How To Stay Skinny During the Holidays

December 9, 2013December 9, 2013 charleneaross6 Comments

Every year I gain weight over the holidays. I know, we all do. But I’m talking like 10 or 12 pounds. And then I spend most of the following year trying to lose it only to regain it again. I refuse to do that this year. I refuse I tell you!

I mean every time I go to the gym someone tells me how fabulous I look after losing 16 pounds on their Just Lose It program. (Well, 12 pounds on the program and 4 after.) I can’t waddle into the gym in January fat from holiday gluttony. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.

This year, for the first time ever, I’m staying skinny over the holidays. And I’ll tell you how I’m doing it and how you can do it to.

I wouldn’t exactly call these holiday weight loss tips (because losing weight during the holidays doesn’t sound like any fun and in my opinion goes against nature), so let’s call them holiday weight-maintenance tips. That sounds doable. (Even if it doesn’t sound fun.)

Run

Yeah, running sucks. I will admit that running is getting a (tiny) bit easier, but I’m not enjoying it any better. I hate every single heart-pounding, breath-stealing, body-jarring step I take, but I still aim for running a minimum of three miles three times a week. Why? Because runners are skinny. And honestly, I feel great when I’m done. (In a sore and tired and achy kind of way.)

And pu-leaze don’t tell me that you’re not a runner. Did I tell you that I hate running? I hate it! And I’m even pretty terrible at it. If anyone had told me at the beginning of the year that I would take up running I would have told them to go take another hit of their crack pipe because that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. What kind of crazy person takes up running at the age of 48? That would be me. And as sucktastic as running is (and it is), it works.

Eat

That sounds weird, right? Why would you eat if you’re trying to maintain your weight? Because running makes you hungry. (You are running right?) Believe it or not if you’re not getting enough calories your body goes into starvation mode and stores fat. (Oh, the bitter irony.)

The trick is eating the right kinds of food. (But you already knew that right?) So (especially if you are working out) make sure you get a lot of protein – about 20 grams four times a day. I actually eat five times a day – breakfast, lunch and dinner with 20 grams of protein at each meal and a mid-morning and afternoon snack with 10 grams of protein. And are you ready for the best part? I also eat carbs. That’s right – 30 grams at each meal and 15 grams at snack time. Again, you just need to eat the right carbs – sweet potatoes, fruit (especially grapefruit), quinoa, brown rice – all good carbs. Bread, pasta and corn chips – bad carbs. BTW – I do eat the bad carbs – look what I had for dinner the other night…

Bob's-Big-Boy-Combo — If I got to choose my last meal, this would be it.

But trust me, this is the exception, not the rule. 99% of the time my dinner looks something like this:

Biggest-Loser-Style-Healthy-Dinner — Before I eat this I pull the skin off the chicken. (Sigh…)

Most days I eat very clean and I never skip meals even if I’m going to a party or a Happy Hour. Going to a party when you’re starving only makes you gorge your way through the buffet table. (As someone whose usual MO is to starve myself before a party so I can dive face first into the food table and stuff as much as humanly possible into my brie and cracker hole, I know what I’m talking about.)

So if you’re going to a dinner party, be sure to eat lunch. That way you’ll be hungry when you arrive, but not famished. If you’re heading out to an appetizer-fest (my absolute favorite), consider eating a light dinner before you go. Maybe 2-3 ounces of chicken with some green beans. That way you can still hang out by the party food table for a little bit, but you’ll be more likely to dip into it instead of swim in it.

Say No

Say no to wine. Say no to sugar. Say no to fun. Okay, that sounds a bit extreme. (And maybe even impossible.) Especially since our calendars are all a bit full this month. Why go to a cookie exchange if you can’t eat any cookies? What’s the point of Happy Hour if you can’t get happy? And what are you supposed to do at your friend’s wine tasting party? Compare the subtle differences of mineral strength in different types of bottled water?

Okay, you don’t have to say not to everything. (I certainly won’t be.) But on the nights that I am home this month I do plan on saying no. A lot. No wine with dinner (which totally sucks), no cookies after dinner (even though trust me, we have plenty), and no No NO to eggnog (I’m pretty sure that sticks to your ass faster and more permanently than anything).

Say Yes

No, I am not psychotic (much). I do realize that I just said to say no. But I’ll be saying no at home so I can say yes when I go out. Indulging is what the holidays are all about. Only this year I plan on indulging less. You’d better believe I’ll still be eating cheese. And shortbread cookies (my absolute favorite). And party drinks. Only this year I’m going to do it in (yeah, I’m gonna say it) moderation. Ugh, I know, I hate that word too. (Almost as much as I hate running.) But if moderation were fun or easy everyone would be skinny.

So, say yes, but in moderation. (And if you’re wondering what you should drink at a party, here is a great Sip It or Skip It guide from my good friends at Party Blu Prints.)

Run

Oh, did I say that already? Well, you probably know that when you’re teaching someone something new, you have to repeat yourself. So I’m repeating myself. And I totally saw you sneak that extra cheese puff in your mouth when you thought no one was looking. (Or was that me?) So suck it up an get running. Otherwise you’ll be waddling the walk of shame into the gym in January.

And you don’t want to do that do you?

Why I Let My Thirteen Year Old Daughter Watch The Walking Dead

December 2, 2013December 2, 2013 charleneaross7 Comments

Yep, that’s right. Alert the Mommy Police. I let my 13-year-old daughter watch The Walking Dead. Do I think she’s old enough? Hell no. I cringe as she’s watching it. But I’m not a lazy parent. (At least when it comes to “viewer discretion.”) She’s been begging to watch The Walking Dead for two years and I have held firm with my no. This year I caved. But it’s not for the reason you might think.

I didn’t watch the first season of The Walking Dead. Well, at least not the beginning of it. But Chandler and Dave did. I would occasionally pass by the TV and see some zombie getting its head shot off or bashed in, in a way more gruesome than the time before and ask Dave, “Do you think he’s old enough to be watching this?”

“It’s fine. He’s okay,” would be Dave’s response.

At some point during the first season I got pulled in. And by then it was too late. Chandler, who was in 8th grade at the time, was fully invested, and while it might have been a wise “tough” parenting choice to make him stop watching it, I didn’t.

I will admit that during the second season, when the depth of the darkness of humanity really began to be exposed, is when I started to worry about my son watching the show. The violence and extreme gore are bad enough, but what really bothers me is the means humans will go to, to survive. And on The Walking Dead if you want to survive you have to kill – and not just zombies, sometimes you have to kill other people.

In case you are not aware, The Walking Dead is an extremely dark show.

But for three seasons (well two-and-a-half for me) Dave, Chandler and I would watch The Walking Dead. At first while Marley slept. But as she became older and she started to stay up later, we would start to send her to our bedroom to watch TV in there.

Last year, when Marley was in 7th grade (which, you know, was actually earlier this year), she really started to amp up The Walking Dead campaign. “Everyone at my school watches The Walking Dead, Mom.”

I would immediately list three kids I knew for a fact were not watching The Walking Dead because I knew their mothers well enough to know that there was no way in hell they’d be watching that show. (You know, those super moms who really showcase how lacksidaisical my slightly-better-than-mediocre my parenting skills are.)

“You know we are not allowed to compare ourselves with those families,” she would tell me. (My children have tried to make it a rule that we not compare ourselves with the three super-families run by those three super-moms because they truly are superior in every way to ours -I mean their kids actually like each other and stuff- but I can’t help it, I do it all the time.)

“Different families have different rules,” I would tell her for the millionth time. She would roll her eyes at me and I would wonder what kind of mother would let her 7th grade child watch The Walking Dead. (Even though some of “those mothers” are my friends.)

But Marley is in eighth grade now. The same grade that Chandler was in when he started to watch. So when season four started this year and Chandler and Dave and I excitedly sat down to watch to see what would become of Rick and his crew after taking down Woodbury and Marley poked her head in the room and said in the perfect martyr-like tone of dejection and resignation, “Oh I guess you guys are going to start watch The Walking Dead without me,” I told Dave to pause the DVR.

I had visions of Marley remembering a childhood of being sent to the other room while the three of us watched TV. It’s one thing to send both kids out of the room while the grown-ups watch things that are “inappropriate,” but to send one kid out while the other kid stays in is something entirely different. Especially when done on a weekly basis.

“What grade were you in when you started watching this show?” I asked Chandler.

He thought about it. “Eighth, I guess.”

I looked at Dave.

“Okay Marley,” I said. “I have to be honest. I don’t even like that your brother watches this show. It’s very dark and it shows people doing very terrible things. But I think it’s only fair to let you watch too. Unless it starts to give you nightmares.”

“Oh don’t worry, Mom,” she told me. “Gross stuff like that doesn’t bother me.”

Fantastic.

So there you have it. That’s why I let my thirteen-year-old daughter watch The Walking Dead. I am most definitely not a super-mom. And we are definitely not a “Super Family.”

Today is Not Black Friday

November 28, 2013November 28, 2013 charlenearossLeave a comment

Today is Thanksgiving and as usual I’m up at 5AM. I didn’t mean to get up this early. I meant to “sleep in” until six. But as unnatural as it seems to wake up when it’s this dark and cold, I did wake up naturally. The pull of the computer and a blog post I had spinning around in my head got me to push my cozy flannel comforter off of myself and get up instead of burrowing in and trying to go back to sleep. That and I may have been having a hot flash. (Not that I would ever admit to that.)

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the things I am always thankful for. My family most of all of course. Our health. My many wonderful friends who fill my life with laughter. My house and the town that it’s planted in that feels like a modern-day Mayberry to me despite its close proximity to Los Angeles. Wine. (Yeah, you knew that was coming!) I have a job that I like that is only twelve minutes away from my Mayberry house (in a town that is more like Beverly Hills West). I have a good life. We have a good life.

Our kids are growing up way too fast. Really, if someone wants to become the richest person in the world, what they need to do is figure out how to slow it all down. My son will be graduating high school in a year and a half – his childhood over. I don’t want it to stop, but can’t someone figure out how to make it stop happening at warp speed? It’s so hard to slow down when life moves so fast.

One thing I am truly not thankful for this Thanksgiving is the terrible trend of Black Friday sales taking place today. On Thanksgiving. How is a sale that takes place on Thanksgiving, which if I know how to read a calendar is certainly a Thursday, called Black Friday?!

I find it ironic that we’ve turned this American holiday of giving thanks into a “holiday” of competitive shopping. Forget about being thankful for what you have, go buy more, More, MORE. (And don’t be afraid to push someone out of the way to get it.)

Look, I get that some businesses are open on Thanksgiving. Maybe I’m a hypocrite because I’m quite thankful that my gym is open today (for limited hours – only 6:00 – 1:00) so I can take a 90 minute kickboxing class this morning and don’t have to run.

And I know that movie theaters are open so when families have stuffed themselves fuller than the stuffed turkey they just inhaled they can sit together in a dark comfortable room and watch Katniss Everdeen reluctantly murder her peers instead of hearing Great Aunt June tell everyone about the time she was chosen as the county fair cornfield queen for the 27th time (today). I get it. As a former movie theater employee who had to work on Thanksgiving, I don’t like it, but I get it.

And yes, most markets are open because we all forget things. Celery for stuffing. Milk for the mashed potatoes. Asti Spumante for the uncouth relative who prefers the guilty pleasure of a sweet sparkling wine to a buttery Chardonnay with her turkey. (Who me?) But markets are open to help people with their holidays – not take away from it. And if you want my honest opinion I think markets are open too long. Take a cue from my gym and be open from 6:00 to 1:00 or maybe 8:00 to 3:00. Closing at 7:00 may seem early, but I’m sure it doesn’t seem early for the employees. If you haven’t bought your celery or cheap wine by 3:00 you should be out of luck. Can’t we make things a little bit inconvenient for Americans just a few precious days of the year? Perhaps that will help us to feel even more thankful for just how good we’ve got it.

So tonight I will not be shopping any ~~Black Friday Black Thursday~~ Thanksgiving sales. And look – I’m on a budget. If there’s anyone who needs to save money it’s me. But if you’re planning on shopping tonight, I want you to ask yourself this – who are you shopping for? Yourself or your family? If the answer is your family you might want to think twice about heading out for those sales tonight. Because in ten years they likely won’t remember what they got for Christmas this year, but they’ll certainly remember mom not being around on Thanksgiving after dinner when everyone is relaxing and playing Bananagrams because she had to go wait in line to save 50%. So I propose that this Thanksgiving we all slow down and take a look around at all that we have. The X-Box can wait (and will probably still be there at 5AM tomorrow when the kids are sleeping if you really need it). Slow down. Pull out the Monopoly board. Tell Great Aunt June you bet she was the prettiest county fair cornfield queen there ever was (for the 27th time today). Don’t let retailers steal your holiday. Life is already happening at warp speed.

The End of an Era (Goodbye Old Friend)

November 25, 2013November 25, 2013 charleneaross2 Comments

In August of 2008 I started blogging for skirt.com. Skirt.com was the online sister to the regional women’s magazine, skirt! You had to apply and be accepted to blog for skirt.

When I was accepted I was beyond excited. I deluded myself into thinking there was an actual screening process and that not just anyone could blog for skirt! (I just re-read my blogger application which makes me pretty sure that’s not true, but I still delude myself into thinking that some days.)

What is not a delusion is the fact that my first published piece was for skirt! magazine. The print one. That pays money.

Blogging for skirt.com is literally one of the best things I’ve ever done. In 2009 I became the editor of skirt.com’s Ventura site. It was a fantastic opportunity that lead to writing for another local website, Patch.com.

Writing for skirt.com helped me grow so much as a writer. I received amazing feedback and the feeling of knowing I might be kind of good at this thing called writing (at least sometimes) is truly indescribable. (Of course if I were a better writer I might be able to describe it!)

Of course it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway), I met some amazing women through the site – both virtually and in real life. Reading the words of Tina, Kim, Cheryl, Elizabeth, Ginger, Abby, Renee, Jodene, Susan, Pamela (start writing again Pamela), Amy, and so many others and calling these women friends, in the true sense of the word has made me so very blessed.

The skirt! convention in Atlanta in 2011 was truly one of the most incredible weekends of my life. Meeting Claire Cook and Kim Romaner, listening to Emily Giffin, introducing Caleb Lovely, attending the seminars, and meeting so many of my skirt sisters for the first time is a memory I will cherish forever.

Claire Cook at Skirt convention — Hangin’ with Claire Cook at the skirt! convention.

When I started this blog last year I always intended to keep blogging for skirt! But the busyness of life overwhelms me sometimes and I found I could never really manage doing both. I never stopped reading though.

On November 30th, skirt.com as we know it is closing its virtual doors. As I understand it, it will still exist, but the blogging portion will be shut down. I’m unclear as to whether or not the blogs will remain posted or whether they’ll be taken down, but I’ll be moving my blog posts over here and archiving them. I do have them all on my laptop, but I don’t want them taken off the web. (Hello Writer’s Ego, so nice to make your acquaintance.) As not to overwhelm my email subscribers I won’t do it all at once, but I will probably try to post one a day. (Hopefully that won’t overwhelm those of you who subscribe – trust me as soon as they’re all moved over I’ll go back to my lackadaisical ways of only posting about once a week – I promise!)

I’m so very grateful for the opportunity to blog at skirt! For the friends I made. For Heather and Angelia – the amazing women who made it happen. For the people who took the time to read my words. Thank you my old friend. And Goodbye. You will truly be missed.

The Wine Sisterhood Shop is now Open

November 21, 2013November 22, 2013 charleneaross3 Comments

Last March I won a trip to Napa from Middle Sister Wines for the 2013 Wine Sisterhood Gathering by posting this silly picture of myself on Pinterest.

Pinterest-Contest-Winner — This may be a crappy photo of me, but it won me a trip to Napa!

It was a wonderful 3-day trip that was full of wine tasting, social media seminars, and ridiculously awesome foodie-food where I met some amazing women that I still keep in contact with. An experience of a lifetime for sure. There was so much packed into that trip I had to write three blog posts to cover it all.

In case you missed them and are curious about the fabulousness of this trip you can read them here:

Part 1…

Raymond-vineyards-barrel-room — If I died, this would be my heaven!

Part 2…

Chappellet-vineyards — Beautiful Chappellet vineyards in Napa Valley

Part 3…

Domaine-Carneros — The wonderful Domaine Carneros

One of the things we did on the trip was spend time in the Wine Sisterhood Sassy Suite. What is a Sassy Suite? It was a suite reserved to showcase the Wine Sisterhood wines and fabulous items for sale at the Wine Sisterhood online shop. So, if you are looking for a gift for a wine-loving girlfriend this is definitely the place to go.

Wine-Sisterhood-Shop — So much fabulousness at the Wine Sisterhood Shop

Check out some of the fabulous things they have for sale…

Looking for a place to store all of those wine corks? (You don’t throw them away do you?!)

Need something to help you out on a bad hair day? I have this hat and it sees the soccer field every Saturday morning. (7:30 on a Saturday is waaaay too early to do anything to my hair except put it under a hat!) I can’t tell you how many compliments I’ve gotten on this hat. Oh yeah, when a mom compliments me on this hat I know she’s one of my people!

This needs to be in my wardrobe. Adorable! (Plus, you know, I just happen to have a hat that matches!)

I brought my friend Jennifer on the trip with me and she bought me a beautiful necklace made from upcycled wine bottles while we were there. The Wine Sisterhood shop sells matching bracelets. (Hmmmm…..)

Speaking of upcycling, check out these gorgeous candles. LOVE them!

And this necklace? It would look perfect on me when I go back to Stagecoach next year.

Need a hostess gift this holiday season? What could be better than a corkscrew that says Wine Sisterhood? I have this corkscrew and love it. It works great! (Trust me, a woman can never have too many corkscrews!)

These coasters for the serious wine taster have a retro look and are so cute…

Or maybe some delicious dipping oil. (You can’t go wrong with dipping oil!)

And I love these “I Am” roll on fragrances. I am peace. I am hot. I am blessed. (I have I am naughty!)

And this Wine Sisterhood handmade soap? So lovely. I cried when I used my last little sliver. (Definitely time to get some more!)

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. It’s fairly obvious that this is the BEST place to shop for your wine loving girlfriends. Or wine loving moms. Or wine loving sisters. (Hey, I bet even your kid’s teacher loves wine! God knows that after a day spent in the classroom she sure needs it!)

So stay home from the mall and do all your girlfriend shopping by clicking this link here. And check this out: There is a 20% discount code – holiday20 – and a $5.99 flat rate ground shipping deal now through Dec 31st. Yeah, I know how to hook a girlfriend up. You are so very welcome!

*Disclosure: My links to the Wine Sisterhood Shop are affiliate links meaning if you click on the link and end up buying something I get a (very) small commission. But I live by a high moral code – I wouldn’t pimp this stuff if I didn’t think it was cool.

Proud Mamas and Amazing Kids

November 13, 2013November 14, 2013 charleneaross7 Comments

Last week I saw my son cross the finish line first in his cross country meet at the league finals. The second place runner was nine seconds behind him. It was beautiful.

XC runner — Yes, they did run up that hill before they ran down it! (Photo credit Debby Pattiz)

More importantly than being proud of him, I was happy for him. I knew how much it meant to him to do well and how hard he’s been working. He’s struggled a bit this season. There are seven runners who make the varsity team. He has had to fight for that 7th spot all season long. During the season the coaches would announce the team line-ups at the beginning of each week. Most races Chandler made varsity, but some races he made JV. For the league finals he made JV. At first I think he was a bit disappointed, but then he realized that if he ran JV he had a shot at winning and he became excited.

It was a hard race. He knows the course well, but there are a lot of elevation changes. (For those of you unfamiliar with cross country -or XC-, all courses are different, but they are all three miles in length.)

And it was hot – about 85 degrees. He doesn’t usually run well in the heat. (Of course who does? There were actually trash cans at the end of the race for kids to throw up in and I hear the heat from this race caused a huge puke-a-torium.)

The heat worried me and I think it worried him, so when he overcame it and not only won the race, but more importantly improved his time on the course by 57 seconds, I think he was pretty pleased. A PR (personal record) and a win made for one happy boy and one proud mom.

And then I saw something that made my heart swell up just as much (if not more) for a boy I didn’t even know.

In that same JV race, about twenty yards from the finish line, a boy from another team collapsed. He must have pushed himself too hard in the heat. One of his teammates was just a few steps behind him and instead of running past him and finishing his race with a good time, he stopped and pulled his teammate up. He put his shoulder under his friend’s arm and supported him so they could stumble towards the finish line together. After about ten or twelve steps the boy fell again and his friend tried to pull him up a second time, but the fallen boy wouldn’t let him. “Just go,” he said, waving his friend off. “Just go.” His friend reluctantly ran to the finish. He probably lost more than 30 seconds of his time. A few seconds later the boy who fell was able to get up and cross the finish line on his own. He too, was amazing. He was no quitter.

I don’t know what their coach had to say to the boy who stopped to help his friend. Perhaps he was angry that he sacrificed points for the team. But I hope instead he commended him for his kindness. For the goodness in his soul.

Watching that one boy help his teammate was truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched it and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. I hope that boy’s mother and father were there to see how selflessly their son acted.

I stayed after Chandler’s race to cheer on his teammates in the other races. And also I wanted to see Sarah Baxter run her last league race. Sarah Baxter is the #1 high school girls’ cross country runner in the nation. She is a running sensation who has never lost a high school race and smashes records at every course she runs. She’ll get a free ride to the college of her dreams and she will most likely make the Summer Olympic team in 2020 if not 2016.

Watching her run is a true joy – she looks like a gazelle. She makes running look effortless. (And I can attest that it is not!) When she runs by everyone from every school cheers. She finished her race 85 seconds ahead of the 2nd place runner. Incredible! And then instead of cooling off (or puking in a trash can) she stood at the finish line to cheer on her teammates. She may be a superstar, but she is no diva.

Sarah-Baxter-cross-country — All eyes are on Sarah Baxter’s time (She crossed at 16:25)

Watching your child -and other children- succeed truly is one of the greatest joys in life. It’s what it’s all about isn’t it?

I feel so lucky and so blessed that I got to witness my son run faster, a girl who is the best in the nation run the fastest, and a boy whose name I’ll probably never know slow down to help a friend.

What has you child -or any child- done lately that made you feel lucky? Made you feel blessed? Made you feel proud?

Hello, What Brings You Here?

November 6, 2013 charleneaross8 Comments

I often wonder how people come across my blog. I’d like to think it’s the fascinating and hilarious content, but I’m not that delusional. So sometimes, just for laughs, I go to the very technical inner workings of my blog and check out my search terms.

My biggest search by far are these brown boots:

brown boots for fall — Everyone loves these brown boots. And why wouldn’t they? They are so cute!

Whether it’s via Pinterest or Google Images so many people end up here because of these boots. If only there was a way to convince these brown boots shoppers how M-F-ing funny I am and how enriched their lives would be if they subscribed to my blog. Sigh…

(Oh, and if you did end up here because of these boots, since I’m nice, here’s where you can buy them. Now do the right thing and fill your email address in that little box on the right and subscribe to my funny blog dammit!)

But it’s not just the brown boots that bring strangers from around the interwebs to my blog. Oh no. A close second to people looking for cute boots is people trying to get skinny by crash dieting. (I’m so proud!) No, it is not my awesome Just Lose It program where I lost 12 pounds and 13 inches by (literally) working my ass off and eating healthfully (though that is gaining momentum), it’s my Diet Diary of the Cabbage Soup Diet. (Yeah, it works if you’re trying to lose weight super fast, but it won’t stay off and I don’t recommend it.)

My third biggest search has to do with 80’s Rock God Adam Ant. In particular with him being fat. In fact, if you Google “Adam Ant Fat” my little blog comes up #1. It’s true! I am a top Google search. Go ahead, open a new tab, go to Google, type in “Adam Ant Fat” and see my blog pop up on top. But then come right back, because you will not want to miss some of the crazy terms that people search for.

You back? Good, here we go, some of my favorite searches that have brought the ~~masses~~ dozens from across the web to my little blog.

Meaning of Mark Twain quote difference between lightning and lightning bug – This refers to a post I wrote about quotes and one of my favorites, which is, “The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug,” by Mark Twain. Look, if you can’t figure out what that quote means please stop reading my blog. You’re too dumb. You will never understand my highly intellectual humor.

Charlene spanx – Um excuse me, but that’s a little rude. Yes, I did write a post about Spanx once, but still. I think that’s a little insulting. Perhaps you’re searching for another Charlene.

Black Booty on the bus – uh, huh? (And BTW – there are multiple searches for Black Booty on the bus. That’s a little scary!)

Yoga Santa Claus – once again, what?

Inspiring words love of booty – that’s just weird. What’s even weirder, is that search will get you here.

Jessica Chastain plastic surgery – I may have used the words Jessica Chastain and plastic surgery in the same blog post, but I never said she had it. I swear!

Charlene Ross novel – there are actually three searches for this. Whoo Hoo! Sadly, none of them appear to be from literary agents.

hot boys after braces – leave my son alone!

Charlene Ross hair styles – well, gee, I’m flattered!

Bradley Cooper girlfriend – duh, it’s me!

Adam Ant girlfriend – hello… Me!

Tom Westman girlfriend – yes, also me.

2013 Obama bangs inspiration – I told you Michelle got the inspiration for her bangs from me!

is gas x yummy – no it is not.

what happens when you give dogs cabbage soup – they fart.

poor dress sense – again, rude! I happen to be very fashionable.

Ewan McGregor faithful – sadly, yes. Besides, Bradley says I can’t date him.

And lastly…

cry+sexy+napkin – I don’t even want to know.

If you’re a blogger I’d love to hear some of the funny search terms you’ve come across on your blog. And if not, what strange search words will you admit to? I’d love to know!

Planning my Dream 20th Anniversary Vacation with GoWithOh

October 30, 2013 charleneaross12 Comments

In March Dave and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. In the early years of our marriage, I pictured celebrating our 10 year anniversary in Vegas renewing our vows with an Elvis impersonator. (Fat Elvis – duh!) Instead we set up camp in two beach houses with my family – about 15 of us total, dining on chili cheese dogs and sleeping on an air mattress; all the hoopla reserved my for nephew’s first birthday celebration instead of our ten year union.

Life never really does turn out as planned, does it?

For our 20th wedding anniversary I’ve always dreamed of returning to where we got engaged – Italy.

But… (almost) 20 years later – two moves, different jobs, financial ups and downs, a mortgage, two kids – one less than two years away from college… life and those plans right? While we are lucky to be rich in love (most days), our current bank balance suggests that we’re much more likely to be celebrating our 20th by clinking our Chianti glasses at our favorite Italian restaurant with views of the hills of Agoura, than at a quaint trattoria with views of the hills of Tuscany.

But last week I read this blog and found out about a contest called “Be Our Guest Tester” hosted by the website GowithOh.

GowithOh rents vacation apartments to travelers in 17 European cities – five of them in Italy. (Florence. Milan. Rome. Pisa. Venice. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes!) To enter the contest all I have to do is write a blog post about which apartment I would chose from their site and why, and tag the post on Twitter using the hashtag ##GwOGuestTester. Fantastic!

When Dave and I travel to Europe we love staying in quaint pensions, small bed and breakfasts, or apartments like Europeans do. Sure, luxury hotels are lovely, but if you’re going to experience another country, I think the best way to do it is by traveling -and living- like a local.

GowithOh just happens to have 255 apartments located in my favorite Italian city – Florence. We returned to Italy and visited Florence on our second anniversary. I immediately fell madly and deeply in love. I wept when I stood next to The David, I was so overcome with its beauty. I raised my hands in victory when I climbed all 463 steps to the top of Il Duomo. We crossed the Arno River and picnicked on a hillside taking in the wonderful Tuscan views. And you want to talk tears of joy? I think I cried every time I ate because the food was so fresh and so incredibly delicious, it made me the happiest I’d ever been every time I ate. (Which was as often as possible.)

So Dave and I started cruising the GoWithOh website to pick out our dream 20th anniversary trip apartment. Where would we stay if money was no object? It was almost impossible to choose.

We loved ceilings and the uniqueness of this one.

And we loved the traditional Florentine style of this one.

But this one simply took my breath away. That view? Are you kidding? This is where Dave and I would choose to spend our 20th Anniversary 2nd Honeymoon.

Apartment-with-Go-with-oh-Florence-apartment — Yes please!

But wait… there’s more…

We’ll spend our afternoons resting from sightseeing and rejuvenating before heading out to the piazza for an evening stroll and (a tears-of-joy-inducing) dinner here.

We’ll prepare a simple breakfast here…

Then eat it here…

None of your business what we’ll be doing here. (But it might or might not rhyme with peeping. Shut up! Sightseeing makes you tired!)

And trust me, for a European bathroom – this one is HUGE! (Love that tub!)

I might not win the GoWithOh Guest Tester contest, but that’s okay. We’ve had a great time perusing at the apartments they have to offer. Looking at all the pictures and planning our dream trip (even if it is only in our hearts and our heads) was almost as fun as being there.

Almost.

Paris… London… Berlin… where would you go with GoWithOh?

Boys Do Things Girls Would Never Do

October 29, 2013 charleneaross1 Comment

Boys don’t like to say goodbye. At least not like girls do. My husband always complains that it takes me forever to leave a family function because I have to tell everyone goodbye. Uh… isn’t that called being polite? Isn’t that what people do? Apparently not men.

Chandler just went to his first school dance. Homecoming. He went with a group of friends instead of going with a girl. (Thank god because it’s his junior year and the last thing he needs this year is the drama and the distraction of a first girlfriend.) The kids he went with are his core group – his band friends that he’s hung around with since 6th grade.

But he left the dance with his track and cross country friends.

“Did you tell your friends you were leaving?” I asked him.

He kind of shrugged and mumbled something. (I’ll take that as a no.)

Who does that? Apparently boys.

A girl would never do that. Now a girl ~~might~~ would definitely go somewhere with her girlfriends and leave with a guy. But she would never come with one group of friends and leave with another. And if she did – at least she’d say goodbye.

And men think women are difficult to understand.

Is this a universal thing or is it just the men in my life who don’t feel the need to say goodbye?

Wine, Olive Oil, Gourmet Food, Oh My!

October 21, 2013 charleneaross4 Comments

Last Wednesday I received a text from my friend Kim. “Wanna come with me to a wine bar opening in Thousand Oaks?”

I was supposed to go to the gym. But my workout buddies had shifted their workout to the early morning (when I’m stuck at home slaving away over blog posts to entertain the ~~masses~~ dozens), so I wouldn’t be flaking on anyone. (Except for myself and my new commitment to fitness – but whatever with that, right?) And I had run four miles the day before.

So blowing off the gym to go wine tasting (for free) – not even a dilemma, right?

But If you want to know the truth, I was really, really tired. What I wanted to do more than anything was blow off the gym and spend the night of loafing around on the couch.

Fortunately for Kim I am a good friend and a trooper. I couldn’t let her taste wine alone. So I changed out of my work clothes into something a little less officey, put on shoes that would have made my friends Tina and (a different) Kim proud, and went out for a little Conejo Valley mid-week wine tasting.

Michael-Kors-shoes — Pretend I don’t have fat ankles and these gorgeous shoes actually look cute on me!

Kim had been invited to the opening of We Olive in The Oaks Mall. Part wine bar, part gourmet food shop, part olive oil tasting (yes, olive oil tasting!) shop and 100% FABULOUS.

We-Olive-Thousand-Oaks — Thousand Oaks’ newest wine bar (plus so much more).

We chatted with the franchise owners of the store, one of the food vendors, and with the very cute Josh from the parent company.

We-Olive-Franchise — I never give up the opportunity for a photo with a cute boy. (Even if I am old enough to be his mother. Sigh…)

The wine bar features small-production, boutique California wines and every wine I tasted was excellent. I especially enjoyed a Syrah from the vineyard Niner in Paso Robles. (I will definitely be visiting them on my next trip to Paso.)

The olive oil was wonderful – yes there is a difference (and it’s huge) in taste and quality from the stuff I usually buy at Costco. Josh gave us a tasting of a lemon-infused olive oil with aged balsamic vinegar that was to die for. (You sip it out of a little cup – kind of like tasting wine, except you take a MUCH smaller sip.)

We-Olive-Extra-Virgin-Olive-Oil — Extra virgin Olive Oil (EVOO for those in the know) and balsamic vinegar tasting – yes please!

Plus, this happened…

cheese platter — The people at We Olive certainly know how to make a beautiful cheese plate.

I will definitely be heading out to We Olive during the holidays to pick up some delicious party food (unique pestos that can be used as a base for some amazing dips), stocking stuffers for my husband (blue cheese Dijon mustard – hello), and of course maybe a bit of wine tasting. You know, to reward myself for all the tireless and selfless shopping for others I’m sure to be doing.

We Olive is sounding pretty awesome, right? Of course it is. It’s located just across from Forever 21 (in the newish outdoor section between The Oaks Mall proper and Muvico). So the next time you drive your teenage daughter to the mall, give her twenty bucks and send her to Forever 21 to buy something inappropriate for school on her own while you hang out at a lovely wine bar. Sample some pesto. Treat yourself to some gourmet olive oil. Buy a nice bottle of California wine. And remember to thank me for blowing off the gym so I could hang out with my friend Kim and discover this wonderful gem.

(You’re welcome.)