of me. I don’t know if this means I’m getting old or growing up so my feelings are somewhere in between.

We got coffee afterwards – a mocha for Heidi’s sweet tooth and a regular coffee with a ton of crème and sugar for me to satisfy my need of turning a zero calorie drink into a rich, yummy 500 calorie drink. The hot cups felt good in our hands when we walked to the car as we were between rainstorms and the day was cold and crisp and breezy. It was the type of weather that reminded me of when Heidi and I lived in London for a semester in college.

I got home around 2:30 and all that culture and food and flirting (and probably the 20oz beer) made me tired so I took a nap. With my husband. He says I can flirt with hot waiters anytime.

In the late afternoon I took my kids to get a haircut. Their hairdresser moved to a new shop in a mini mall that also houses a bakery and a comic book/used record store. We visited and made purchases in both. They were in heaven.

So was I.

We even ate the leftovers from lunch for dinner so I didn’t have to cook or clean up.

It really was a perfect Saturday.

photo credit: www.lacma.org

Expressing Motherhood

February 10, 2014February 10, 2014 charleneaross3 Comments

My typical Sunday goes a little something like this:

My alarm goes off at 5:00 (yes even on Sunday), but I probably stayed up late on Saturday night – you know, until 10:00 or 10:30 and most likely had a good bit of wine, so I decide to be nice to myself and sleep in until 6:00. I get up, have some coffee, attempt to write my Monday blog post, hit a mental block and end up cruising Facebook or Pinterest instead. At 7:15 I realize I still have to walk the dog and get ready to run at 8:00 and curse myself for wasting so much time and not getting up at 5:00 (though if I had I probably would have just wasted even more time on Facebook and Pinterest.)

At 8:00 I meet my run club and ~~suffer through 25-50 minutes of torture~~ train for my 10K. Then my running friends and I go have coffee. After coffee it’s home to laundry, house cleaning, pulling my wardrobe for the week, grocery shopping (I usually hit at least two stores), and meal prep for the week (when you work 9-6 you’ve got to have a meal plan and at least a few things pre-made) . Sunday is always my busiest and most hectic day. I always aspire to take a nap. It never happens.

But yesterday was different. Instead of wardrobe and meal planning and laundry and shopping I ditched suburbia and headed out to Hollywood for a field trip with some of my friends from my writers’ group to see our friend Kim Tracy Prince perform in a show called Expressing Motherhood at the Lillian Theater. Sure, we have no vegetables in the house, we’ll be dining on grilled cheese all week, and I’ll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off in the mornings, having no idea what I’m going to wear. I’m pretty sure we’ll survive. Besides, I deserve a day out with my girlfriends, dammit!

Expressing Motherhood is a show where 12 women get up and perform monologues they have written about motherhood. Some of them (like Kim’s) are hysterically funny, some are incredibly poignant, and a few of them are just gut wrenching. All of them are fabulous. I do wish Kim had advised me to bring Kleenex and wear waterproof mascara (that would have been helpful)! I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this show.

writer's-group — Suburban moms going rogue

The good news for you is there are 4 more Expressing Motherhood shows next weekend. (2/14 at 7:00, 2/15 at 7:00, and 2/16 at 2:00 & 7:00) If you live in the Los Angeles area, I strongly suggest you ditch your usual weekend routine and head out to the show. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but listening to a 64-year-old woman talking about the rebirth of her vagina is truly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. And listening to another woman talk about her son’s cleft palate – one of the most heartbreaking.

Tickets are $25 online (buy them here) and $30 at the door. They sell wine and AWESOME lard-free chicken tamales that you can actually bring with you into the theater instead scarfing down quickly in the lobby like at most theaters.

I highly encourage you to grab some girlfriends, get out of your suburban rut, and go see the show. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll drink some wine, maybe eat a tamale. You might not have any vegetables in the house or your work wardrobe planned, but you’ll have a great time. And you deserve that don’t you? (The answer is yes, you do!)

P.S. This is NOT a sponsored post. I paid to see this show and would do it again. It really is so fantastic!

*Expressing Motherhood photo “borrowed” from Expressing Motherhood Facebook page – thank you, ladies!

Celebrate Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat with MIXIM

February 7, 2014February 6, 2014 charleneaross1 Comment

Dave and I have actually never celebrated Valentine’s Day properly. (Whatever properly is.) When we were dating he always seemed to be at a convention on the 14th so we would go out to dinner on the 13th instead. (I highly recommend this by the way – nice restaurants are typically dead on the 13th, or at the very least a lot less crowded.)

Over time our verve for Valentine’s Day gradually declined. He bought me some jewelry the first few years of our marriage. And then some cheesy heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Our dinners out on the 13th morphed to candle lit dinners at home with the kids sent to our room to watch a movie.

We’re celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in March and it would be fair to say that our Valentine’s Day celebrations have grown a bit stale. So when I was invited to attend MIXIM’s Valentine’s Day Love Boat event on the Queen Mary in Long Beach, I thought to myself, “You know, that actually sounds like fun.”

What the heck is this party I was invited to you ask? Well, MIXIM is a Greek yogurt new to the United States. It comes in an adorable heart-shaped container.

To introduce the product they are throwing one heck of a cool party on the Queen Mary. And the great news is, you can come too. For free! That’s right, for FREE! All you have to do is mention MIXIM when you get there.

So, why would you want to schlep all the way out to the Queen Mary on Valentine’s Day you ask? I’ll tell you why…

Free admission to the Queen Mary (a $24.95 value)
You’ll be one of the first people to try MIXIM yogurt in flavors like:
- Decadent and dessert-like: Cherry and Dark Chocolate Curls; Raspberry with Dark and White Chocolate Curls
- Take-me-away tropical: Mango & Pineapple with Coconut & Almonds; Honey with Coconut & Almonds
- Fruity-crunchy: Strawberries and Granola; Blackberry & Pomegranate with Granola & Dried Fruits
The awesome Journey-tribute band Don’t Stop Believin’ will be performing. (I know, right?!)
There will be a spectacular fireworks show
At 7:00 we are going to attempt a world record of the most number of couples simultaneously spoon feeding each other yogurt and Ehrmann MIXIM will donate $20,000 to The Children’s Heart Foundation. (That’s right, people, I’m going to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. HA!)
Chance to win CASH prizes!

Does that sound like a good time or what?! Wanna join me? Just click this link to RSVP.

And speaking of prizes click on the picture below to enter to win a night out on MIXIM a month with your Valentine for a year, PLUS a monthly delivery of MIXIM yogurt. This prize is worth $2,500! Who wouldn’t want to win that?

So, seriously, doesn’t this sound way more fun than me and Dave sending the kids to the back of the house and having another date night in? This sounds like a Valentine adventure! (And I really do hope some of you will join me – come on – you can have your date-night-in or go to an overcrowded over-priced restaurant next year!)

And to find out more about MIXIM follow them on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram & Pinterest.

And one last thing… For every image uploaded on Valentine’s Day with the #MIXIMLOVE hashtag, Ehrmann will donate an additional $1 to Children’s Heart Foundation, for a total contribution of up to $25,000! (Now that is something that will make everyone’s heart happy!)

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Ehrmann MIXIM.

My Best Friend Wears Granny Panties

February 6, 2014February 6, 2014 charleneaross2 Comments

Throwback Thursday: Originally posted on the now-defunct skirt.com on February 7, 2011

If I were a smart blogger who wrote about topical issues in hopes of getting a lot of hits I would probably write about the Super Bowl or Super Bowl commercials. But sadly I am not. I did go to a Super Bowl party, but spent most of it drinking too much, eating even more, ignoring my children, and gossiping with my girlfriends. I didn’t see much of the game or many of the commercials. I even missed the commercial for the new Bradley Cooper movie because I was in the bathroom. I know…

So instead I will be writing about my friend Heidi* and her granny panties…

Last Tuesday I had one of those days. Actually, that’s not entirely true, but I did have an hour where everything seemed to crash down on me at once like the Mexican train dominoes my kids set up on the entry tile and then take down with a flick of their fingers.

Well it sure seemed like someone was flicking their finger at me.

I was driving to pick up my son from school to take him to the orthodontist when my cell phone rang. I saw that it was my friend Heidi.

“Hey,” I said, completely agitated.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Argh, nothing. Sorry. I’m just bleh.”

“What?”

I told her that the reason for my extreme crankiness was that because literally in the last half hour:

-I got a rejection email for an essay I had submitted for publication.

-Realized I was late posting an article that I had yet to write.

-Tried printing Chandler’s bus pass application that was due the week before and jammed the printer.

-By the time I had the printer un-jammed and the application printed I was late picking up Marley from school.

-Being late also made me get stuck in the daily high school traffic jam I do my best to avoid at all costs.

-This made me so late in picking up Chandler that not only was he sure to be late to his appointment, but there was no possible way for me to turn in the stupid buss pass application and I would have to go back to the school again the next day.

Sigh…I do not know why I continue to invite Procrastination and Un-organization over to hang out with me when they have proven time and time again to be crappy ass friends.

“And to top it off I forgot my Bluetooth so I’ll probably get a ticket the way the last half hour is going.”

“Well put me on speaker because I can make you laugh,” she said.

So I put her on speaker and held the phone near the top of the steering wheel in the way that Californians without Bluetooths do as if this will prevent us from getting a ticket.

“Remember I told you that I tripped last week and my knee has been bothering me since then. Well I went to the doctor today and figured I would wear a skirt so it would be easier for him to look at my knee. I sat on his bench and he said, ‘Okay I need you to lie back and raise your leg up and bend it.’”

“Uh oh. Were you wearing a pencil skirt?” I asked.

“No, I was wearing this long flowing skirt, so the doctor kind of lifted it up and tried to arrange it so I wasn’t flashing him, which I probably wouldn’t have been if I had just been wearing a thong, but I was wearing Spanx. My doctor lifts my leg and the skirt slides against the slickness of the Spanx and there I am completely exposed wearing flaw-fixing underwear. And of course my doctor is really young and cute and hello there I am wearing total granny panties. I could tell that even though he’s a doctor and has probably seen it all he really wasn’t expecting to see that. There he is, moving my leg this way and that way and at one point I even had my leg over his shoulder so he could feel what was going on with my knee when I pushed down and the whole time he’s trying to arrange my skirt so the Spanx aren’t showing, but my skirt keeps sliding up my leg and my granny panties keep popping out.”

I picture my friend lying back with her leg in the air trying to flirt with her cute doctor and just pretend that the granny panties aren’t there. Hysterical!

She really did make me laugh. My bad mood was immediately lifted. And I didn’t get a ticket.

Other than the rejection letter I guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all.

*Heidi is not my friend’s real name. I would kill for her figure. I don’t know what the hell she was doing wearing Spanx.

My tweets are even lamer than my blog posts (but at least they’re short.) If lameness is your thing follow me on Twitter @Rossgirl08

And if you’re really feeling generous like me on Facebook!

Whole Foods 3 Day Facial Care Sale

February 4, 2014 charleneaross1 Comment

What’s that on your face?

Yeah, you heard me? What is that on your face? Or rather, what’s in the stuff you put on your face?

Did you know that the U.S. government does not require health studies or pre-market testing for personal care products? So that guaranteed-to-make-you-look-younger-in-just-two-weeks-anti-aging moisturizer you’re slathering all over yourself? That expensive eye cream you so carefully dab around your eyelids at night (with your ring finger – the weakest finger to lessen the finger-pulling wrinkling effects)? That vitamin-enriched soap you wash your face with? Do you even know what’s in it?

Your skin is your biggest organ. (Yes, your skin is an organ, like your liver or your heart.) And your face is, well, your face. You don’t want to be putting lotion with amino-guanadine or Brassicamidoprophyl Dimethylamine or hexahydroxystearate (whatever that stuff is) on your beautiful, beautiful skin do you?

Of course you don’t. And I’m here to help. Or rather I’m here to tell you how Whole Foods is here to help.

Whole Foods has identified over 400 ingredients unacceptable for Premium Body Care standards and when you buy a product at their store and see their Premium Body Care symbol, you know none of that icky stuff is in there.

365_facial_cleanser — See that symbol? Good stuff!

And if you live in Southern California, Arizona, Nevada or Hawaii you are in luck this weekend because Whole Foods is having a 3-Day Facial Care sale which includes 25% off ALL facial care products February 7-9. (Lip balms and makeup are excluded from the sale.)

All kinds of wonderful goodies for your face are on sale. Cleansers, eye creams, toners, moisturizers, scrubs, masks and serums are all on sale. Organic products, natural products, local products, anti-aging products (not that you need those) – yep, all on sale.

Think of how much fun it will be to head to Whole Foods this weekend and scurry down this aisle while saying to yourself, Wow! That’s on sale. And so is that! And that and that and that! Fortunately Whole Foods has chairs. Just in case you need to sit down from all the excitement.

My local Whole Foods is the Thousand Oaks store. Follow them on Facebook and Twitter and then head on over this weekend and save 25% as you stock up on all the facial care items you could ever need. Without all the unpronounceable stuff you don’t.

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Whole Foods Market. (But trust me when I tell you, I’m very careful about what I do -and don’t- put on my face.)

Running: THE Most Awesome Sport Ever!

February 3, 2014February 3, 2014 charleneaross1 Comment

My friend Simmah says that she’s tired of hearing me complain about running.

I know she’s right. In fact, even before her comment on my Facebook wall I had worried that I was coming off a bit too negative. People who know me know that I am not a negative person. I’m the obnoxiously annoying one who finds a silver lining in every dark and gloomy cloud. (Most of the time.) Trust me, I did not get nicknamed Pollyana by being such a Negative Nelly. (Negative Nelly?! – did I really just write that? Shoot me now.)

I do believe that thoughts become actions and in the power of positive thinking ~~and all that bullshit~~. So maybe I would enjoy running more if I embraced it instead of fought against it.

So on Sunday morning went I went for a 2 mile run (It was actually a 2.34 mile run according to the RunKeeper GPS app on my phone, but my running coach is a known liar), I told myself how excited I was to be outside in the ~~freezing cold~~ crisp air and California sunshine instead of at home, cozy in my warm bed reading my book. And how happy I was to only be running 2 (2.34) miles. Uh, I mean I told myself how bummed I was to only be running 2 (2.34) miles. Oh how I wish I was running 4 (so you know, 4.68) miles instead! Because running is awesome. Running is FUN!

We started off on a hill, but that was okay. I’ve been ~~suffering through~~ practicing inclines on the treadmill and my legs are strong and ready. I started my run in the middle of the pack and when people started passing me in droves, instead of cursing myself for being so slow I looked over my shoulder and saw that there were still three people behind me. Ha ha I am not the slowest runner after all! ~~Eat my dust slow pokes!~~ Great job everybody! (Runners always say great job to the ~~lame~~ people who are trying their best even though they suck at running in back.)

jogging — It is almost impossible to see all of the people ahead of me in this crappy picture, but trust me, there are tons of them!

When I felt out of breath, like I literally could not breathe, I reminded myself that I haven’t passed out yet, so odds are that I wouldn’t pass out this time. Way to go lungs!

And when sweat trickled down my forehead and salty sunscreen got in my eyes, I told myself how glad I was to be cooling myself down and that I was ridding my body of harmful toxins.

And when the sun shone down on my face and I had to squint my eyes against it, instead of cursing the wrinkles and ~~age spots~~ freckles that were surely attaching themselves to my face that very minute, I rejoiced in the joy of receiving a welcome winter tan.

Oh running, my new love, why did I wait so long find you? Simmah is right. By just shifting my perspective, and telling myself that I love you instead of hate you, I find that I do love you.

And best of all, because I ran 2.34 miles on Sunday morning, that means I can eat and drink whatever I want on at the Superbowl party I’m going to later in the afternoon, right?

That’s what I figured anyway. I mean why the hell else would I run? (Other than the fact that now I love it, of course.)

So when I got on the scale this morning only to find that once again my gluttonous ways have netted me an overnight 2 pound weight gain, despite my muscle-building, calorie-burning, cardiovascular-improving fun and awesome run, do you know what I ~~screamed~~ said (very loudly)?

Running sucks!

Charlene Ross

Author: charleneaross